Chapter Nine
Xia
“Your social media is blowing up today,” Ellis says as my phone buzzes again in my pocket.
“It’s the contest I’m running. They get a chance to name the unicorn.”
“What unicorn?”
“The one on the logo. He or she is going to be the official mascot. If their name is picked, they’ll win a fifty-dollar Amazon gift card. After we’ve narrowed down the choices to five or fewer, I’ll take a pole.”
“Where the hell do you come up with all of this stuff?” Ellis asks.
“My brain. It pays to be mad sometimes.”
“Apparently. Where’s your appendage?”
“Be nice. He took a day off to meet up with some family who were coming to town. They’re all really into motorcycles and take a lot of trips on them. Not shocking since they own some sort of mechanics’ shop.”
“Then what is he doing learning the ropes of a food truck?” Casp asks from behind me.
“They want to branch out into other businesses and create new jobs for the next generation. I think it’s smart. The area they live in is a small one near a lot of military personnel. If they do their marketing research, it could be a goldmine.”
“What happens when his time here is up?” Ellis asks.
I don’t know. “Are we here to make money or talk about my fledgling relationship?”
“Both,” Casp and Ellis echo.
“No ganging up on me. Besides, our employees don’t want to hear us airing all our dirty laundry.”
“Oh, we really do,” Mandy says.
I snicker as I roll my eyes. “Too bad. I’m not in the mood to be gossip fodder.”
“We are your brothers, you know. It’s kind of our job to worry.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Get to work already.” I make a shooing gesture with my hand.
“I know when I’m not wanted. I’m going to round up brunchers,” Casp says as he undoes his apron and heads outside. My brother was born with the gift of gab. I have no doubt he’ll wrestle up patrons.
My phone buzzes again.
“Are you serious? Dude, let me see this phenomenon. Maybe Smoke needs to get a mascot,” Ellis says.
I dig my phone out and hand it to him.
His expression turns to one of concern. “Xi, you have like thirty missed calls.”
“What?” I snatch the phone and rifle through the call log. “Weird, they’re all the same number. Who has a six, five, zero area code?” Memory sparks. San Mateo. My stomach plummets. “I have to take this. Something’s wrong.”
“Go ahead.”
I walk away from the prep station and out of the truck. My stomach churns as I listen to the first voice mail.
“Hi, Xia. You don’t know me, but my name is Joel, and I’m Shayne’s older brother. I got a call from a hospital. He has a nasty concussion and needs someone to pick him up and monitor him. I’m two and a half hours away on a low traffic day, and I don’t want him waiting for me. Please call me as soon as you get this.” My ability to focus waivers as I hear the words Shayne and hospital. My knees weaken, and I sway slightly. The thought of that blazing bright light snuffed makes me sick. Life without him is unthinkable. Oh, God. I love him. My mind is filled with all the things I didn’t say because I was cautious.
My hand shakes as I press call return.
“Hello?” A deep voice says.
“Joel?”
“Xia.”
“Yes, what happened?” I pace the length of the sidewalk.
“I’m not sure about the exact details, but I think he got into an altercation at a bar.”
“Shayne?” I say, stunned.
“Wrong place, wrong time type of scenario I’m sure.”
“Has to be. Jesus. Where is he?” I ask. My heart races and my anxiety rises.
“He’s at Good Samaritan.”
“I’ll leave now,” I whisper, numb.
Disconnecting, I jog back to the truck. “I have to go. Shayne is in the hospital.”
“What happened? Is he okay?” The questions are thrown at me.
“I don’t know. His brother just called me. He’s two hours away and doesn’t want Shayne sitting there by himself. He has a bad concussion.”
“Did he lay his bike down?” Ellis asks.
“I don’t think so. I’m sorry to bail, but—”
Ellis cuts me off. “Go. We’ve got this.”
“Thank you.” I rip the apron off and hand it to him through the window before turning to run toward my car. How bad is this concussion? Head wounds can be dangerous. What kind of damage is there? My stomach twists into a knot as I maneuver through traffic.
