Chapter Five
Amara
Baylor had shown me how to do the daily and monthly paperwork for the tattoo shop a couple of weeks ago and I have added it to my to-do list. Since the release of the features in INK America of Baylor’s work on my brother’s arms, the place has doubled its clients.
Besides Baylor, there are three other girls who work at the shop. Destiny, Starlight, and Mags are three ladies who have distinct personalities and make my day much better. We all work together well. Some would think it’s nutty working with all women, but it’s really great. Sure we all have our bitchy moments, but then it’s said and done.
“Amara, would you mind finding me some more purple ink?” Starlight asks from her station.
“Sure.” I hop off my stool and run to the supply closet. “Here you go.” I hand it to her.
“Thanks.” She smiles.
I go back to the front counter and finish up the daily spreadsheets. The constant hum of the tattoo guns may annoy some, but I find comfort in it. I never figured this would be my place of employment. My plan has always been to be a nurse, helping people.
“Bonjour.”
I lift my head to see Mom walking into the shop. “Hey.” I come around the counter and hug her. “What are you doing here?”
“Coming to take you to lunch.”
“Really?” Excitement runs through me. I love spending time with Mom. When she lived back home in Montreal, I desperately missed her. She always gives the best advice and never judges anyone.
“Yes. You’ve been busy and you need to relax. Come.”
“Let me tell Baylor.” I rush over and tell her, grab my purse, and phone. “Where are we going?”
“I know a place,” she says as we walk to her car.
We chat a bit about the sale of our family home and the possibility of her finding a part-time job. I knew she couldn’t stay retired for long. She’s always worked. I tell her about my studying, but now it seems to be falling by the wayside because I’m loving my job at Baylor’s. She doesn’t discourage me about how I spent the last few years in nursing school but don’t have the same passion as before.
We walk into the diner, and immediately my eyes fall onto Alden. His face grows angry and he quickly stands. Mom snaps her fingers and then points down. He may tower over our mother, but he’s never crossed her. He slowly sits back down. She grabs my elbow and leads me to the table. She gives me her look. Like Alden, I won’t cross Mom either, and I sit down across from him. Neither of us makes eye contact.
We’re all silent until the waitress comes over, and Mom orders our drinks and food. When she leaves I can feel Mom’s eyes on me, but I don’t look up.
“This is going to stop.” She begins. “You two have never fought like this.”
Alden’s and my eyes briefly meet but then look away from each other.
“Now, we’re going to have a nice lunch together as a family and when we leave here you both will go back to being best friends.” Mom’s voice is firm and left no room for argument. “First, Alden, you’re going to apologize to Amara.”
He rolls his eyes and stares at Mom as if she’s lost her marbles. “What?”
“Do I need to repeat myself?
We both know it is a bad idea if she repeats herself.
“Why? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You did.” Mom crosses her arms and purses her lips. “Your sister is twenty-one. By the time I was her age I was married and pregnant with you. Amara is smart and won’t be a bed hopper like you were. You have practically been in every female’s bed from Canada to Florida.”
He hangs his head because it’s the truth.
“Do you really think your sister is the type to pick up some male at the bar and have car sex with him?”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Answer me.”
He clears his throat and sits up straight. “No, I don’t think she’s the type.”
“Then I want you to tell me why you’re acting this way?”
His eyes connect with mine as he says, “I’m scared.”
“Why?” I ask.
“I don’t want you to have a broken heart. You’re not strong enough to recover from something like that.”
He’s serious.
“What? Are you kidding me?”
“You carry your heart on your sleeve. Guys take advantage of girls like you.”
Anger begins to fill me. “You’re a jerk.”
“I’m being honest.” He sounds annoyed, but I should be even more pissed off.
“I’m stronger than I appear to be. Yes, I care for Nathan, and I hope there’s more to our relationship, someday. However, for now, we’re roommates and friends. Nothing more. He’s easy to talk to and gives great advice. He’s a nice guy. And… and… for your information, we’ve never even kissed on the lips. So, don’t worry about my heart being broken.” I huff and narrow my eyes at him.
“Nathan is a good guy, but I can’t just turn off the way I want to protect you. I’m your older brother and the man of this family.”
This time I roll my eyes and groan. “Are you watching too many TV sitcoms from the sixties? This is the twenty-first century. Women can make their own choices without having a testosterone-fueled Neanderthal telling her what to do.”
“Then don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart.”
“And don’t send me your hospital bill when I break your freakin’ nose.” I quip.
Our stare down begins and as much as I’m angry with him, he’s right about one thing: he’s my brother. We can’t remain this way to each other. It’s toxic.
“Alden.” I soften my tone. “I love you and nothing will ever change it. However, you have to let me experience life.”
