Chapter Six
Xia
I barely have time to close the door before Shayne pounces on me. I accept the onslaught of his mouth and squeal as he lifts me into his arms. Wrapping my legs around him, I grip a handful of his soft hair. I bite down on his bottom lip. He likes a bit of a rough touch.
His tongue plunges into my mouth, and I suck on it. He grunts, locking the door behind me as he walks toward the bathroom. We tear at each other’s uniforms until a pile of clothing liters the bathroom floor. He sets me on the sink and moves to start the shower.
He’s a complex puzzle I’m still trying to figure out. Just when I think I have the pieces in place, I realize something doesn’t fit properly. There’s a darkness that lingers in his past. I’ve yet to ask him about in detail. Not when I have my own secrets kept close.
“I don’t know how you can look at me like that when I know I smell like barbecue.”
“It makes you that more delicious.”
I giggle as he lifts helps me off the counter. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Only about you.” He kisses the side of my forehead.
“Why are you so sweet, mm? I never expected that from you.”
For a minute a serious expression falls. Cupping my face, he caresses my cheekbones with his thumb. “Because I know how precious you are, and what it means to lose the things that are most important to you. I don’t want to lose you.”
There’s a subtle resignation to his words I don’t understand. “Do you plan on becoming an utter git?”
“Git?”
“British slang for jerk. We need to get your Potter education started asap.”
He laughs. “No, but there are always things out of our control that happen when we least expect it.” He kisses me lips. “Into the shower, so I can get your clean before we get filthy.”
“You’ve got quite the mouth on you, Mr. Spencer.”
“So you said last night when I spent an hour between your thighs.”
A bolt of white hot lightning streaks down into my core. His tongue gives him more than a way with words. I’ve never been with a man who’s enjoyed giving oral so much. We slip into the shower, and my thoughts are lost as we busy ourselves with cleansing and teasing with soap slickened hands.
“Turn around, kitten.” He pulls my body to him and kisses down my neck as he blocks the water. His large hand runs down the center of my body, and he strokes my clit. “Lift your leg up and grab the bar.” I place my foot on the foot rest, and grab the hand bar we installed. After work shower sex is a regular occurrence. He presses his front to my back and teases my inner thigh. “You know I can’t resist you when you’re spread open for me like this.” He eases two fingers inside of my sheath, and I grip the bar and thrust back against them, greedy for more. He pushes to the hilt and stops.
Moaning, I squeeze his fingers once more before I still. I love his games. I’ve never come as hard with anyone else, and he always gives me what I need and beyond.
“You’ve gotten good at this, kitten.”
“I-I’m a fast learner.” He nips my shoulder, and I groan.
“Such a smart mouth.” He rubs his length between my cheeks, and I squeeze him again involuntarily. “You want something else to fill you up.”
“You know I do.”
He chuckles. “Then I won’t keep you waiting.” He replaces his fingers with his dick with a swift move that steals my breath away. He grips my thigh, holding me to him as he drives deep.
“What are you smiling at?” I ask as I braid my hair and wrap it up to hold the curl.
“I like seeing you like this, no makeup or pretense.”
“You’re an odd one. Has anyone ever told you that?” I ask, meeting his gaze in the mirror.
I slip the Sailor Moon crop top with Luna and Artemis over my head and step into the matching pajama shorts.
“Maybe once or twice.” Walking up behind me, he wraps his arms around me. “But when you’re happy you light up. I hate how you hide yourself.”
His words remind me of the loan I’m waiting to hear back about. I need to tell him. I turn to face him. My stomach tightens.
“I actually want to talk to you about that.” I tilt my head back, and he smiles down at me.
“You going to share a secret with me, Xi?”
I open my mouth, and a knock comes on my door.
“Who the hell is that?” Shayne asks, turning to peer out of my room.
“I have no clue.”
“I’ll answer it.”
He steps away, and I follow him out. He looks out the peep hole.
“It’s Ellis.”
I frown. “Something has to be very wrong.” I move him aside and open the door.
