Six months too late, I’m asking Sadie, who is unconscious, to guide me. If she were awake, she’d know what to do. She always did or at least helped me process it. If only I had done that before we broke up. My biggest regret comes back to face me head-on in one of the hardest moments of my life. I should’ve handled it differently. Sadie and I were a couple. We said forever years ago. The stupid marriage certificate didn’t matter. What mattered was that we stayed together.

But the fear of losing Tess the same way that I lost my sister blinded me. Alicia’s threats to take away my daughters made me react. It was all too real. The images of Hannah, my sister, laying on the floor lifeless repeatedly played in my head. This time it was Tess’s face, and her dead eyes staring at me. The note next to her saying that she couldn’t do it anymore. Details of how my mother pimped her printed in her handwriting. Tears were pouring down my cheeks because I’d lost the only person who loved me.

I couldn’t go through the same thing with Tess. Yet, I’m sitting by Sadie’s side waiting for a miracle. It’s like I can’t keep those I love with me.

No matter how many times I visit the chapel or pray, I’m wasting away by the minute. The woman of my dreams, the love of my life, may never come back to me. Nothing I say or do will fix the past. Holding onto a future that might never exist is tearing me apart inside.

“If only I had stayed with you, Hummingbird.”

SIX MONTHS AGO

“Thank you,” I kissed Sadie when I arrived home after dropping my daughters at their mother’s place.

“For?” She wrapped her arms around my neck and stared at me.

I could never get enough of that loving gaze. The woman brought me to my knees just with three words—I love you—and that look.

“Taking the girls out after the dress fitting,” I said, grabbing her ass and lifting her off the floor.

I stared at the cluttered hallway and took a deep breath. The new bookshelves were a bad idea. Avoiding them while I tried to seduce my fiancée wasn’t easy.

“We need a new place,” I complained.

“We already talked about it, Mr. Hades,” she reminded me. “A five-bedroom home so it can fit your daughters and our little ones too. As for our outing of the day, it’s my pleasure. The bridesmaids’ dresses are gorgeous. They’re going to look adorable.”

“Will I get to see this white dress you keep talking about?”

“You’re so insistent.”

“Because I can’t wait to see you, or to marry you.” I kissed her neck. “I’d marry you right now. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Patience, Hades,” she sighed, burying her face in the crook of my neck.

“What’s with the sad voice?”

“Hannah,” she exhaled, caressing my neck with her breath. “She was fine today, but I feel like we lost our link. That friendship I tried to forge with her.”

“She adores you. I’m sure it’s just a phase.”

I wanted to believe it was temporary. Hannah had accepted Sadie from the beginning. They bonded right away and understood each other. If my kid had a problem at school, she’d ask Sadie for help. My fiancée was the center of her universe. Until a couple of months back when she began to change. It wasn’t the brooding teenager act, more like an act of rebellion against me and her target was Sadie.

“Today she behaved like the old Hannah. You know, when she told me about her week and hung out with me at the shop. Tess was friendly.”

“Maybe she’s back to her old self, and Tess understands that you’re here to stay,” I said confidently.

It made my heart swell to know that my family was finally coming together. At the beginning of the relationship, Tess didn’t care, but a few months later when Sadie moved in with me, she became a different person. Some days she’d be sweet and social, while others she’d be rude, spoiled, and hurtful toward Sadie.

I understood that the changes affected them. I suggested family therapy. However, Alicia disagreed with me. The shitty part of having joint custody was that we had to make decisions together. She said that I just had to get over the obsession with Sadie and pay more attention to my daughters. Of course, my ex wasn’t happy about my fiancée or my upcoming nuptials. Thankfully, Sadie understood the transition wouldn’t be smooth, and she kept trying for my sake.

“So, what is the amazing news you have to share with me?” I changed the subject.

“After dinner, Mr. Hades. It’s a surprise.”

“Will I like this surprise?”

“I think you’re going to love it.”

“Is it a new tattoo?”

“Patience isn’t your strong suit, Mr. Hades,” she said, nibbling my neck.

I shivered, craning my neck. “Stop, Little Minx, and tell me what this big surprise is.”

“I won’t tell you, and we have to leave soon.”

“Do we have time before we head out to dinner?” I rubbed my hard cock against her pelvis.

“You always make time.” She grinned. “If not, I’d beg you. I need you, Mr. Hades.”