What feels like an eternity later, I pull into the parking lot and cut the engine. I swiftly walk to the entrance, passing a fleet of motorcycles. What the hell is going on? I enter the room, passing burly men in leather vests with a skull patch and the letters K.O.C. I’ve never seen this many members of a biker gang before. I do my best not to stare as I walk to the desk. They’re in various stages of disarray, seated in blue plastic chairs in the waiting room waiting to be seen or patched up. Was Shayne caught in this?
“Can I help you?” the woman behind the desks asks kindly.
“Yes, I’m here to see a patient, Shayne Spencer.”
“Wait, you trying to see Charming?”
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end as I turn to look over my shoulder at the massive mountain of a man in a leather vest that says President.
“I’m sorry. I think we might be talking about two different people.” I reply politely.
He cocks his head to the side. “You said Shayne Spencer, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“That’s Charming.”
My heart pounds. My family and I run a mechanic shop. We’re nomadic. It comes with having a motorcycle.
“Oh, you’re the uncle he met up with!”
He chuckles. “Guess you could say that.”
I frown. “Is he. Is he okay? Have you seen him.”
He shakes his head. “They’re stitching him up I’m sure. Maybe even giving him some blood. He lost a fair amount of blood. Head wounds always bleed like hell. Did he call you?”
I shake my head. “No, Joel did. He’s the emergency contact.”
“Makes sense. I’m sorry. I’m Stone.” He holds out his hand.
“Xia.” We shake. His hand is large and calloused. But his handshake is gentle yet firm.
“Nice to meet you, Xia,” he says. “You want to wait with us?”
My heart thuds. I try not to make snap judgments, but the men are intimidating as hell.
“Now’s not the time to pick up a woman,” a man says as the others laugh.
“This is Charm’s woman.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
The stunned amusement stings. I flinch.
Stone’s eye flicker with anger as he turns around. “Have we forgotten our manners?”
“Come on. You have to be thinking the same thing, P.”
The murmurs of agreement make me uneasy. He said he’d never done the relationship thing before, but this feels different. My stomach aches for a completely different reason. I place a hand on my belly and work to keep my face neutral. They seem to be like a pack; if I show weakness one may pounce.
“I’m looking for the party with Shayne Spencer.”
Stone nudges me forward. “This is his fiancée. His brother is two hours away, and she’s his closest family.”
Flutters tickle my belly at the new title.
“Xia Foley,” I whisper.
“Hi Ms. Foley, I’m Doctor Thompson. “Mr. Spencer has had twelve stitches to his scalp. He’s lost a fair amount of blood and has a grade 2 concussion. He’ll need to be observed for twenty-four hours and another day or two of rest and recuperation depending on how he feels. He’ll be weak and lethargic from the blood loss, but it’s imperative you remain vigilant to ensure his not exhibiting any worsening of concussion related symptoms like time loss, confusion, or repeating himself. If that starts to recur with any frequency, he’ll need to be brought back immediately.”
I swallow. “O-okay. May I see him?” I’m not sure who I’m asking as I look from the doctor to Stone. He’s got an authoritative air about him. I saw the way one glance shut up a waiting room full of grown men hardened by a tough lifestyle.
“The nurse will be out to bring you back as soon as he’s all settled in. We’ll get you a prescription for some aspirin and get you on your way.”
“Thank you.”
I wring my hands.
“I hate to be meeting this way.”
“Me too,” I say quietly as questions arise in my head like smoke, non-tangible and hazy. Is he part of this gang? How could he keep something like that from me for so long? Did he leave to escape them?
My brain is still working overtime when I follow the nurse leading me back to a room. I step inside and the vest draped over the chair with the Charming patch damns him. I bite the inside of my cheek. Yelling at someone with a concussion would be like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest―pointless. Still, my blood simmers.
“Xia?”
The sight of his buzzed and bandaged hair makes my heart skip a beat. They’ve shaved the left side of his head. His skin is pale, and his eyes are unfocused. I walk over to the bed and take his hand.
“I’m here, Shayne. Your brother called me and asked me to come down and look over you.”
“Hmmm.”
“So, it looks like you forgot to tell me something rather important about yourself.”
“What?”
I glance pointedly at his vest.
“Oh, shit.” His brow furrows.
“Not right now. I’m not so petty that I’d leave you like this. But later we will be talking about this.”
He winces. “You’re pissed.”
“Livid. How could you lie about something like this?”