I open the door with my heart in my throat, and my stomach tightening. “What’s going on?” I ask shakily, expecting the worse.
“Why don’t you tell me?” Ellis says with a sneer.
What the hell? “You come to my house this late at night being cryptic? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t shut this door in your face.” I snap.
“Because you’re caught. I never would’ve thought you were the type to sneak behind people’s backs. A loan, Xia?”
Stunned, I stumble back. How can he know about that?
He pushes his way in and shuts the door behind him. His gaze goes to the man standing behind me, and he blinks. “Wait. What the hell is he doing here?” He jerks his chin toward Shayne.
“We’re not on the clock, so I can’t see why that’s any of your business.” Shayne steps up close behind me.
“I’m making it my business. Are the two of you seeing each other?” Ellis glances from me to Shayne.
“Yes, we are,” I reply loudly, interrupting what I know is going to escalate.
“Does he know about whatever scheme you’re working on?”
Shayne’s gaze flickers toward me. I give a slight shake of my head.
“Wow. You’ve been fooling us all.”
“Keep talking to my woman like that, and we’re going to have a problem,” Shayne booms.
“Or what?” Ellis challenges.
“I’ll forget that you’re my boss and her brother, and show you how I’ll treat the man disrespecting what’s mine,” he rumbles as he steps closer to Ellis.
Closing my eyes, I allow myself to bask in the moment. I can’t remember the last time I had back up during a family disagreement. It’s the curse of being the youngest.
“Yours?” Ellis scoffs. “You’ve known my sister for all of what six months?”
“Which is why it’s a damn shame I treat her better than you.”
Ellis surges forward, and I step in between them. “Say what you came to say.”
“I know you’re trying to get a loan, but what I want to know is why.”
“You want to know why?” I could deny it, or stall, but right now all I want to do is clear the air. He nods his head. “It’s my turn. I waited, and I came up empty handed at every turn. I’m done with that.”
“What are you talking about?” Ellis asks.
“Did you really think I was going to sit back, work my fingers to the bone again, helping you with truck number two while I continue to be passed over? I’m many things, but stupid isn’t one of them.”
His face darkens, and he scowls. “So you’re going to do what? Bail? Be a bitter bitch and make sure our next venture fails?”
His venom sets me off. I shove him. “How dare you? After all I’ve sacrificed for your dreams you dare begrudge me mine? Who’s the selfish one?”
He steps toward me and nearly slams into Shayne who appears in front of me like a secret service member ready to take a bullet for the President.
“This is a family issue. My sister doesn’t need to be protected from me,” he spits.
“That’s a matter of opinion.” Shayne clenches his fists, and I lay my hand on his arm to steady him.
“How did you even hear about the loan?” I ask.
“I have friends who happened to see my sister’s name come across a desk and wanted to know what we were up to next,” Ellis admits quietly.
“First of all, that’s a breach of policy, and secondly, I was going to tell everyone once I heard back. I would’ve talked it over with Shayne tonight if you hadn’t bust up in here like a maniac throwing accusations and a shitty attitude around.”
“You’re really going to leave?” The pain in his voice wounds me.
“I have to.” I beg him to understand with my gaze.
Ellis shakes his head. “Do you expect me to keep quiet about this?”
“What you choose to do is up to you, Ellis. I’m done expecting anything from the men in my family. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to salvage the rest of my evening before I have to go back to work bright and early.”
“I feel like I don’t know you at all,” Ellis whispers.
“How could you? There’s an entire side of me I haven’t shown. I’ve been on the outside looking in for years. You can’t tell me no one saw this coming when Dad pitched the idea for a second truck.”
Ellis’s round face reflects his confusion. His almond-shaped brown eyes are narrowed, and his thin lips are turned down at the corners.
I sigh. Why would they expect me to do anything differently after so many years of ignoring my own needs? This is as much my fault as it is theirs. I won’t place all the blame at their doorstep.
“Think on it, big brother. Once you review things objectively, you’ll see this was inevitable for me to find happiness.” I risk a glance at Shayne. To anyone else, he looks at ease, but I can feel the anger building inside of him. With his shoulders back, chest out, and jaw tense, I know we’re going to have our first argument.
