The Sidewinders left for a short road trip the following week to San Jose, Vancouver, and Colorado before heading home again. Vlad was finally in the line-up and he scored a goal in the game against San Jose. The following day, Coach Barnett rearranged the lines so Vlad was playing with Cody and Toli again, which was a relief. It was even better when he scored two goals against Vancouver.

By the time they headed home on Wednesday, he was feeling better about hockey, even though Rachel still wouldn’t take his calls and the mystery of Toli’s father still bothered him. He had to be proactive with Rachel, though, so he showed up for the optional practice in the morning and worked with the team for an hour before heading to the airport. He flew to L.A., rented a car and drove straight to Rachel’s house. He’d spoken to Ashleigh, who’d confirmed Rachel hadn’t changed the gate code or the locks, so he was fairly confident he would be able to see her. Ashleigh had also told her she had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon and Vlad was determined to go with her. She would argue, but deep down he didn’t think she was as brave as she wanted him to believe.

He drove through the gate and parked, wondering if he should knock or walk in. Technically, he didn’t live here anymore and she wasn’t taking his calls, so it was probably better to knock. He waited impatiently, listening to her slow steps in the hall as she moved to the door.

“You shouldn’t be here,” was all she said.

“Want to see the picture of me and my mother?” he asked, nearly snickering at the look of surprise on her face.

“Um, what?”

He held up a large envelope. “I have so much to show you.”

“Vlad, this is ridiculous. I told you I didn’t want to see you anymore.”

“You told me you didn’t trust me not to change my mind about having biological children; that’s not the same thing.”

“I have to go to the doctor,” she protested.

“Not for two more hours.” He wiggled the file. “And you know you want to see pictures of me playing hockey at eight years old.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Why are you doing this? You’re only delaying the inevitable and, frankly, that’s not fair to me.”

“If this is because of how I hurt you at the wedding, you’re right, I’ve been very unfair and I’ll do anything to fix it. If this is about you not being able to have children, you have to trust me. Do you remember telling me you trust me more than anyone in the world?”

She swallowed, her eyes puddling with tears before she hung her head. “That was then. Everything is different now. I’m different. I’m not complete anymore, Vlad.”

“Oh, baby.” He pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes as she burst into tears. “Come on.” Gently nudging her into the house, he shut the door behind them before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her to the couch. He set her on his lap and held her close, until her tears had soaked his shirt and her sobs turned into soft hiccoughs.

“I’m sorry.” She tried to move away but he held her firmly.

“Listen to me.” He gripped her chin between two fingers. “I’m not going anywhere. I know you’re going through a terrible time and what I did only makes everything worse, but from the moment we met, we had a connection. Life has thrown a bunch of obstacles in our way, but at the end of the day, I’m still me and you’re still you. We still belong together. You have to trust in what we built, even if we’re struggling with where we are now.”

“I don’t know how.” She sniffed.

“We’ll figure it out together.”

“I…” She didn’t seem to have any fight left in her and let her head fall onto his chest.

“No matter how long it takes, or what you need, I’ll be here. All you have to do is call and I’ll drop everything to get here—whether we’re on a road trip or at a game or anything.”

“You know you can’t do that.”

“If you truly need me? I can and I will. I lost you once, I won’t again.”

“What if it’s my choice?”

“It’s not.”

They sat without talking, his fingers stroking her silky hair, until she dozed against him. She was so much slimmer than before, he wondered if she’d been eating or if she was just depressed or reacting to her medication. He planned to be around enough to find out.

They got home from her appointment late, after getting caught in rush-hour traffic. He was supposed to be on the eight o’clock flight but wasn’t going to make it and he didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled out his phone and searched for an early-morning flight instead. It would make for a miserably long day tomorrow, but she was worth it.

“Did you miss your flight?” she asked knowingly, settling on the couch and laying back.

“It’s not a problem.”

“Vlad, you can’t do this.” She tried to sit up but couldn’t quite manage, so Vlad slid in beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“I’m going to ask for a leave of absence, a few weeks, so I can take care of you.”

“No. That’s ridiculous.” She was staring at him in horror.

“You’re taking a long time to get back on your feet. You need someone here with you.”

“I have a nurse and a housekeeper. I’m fine.”

“It’s been more than two weeks and you’re still having a hard time.”

She made a face. “Vlad, this isn’t your responsibility.”

“Yes, it is. I have to earn your trust again and in the meantime, I’ll be your friend, your nurse, your cook, whatever you need. I can’t leave until I know you’re okay. If you won’t forgive me for what I did as your fiancé, we’ll go back to being friends.”