“I-I didn’t lie.”
“No, you just left out some important facts.”
“I had my reasons, Xi. It wasn’t intentional deception. We wanted to keep a low profile. That’s why I came down here as a civilian.”
“You sound like you’re in the military,” I whisper.
“Basically, we are.”
“You didn’t trust me to keep this to myself?” After everything, I told you?
“I had to get permission from Stone first.”
“Permission. God. Is this like a cult?”
“No.” He moves too fast and gasps.
I take a deep breath. Despite his lies, I don’t want to see him in pain. I struggle to rein in my anger and hurt.
“You have to take it easy.”
“How can I when you’re looking at me like that? I know you have a lot of ideas swirling around in your head, but they’re wrong. You don’t know anything about this life.”
“No, and you made sure I stayed that way, didn’t you?” I hiss. It’s like trying to stem a tide. “Look, we need to call a truce while I monitor you. It seems like your family has their hands full.”
“I can’t talk to you the way I want to right now ’cause the damn world is spinning, but you’d best believe when this wears off the conversation we’ll have is going to look and sound very differently,” he mumbles.
“Why? You think you can charm your way out of this?” I ask sarcastically.
“No, but I can set you straight. There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“Maybe I don’t want to,” I whisper.
“So that’s it?”
“If I was a smarter woman, yes it would be. But you’ve gotten under my damn skin, and I want this to be more than what it seems.”
His heart monitor begins to beep faster. I shake myself out of the loop of feelings I’m being spun on like laundry set on tumble dry as my emotions tangle.
“Only you’ll be able to judge that.”
I hate the ugliness that’s crept into the beautiful thing we’ve created together. Or maybe that was a lie, too. I want to tell him to go to hell and walk away, but I need him. We’re slated to start the contest in another week. I won’t lose everything. Wait. I don’t know his side of the story yet. I promised myself I was done making excuses for people.
“Just tell me one thing, and we’ll drop this for now.”
“One thing,” he agrees.
“Is what happened between us a lie?”
“No, Xi. You’re the realest thing in my world right now. I swear that.”
I accept his words and take a deep breath. “Let’s get you signed out and headed home with some meds.”
***
Shayne
“You going back with her I assume?” Stone says.
“Unless you need me.”
“Can’t do us no good if you get dizzy and pitch over. We’re waist deep cleaning up after the mess left.”
I hear what’s he’s not saying. The trouble makers are being taken care of by whatever means necessary. I know Big’s gone. It saddens me. I understand the reasoning, but losing a brother is never easy. The men set in their old ways are meeting grizzly ends.
“You decided to come clean,” Stone guesses.
“She’s smart enough to put two and two together. There was no point in continuing the ruse.”
“I’m not talking about the club.” He stares me down.
I hesitate.
“You haven’t. Didn’t you learn anything from this?” He sighs.
“I can’t have that talk like this. We will after I get my bearings back.”
“I can respect that. You know what you’re going to say?”
“No.”
“You want my advice? Spend the downtime you got figuring it out.”
His interest is odd. “You don’t usually get involved in domestic issues.”
“I saw her face. That woman loves you, and after all you been through, I’d like to see you happy. I think she can balance you out, fill that void you’ve developed. I’ve been around a long time, son. I know a thing or two. You ain’t been the same since your dad died. I think you’ve suffered enough for what you once were. Don’t make a habit of getting in the way of your own happiness.”
“How can she forgive something like that?”
“She may not. The only thing she needs to do is accept you’re no longer that person and want to move forward with you.”
I grunt. “You make it sound so easy.”
“Not easy, but simple. You lay it all out there and wait while she makes up her mind.”
“While I what? Twiddle my thumbs?”
“You’ve been lying to her for half a year. I think she deserves that at least. There’s nothing I hate worse than being lied to or manipulated. She feels betrayed. If you’re going to try to stay together, you need to realize that.”
“Since when are you so wise?”
He laughs. “Shit, this is just common sense.”
“Hmmm.”
He laughs harder. “I don’t envy you. Women hold a grudge like nothing else. You sure she’s worth the struggle?”
“Of course she is,” I say, irritated that he’s questioning her worth.
“Remember that.”
I see what you did there, Stone.
