Chapter Sixteen
Nathan
I wake up alone in my bed. I look around to see if she is just sitting on the side, but Amara is nowhere in the room. I’m still in my boxer briefs, and I slowly make my way to find her.
As I reach the end of the hallway, I can smell the breakfast. I stand and watch her moving about the kitchen. Her hair is up in one of her messy buns. She’s still in my Captain America t-shirt. There’s nothing sexier.
I carefully slip onto the bar stool and watch her finish up. When she turns around there’s a big smile on her face.
“You’re not quiet.” She informs me.
I chuckled. “I didn’t want to disturb you.”
She sets the plate down in front of me. “Coffee?”
“I can—”
“No, I’m up and I’ll get it.” She insists.
“Thank you,” I say as she pours a cup for me. “How did you sleep?’
“Amazingly.”
I watch her gently sit on the stool next to me. “Are you okay?”
“A little sore.”
“Really?” I grab her elbow and check her over.
“It’s fine. It happens.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I felt horrible. Maybe if I had more experience it would have been better for her.
“Hey.” She lays her hand over mine. “You didn’t hurt me. It couldn’t be helped. It’s what happens to a girl for her first time.” She leans over and kisses me. “I had an amazing time last night.”
“Me too.”
I really did. All through dinner, it was all I could think about. She and I had spent a lot of nights texting and I slowly liked her more and more. Until I fell in—
Buzz. Buzz.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
I go over and press the intercom button. “Hello?”
“It’s me. Open up.” Alden orders through the speaker.
I push the button to open the door and unlock the front door. When I turn around Amara is coming down the hall sliding into a pair of shorts.
“You’re as fast as the Flash.” I joke, sitting back down.
She giggles as Alden comes bounding in.
“Hello, all.” He announces himself.
“Hi, Aunt Amara. Hi, Nate.” Kace is running over to each of us, hugging our waists.
“Hey, Buddy. What are you doing?” Amara kisses the top of his head.
“I’m going to workout with Dad and Nate.”
I glance at Alden.
“Want to workout?” He smirks.
“Sure. I’ll get dressed.” I get up and get ready.
When I come back out Kace has eaten my breakfast. I smile at Amara, who hands me a bottle of water and two granola bars. It shows she cares about me too.
“I’ll make you something when you get back.”
I smile. “Thank you. Let’s go, guys.”
We all load up in Alden’s car and head over to the gym. Kace has a blast lifting the small weights. In between working my legs, I watch Alden showing Kace the correct form and stance. I hope someday I can do the same with my son.
My heart drops.
Amara can’t have children.
I’ll never have a son to teach how to skate or play in the park. I rub my chin thinking of all the aspects. The thoughts of being a father don’t cross my mind often, but today it does.
Am I okay with not having kids?
I stare longer at Alden and Kace. Alden isn’t his father by blood but loves Kace as if he was his own. I can see the love and respect coming from Kace’s face. He loves Alden as if he’s his real dad.
I can be like Alden. There are many kids who need good homes. Plus I’m twenty-two and still playing hockey. There’s a lot of time to think about this later. Right now, I want to spend more time with Amara. I want to experience everything with her.
As Kace runs off to get some water I go over to Alden. “Having fun?”
“Yes.” He grins. “Kace seems to be enjoying his time as well.”
“It does.” I take a deep breath. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Does it bother you that Kace isn’t naturally yours?”
He stares at me for a second with a perplexed look. “Is this about my sister?”
“I’d like to talk to my friend and not my girlfriend’s brother.”
“I don’t know the difference.” He crosses his arms. “Spill it.”
I quickly rush out what I’m feeling right now. I feel worse saying the words out loud.
“Nathan, if you truly have these issues then you need to break up with Amara now before you two have sex and/or fall in love.”
I hang my head.
“Fuck. You had sex with her?”
“Last night.”
He groans.
“And I do love her.” I lift my head.
“If you love her as much as I love Baylor, then the kids part shouldn’t matter. But if it does – really does – then you need to think long and hard about this. You’ll have to leave her.”