She raised her eyes to him and smiled. “You’re wearing me down, but you can’t leave the team. They would want to know why and telling them about my cancer isn’t negotiable.”

“I would only have to tell Coach. He wouldn’t make a public announcement.”

She shook her head vehemently. “No.”

“Why? Having cancer isn’t something to be embarrassed about.”

“It’s none of anyone’s business.” She struggled to sit up, pushing at his hands as she got to her feet. “It’s my problem and if you tell anyone, I will definitely never forgive you. So go back to Vegas, back to the team, and do what you have to do. I can take care of myself.” With an arm clutching her abdomen, she moved towards her bedroom. A moment later, the door slammed.

Vlad stared after her, unsure what to do. While he wanted to stay and do anything and everything she asked, he wasn’t sure that was the best move. She wasn’t angry at him right now; she was angry at the world. He needed advice because he didn’t have a clue what was going on in her head. As soon as he figured out the best way to be there for her emotionally and talked to Coach Barnett about a leave of absence, he’d focus on helping her through whatever this was.

* * *

“A leave of absence?” Coach Barnett’s face turned red and Vlad watched the vein in his neck throb. “You’re kidding, right?”

He was willing to do anything to win Rachel back, but he wouldn’t insult his friend and coach by being cavalier about such a big request. He’d have to risk her wrath, because his coach might deck him otherwise. “Rachel has cancer. Recovery since the surgery has been difficult and she won’t let anyone help her because—”

“Wait, did you say cancer?” Coach Barnett sank into his chair shaking his head. “How is it you boys can’t stay out of trouble with women? This isn’t how we do things, but you guys repeatedly throw shit at me I have to look at as a human being instead of the head coach of a professional fucking hockey team.”

“I know. If you have to cut me from the team, I understand, but that’s a risk I have to take.”

“You’re twenty-three years old. What the hell else are you going to do if I send your sorry ass packing?”

“Go to college, play in Europe, I don’t know, but I have to be with her, take care of her. It’s not a cold or her fucking gallbladder—it’s cancer, and she’s struggling in every way you can imagine.”

Coach Barnett pointed a finger at him. “You have one week. The announcement we’ll make is that it’s a mild injury and we don’t want you making it worse this early in the season. Since everyone knows Rachel just had surgery, we’ll say you’re taking the down time to be with her. You’ve actually got nine days, because we’ll be on the road, but not a second more. When we get back from this trip, you’ll be the first one at practice and the last one to leave. You won’t miss a game, a practice, a morning skate—do you understand?”

Vlad could only nod. “Sir, I know you’re angry but—”

“I’m angry because you should’ve told me. We’re a family here and she’s one of us, too. We should’ve known something this serious was going on.”

“She didn’t want anyone to know. She told me I wasn’t even supposed to tell you, but I have too much respect for you to lie about this. I don’t know what to do for her—she thinks she’s not good enough for me now because she can’t have kids and I see the defeat in her eyes. She’s not talking to anyone other than Ashleigh and maybe Jamie sometimes. She even mentioned not going back to work. The disease isn’t killing her body but it’s killing her soul, and I refuse to sit back and let it happen.”

“Son, didn’t we just have a conversation about communication?”

“I know. I apologize but I didn’t know last time we talked, and then she threatened to cut all ties if I told anyone. I just couldn’t lie to you today, even though she’s the most important thing in the world to me.”

“You’re important to this team.”

“The team means a lot to me as well.” His dropped his voice. “The problem is, I can’t live without her, but I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t play for the Sidewinders, either.”

“What’s she doing right now?”

“What?”

“I mean, in general, what is she doing?”

“Hiding in her house, sleeping, not eating much… She’s a mess. That’s why I have to go.”

“Don’t go today—give her a day to regroup. Play tonight. It gives us the perfect opportunity for you to have a minor injury.”

Vlad nodded. “I feel like I should apologize again…”

“Nah. If my wife had cancer, well, I’d probably fuck it up, but you need to do better than me. My wife’s put up with a lot more than she should have over the years, so don’t repeat my mistakes. We pride ourselves on being a family-friendly organization and Mr. Finch would have my ass if he found out Rachel had cancer and you didn’t go. But since we can’t talk about it, we have to go with the injury scenario. You tell no one about this. I figure Brock will know since Ashleigh will be around in L.A., but make sure he understands, too. We can’t have people finding out what goes on behind the scenes.” He shook his head.

“I’ll talk to Brock, no problem. And thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now get out of here before I change my mind.”