Chapter Twenty-Eight

Trevor felt as if he was on pins and needles waiting for the doorbell to ring.

Gabrielle had gone with his mom about twenty minutes ago, Gabrielle dressed and with fresh braids in her hair, planting a kiss on his cheek and promising to be back soon so he wouldn’t be lonely. He’d had to tell her he would be sleeping most of the time because he was tired, not as much of a lie as it could have been given how loudly his body was protesting that it was the truth, though he couldn’t shake the irritation with himself for lying to her.

Still, when the doorbell finally did ring, he jumped half out of his skin before jogging to the door, cursing himself all the while. He didn’t want to seem too eager, didn’t know how Nick would take that, but as he swung open the door, he needn’t have bothered getting worked up about it.

Nick looked as nervous as he did and God, Trevor couldn’t believe the last time they’d seen each other had been in Trevor’s kitchen when they’d had their argument and Trevor had been so, so angry at him.

“Hi,” he said, wiping his free hand on his jeans.

Smiling, Nick was even more attractive than he’d ever been, if that was possible. Trevor was struck by the thought that maybe it was because he didn’t have the weight of their relationship being built on circumstances it shouldn’t have been. He wondered what he looked like when he grinned back.

“You should come in,” he said, pulling the door even wider.

Nick looked awkward in the foyer like he didn’t belong, and Trevor frowned, though dropped the expression at Nick’s startled look.

“This is so awkward,” Trevor admitted. “It shouldn’t be, right?”

“Dunno,” Nick said honestly. “Probably only feels like that because the last time I was here, we weren’t exactly friendly.”

The last came with a rueful smile and Trevor let out a short laugh. Tired of feeling awkward, he started through to the living room, hoping Nick would follow. “We’ll have to try and make it not awkward.”

“Right,” Nick said, tone more amused than skeptical. “Because that’s definitely something we should force.”

“Well,” Trevor said, peering back over his shoulder as Nick shucked off his jacket, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs in the kitchen. Oops. Trevor should probably have taken that. He was just so used to Nick doing whatever he liked in the house. Was that going to have to change? All the little things they’d taken for granted now had Trevor worrying. Shaking his head as if to rid himself of the doubts, he shrugged. “Maybe it will go with time after we actually talk to each other.”

The rueful smile was back. “Guess we should have done that sooner.”

“Probably,” Trevor admitted, perching on the edge of the couch. He felt too nervous to sit back and relax. He knew himself well enough to know he’d be pacing before too long, even if the conversation was going well.

“Thanks for letting me talk to Gabrielle,” Nick said quietly, dropping into the love seat. “You didn’t have to do that given how we left stuff.”

Trevor shrugged. He decided honesty was the best policy. “Not sure I would have if you had called at any other time.”

“I know,” Nick said, surprising Trevor. He looked contrite and a little wry. “I know it didn’t seem like it at the end there, but I did know you, Trevor.”

“I think that was part of the problem,” Trevor admitted. “It felt like I’d known you my whole life, so I didn’t have to worry about any of the usual things when you date someone. We went straight to living together with a child.”

Nick made a face and Trevor didn’t know whether it was the thought of it or the fact that they’d made a mistake with it. “Well,” he said eventually, looking at Trevor with a hopeful expression. “Hopefully we can fix that, right? As long as Gabrielle’s all right with it.”

Trevor clasped his hands together, staring down at them because he was afraid of what he’d see on Nick’s face. “I don’t wanna tell her yet.”

There was a silence from Nick and Trevor winced, rubbing at his eyes before feeling the couch dip.

“Hey,” Nick said, placing a hand on Trevor’s shoulder. “Look at me.”

Trevor did, slowly, twisting his head to better see Nick’s expression. He was startled by the fondness and pride reflected in Nick’s eyes and sucked in a breath.

“The last thing I want,” Nick said, thumb rubbing back and forth over Trevor’s collarbone. It was as if there was no t-shirt in the way. “Is for you to upset Gabrielle unnecessarily. I want this to work, you have no idea how much, but protecting Gabrielle is the most important thing.”

“God,” Trevor said, throat tight with emotion. “Why did we never talk to each other?”

Nick’s laugh was self-deprecating, but he was still so close. Trevor was trying to tamp down on the urge to kiss him because he couldn’t do that right now. They needed to keep this right instead of leaping back in. “I think we’re gonna be fixing that, right?”

