I’m back in the same room. Hooked to machines, needles, and tubes. My eyes move to my right. Kaden’s red eyes stare at me. He’s barely breathing. I scan his profile. His hair is short. So short he looks different. The beard though is new. He hasn’t shaved for a long time. He’s dressed in a t-shirt, and in his corded, inked arms, he holds a baby.

My anxiety increases as I take in the entire picture. Where am I, and why is he holding a baby?

I look at my swollen belly, but it’s gone.

“Calm down. Breathe, Sadie. Everything is alright. Kieran is here.” He leans closer showing me the most beautiful newborn I’ve ever seen in my entire life. His big blue eyes stare at me.

“Say hi to mama, Kieran,”

Kieran, I smile at the baby.

“Do you want some water or ice chips?”

I swallow, and my throat is so dry, it feels like I ate a bunch of cotton balls. Kaden stands up from his chair, leaves the room, and comes back with a cup.

“Here. Drink slowly and take deep breaths.”

I do as he says, and after my anxiety settles, I say, “Where am I?”

My voice is raspy, and my throat feels sore.

“At the hospital,” he answers, cautiously.

I drink more water giving me time to think.

“What happened?”

Kaden explains that I was in a car accident. I do remember driving the van to make the last delivery of the night when I heard a loud screech and felt something bumping me from the side. He continues telling me that a man lost control of his truck and t-boned the van.

They cut me out of the car, performed an emergency C-section and patched me up. He goes on to explain about my spleen, my arm having screws, my punctured lung. By the way he describes it, I feel lucky to be alive. Lucky or not, I remember correctly that this man and I broke up long ago and he shouldn’t be here.

“They didn’t have to call you.” I sound ungrateful, bitter, but I’m neither one.

I’m scared.

“My girl and my baby needed me. Of course, they had to call me.”

He touches some buttons, the bed elevates, and he rises from the chair one more time.

“Do you want to hold him?”

I nod, looking at my left arm which has a red welted scar. I move it a few times.

“They fixed it and came every day to do physical therapy, but you might have to continue it.” He hands the baby over to me.

I stare at him confused. Is this really my baby? Something in me is rejecting the idea of this kid. But when he opens his eyes, everything in the room disappears, and it’s just him. His little face glows from a light within, and his small fingers grasp mine and hold tight.

He knows!

Somehow it feels like he knows that we belong together. That I need reassurance that he’s mine. He knows I need his warmth and love amid what’s happening right now. I hold him tightly to my chest, promising that I’ll never let him go. No matter what comes our way, I’ll protect him.

“Hey, handsome,” I say, holding him tight to my body.

Kieran’s eyes open wider as if he recognized me.

“I told you she was coming back,” Kade says. “He missed you, but I made sure he heard your voice daily.”

“Thank you, I guess, for being around.”

Now leave before I fall for you all over again and you break my heart.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“For?” I frown confused.

I look around, check my legs, wiggle my toes and my fingers. Nothing. Am I invalid?

“Why are you saying sorry?”

“For leaving you, for not sticking around and fixing everything together as a family.”

“Hey, I understand. Hopefully, everything worked out for the best.”

He shoves his hand into his pocket, pulls something out.

My ring.

“If you could give me another chance.”

“Another chance?”

My pulse spikes, and it's not love. It’s fear. The beeping sound of the machine accelerates as my heart goes into overdrive again.

“Calm down,” he says with a soothing voice. “The last time you freaked out like that I thought I’d lost you forever.”

“I have no idea what you’re doing. We’re over, Kaden. In fact, you shouldn’t be here. You promised.”

“What about my son?” His voice cracks, his eyes filled with pain and anguish.

“This little one is mine. He’s all I have. You have your life.”

He steps backward, as if I had punched him in the gut. My words were daggers puncturing his heart.

“Finally, you woke up.” The doctor enters the room. “How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy, groggy, and confused.” I blink a couple of times, recognizing my friend Brynn.

“Confusion is typical after a trauma like the one you suffered. Let’s get the first test out of the way by responding to a few questions for me.”

Brynn asks my last name, date of birth, to recite the alphabet, count backward from 100 by fives, my parents’ names, the name of my flower shop, and whether I recognize the guy sitting beside me.

“Who wouldn’t recognize a famous rock star?” I joke.

“And she also has a sense of humor, ladies, and gentlemen,” Brynn says, scribbling on her chart.

“From zero to ten, zero being nothing and ten being unbearable, how would you grade your pain?”

I study my body while figuring out if I can even feel it. My legs feel stiff, but there’s no pain. The arm that’s barely holding my baby hurts though. “My arm hurts. I’d say six.”

“Do you have a headache?”

“No, but my shoulders are tense.”

“Kade, would you mind holding the baby?” Brynn scoops him out of my arms. “I need to check your stitches and run a couple of simple tests.”

Brynn asks me to look left and right, focusing on her finger while she flashes me with her flashlight. Then she checks my reflexes, and in the meantime I observe them. Kade holds our baby close to his chest. He mumbles something into his ear while cradling him. His eyes are closed, his face etched with pain. While Kieran’s head rests on his chest, relaxed, feeling protected.

