CHAPTER TEN
Jacqueline
Thursday flew by quickly. I had a nonstop stream of patients, and by five o’clock, I was more than ready to go home and fall asleep. My body was sore, and my brain was exhausted. I loved my job, but it was hard when I didn’t get a single break throughout the day. Still, I was grateful for the distraction.
It had been almost a full week since I last saw Ryan. When I left that morning, I wasn’t thinking about anything but getting away. He didn’t deserve what I did, but I couldn’t help it. My entire body forced me out the door.
I thought about Ryan on and off all week. When I wasn’t busy, I relived that morning. I could still smell the sweat and old alcohol on his skin. Normally, that scent would have been enough to make me gag. With Ryan, though, it only served to ignite my desire.
His muscular body and strategically placed tattoos stayed burned in my mine, taunting me through the week. By the time Thursday arrived, I was more confused than ever.
In so many ways, Ryan was like family. My parents legally adopted him when we were just kids, but we didn’t grow up together. Not for long. When they kicked him out, he left without argument and never returned. I wanted to think of him as a brother, but it was impossible.
When I pictured his face, butterflies erupted in my stomach. Just the sight of his eyes locked on mine was enough to send chills cascading down my back. I couldn’t deny that I wanted him. Physically and emotionally, I wanted him. But what did that mean? How could I let myself feel such things for him?
As the clinic closed, I walked to the front desk to take my messages from Heidi. She was closing down her computer when I stepped around the corner.
“Hey, boss,” she said. “Messages are on your desk, but someone just called requesting a house call.”
“Really?” I groaned. “Okay, I’ll leave now. Can you lock up on your way out?”
Heidi nodded. “Of course.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Just text me the address.”
“Will do!” Heidi called as I walked out the front door.
House calls never bothered me. I felt that it was an important part of my job. Animals weren’t always well enough to travel, and it wasn’t right to move them simply for my convenience. Still, I’d been looking forward to a little sleep tonight.
I climbed behind my steering wheel just as Heidi texted me the address. I plugged it into my car’s navigation system without thinking and pulled out of the parking lot. As I drove through town, I realized how familiar these streets looked. When I turned into Ryan’s apartment complex, I let out a disbelieving groan. If only I had checked the address before, I would have realized it was Ryan’s apartment.
I parked and hurried to Ryan’s door, wondering what was wrong with Bob. Deep down, I worried Ryan only called to get me over here, but I refused to believe that. Despite the number of ignored phone calls over the last five days, I didn’t think Ryan would resort to something so drastic just to talk to me. There must have been something really wrong with Bob.
I knocked on his door and stood back, waiting for it to swing open. When it did, Ryan was grinning at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Seriously?” I snapped. “He’s not even sick?”
“Come inside,” Ryan said, turning to let me by.
“Where is he?” I demanded.
I looked around the room until my eyes fell on the grey blob that was Bob. He was curled up on Ryan’s couch with his eyes squeezed tightly closed. From where I stood by the front door, I could see that his breathing was normal and steady. I whirled around to face Ryan, anger bubbling inside me.
“You hungry?” Ryan asked, feigning innocence. “I made spaghetti.”
“Is this a joke to you?” I asked with exasperation. “This is my job, Ryan.”
“Which is how I knew you would come,” he said seriously. “You wouldn’t answer my phone calls, Jacqueline. I had to get you over here somehow.”
“No!” I said. “You didn’t. You could have respected the fact that I didn’t want to talk.”
“Come on,” Ryan said, rolling his eyes. “Just eat dinner with me. Please.”
My “no” was poised on the tip of my tongue, ready to fly out with venom. As I looked at Ryan’s pleading face, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. He seemed so sincere, standing in front of me with a vulnerable expression. It took a lot for him to trick me into coming over. He was showing just how much he cared, which wasn’t at all like him. I sighed and shrugged.
“Fine,” I said. “But only because I’m hungry and spaghetti sounds amazing.”
“Sit down,” Ryan said with a grin. “I’ll get you a plate.”
Looking across the room, I saw a small kitchen table was set up. I smiled to myself and walked over, sitting down slowly and eying the flowers in the center of the table.
“When did you buy this?” I asked, tapping the table with my nails.
“Monday,” Ryan said. “Bradley came by and insisted I do some shopping. He dragged me all over town. He even made me buy curtains.”
I laughed and looked at the windows. Sure enough, there were navy-blue curtains hanging from brand-new curtain rods.
“Bradley’s good like that,” I said as Ryan laid a plate of spaghetti in front of me.
He handed me a fork and then pulled up his own chair.
“He’s annoying,” Ryan said with a small laugh. “He can be such a girl sometimes.”
“Having good taste does not make him a girl,” I said sternly. “You’re just jealous that he has a better eye for home décor than you do.”
“Oh yeah,” Ryan said, laughing. “That’s right. My secret desire is to become a metrosexual just like your brother.”
I laughed. “Stop it.” I took a bite of the spaghetti. It wasn’t bad.
“He’s been bugging me about your parents,” Ryan admitted softly. When I looked at him, he didn’t meet my gaze. His eyes were focused on his plate, but he wasn’t eating.
“What about them?” I asked.
“He wants me to see them,” Ryan said. “He thinks I should go by the house. Just drop by like it’s nothing.”
His laugh was dark and brought an uneasy feeling to my stomach. As I watched him, he ate his spaghetti and fell silent. I knew how hard it was for him to talk about my parents. They hadn’t been fair to him, but I could tell he missed them. It was written all over his face.
“Maybe it’s not such a bad idea,” I said, keeping my voice soft, so as not to upset him. “Bradley’s right. It might be good for you.”
“How?” he said, finally looking at me. “Don’t you remember what happened that night? They’ll never forgive me for—”
“They will,” I interrupted quickly. I didn’t think I could handle reliving that horrible night all over again. “I’m pretty sure they already have. They’ll never admit that to me, but it’s true.”
“I don’t believe that,” Ryan said. His voice was firm, but there was hope in his eyes. “Besides, it’s too late. It’s been too long.”
“It’s never too late when it comes to family,” I said.
“Now you sound like Bradley,” Ryan said, laughing.
I shrugged. “Well, he is my brother.”
“And me?” Ryan asked, his eyes locked on mine. “What am I?”
“I don’t know,” I said, sighing. “Ryan, this is all just too complicated.”
He nodded. “I know. Is that why you left so fast?”
“I had to,” I said. “I’m sorry. I should’ve explained myself, but I just freaked out.”
“I understand,” he said. “But you don’t have to be. We can keep things strictly platonic. If that’s what you want.”
“I don’t know what I want,” I admitted, my eyes flickering down to my plate and then back up to his face.
We stared at each other for a few seconds, both remembering what it felt like to be together. Our bodies fit so perfectly together. I’d never had such a connection during a sexual experience before. If I was honest, I knew I wanted him. I wanted to feel that way again, but I couldn’t admit that. Not now. Not yet.
“Stay the night,” Ryan said, his voice low and rough. “We can just sleep.”
“I can’t,” I said. “Ryan, I just can’t.”
“Okay.” He nodded, accepting my answer. The fact that he didn’t argue made my resolve weaken. Ryan so often argued, pushing me further than anyone else could. To see him just blindly accept my rejection was heart-wrenching and told me just how much he truly cared for me.
“But,” I said, clearing my throat. “Maybe we can have dinner. Tomorrow night?”
“Sure,” Ryan said, smiling. “Sounds great.”