Kace comes back ready to go into the weight room and one thing weighs on my mind.
Kids.
When I come back to the apartment, I find Amara on the couch… asleep. She looks peaceful curled up with her arms tucked under her chin. I kneel down next to her and just stare.
I love her.
Deep down I have since the night Alden made me have dinner with him and his family. Her kindness. Her smile. Her laugh. It all melts my heart. Kids won’t make or break us. It’ll be our love and respect for each other. I don’t know if she loves me. I can guess and say she does, but the words haven’t come up.
I cover her up and leave her be. I go to my room and change my bedding. I hate the clean sheets I put on don’t smell like Amara, but I hope it’ll change soon. I want her in my bed again. Having sex with her is an eye opener. She gave me the greatest gift and I gave her mine. I lay down on the bed and turn on my TV. I flip through the channels but end up on the PHL channel watching news updates. The draft is tomorrow and everyone is buzzing. I listen to their analysis of the upcoming draftees. Even though I’m twenty-two these kids look much younger than me even though there’s only a few years difference. Some of them seem faster and stronger. I’ve never had self-doubt until the day of my first professional hockey game. Then I realized how inexperienced I had been up to that point.
Now I have to be better than last season.
I close my eyes and try to push the thought of failure away. It’s hard. There’s a lot of great goalies out there the Bears can pick from. I know I’m good but there’s more to it. I broke three fingers last season, not to mention messing up the playoffs. It’s like a monkey on my back, and I need to get it off. I just need to get to training camp and prove to Coach Long and the staff I am worth it. They’ve gambled on me before and I believe I showed them I can do it. I just need to get there.
I hear an odd noise causing me to open my eyes. I listen and hear it again. It sounds like someone throwing up. I quickly get out of bed and go out into the hall.
“Nathan.” I hear Amara’s voice. It sounds far away.
I rush to the bathroom and see her hugging the toilet, throwing up. I kneel down to her, pulling her hair back. “What’s wrong?”
“Call… Alden… now.” She’s struggling with her words and breathing. “Hurry.”
I run back to my bedroom to grab my phone. My hands shake as I find Alden in my contacts.
“Hey, Nate,” he answers.
“Get to my place now.” I practically scream and I tell him the code to the building.
“What’s wrong?” I can hear the panic in his voice.
“It’s Amara. She’s sick.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
He ends the call and I go back to Amara. She’s now in a fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably. I pull her up and into my lap. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?’
“Hunmbdondoainurh.” She cries into my chest.
“Baby, I can’t understand you.” I try to make her look at me, but she won’t budge.
She cries harder, and I can’t get her to calm down. I kiss the top of her head, and I can feel her burning up. I think she may have a fever. Amara still won’t look up, so I continue to rock her with the hope she calms down.
Amara pushes off of me and begins to throw up again. I get a wet washcloth to help cool her down. She continues to cry and be sick. I feel helpless. I want to help her in some way, but I can’t do anything.
When she stops throwing up she leans back into my arms. Her body is still hot and now shaking. “Baby, tell me what’s wrong?”
“My worst nightmare.” She sobs.
I hear our front door open and Alden appears in the bathroom.
“What the hell?” He falls to his knees in front of her.
“Hospital.” Her breath is ragged. “It’s back.”
He takes her face in his hands. “What’s going on?” He’s firm with her.
“I think the cancer’s back.” Large tears stream down her cheeks faster.
“Nathan, pick her up. We’re going to the hospital.”
I do as he says and pick her up in my arms. She weighs nothing to me right now.
I sit in the backseat with her wrapped tightly against me. I don’t care if we get pulled over. Letting her go isn’t an option.
We make it to the hospital in record time. Alden jumps out, bolting into the emergency room and comes out with a nurse and a wheelchair. I’m able to get out and maneuver her into the wheelchair. I don’t want to take my eyes off her, but I do. We all run into the hospital, but another nurse stops us and orders us to move the car. As much as I hate it, I tell Alden to stay with Amara and I’ll move the car. He tosses me the keys.