I want to scratch my brother’s eyes out. If he’d shown up a few minutes later, Shayne would’ve heard all of this from me first. Now I look like a child caught with their hand in a cookie jar.
“Please just go home, Ellis. You’ve done enough damage for one night. You’re going to do what you want with the information, and I’m finished talking.”
He peers at me with a wounded expression as he walks out the way he came, shaking his head. Closing the door, I lean back against it to face a stern faced Shayne.
“Were you really going to tell me about branching out?”
“Yes. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. I’ve just been swamped, and I knew this wasn’t a sure bet. This loan may not be granted at all, and it’ll be back to square one.”
“You want to leave?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Is he going to be upset? “Yes.”
“I’m not your family. I don’t want to hold you back, and I know you aren’t happy or where you want to be in life. What bothers me is that you kept it to yourself. I don’t want to hear things from your brother.”
“While I get that, this all went into motion before we were us.”
“Are more skeletons going to jump out of your closet, Xia?” he asks snarkily.
“Are you seriously going to talk to me about keeping things to myself? Other than your sexual history and a small bit of your family history, I’m still completely in the dark. Who here has something to hide?”
“You aren’t turning this around on me.” He points his finger at me.
“No, I’m speaking the truth.” I say coolly.
He frowns. “Right. Tell me this … what happens if you get the loan?”
“I start up my own truck.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“And what will that mean for us?” He tilts his head, studying me with the piercing gaze that seemed to see everything.
“Nothing, unless you let it. You’re nearly ready to train others. It might delay things with Smoke II, but I can’t worry about them anymore. It’s my time.” Is this where the other shoe drops and I see his true colors? If he’d begrudge me following my dreams, this can’t work.
“I don’t like secrets.”
“There was nothing to tell. Do you plan on becoming an open book?”
He clenches his jaw. “You’ve never asked me something I didn’t answer.”
“Do you think I want to pry everything out of you? Your mannerisms scream off limits every time you delve into anything deeper than your immediate family. Meanwhile, my family dysfunction is on display for you daily. Have you ever thought about that?” I toss my hands up in the air.
“No, I hadn’t,” he mumbles.
“We both have a lot left to learn about each other. We’ve been in the honeymoon phase until now. It couldn’t last forever.”
“Tomorrow everything will be out in the open. You ready for that?” he asks.
“Does it matter if I was or not? It’s done.”
“Are you ashamed of me?”
“Is there a reason I should be?” I counter.
“I’ve never been the type of man woman are dying to bring home.” His words have a hidden meaning I’m too exhausted to further examine.
“There’s a world full of things to explore there. Just not tonight.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as a headache dances on the edges of my conscious. Fights are inevitable, but the weakness I see in our relationship is disheartening. I’ve been walking around on a cloud, and now my eyes are open. “Are you staying or leaving?”
“Do you want me to leave?” He looks down at the ground.
“The only thing I know for sure is that I’m done fighting.” Suddenly weary, I sigh as the anger leaves me.
“This isn’t over.” He peers up.
“It is for now,” I say, meeting his gaze.
“Look, if one fight can shake us we’ve got a problem.”
“I agree. So let’s shelve this for now.”
He gives a curt nod. The strain between us is a living thing in the too quiet room.
“I believe you were going to introduce me to the world of Harry Potter.”
I snatch up his peace offering. “I was. Sit. I’ll make butter beer and start up Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.”
“Butter what?”
“Oh, Shayne. You haven’t been truly living.” I let my worries roll to the back of my head as I prepare the impromptu movie premiere. I love the world of wizards, magic, and the-boy-who-lived. It’s the ultimate story of good winning over evil in the end, despite the loss, and pain along the way. You can’t help but come away feeling hopeful. I need that right now.
***
Shayne
I slip on my cut, and it’s a mental transformation. I’m going from Clark Kent to Superman, and I welcome the escape from everyday life. Things in the truck have been awkward and stressful. Every day we’re waiting for the walls to come tumbling down. If Ellis has shared the fact that we’re together, he and Casper deserve an Academy Award for acting. He hasn’t approached Xia, but I feel his eyes on me. It gets under my skin, tiptoeing around issues.