“I’m going to leave you in good hands. I’ve got a lot to straighten out. Think I might start taking my own advice after this”
“You going to elaborate on that?”
“Nope.”
I laugh as he pushes to his feet.
“Whatever goes down, make sure she knows our rules.”
“I will.”
***
She’s been quiet since we left the hospital. I miss the sound of her voice and constant chatter. I shift in the passenger seat and ignore the pain and stiffness setting in after the fight.
“How did you know where I was?” I ask, desperate to break the stifling silence.
“Joel. Why did he have my number?”
“We’ve talked about you before. He is my big brother.”
She glances at me and frowns.
“Not everything I’ve said is a lie, Xia.”
“Huh.”
“Don’t do that.” I bark.
“Do what?” Her emotionless tone hurts me more than any anger ever could.
“Treat me like I’m a con man.”
“Kinda are, but all right.”
Sinking deeper into my seat, I close my eyes against a receding headache and her chilly reception. This is on me. I kept my secrets for too long, like a coward. My fear of losing her may have caused the very thing I tried to so damn hard to avoid.
I rest my head against the window, grateful for the coolness. Things have imploded swiftly. The wrongness between us drives home how right we usually feel.
“I hate this, Xi. It’s not us.”
“It wasn’t. Now I don’t know where we stand.” She sighs. “I thought we agreed to let this go for now.”
“Kind of hard to ignore the elephant in the room.”
“I think we can manage it. I’ll give you this … when you said your family was unique you were not exaggerating at all.”
I laugh. “Yeah, but that’s my normal. It’s basically growing up with a bunch of bachelors. For me, your family dynamic is the fascinating one. Two-family homes are rare for us.”
“Why?” I can hear the assumptions in her voice.
“’Cause just like the military lifestyle, the job always comes first. That’s a hard thing for anyone to deal with.”
“What are bikers doing on food trucks?” she asks suspiciously.
“Learning to open up their own, as we said.”
“If it’s legit, why lie about it?”
“We wanted to keep a low profile. You can’t say you would’ve treated me the same if you knew the truth. On a more personal note, I needed the space.”
“Because of your father?” she whispers.
“Yeah. It really messed with my head. I went away and became a Nomad. That’s basically a traveling member. We have chapters in different cities.”
“And you can just move from place to place?”
“If you’re a Nomad, yes. Otherwise, there’s voting involved.”
“Wow. That’s far more organized than I ever would’ve imagined.”
“People get the wrong idea about us. If it was total chaos, the clubs would fold, and we’d be in the media constantly. We like our chaos controlled, and our lives extremely private.”
“Huh. Makes sense. How are you feeling?”
“Sore and groggy,” I answer honestly.
“No nausea or a headache?”
“A dull headache, no nausea,” I say.
“If anything gets worse, let me know.”
“Yes, dear.”
Her eyes narrow. “Don’t make me abuse an injured person.”
I snicker and groan. “I regret that decision.”
“I’m not calling off work for nothing. You ready to be poked, prodded, and deprived of sleep?”
“Sounds like a good time.”
“It’s the only thing saving you from me lighting into your ass, so I’d enjoy it if I were you.” Her eyes burn with intensity.
“You look beautiful when you’re angry.”
“If you want to land back in the hospital keep that up. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’ve forgiven you.”
“I never knew you were so vicious,” I say, enjoying the new side of her. I’m not happy it’s directed at me but seeing it means she might be able to handle this life. The thought jars me. Did I decide I was staying? The time away gave me a chance to miss the brothers and work through my crowded head space. What I needed was a change. The new food truck will allow for that.
The club I knew is gone. There’s a new way of doing things, which is changing everything. If I can get through this transitional period, it might be everything I need. I study Xia from the corner of my eyes. Her back is straight, and her face is troubled. I want to talk her down, but my head feels like it’s in a vice.
I close my eyes and ride the pain, finding a place I can go in my head where I can manage the pain.
***
The pile of DVDs with hot pink cases, bright colors, and women who are clearly from the 80’s frightened me.
“What’s this?”
“My caregiver fee. We watch what I want. You’re going to be sleeping off and on anyway. If I have to stay up and check you every hour, I’m going to be happy doing it.”