My entire body is trembling worse than a leaf in the wind. I can’t stop it either. This is my Amara and her cancer might be back. It’s an issue I never thought I would have to deal with this since my mother’s death. I remember all the difficulties she went through and now my girlfriend will go through it.
Again.
I go back into the hospital, and it takes me a moment to find Alden. He’s pacing around in a circle.
“Where is she?”
“They’re evaluating her.” He’s pale.
“Can’t we go back?”
He shakes his head. “I called Mom too. She still has medical power of attorney for Amara.”
“Huh?”
“Mom makes all decisions over Amara’s health.” He explains.
“Oh.” Right now my brain isn’t working. I can’t think of anything but Amara.
We both are staring at the double doors. I don’t know what’s happening behind them, but I know she’s there. I need to be there with her. Every part of me is telling myself to bust down the doors and get to her. Standing here isn’t helping her. Then again I don’t know what I will do back there. The doctors and nurses can help her more. They’re the professionals.
I don’t know how long Alden and I pace outside the door but soon Elizabeth is rushing toward us with Baylor.
“What’s happening?” It’s the first time I’ve seen her rattled. She’s pale with worry and fright in her eyes.
“They’ve not come out yet,” I say.
Alden is clinging to Baylor, and it’s then I see the tears coming down his cheeks. I can’t lie in saying mine aren’t close to falling as well.
“Brockman.” A female calls out from a side door.
The four of us run over and follow the nurse in her bright blue scrubs down a long corridor and into a private waiting room. I remember these types of rooms. It’s where they deliver the bad news. I find the last string of strength I have left in my body and hold tight to it. I have to be strong for Amara.
I will be strong for her.
“The doctor will be here in a moment.” She gives a small smile before leaving us in the room. We all collapse in the chairs. I can still feel myself shaking, but I’m doing the best I can to hide it.
A few moments later an older man downing a white doctor’s coat comes in. His silvery white hair shines under the fluorescent lights.
“Brockman.” We nod.
He pulls up a chair closer to us.
We all stay, awaiting for whatever news he’s here to give us.
“Amara is still upset and I’m having a hard time understanding her.”
Elizabeth speaks up. “She believes her cancer has come back.” She goes on to tell him Amara’s medical history.
“What did she do last night?”
“We went to Concord for dinner and then came back to our apartment,” I answer.
“Could she be pregnant?”
The entire room says, “No.”
“Why not?”
“She has bad scarring on her tubes. She never had a cycle on her own. The doctors gave her birth control, which she takes every day to keep it coming.” Elizabeth explained.
He continues with his list of questions. Baylor adds in about Amara’s weight loss and lack of appetite. Neither of which I had noticed. Elizabeth speaks of a few small bruises on her legs. Also something I never saw or paid attention to. Alden comments about Amara’s frequent naps. I add in about her deep personal stress. Between Jack and her RN test, I know it’s all been weighing heavily on her.
“I’m going to run a few tests. I’ll be back soon.” He stands and leaves us alone in the room.
We fall into a deep silence as time ticks slowly by. We sit. We pace. We listen to each other breathing, but we don’t talk. The only real sound in the room is the hum of the lights above.
Almost two hours later, a nurse comes in and tells us Amara has been moved to a private room upstairs. After she gives us the directions on how to get there we quickly make our way to it.
As we step off the elevator and head down the hall, we’re greeted by the doctor coming out of her room.
“Is she okay?” Elizabeth questions.
“From all the tests I ran, there’s no cancer alerts.”
All four of us give a big sigh of relief.
“There’s a couple more to come back, but I believe they’ll be negative as well. After she calmed down and talked to me, I’m concluding she’s dehydrated and exhausted. She’s getting some fluids right now and seems much more relaxed. We’ll keep her for a few hours to ensure all the tests come back clear. I don’t see anything more serious.”
We all begin to thank him and then move past to get to Amara. She’s paler but looks much better than the last time I had eyes on her.