This politically correct, polite way of fighting never makes anything easier. It pushes off the resolution and makes life miserable. Seeing the light dimming in her eyes is a slow brand of torture. Especially when I see I’m part of the cause. We haven’t delved into a talk about my past. I’m not sure what I will tell her. Stone wants to keep this quiet, and unless I’m ready to bring her into the fold, she’s not on a need-to-know list. I don’t know if I can be happy in our world right now. Bringing her in would be selfish and ignorant when I’m uncertain of how she’d respond.
I straighten the leather vest, which is worn by wear and the sun, but polished. Each patch remains meticulously sewed on, and free of frayed edges. The pride is still there. I’m a member of an elite group of men working together to bring a vision to life. No matter what happens from this point, nothing can take that way. This is the first time I’ve worn my colors since I’ve been here.
I’m headed over to the L.A. chapter to hook up with their crew and gauge the situation. It’s always shitty when there’s an unexpected shift in power, and we’ve had issues with brothers from this chapter before. I was out of the loop when I was riding for the Nomads. I thought they’d gotten things under control.
I shake my head. There’s always something brewing with the club. There’s a lot of men with inflated egos, rebellious attitudes, and larger than life personalities. Things are never going to go smooth one-hundred percent of the time. Things get dicey when a group get together and think they know better than their President. Stone is careful about who he lets remain in power. He flushed out the original chapter, maybe it’s time the cleansing continues.
The worn steel toes are a welcome friend as I walk to my bike and start her up. The feel of the wind on my face, the sun on my back, and the peace the road brings is a constant I’m counting on to help me clear my head. I pull into the lot and observe the building. It’s quiet. Exactly what I’d expect for a week day. There are no people spilling out of the building, and the music must be at an acceptable decimal level because I can’t hear it from out here.
Inside there are small groups of brothers gathered around pool tables, the dart board, and the bar. I raise my hand in greeting as I search out the higher-ups. I spot the V.P., Knuckles, but he’s beside the President, Big.
“Hey, look at the working boy,” Big calls. The man looks like a retired linebacker with his salt and pepper close cropped hair. He’s pushing six foot three easily with hands the size of hams, and a face that boasts scars and wear and tear from time in the sun and stress.
Shaking my head, I walk over to clasp his hand and pull into a half hug. “What’s going on, Big?”
“Nothing. What did you do to get on Stone’s shit list? This is a prospect’s gig if I ever saw one.” He pats my back. Despite his easygoing nature, I can sense he’s fishing. He’s hyper aware of the fact that he’s been on Stone’s watch list.
I shrug. “He trusts me to get the job done. I can’t be mad at that.”
“You think I’m buying what you’re selling? I know you’re missing the easy life and prospects to do all the crap you don’t want to.”
I laugh. “I’ll appreciate them more when I get back. It’s a decent change of pace though. I was on the road a long time before I got back to San Mateo.”
“You getting soft? I know your dad is gone, but he built you boys up strong. Echo’s already forgotten himself. I hope you won’t be doing the same. Stone is trying to change a lot of things, but we are who we are.”
The only thing keeping me from splitting his skull in two or taking him to the ring is the knowledge that his time is nearly at the end. Soon he’ll be out on his ass, and if he’s not careful, his life force will be expired. He’s going to take the shift of power personally, and I think that’s going to lead to ugliness. There’s no way he’ll back down and take orders from his V.P. Knuckles if Stone lets him stay. I force my hands to stay un-balled. The mere thought of anyone disrespecting Xia makes me murderous.
I shrug. “Brother, I’ve been on far worse assignments. We do what we need to do in order to survive. It’s a small price to pay to keep the gears turning.”
“Don’t tell me you’re buying into that modernization bullshit.” He shakes his head. “Things have worked for us just fine for the past forty years. Now someone’s saying we need to change everything? People are drinking the Kool-Aid without questioning.” He sneers. “We’re outlaws. That means we live under our own code. That comes with a different set of rules. You start tampering with the foundation, and everything will begin to crumble.” He’s not even trying to hide his contempt or disregard for rules.