He rubs his forehead. “Amara, you mean a lot to me. I want to protect you and I love you too.”
Mom speaks up. “Alden, being there for your sister shows her how much you love her. You’re a good man, stop being a jerk.”
He glances at Mom then back at me before he nods.
“Amara.” She turns to me. “You need to respect Alden’s opinion. His heart is in the right place, even though his brain makes his words come out wrong.”
I slightly smile and look at Alden, nodding.
Our food comes and we eat for a few moments in silence before Mom sets her fork down. “We have one more thing to discuss.”
“What?” I ask in between bites. I thought she talked about everything.
“Jack has contacted me again.”
Alden and I look at each other in shock. Neither of us had called him and we figured he would leave us alone.
“He wants to talk to you both before you meet his son.” Mom goes on.
I push my plate away because my stomach can’t handle it.
“I don’t want to see him at all.” Alden speaks up first. “Amara?”
Tears come from nowhere and I do my best to blink them away. I simply shake my head.
“Amara, are you okay?” Mom touches my hand.
“Fine,” I manage to say.
“No you’re not.” Alden calls me out. “Tell us the truth.”
I sip my water to buy me a few seconds before I answer. “I do want to see him.”
“What?” Alden gasps. “Why the fuck do you want to see him?”
“I have things to tell him. I want to yell at him.”
“Now I want to see that happen.” He smirks.
“He knows you both are displeased with him. I suggest you three should sit down and talk.”
“What do you say?” I ask my brother.
He rubs his forehead again and his brow deepens with his frown. Whatever he’s thinking about, it’s intense. “I won’t let him see you alone. I’ll go too.”
“Fine. I’ll let him know.” Mom goes back to her food.
This is going to suck.
Alden doesn’t say anything else to me for the rest of the lunch. Mom drives me back to work, and I spend the rest of day focused on my job. I’m surprised I’m able to do it as I think about lunch and Jack.
As I walk into the apartment, I expect Nathan to be there, but the place is quiet. I go to my room and fall down onto my bed. I cover my eyes with my arm. Most of my room is put together, minus a few boxes in the corner. I should be studying but my heart isn’t into it.
If I do face Jack again, I really need to tell him everything. He needs to know how much he hurt me. He really did. Obviously, he knows how successful Alden is in the PHL. I’m just a girl who finished nursing school and has to study her ass off to get her license. I want to be a nurse because I met many throughout the years in the hospital. They all impacted my life. Since I’m never having children, this is the one way I can help others.
“Amara.”
I jump at Nathan saying my name.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, you’re fine. I was lost in thought.” I sit up.
“You’re crying.” He steps further in. “Is it Alden?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Just another breakdown.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know,” I nervously giggle, wiping my cheeks, “I’m not really a girl who cries. It’s true. However, it seems like I’m on some sort of emotional roller coaster.”
“May I ask why you’re upset now?”
“Have a seat.” I point at the end of my bed. “This is going to take a minute.”
He sits and I begin to tell him about my cancer. I hadn’t gone into details about it before with him. This time I tell him everything. I even tell him the story about the princess Mom had told me when I was a young girl. When I get to the part about Jack leaving, the tears fall faster.
“He left because of me. Mom and Alden had to pick up the slack, and it caused strain on everyone.” I wipe my face with the back of my hand. “Now seeing him, or the appending day of seeing him is bringing up the feelings again. I want him to know how much he hurt us and how he wasn’t man enough to be a father.”
“Oh, Amara.” He moves closer, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.
After the waterworks slow down, I tell him about today at lunch. I guess Alden and I are okay but not at the one hundred percent we were before.
“I don’t like seeing you upset,” he whispers.
“Like I said, just my daily breakdown.”
“I think you should tell your dad everything you told me. He needs to know the pain he caused. A real man doesn’t run out on his family. Especially from the situation you were in.”
“How was your dad? You know, with your mom.” He doesn’t talk much about her. I’m not sure if he’ll answer my question.
“He never missed an appointment. When they gave her a few months to live, he took a leave from work and never left her side.”
“How sweet.”
“He loved her.” I can see he doesn’t want to talk about her.
I cuddle closer to him. “Thanks for listening.”
“I’m always here for you. I promise.”
When I turn up toward his stunning face our lips are closer. Millimeters apart. I lick my lips and wait for him to make the move.
“I went to the grocery store. I’m getting tired of takeout.” He pulls away from me and stands. “Do you want to help me in the kitchen?”
“I should probably study.” I give my best fake smile. “Thanks for being a good friend.”
“Sure.” He quickly rushes away.
Now the question in my head is: how will I ever break down his wall? Had someone hurt him in the past? That must be it.