Normally, I would always respect everyone. However, right now, I practically push Alden out of my way to get to her. I grab Amara – gently – into my arms. I bury my face in the crook of her neck as the tears fall. I’m well aware she doesn’t have anything life threatening, but I still have to hold her.
I love her.
She’s mine.
“Nate, may we hug her now too?” Alden taps my shoulder with great force.
I pull back slightly and kiss her. “You okay?”
She nods and smiles. “I feel better.”
“Good.” I give her another kiss and let her go.
Everyone else comes around, hugging her and telling her how glad they are she’s okay.
“I’m sorry I scared you guys.” Amara wipes her cheeks free of the wet tears.
“We were all worried about you.” Her mother sits on the side of the bed. I’m toward the end, holding onto her calf. I have to touch her and keep my eyes on her. It’s keeping me calmer seeing she’s okay.
“I haven’t felt well for the past couple weeks, and I kept pushing it away. I thought the cancer had come back. I didn’t want to deal with it.” She confesses. “With Jack, fighting with Alden, the test, it’s everything. I don’t deal with stress well.” She hangs her head.
“Amara, you keep too much on the inside.” Elizabeth lifts her head up and pats her cheeks. “You have to let it go.”
“I know.” She nods sadly.
The doctor strolls into her room. “Just wanted to let you know all the tests came back negative. I’m going to order you finish the bag of fluids and then you’re going to go home and rest for the next three days. Okay?”
Before Amara can answer, we do it for her. There’s no way she’s doing anything for the next week. I don’t care what she says or if she argues with me. It’s not going to happen.
“I promise,” she’s able to finally say.
When the doctor leaves, Alden leans down to her and glares.
“Don’t.” She sighs and turns away.
He continues to stare at her as if he’s yelling at her through his eyes.
Her shoulders drop as does her head. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re barely eating, sleeping more and more, and it all concerns me.” He states firmly. “You have to remain healthy. For me. For Nate. For all those who care about you.”
“A lot has been happening the past couple months, Alden.” She fires back.
“And I’m sorry as well.” He grips her hand. “I never want to cause you pain.”
“I know.”
“We’re going to fight. We do, but I promise to… try… not to be so overprotective.”
“Wow.” She seems shocked. “Those are words I thought I’d never hear.”
This makes us laugh.
“Thank you, Alden. I love you too.” They give each other another hug.
The nurses come in and out periodically checking on her and her stats. When the bag empties of its fluid, they remove the IV. Elizabeth takes her into the bathroom to help her change. Even though Amara insists she can do it on her own.
When she gets the discharge papers, she is pushed in the wheelchair to the front of the hospital. Her mother orders her to rest and she’ll come by tomorrow to check on her. I help her into the backseat of Alden’s car and make sure she’s in before getting in on the other side. Amara takes the middle seat and curls up to me as best she can with the seatbelt around her. I hold onto her and she stays close to me.
When Alden parks in front of our apartment building, I help her out of the car. I want to carry her to our place but refrain. I know she’ll get pissed if I do. Alden and Baylor both follow us. They love her as much as I do.
How do I tell her?
Do I blurt it out?
Do I create another romantic date?
Definitely can’t do it while we’re having sex. I’ve heard other guys say that’s a huge mistake.
The one thing I do know… I have to tell her. The problem is… does she love me?
“Amara, you’re taking this week off.” Baylor informs her.
“The doctor said—”
“Don’t care.” She cuts her off. “You need to rest. Period.”
I smirk at Baylor’s tone. Usually she uses it only on Alden.
“Fine.” Amara sighs.
Alden is standing close to me when he whispers, “You’re going to take care of her, right?” Before I could answer he continues, “If you don’t I’ll kill you.”
I give him a look of derision. “You know better.”
“Call me if anything happens.” He orders me, taking Baylor’s hand and telling Amara he loves her.
Once they’re gone, I bring Amara a glass of water. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m not.” She pats the seat next to her on the couch. “May we talk?”
I nod and sit down.
“I want to apologize for scaring you.”
