Chapter Thirty

“You know,” Nick said, swirling his beer around in his glass, “I thought this would be just as weird as the other day.”

Trevor understood his point. Though they were in a restaurant close to the Loop, it was tucked out of the way enough that they hadn’t been approached. It was rare Trevor could enjoy a night out without somebody recognizing him and wanting to interrupt. It was a necessary aspect of his life, but that didn’t mean people he was eating with deserved to have their good time interrupted.

“I didn’t,” Trevor admitted. “We’ve done this,” he said, waving between them at the table, “so many times at home. I just have to imagine we’re there.”

Nick made a face, nodding his head. “Or maybe we’re just compatible.”

That really wasn’t something Trevor had ever doubted, and he said as much. “The problem was communication. Which we’ve already said we’re working on.”

Tipping his glass toward Trevor, Nick conceded the point. They lapsed into silence as they ate, but it was comfortable. The sexual tension was still palpable, Trevor wanting nothing more than to get Nick back in his bed, but he was more willing to be patient now that he’d spoken to Gabrielle. The life he wanted for her was possible if he took it slow enough. He already knew Nick was worth the wait.

“Which brings me to something,” Nick said, staring at his half-eaten fish. When he met Trevor’s eyes, he was hopeful but apprehensive. “I want to come to another game.”

Trevor hesitated before answering. The last time Nick had attended a game everything had fallen to shit. Trevor was a hockey player; he understood superstition and that guys did things sometimes that kept them in the right frame of mind. Trevor had some, had been playing hockey long enough that he couldn’t help but pick some up. Being afraid of having Nick at one of his games wasn’t something that could turn into a curse, but it did make him wonder, scared if something happened that Trevor couldn’t control.

“I know it’s hard,” Nick said. “I didn’t wanna ask, though it would be better not to, I don’t wanna be scared of it. I want to show you I’m sticking around, no matter what.”

Media, Trevor thought viciously. The only way they could deal with something was to face it head-on, but that didn’t make it any easier. Like facing down a goalie, he thought, not knowing if you’d sink the puck but making the play anyway.

He nodded, throat a little tight to say something. He tapped a finger against the table and then tried again, giving Nick a tight smile. “All right. I’ll get a ticket for you.”

“Thanks,” Nick said slowly.

They went back to eating, the silence a little more stretched, but Trevor forced himself back into comfort, reaching across the table and poking the back of Nick’s hand. He wanted to hold it, to be as romantic as his mind was telling him to be, but he wasn’t sure what Nick was willing to do.

Nick, thankfully, latched onto a subject that was safer. “How did Gabrielle handle staying at Abby’s?”

Trevor snorted. “You’d think I’d slighted her massively picking her up the next morning. They’d eaten all twelve cakes between them. Apparently sneaked down during the night. Abby found them the next morning.”

Nick laughed, grinning at the thought and Trevor couldn’t help but join him. He’d had to punish her, taking away television and tablet rights for the evening, but the stomach ache and subsequent nausea were enough to put Gabrielle off. He’d done his fatherly duty, wasn’t about to turn his daughter away when she was ill, but he had told her in no uncertain terms that this happened when you ate too many cakes and chocolate.

“I was gonna leave her there tonight, but I think Abby deserved a rest after that.” Trevor pushed his plate away from his arms so that he could lean on the table.

“Where is she?” Nick asked.

“With Haddy’s wife. Apparently, they set up a sitter tree and they’ve decided to take turns with Gabby.” Trevor wasn’t sure how he felt about that yet, so much upheaval and never knowing who she was staying with, but Gabrielle had seemed happy enough that morning when he’d told her, excited to get to see all her friends without having to choose.

Nick frowned thoughtfully. “As long as she’s happy, that’s all that matters?”

Trevor nodded. “The only reason I agreed. She hasn’t been this happy in ages, and I kinda wanna keep it that way.”

“You never told me,” Nick said after a while. “About Clara and you. You said Gabrielle hadn’t been so happy in a while. Is she the reason why?”