“You know I love it when you beg.”

“Please, I need you, Mr. Hades.” She used her sultry voice.

My phone rang several times, but I ignored it as I kissed my woman. We only had thirty minutes to get ready before we had to meet our friends for dinner.

“You have to answer,” Sadie broke the kiss. “Whoever is on the other line is not letting up.”

“I’ll just turn it off,” I said, but froze when I saw Alicia’s name flashing on my phone.

Slowly, I put Sadie down on the floor and read through the texts.

Alicia: We’re in the hospital. I need you.

Alicia: Kaden it’s crucial.

Alicia: Tess has been admitted.

My pulse spiked. I slid my finger over the screen and answered.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re in the emergency room at St. Luke’s with Tess.”

“On my way,” I said hanging up.

“What happened?” Sadie’s eyes grew wide.

“I didn’t ask,” I rushed through the apartment grabbing my boots, jacket, and car keys.

Sadie watched me from the living room with her arms crossed. Alicia was a nasty bitch, and Sadie avoided her. I knew how hard it was to deal with her. Any other day I would kiss her goodbye and leave to handle the emergency. Tonight, I needed her by my side. Something happened to one of my daughters, and I needed my strength beside me to get through whatever was waiting for me.

“Come with me,” I requested.

Without a word, she went back to our room for her sweatshirt and a pair of sneakers.

“I’ll drive,” she suggested. “You’re a bit on edge. Where to?”

“St. Luke’s,” I responded, locking the door behind me.

“Why not Seattle Memorial?” She frowned. “St. Luke’s is way too far from her house, isn’t it?”

As we drove, I thought about Tess’s day. I’d picked them up from her mother’s house at ten, and drove them to the fitting. She went with Sadie to lunch and then the spa. I dropped them back at home just a couple of hours ago. What could have happened between then and now?

“Maybe Tess went to a party,” Sadie suggested.

Fuck! I slammed a hand to my forehead. “Alcohol poisoning, OD …”

“I doubt she overdosed or drank too much. You’ve talked to her several times about those dangers.”

But it’s a possibility, I thought. The drive felt eternal. Sadie remained quiet but kept squeezing my hand when she could. We left the car at the valet parking and ran toward the ER.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Alicia glared at Sadie. “This is a family matter. She’s not family.”

“Where’s Tess?” I ignored her outburst.

“This woman killed my baby,” she said with a cracked voice.

I could feel sweat drenching my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes, Alicia’s words vibrating in my ears, and the thumping of my heart against my chest. My fingers were curled into a fist, nails digging into my palm. The oxygen flooded in and out of my lungs rapidly. Fear tortured my guts, churning my stomach into intense cramps, and knocking all other thoughts aside.

Alicia took a step forward and slapped Sadie. “You killed her!”

My heart dropped to the floor. “What are you talking about, Alicia?”

“Where is Tess?” I demanded.

My daughter, my little girl is dead? I couldn’t breathe. My soul left my body searching for Tess.

“I found her,” Alicia sobbed, her words breaking.

I opened my eyes and watched her breaking down as she described what she witnessed.

“It was dinner time. I … we had an argument, and I told her to go to her room until she decided to do what I told her. I went upstairs to check on her, and there she was, splayed on the floor lifeless. There’s a note accusing that woman.”

Alicia swung her hand, and I grabbed it before she tried to hit Sadie again.

“Stop it,” I ordered.

“She did this to our baby.”

“Why are you here?” Alicia sneered at her. “You’re not a part of us. When will you understand that he has a family? You’ll never be one of us.”

“Alicia, that’s enough,” I demanded.

“Enough of what?” Alicia growled. “I’ve had enough of her. She’s been destroying our family for years. Tess, my baby, suffered because of her. I should call the police and throw her in jail. She tried to murder our kid. I have evidence.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Sadie stuttered.

“You should be in jail.”

“Sade,” I finally looked at her.

Her eyes were watery. She bit her lip but remained standing, quiet.

“Why don’t you go home?” I handed her the valet parking ticket. “I’ll come back later.”

She nodded once, turned around, and left.

“Where is Tess?”

“They’re pumping her stomach.”

“Is she alive?”

“Yes, of course, she’s alive. I found her in time.”

“Why are you yelling that Sadie killed her?”

“Because she did, it said so on Tess’s note. She’s vicious and cruel. You always put her first, and Tess couldn’t live with the emotional turmoil.” Alicia covered her face and cried.