She stares me down, and I clamp my mouth shut. A wise man knows when to retreat.
“Now put your feet up and try to relax while we take a trip down memory lane. Back in the 80’s. A simpler time when earrings were big, clothes were bright, and love was lost and found in one-hundred and sixty minutes.”
I watch her thaw slightly as she wedges herself into the corner of the couch when the movie begins. I drift in and out consciousness among first dates, frilly prom dresses, and underwear being show in a bathroom. Her gentle touch and soft voice went a long way toward soothing irritated nerves as she checked my eyes with a flashlight.
“You’re the prettiest nurse I’ve ever had,” I slur.
She gives a half laugh. “Even half-asleep you can’t turn it off.”
“Is true.” My tongue feels thick and clumsy.
She pats my cheek. “Rest now. You’re going to need it tomorrow.” I try to remember what’s planned for tomorrow, but the darkness takes me once again.
***
“Are you sure you’re up for this?”
I shrug. “Does it matter? We need to head back to work tomorrow, and the week after that is the start of Truck Wars.”
“I don’t want you to push yourself unnecessarily.”
“I’d rather get it over with, Xi. Having it hanging over my head is far worse.” We’re seated beside one another at the kitchen island. “Go ahead with all your questions.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Her voice is soft and full of hurt.
“Because letting you into my circle is a huge deal. I didn’t come down here because I wanted to. I did it for the club.
“To start up your own truck?”
“Yes, we really are looking to expand with more businesses. The next generation is starting to arrive, and we want to ensure they’ll have a future they can control.”
“Oh, I like that.”
“It’s not like what you see on the shows or in movies. We come from all walks of life. We’re not unintelligent. We have nurses, lawyers, business owners, and more.”
“Sounds like your own little village.”
“That’s exactly what the original founders were striving to create. A community that followed a specific set of rules, that weren’t in line with the ones society has chosen. It sounds great in theory, but being truly committed to that way of life can prove challenging. Like when you meet someone when you’re undercover, and you want to tell her, but you have to be sure she’d be open to learning about that part of your life, be able to keep a secret and get permission from the club President who sent you to L.A. in the first place.”
“Stone?”
“He’s the one.”
“I can see how he’d be a man you’d listen to.”
“He’s smart, too. His father was President before him, so he knows what he’s doing. It’s that way with a lot of us. When I say, they’re family, I mean it.”
“I can understand that. It’s a hell of a legacy to pass down, though. Was your father in it, too?”
I nod my head.
“So you really don’t know anything else?”
“This was my attempt at normalcy. For the first time ever, I’m living alone, working a nine-to-five, and taking a step away from club life.” It seems crazy to say when I’m a thirty-year-old man.
“Did you feel you needed to do that?”
“I did. I wanted to see what the grass was like on the other side.”
“Was it greener?”
“Smart ass,” I mumble.
“Hey, I’m genuinely curious.”
“There’s a different kind of freedom for me here … and you.”
She glances away. “I’m trying to understand, Shayne. It feels a lot like a load of crap. A way to make me gloss over the fact that you spent a lot of time lying to me. Okay, you had to get your President’s permission, but why didn’t you do it sooner?”
“Because I had to be sure I wanted to take that step. It’s about ownership. I’m telling my club you’re mine to care for and be accountable for your actions.”
“Yours?”
“Mine. And we both know it.”
“Hmmm. Do we? ’Cause there’s no ring on my finger, and you’re in the doghouse. You broke my trust. I could’ve understood a few months in, but this is over half a year. Did you really still question my character?”
“A claiming is real close to marriage for us. No matter how much time passes, they’re going to view you as mine.”
Her mouth forms an ‘O’.
“So you see why I held back. Not for my sake but for yours. I don’t want to pull you in too deep to something you’re not interested in. I’d be perfectly happy keeping you forever, but it’s got to be mutual, or it becomes illegal.” The tone is amused, but I’m serious. Xia has become an obsession.
“I’ll be honest; I don’t even know what I want to ask. I’m still trying to decide how I feel and I know we have more to talk about, but I’m on overload. I want to know more about what it means to date someone in a club. I’ve always thought bikers’ stance on the law was gray at best.”
“Depends on the situation.”
“So you don’t deny it?” she asks.