“I don’t,” Trevor started, wincing. “I blame Clara for a lot of things, but I can’t blame her for not wanting a child. I wouldn’t – if my sisters didn’t want children, I’d fight for that choice for them. But she had Gabby and didn’t tell me.” Trevor could feel Nick’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t meet them, not if he wanted to get all of this out. “She left her with her sister and her mom a lot of the time, but they didn’t want her any more than Clara did. She was two and a half before Clara called me.”

“Jesus,” Nick muttered. “You told her you’d take her?”

Trevor laughed, humorless. “If only it was that easy. Clara called me a bastard for knocking her up and walking out as if I was responsible for our protection failing. I would never – I wouldn’t do that willingly. But she blamed me, blamed me for abandoning Gabrielle and didn’t think I deserved her.”

When Trevor looked up, Nick was livid. He was clenching his hand into a fist, mouth a thin line.

“Hey,” he said, nudging Nick with a finger. “Relax, you can’t yell at her now.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed. He blew out a breath slowly. “Still, doesn’t mean I can’t get pissed off.”

“I know,” Trevor said, feeling a small smile on his face. “I appreciate it, and I’m sure Gabrielle would. Who, when I got to meet her, didn’t know who the fuck I was.” Trevor swallowed back the bitterness. “They let me spend time with her and I fought for her. The benefit of being a well-paid hockey player – I can have my pick of lawyers.”

There was silence, and Trevor rubbed at his eyes, felt the burn of tears and fought them back.

“My parental rights were upheld, she never forced me to drop them, and I got sole custody of Gabrielle.” It had been a hard fight, well won, but Trevor could remember every bitter, angry moment and didn’t think he would ever forget. “I love her so much, but she was abandoned so many times by people who should have loved her unconditionally.”

Nick looked heartbroken, stricken, and angry in equal measure. “She has you now,” he said, tone forceful. “She has your mom and your sisters and your dad. She has people who love her and won’t abandon her. Not like Clara and her family. Not like me.”

“You didn’t,” Trevor said quickly. He’d been angry, had felt that way about Nick right after Nick had left, but he didn’t believe it, not really. “Not like Clara did, not like her family. You’re here now.”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed after a beat, but his smile was tight. Silence fell once again and Trevor wanted to soothe Nick’s worries, but until he knew they both knew exactly where this was going, it would feel like hollow compassion. Thankfully, the waiter arrived, asking them if they wanted dessert.

Nick perked up. “Sundae? Probably not in your plan, but–”

“I’ll suffer it,” Trevor said, nodding at the waiter.

Nick snorted. “That’s an attitude I remember well.”

“Hey now,” Trevor protested. “I am very good at sticking to my nutrition plan.”

“Maybe,” Nick allowed, pretending to think about it. “Though I’m pretty sure that was because someone was there to watch over it for you.”

Though his initial reaction was to refute that on principle, Trevor managed to keep himself from blurting it out. He took the time to stare at Nick surreptitiously while Nick peered after the waiter, clearly desperate for dessert. Though he did have a weakness for ice cream, Trevor remembered. Besides, Nick had his smile back and Trevor wanted to keep it there.

“It’s nice,” he said eventually when staring at Nick’s profile was throwing him right back into wanna fuck you territory and not date you slowly. “To have someone looking after you.”

Nick’s eyes were soft. Everything about him was soft. Trevor ducked his head, feeling his cheeks heat up, but Nick reached across the table, tangled their fingers together. “You didn’t need a whole lot of looking after. But I was happy to do it.”

“Yeah,” Trevor said. Before he could say anything else, the waiter swept up to the table with their sundae and two spoons. His eyes lingered on their joined hands, but Trevor didn’t let go – and neither did Nick.

“Thanks,” Nick said with a bright smile. The waiter nodded, taking one last look at the two of them before disappearing. Nick met Trevor’s eyes slowly. “He probably recognized you.”

“I know.” Trevor picked up one of the spoons with his free hand, making a point of not letting go of Nick’s hand. “I’m not bothered. Unless–?”

“I’m not,” Nick assured him, squeezing Trevor’s hand, his expression defiant.