“You did.” I tell her.
“I’m sorry,” she says again.
“Why didn’t you tell me you thought the cancer was back?” For a brief second, I almost don’t want to know the answer.
“I didn’t want to face it myself.”
“You could have talked to me about it.” I plead.
“Nathan.” She stares at me for a moment. “I know I could have confessed my fears to you, but I didn’t even want to say it out loud.”
I nod. “I can understand your feelings.”
She holds tightly to my hand. “I had much different places for us tonight.”
I laugh. I know her plans were the same as mine. Sex. “Well, none of that until you feel better.”
She curls up on my side. “Thank you.”
“I’ll always be there for you.” I kiss the top of her head.
“I’ll be there for you too.” She gazes up at me with her big eyes. “I was nervous to text you the first time.”
“I remember feeling the same way.” The memory came to me easily. “I was sitting on this couch feeling sorry for myself. My fingers were broken, and it had brought an uncertainty in my life.”
“I saw the game where you got hurt. I texted Greer Hopp, Edgar’s wife, for your number.”
“She is our den mother.” I joke, but it’s the truth. When a new Bear comes into town it’s Greer’s number they give you to get you settled.
“I wanted you to know it was going to be okay. Everyone gets hurt.”
“It helped.” I tell her. “And we started there.”
“We talked about movies.”
“Books.”
“Food.”
“Hockey.”
“Everything.” Her smile is genuine and real.
“And then Alden made me have dinner with you guys.”
“I stared at you the whole time.” She confesses.
“I know because I was staring at you too.”
She sits up a bit. “I texted you when I got home.”
“You told me how handsome I was.” I touch her cheek. “I told you you were beautiful.”
We stare at each other. Am I seeing love in her eyes? Or is it just the fact she cares for me?
“Do you believe in love at first sight?” she whispers.
The pad of my thumb runs over her bottom lip. “I do.”
“I do too. I know we’ve only been on one official date––”
“Even though we’ve only gone out once, I think we’re more than just a couple.” I cut her off so I can express my feelings. It’s now or ever. “You’re my girlfriend and today I was scared. When you were on the floor, I was helpless. When you thought your cancer was back, I was helpless. But with all those terrifying emotions what stood out the most was… love. You have become my girlfriend, but you were my friend first. You stuck with me and I want to be by your side for a super long time. I love you, Amara Brockman.”
A slow, single tear rolls down her cheek. “I had been worried about handing my heart over to someone. Yes, I wanted to lose my virginity before I was a hundred, but my heart, respect, and love needed to go to someone who was worthy of me, my ambitions and all my flaws.” She clears her throat. “It’s you. You are the one I love.”
She moves and straddles my lap. I can’t lie when I say I instantly grow hard for her. Her sexiness overwhelms me. She cups my face and kisses me. I grip her hips hard as she rocks against me.
I know where this is leading and I pull away. “We can’t do this. Not right now.”
“Please.” She kisses my cheek. “Please.” Then right below my ear. “Please.” Then down my neck. Her hands begin to work on my belt. Suddenly my dick is out and she’s stroking me harder and harder. I lose all control as I yank off her leggings. The need to touch her and be inside her is all I can think about. She stands and together we get her out of her clothes and me out of mine.
Amara straddles me again and grabs my dick tightly. She positions me at her opening and slowly sits down. My eyes roll back in my head. Her tightness hugs me like nothing I ever felt. It was tight last night, but this is… different. I stare at her as she does me.
The difference is our declaration of love.
We love each other.
She rides me harder, and I’m going to make sure she finishes first. I try to think of anything but blowing inside her. Mainly it’s hockey stats until I feel her growing closer. The expression on her face is saying she’s there.
“Nathan.”
I begin to pound into her as hard and fast as I can. I want us to reach the climax together.
And we do.
We yell out at the same time and her wetness runs down my dick onto my thigh. I pull her to my lips and kiss the hell out of her… until we’re both breathless.
“I love you,” I manage to say.
“I love you too.” She smiles
This is going to be a great relationship.