“Hard to run a club if we’re all locked up, and our way of life becomes illegal. They’re already trying to take our cuts and change us to gangs officially.”
“None of us are afraid to do time. Everyone comes into this life with the understanding its part of the experience.”
“Sounds a lot like you’re criticizing the man running the entire organization.” I study his expression and body language.
“Just because I follow Stone, doesn’t mean I always agree with his plans. I swore fealty, not blind obedience.” He blinks rapidly, dialing back his disapproval as his eyes dart from left to right. Dodgy.
Biting my tongue, I nod my head. There’s a time and a place for revelations. Around here it’s wise to play things close to my chest. I don’t miss the politics or subterfuge that comes along with the club. Everything is about pecking order and power plays when you get close to the inner circle. I never had a taste for it. The calls they have to make affect too many lives.
“Have some drinks and find yourself a girl for the night.”
“I appreciate the hospitality. I’m going to catch up with some of the brothers. It’s been a minute since I came through.” I wave down the woman working behind the bar, grab a beer and mingle, making a note of everything to report back to Stone. I’ll have to catch up with the V.P. another time. Big seems content to talk his ear off tonight, and my wake-up call is coming closer. I wonder if he senses the impending end of his reign.
***
“I’ve never been so happy to leave work in my life. If it gets any icier in the truck, I’m going to start singing ‘Let It Go’ from Frozen,” Xia says
Ellis showed up today with a petite Southern belle named Mandy who couldn’t wait to learn everything. I wasn’t sure how to take the move. Was it a threat warning Xia that she could be replaced, an acknowledgment that she deserved more for herself, or a smart move that would cover his ass?
“Did he ever say anything to you about why he hired her or if he told the others about your plans?”
“No. I think we spend the majority of our time pretending the other person doesn’t exist. He’s prideful, and me choosing to leave and forcing his hand hurt him He wants to blame it on me. I can see it when I catch him looking at me with his special blend of irritation and disappointment.”
“I can’t believe you haven’t talked about it.”
“We ignore and avoid in my family,” she says dryly.
“That never works.”
“I know. But it takes two to have a conversation.”
Plopping down on the couch beside me, she rests her head back against the cushion.
“We left work an hour ago, and I can’t stop trying to guess what Ellis is thinking. Does my father know? He’s not the type to be subtle, so I can only assume he doesn’t know. I’m sure it’ll be a huge blowout. Maybe the first excommunication in the Foley history.” She sighs. I’ve known her long enough to realize she wants to talk this out.
“I’m assuming they wouldn’t want to be the one to deliver that message.”
“You’re right. I didn’t even look at it from that angle,” she mumbles. “What do you think about the new menu items? It seemed to draw in more customers who were looking for something sweet or something to drink. They picked excellent local brews.”
“Are you going to keep dancing around what you actually want to say?”
“What the hell was up with the new girl? I mean, is she going to be my replacement? Has this become a race to fire me before I quit?” She rubs her temples with her thumbs and forefingers.
“Maybe they’re just covering themselves for when you leave?” I suggest.
She sniffs. “And they just happen to choose the applicant who’s everything I’m not? Seeing her in all her Southern girl beauty felt like a punch to the gut. There’s no way that wasn’t meant as a dig.”
I’m not stupid enough to tell her she’s being overly sensitive, but I’m thinking it. Taking the smart route, I remain quiet.
“What do you think?” I ask cautiously.
“It’s impossible to know without asking him.”
She scowls. “He wishes.”
“Hmmm.”
“You think I should?”
