Voices, low and undisguisable, poked at my comfortable obscurity. The blackness was soft clouds, and I sank into their protective bubble where time, reality, and I were intangible things. I drifted around like an atom, neither concerned nor bothered by anything. I didn’t ask myself if I were dead, or if I understood the connection between life and death.

The outer noises prodded me to the surface, the darkness turning from black to milk chocolate. The rich depth thinned out and turned lighter and lighter until I flinched. The light breaking in blinded me. My lids lifted then closed. A groan came from my raspy throat.

“Jaymerson?” A woman’s voice broke into my eardrums.

Slowly I tried to pry my lashes apart. They felt like they had been glued shut.

“JayJay? Oh my god. Nurse! She’s awake!”

Blurry objects filled my vision but cleared with every blink. Then a woman’s face was over me. Tears streamed down her cheeks, glinting in her russet-colored eyes. A smile pinned her lips up in a pained but elated expression.

“Oh, my baby girl.” She squeezed my arm, moving close to me.

I stared at her. My brain circled around, trying to comprehend what was going on. A basic recognition of the woman followed swiftly.

“Mom?” I croaked.

“Yes, baby. I’m here.” She sat on the edge of my bed.

A woman with coffee-colored skin dressed in scrubs came up to me. “Hello, Jaymerson. You finally decided to join us again.” She grasped my wrist, tugging on her stethoscope. Her nametag read Shelly.

“Your father is going to be happy you’re awake.” Liquid tumbled down my mother’s face faster than she could wipe it away.

“Your vitals look good, Jaymerson,” the short, curvy nurse said, her smile warm and comforting. “We were worried about you.” She placed my arm back to my side.

I watched her from a strange distance. I was here in my body, but I didn’t feel completely tethered to it, as if I could still float away if someone didn’t secure me. My mind wrestled to take in everything coming at it. I concentrated on every word they said and tried to make sense of it, but I couldn’t. It was exhausting, like I was running uphill with a twenty-pound weight on my back. I pressed back into the pillows; my lids fluttered, trying to stay up.

“Mrs. Holloway, she’s going to need her rest. You can call from the nurses’ station.”

“I can’t leave her, Shelly.” My mom stroked my cheek. It was the first time I noticed the strange pressure of a tube in my nose helping me breathe.

“You need your rest too, Amy. You haven’t left her side in days.”

Amy. Yes, my mother’s name.

“Not till she’s asleep.” Her words were a lullaby. My eyes could no longer fight, and I succumbed to her suggestion.

 

 

Colton took my hand as we went up the walkway to the imposing Georgian-style mansion on the hill Jason McKee called home. It was walking distance from the Harris’s enormous columned home, but Colton drove because my house was across town and picking me up was what he called his “boy-friendly” duties.

“Have I told you, you look amazing?” He squeezed my fingers.

I glanced down at my black sundress and knee-high boots. Compared to some of the girls in Colton’s group, I tended to dress less sexy and more low key. “Thank you.” I moved my body closer to his. Music pumped from the house. The front door was open, and people wandered in and out freely.

We stepped into the foyer. My house didn’t have a foyer. Or a sunroom. Or pool. Actually, my entire house could fit into their kitchen and living room. Ours was more of a cottage, but it allowed my little sister and me to have our own rooms, which we didn’t have in our last house. My sister recently turned five, and I was grateful for our own spaces.

“Harris!” Several football team members hollered as we walked in the door. Colton was quickly absorbed by his buddies. They patted, hugged, and slapped each other on the shoulder like they hadn’t seen each other in years instead of a few hours.

“Think our captain needs a drink, rookie.” Adam nudged one of the new players.

The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded with eagerness. “What can I get you?”

“Think me and my girl would like a beer—” Colton hardly finished his sentence before the new player ran off to fulfill the wish of his illustrious captain.

I didn’t want one. Colton seemed to forget I didn’t like to drink, and if I did, not beer. Every time I tried to drink and relax, I envisioned my parents’ faces and slumped shoulders of disapproval. They wanted nothing to get between me and a good college, and the only way we could afford one was if I got a scholarship.

“Love the rookies.” Adam flapped his arms wildly, like he’d already had a few. His dark chocolate skin didn’t show the rosiness of alcohol, but his limbs were loose and his eyes couldn’t focus.

“Jayme! Colton!” A girl’s voice rang over the music. Savannah came bouncing up, her long dark brown hair pleated in a messy, sexy fishtail braid that hung over one shoulder. Her cutoff jean shorts were so short the pockets hung below. She wore high-heeled boots and a purple low-cut tank top. Her black, lacy bra was almost completely on display. She was beautiful and captain of the cheerleading squad, and one who immediately “adopted” me when I began dating Colton. She had talked me into trying out for the squad. I had a feeling even if I were bad, I still would have made the team.

“You’re finally here. You took forever.” She looped her arm through mine, walking with us as we made our way through the throng of people in the living room.

The entire school looked to be here, along with Jason McKee’s parents, Carrie and Dan. They were the type who wanted to show they were still young and cool. They smoked weed and provided alcohol. Their rule was you had to stay if you participated in those things, but with no one enforcing them, the rules were blatantly ignored. They actually made a great cover for a party. “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad, his parents will be there.”

“Oh no, there’s Carrie. She still hasn’t forgiven me for breaking up with Jason. Again.” Savannah slipped from my arm and darted for the kitchen, getting lost in the crowd.

“Jaymerson!” Carrie squealed from the sliding door. She ran up and gave me a hug. She was a tiny blonde, dressed in a turquoise-and-yellow flowy dress and expensive jeweled sandals. A gold band wrapped around her head. Both she and Dan were the modern, sophisticated hippies. “Oh, and Colton.” She hugged him. “How is the season looking? Dan and I have our hotel booked in Florida already.”

“We have to make state again before we go there, Carrie.” She had long ago drilled us from calling her Mrs. McKee.

“Please. You boys could do it in your sleep.” She swished her hand. “Jason needs to cut his running time down. Don’t be easy on him this year, Captain. Especially after his stunt last night. Ugh. Boys.” She rolled her eyes then squeezed Colton’s arm, giving him a wink. “Now, go have fun. Be young and beautiful.” She motioned us toward the kitchen.

The rookie returned with two beers in his hand, handing them to us. Colton slammed his down in a couple of gulps. “You drinking your beer?” I shook my head. He took mine and slammed it back. “Don’t look at me like that, Jayme.” He rolled his eyes.

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were. Stop giving me the ‘judgy’ eyes and have fun. It’s our senior year.” He grabbed a Jell-O shot off the table and swallowed it, then handed me one.

My fingers gripped the plastic cup.

“Come on, let’s be crazy tonight.” He bounced on his feet, still full of adrenaline from practice and the alcohol coursing through his veins. I nodded and downed the gelatin mixture. He let out a whoop and tugged me out where our friends were dancing.

I should have fun. Act my age for once.