“Yeah,” Trevor breathed. He dropped his hand to Nick’s lap, squeezing his knee, desperately trying not to do anything more. “It’s hard, I just wanna–”

“I get it,” Nick whispered, dropping his head down and resting it against Trevor’s. “You have no idea how much I want to just throw everything out and fuck you right now.”

Trevor whined, shuddering. “I want you to. But we can’t.”

“I know.” Nick lifted his free hand to Trevor’s face, cupping his cheek and rubbing his thumb under Trevor’s eye. “Slow, T. We have to take it slow.”

T.

Nobody had ever given him a nickname like that. His sisters called him Tarr since they’d been little, but this was something else and Trevor figured he could get used to hearing it out of Nick’s mouth.

“Slow,” Trevor agreed. “But.”

Cutting himself off, he chewed on his bottom lip, figuring that Gabrielle got it from him. He hadn’t realized he had such an obvious sign of discomfort or nervousness.

“But?” Nick prompted. He still had his hands on Trevor and Trevor was finding it hard to concentrate on anything except the weight of them touching him, the memory of everywhere else they’d touched him.

“You could kiss me,” he said abruptly, aiming for nonchalant. He was grinning, couldn’t help it when faced with Nick’s gentle laugh and the mirth on his face. “That’s still taking it slow, right?”

Nick shrugged. “Dunno. Can’t hurt though, right? That we never got wrong.”

Trevor couldn’t disagree. He closed the gap between them, heart lurching in his chest at the sense-memory, knowing exactly how hard and deep to kiss to get specific noises spilling out of Nick’s throat. I love you was on the tip of his tongue, but he’d never said that before, couldn’t imagine saying it now when they were taking it slow. Didn’t mean the words weren’t reverberating through his head anyway, that he didn’t feel them right down to his bones.

When they finally pulled away, Nick slid his hand to the back of Trevor’s head, tangled his fingers in Trevor’s hair to hold him in place. “I’ll grab my stuff. I don’t want – I don’t want it weighing on either of us. I want us to have a fresh slate, you know.”

“Yeah.” Trevor did, even if his heart didn’t. The thought of Nick disappearing completely from the house was making him uncomfortable, despite the logic.

“It’ll also be good for Gabrielle,” Nick pointed out. “If there’s my stuff here, she might not understand if—”

If it all goes wrong.

Trevor didn’t want to contemplate it, but the fact that Nick was, and was using it to think about Gabrielle, was worth whatever discomfort Trevor was feeling.

“Using my daughter against me?” Trevor said, managing to keep his tone light. He hoped his smile softened what might have been too close to the mark still. “You’re lucky I like you, Berchard.”

“Yeah I am,” Nick said, bypassing the statement altogether. Dammit, Trevor didn’t think he could be fighting any harder to keep from saying stay any more than he already was.

“You better go,” Trevor managed eventually. At Nick’s stricken look, he fisted a hand in Nick’s shirt. “Not that I want you to, but that’s the problem.”

Understanding morphed Nick’s face into a soft smile and he nodded, closing his eyes and pressing their foreheads back together. “When you’re back from your road trip, we should go on a date.”

Trevor nodded, pulling back from Nick completely and swiping at his face, unsurprised when his fingers came back damp. Nick made him feel so many different emotions it was difficult to pinpoint any in particular. 

“I’ll just get my things,” Nick said. “Call you later.”

“Not helping with the whole distance thing,” Trevor pointed out.

Nick raised his eyebrows. “I said slow, not distance. Wanting this to work doesn’t mean we can’t talk in-between.” He hesitated, climbing to his feet and brushing a hand through Trevor’s hair. Trevor tried not to press into it too much. “I missed you.”

Trevor couldn’t stop the smile even if he’d wanted to, reaching out to tap Nick on the thigh, keeping his hand there and squeezing gently. “I missed you too.”

It didn’t make sense when he laid out the times and dates; they hadn’t been apart that long, but they’d lived in each other’s pockets for months that it was hard to imagine a time with Gabrielle that Nick hadn’t been around.

“All right.” Nick sounded as if he was trying to convince himself as well as Trevor, but he pulled away, gesturing over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go and–”

“Yeah,” Trevor agreed. “Before you go,” he added, laying a hand on Nick’s arm. “Could you make me some more smoothies? Not sure I remember how.”

Nick rolled his eyes laughing, looking unbearably fond. “Yes, Trevor, I think I can make you some smoothies.”