“I’m not into lying, Xi. I explained my reasons for keeping the club.”
“Do women have rights?” she asks almost shyly.
“It’s not the 50’s! Of course they do, but no they don’t get into our business because they’re a part of the club association. They’re not patched in or wearing a cut, so it’s not for them.”
“Cut?”
“The leather vest.”
“Oh. I’m out of my depth with this.”
The words feel like a nail poised to go into my coffin. This is the least of the things I have to say.
“This is just the tip of the iceberg, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“Jesus, Shayne. What did you do?”
I take the plunge. “It’s not what I did. It’s what I used to believe. What my dad taught me from the moment I was old enough to understand words.” My body trembles and my palms grow clammy. The words are lodged in my throat like a pill I can’t get to down.
“Shayne?”
“He was a racist,” I croak.
“What?”
“A bigoted bastard who was against integration and taught my brother and I whites were superior.”
“You believed him?”
Clearing my throat, I nod my head. “I bought into it, hook, line, and sinker.”
“Oh my God.” She covers her mouth with her hand.
“We came from a small community, and we were surrounded by people who looked, talked, and acted like we did. There were a few others who thought the way my father did, but most ignored him.”
Her glossy eyes yield tears. I want to wipe them away, but I’m afraid to try and touch her. I couldn’t handle her pulling away from me.
“Did you hurt people like me?” Her voice cracks.
“No, it was never worse than the ranting of an ignorant man afraid of any sort of change. I realized that later.”
“How much later?”
“Longer than it should’ve taken.”
“How long, Shayne?” she yells.
My jaw clenches. “A couple of years. I’m not proud of it, Xia.” I bow my head.
“You let me get involved with you and never said a word,” she hisses.
“It’s my past. I never … I didn’t know we would get this deep.”
“This didn’t happen overnight.” Her face contorts into an expression of disgust that makes my stomach ache.
“How could I risk ruining this? You’re the only woman I have ever loved.”
“No!” She jumps up, and the chair clatter to the floor. “You do not get to tell me that.” Her shrill cry is nails on a chalkboard. She has a manic appearance that shakes me. I’ve never seen her like this before.
“It’s true.” Standing, I grab her arm.
She shakes free. “So I’m what … a pet project? An experiment?” she whispers darkly.
“You are the love of my life.” Smack. My head jerks to the right under her palm. I blink, stunned by her violence. I grab her wrist.
“Do not do that again. Now you know everything.” And I wish you didn’t. Tears pour down her face. Her shoulders shake as the sobs spill forth. I drop her hand and swipe at them with my thumbs. “I never wanted to hurt you. I wish to God I could erase this and make it like it never happened.”
“But you can’t.” She speaks through gritted teeth.
“No, I can’t,” I agree.
“It makes me sick to think about.”
I rest my forehead against hers. “Me too.”
She pulls away and something in my heart breaks. “I can’t. I―” She shakes her head. “This is too much.”
“That’s why I wanted to wait until after the contest.”
Looking up at the ceiling, she takes deep breaths. “I’m not touching this now. I can’t. I have to focus on this contest. But I refuse to pretend like we’re okay.”
I stiffen. “Are you trying to break up with me?”
“No. Yes. I don’t.” She covers her face and shakes her head.
“I won’t be the reason your dream stalls, Xia. But trust we are nowhere near finished with this.”
“You don’t get to make that call.”
“The hell I don’t.”
“You should go.”
“Xia.”
“Now,” she barks.
I grind my teeth. “I can’t. You drove me here, remember?”
“Why don’t you call one of your uncles?”
The frosty tone sets me off.
I stalk toward her, and she retreats until her back is up against the wall. Placing an arm on either side of her, I press our lower bodies together. “I know you’re upset right now. You have every right to be, but don’t pretend that it takes away from everything we’ve built. That bond still exists, and I will not give it up easily. You want me to leave, I’ll make arrangements. But I will never allow you to shut me out.”
I take a step back, keeping my hands at my side to resist the temptation to touch her. It feels like we’re entering the intermission of a fight. There’s so much unsaid. The pressure is like a heavy velvet curtain settling over us. She’s only three feet away, but the emotional distance might as well be miles.
You will not win this time, Dad. I’m getting my woman back.