I wonder what he’s saying or if he’s singing to him. The sight of them together is the sweetest thing. Two generations sharing a special bond. I’ve seen Kade with his daughters, but watching him with our baby is a different sight. The way he holds him like he’s the most precious thing, the love he pours into him.

My heart clenches and twists as the memories of our story downpour like a rainstorm in the middle of a hurricane. All my dreams, hopes, and the way I pictured our future follows. This is precisely how I imagined the day our baby would be born. But our baby is a month old, and we’re not together anymore. Taking a few deep breaths, I try not to cry.

“Hey, everything is alright. You’re doing great, and the baby is too.” Brynn glances at Kade who leaves the room with the baby. “He’s been cared for and loved this whole time.”

“How long has Kaden been here?”

“He arrived four, maybe five hours after you were admitted. I think you should know that he barely sleeps and only leaves when one of us is around.”

I sigh, trying to figure out why he’s back. Do his daughters approve?

“The first time you woke up he was crushed, thinking he lost you.”

“That’s a scary way to wake up,” I confess feeling just as anxious and overwhelmed.

The machines were beeping, Kaden was by my side and my baby … he wasn’t with me anymore.

“You’re doing well so far. I want to keep you a few more days for observation. If you have any symptoms like lightheadedness, trouble breathing, or remembering dates or names, I want you to tell us right away. You had a serious contusion to the head,” she says, smiling. “If you need anything, call the nurses. We’re going to make a few changes to the room, so it doesn’t look like an ICU anymore.”

“Thank you,” I say graciously.

“Anytime.” She checks her watch. “I’ll be in the hospital for a few more hours. If you need me, you have the nurses page me. If not, I’ll drop by before going home.”

“We’re done,” she says as the glass doors slide open. “Kevin will be here in a couple of hours.”

“I texted him,” Kaden says, entering the room. “He can stay home today.”

“But you haven’t slept in more than twenty-four hours.”

“That’s okay, I’ll sleep later,” Kaden answers. “Right now, I couldn’t even if I tried. I have to make a few calls and make sure all is in place for when we go home.”

“They have to stay a few more days in the hospital. Go to sleep.”

We? Home?

I’m confused. Kaden behaves like the past six months never happened. There’s no home. Pathetically, I live with my father because I can’t seem to find a good enough place to raise my baby. At least my Dad has a big backyard for a playset and for Kieran to run around in when he gets older.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish my rounds.”

“You don’t have to stay,” I speak up when Brynn leaves. “We’re fine. I think we can handle it from here.”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

I arch an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain what I don’t get.

“I won’t ever leave your side. Never again. I made that mistake once. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, but walking away isn’t an option. Never again.”

“You say that now, but I can’t put myself back in that place. It was hard enough getting over you the first time. From the beginning, I knew you’d leave eventually, but I ignored my gut. This time I won’t.”

“No, you moved past that, and now you don’t trust me.”

“Either way, we’re over, and you have to leave because I don’t want to relive the past.”

“What are you saying?” he fumes. His voice is low, controlled, and I bet it’s for the sake of the baby he holds. “Are you regretting us?”

“Some nights I wish I could take everything back. My kisses, my love—all of it. But as much as I want to, I don’t regret you. Because when we were together, you were exactly who I wanted to love, who I needed to love me. And because I have Kieran.”

“We have Kieran. He’s mine too.”

I’ve seen that side of Kade, the protective father who’d fight for his daughters. But this man, he’s wounded, sad, and desperate. And for the first time, I have no interest in making him feel better. Because unlike him, I know that today he wants his son, but tomorrow he’ll choose his other family.

“I wouldn’t take him away from you. You’ll always be welcome to visit him.”

“We promised to share everything when our little ones came into this world.”

“That was a long time ago when we believed that we’d spend the rest of our lives together. Now,” I shrug. “I’m sure you’ll change your mind when the time comes to face your daughters. Tess won’t accept him and Hannah … I’m guessing she won’t either.”

My lips tremble because everything I ever wanted disappeared. What’s left are a bunch of memories and broken promises that hurt us both.

Everything happens too suddenly and too fast. The overwhelming sadness and melancholy hit me right in the chest. I can’t take it. Not anymore.

A river of tears streams down my face in full force. My chest hurts as the sadness collapses my lungs. I sob because I feel empty, drained, and lonely. I missed my baby’s birth and haven’t got to see him grow. Kade and I are going to have to work out a custody schedule. This isn’t what I wanted for Kieran.

Kade sits right next to me. He hands me the baby and takes us both in his arms. We’re inside of a bubble, just the three of us. I hate him because in his arms I feel whole and calm and protected, but I know it won’t last. He kisses the top of my head and sings a tune with a bunch of nonsensical words that sounds like a lullaby. I close my eyes, and for a few minutes, I allow him to step back into my world—to be a part of me.

For one moment I delude myself into a dream where it’s the three of us inside a bubble where no one can touch us. The outside world doesn’t exist. Though I know Kade will leave and that I’ll have to build a wall up between us to protect myself, most of all to protect my son.