I pulled her into my arms and rubbed her back as I absorbed every word she said. The way she described her was almost exactly like the way I found Hannah, my older sister. My heart broke just thinking about the day I lost my sister. My legs just about gave up realizing that I’d almost lost my daughter too. I had no idea things between her and Sadie were that bad.

This was my fault. Just like it happened with my sister, I hadn’t paid attention to the warning signs. I’d neglected my daughter, and she almost died because of it. I swore they wouldn’t suffer because of me and … fuck!

I’d failed once again. My attention had been focused on Sadie who always took the blows from Tess without complaint. Several times I’d told Tess to be polite, to learn to get along with her.

Instead of listening to her, I was making her do something she hated.

“You know what you have to do, don’t you?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Alicia.”

“That woman can’t be a part of your life. There’s no question about what you should do. The girls come first.”

“Alicia,” I gasped.

“You have to end things with her, or next time, I might not find Tess in time. You can’t put her life in jeopardy. Not for that bitch.”

I called Tess’s doctor. She told me to send the discharge papers to her office on Monday. Unfortunately, Alicia drove Tess to a hospital where Dr. Hawkins couldn’t treat her. Over the phone, she was able to give me a few suggestions, like therapy and keeping her on watch for the next few days. I didn’t tell her about the note. There wasn’t much to say. Alicia only told me that Tess blamed Sadie for her decision.

Once they moved her into a private room, and I saw that she was okay, I called an Uber and texted Sadie.

Kade: We need to talk.

Numbed, I pulled together the little energy I had left to end my own life. It had to be done. There was no contest. My children mattered most. Sadie knew it, she supported it, and in my heart, I knew she’d understand.

Every mile closer to my apartment became a mile farther away from our dreams. The big house with three kids and a beautiful garden burnt to the ground. Kieran, Aubrey, and our last baby would only happen in our dreams. Everything we’d planned vanished alongside my promise to her.

Once I arrived at the apartment building, I lit a cigarette, smoked it a little too fast and then smoked two more. For a few seconds, I played with the idea of escaping my reality and drinking myself into oblivion. It’d be so much easier than having to face Sadie.

How do you say goodbye to the love of your life?

You rip your heart from your chest, stomp on it, and then you face the woman you love.

“Sade,” I called after shutting the door behind me.

I allowed the insensitive asshole to take over my body and perform for one night.

“In the room,” she said. “How is she?”

I marched to our bedroom, remembering how only a few hours ago we’d had it all. Plans, a future, and love. I sighed, pressing my lips together and gathering enough strength to talk.

“Hey.” The word barely passed my lips.

I avoided her gaze while I wracked my brain thinking of what to tell her. After several minutes of silence, she spoke. “Is there anything I can do?”

Hold me, I wanted to say. I can’t take this, and you’re the only one who can make it better.

“Thank you for leaving before things got out of control,” I offered to fill the awkward, painful moment.

I stared at the carpet and began tearing at her heart. “I care about you.”

Care, fucker? Did you just tell her that you care? You fucking love her with all of your heart. Living without her is impossible. You’re about to annihilate her. Where’s the fucking promise that you’d never leave her?

“My children are my life. My reason to exist. Their wellbeing matters more to me than anything else in the world. The last thing I want to do is hurt you or leave you. But I don’t see any other solution. I have to protect them, even if it’s from you.”

Suddenly, it’s too much. The anger, the sorrow and my demons who woke up, reminding me of my past. I couldn’t take it. On top of that, I was hurting the best person I had met in my entire life. Without thinking, I swung my fist against the wall.

She loved me. Even when I was ending things, she still loved me.

I should leave her alone, disappear for the rest of the night. Lose myself with a bottle of cheap tequila.

I turned around to leave the room when I saw her flying from the closet toward the bathroom. She was throwing up again. This was the third or fourth day that she’d been sick. A bug we thought, but she promised to go to the doctor.

My heart felt the sadness. Everything inside her was breaking, just like me. If only I could make this less painful. We were each other’s support, and we soothed each other when we hurt. Ironically, I couldn’t see her anymore.

How were we going to survive?

This was it. The end of a story that I swore would be happy, transcending the barriers of time. We’d be together forever. I had already printed our story in my songs and my music. I kissed her hard, taking everything she offered without apologies.