I choose my words carefully. “I would, but I’m not you.” I think of our own issues. “I take family relationships seriously. I don’t agree with or condone how you’ve been treated when it comes to the business, but I’ve seen the love that exists between you. That’s not an experience everyone gets to have.” I clear my throat. “Before my father died, we were in a bad way. My father wasn’t a nice guy. I didn’t realize that for a long time. He had a backward way of thinking, manipulated everyone around him, and knew how to let people see only what he wanted them to. I spent years worshipping the ground he walked on. I wanted to be just like him. So, I modeled my actions after his. One day I woke up and saw the sheer destruction his actions and words caused, and how much of my life I’d wasted. It divided my brother and I for a long time. Spencer saw him for the uncouth beast he was and did his best to guide me away from the dark path he had me on. I was stubborn and didn’t listen. I mean, no one likes their older brother telling them anything, especially when it’s against a parent.”
“Jesus, Shayne.”
“I’m not the sugar coating type. So when I say it was fucked up thinking, I’m not exaggerating.” I can see the curiosity in her eyes. Don’t ask me for details. I should come clean, lay it all on the table, and deal with the aftermath at once. My tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth, and my heart is pounding. My palms break a sweat.
Reaching over, she places a hand over mine. “I’m sorry you went through all that. My family has plenty of flaws, but lack of love has never been one of them. I’m sure whatever your father’s flaws, he cared for you.”
“My father’s favor was based on obedience and adherence to his set of beliefs. I think I knew that. It’s why I couldn’t hear anything my brother had to say.” I want to stop talking, but like a breached dam, I can’t stop leaking. “It’s something I’m not proud of.”
“Is that why we never talk about your past?” Understanding shines brightly in her eyes.
Unable to speak around the massive lump in my throat, I nod.
“You can tell me as much or as little as you want to. Who you were has no bearing on the man I’m with now. Our past shapes us, but we get the final decision on who we become.”
Her words are an unintended blow to my chest. I wish I could believe her, but some things cut too deep. There are invisible boundaries that once crossed can’t be repaired. Who you were has no bearing. The words go round in round in my head like a playground merry-go-round. If only this was true. We judge people all the time for things they’ve done. It’s impossible not to be tainted by our choices. Tell her.
I squash the tiny, naïve, and misguided voice down.
“Do you really think that?” I ask.
“I have to. I don’t like the woman I was, and if I’m bound forever by the mistakes of my past, there’s no hope for my future, is there?”
“The only person your decisions hurt were you. The universe isn’t going to punish you for that.” Cupping her face, I run my thumb up and down her high cheekbones. “Now I’d say we’ve let things get heavy enough, wouldn’t you? How about we do something fun and treat the truck like he-who-shall-not-be-named?”
She snickers. “You’re picking up the language of my people. I’m so proud.”
“Your people?”
“Geeks, bookworms, nerds. You know, my peeps?”
I laugh. “Yeah, I’m picking up what you’re laying down.”
“We’ve all got a little geek in us. I’m just helping you get in touch with yours.”
“Truly, I appreciate your concern,” I say dryly.
She giggles. “It’s been too long since I heard that.”
“It’s been a rough week.”
“I won’t argue that,” I mumble, thinking about my visit to the L.A. chapter.
“How do you feel about a night in with take-out? The last thing I want to do is make more food. I have a pamphlet from delivery services in my kitchen drawer.”
“This happens often?”
“I’m not even ashamed to admit it does. I love to cook, but after all day on a food truck you want to eat something you don’t need to prepare or clean up.”
An hour later, we’re both in our pajamas on the bed with sushi between us and Underworld on the flat screen. It’s one of the more peaceful Fridays I’ve had and yet memorable. When I’m with Xia, I feel like I fit. What does that say? That I’m living under an illusion.
The man Xia knows is a representative of the real me. It’s all the best I have to offer with none of the mistakes, drama, or heavy baggage. I’m digging the hole deeper for us with each day that passes, lying by omission and explaining it away because the very thought of her turning from me sends me into a slow panic. I’ve grown used to having her by my side. She grounds me and keeps me looking forward to the future.
I never knew what it was to need someone until her. Perhaps this is my punishment, to love someone destined to eventually hate me. Hold on. Love?
Shell-shocked, I go through the motions of eating and watching the movie as I search my emotions. Am I even capable of this? Until I can answer that question, I’ll live alone with my thoughts.