CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ryan
I went to bed early Friday night. It was barely dusk, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to stay up any longer. My body felt weak, but I wasn’t tired. My exhaustion was purely emotional. After I agreed to dinner at the Keeton’s, I immediately regretted it. No matter how much Jacqueline tried to reassure me, it didn’t help. I was terrified to face them again after all these years. What would they say? How would they act? Would they finally apologize for how they treated me? Or would they expect me to apologize to them?
These questions and more whirled through my mind as I stared at my ceiling. My eyes roamed over the cracks in the paint, but I barely saw them. I couldn’t think of anything but dinner the following night. Over the past two days, I went through a million possibilities. I pictured them greeting me with joy, then with anger. I imagined them hugging me, then slamming the door in my face. I didn’t know what to expect, but that didn’t stop my brain from working on overdrive.
No matter what happened at dinner, I was sure it would be a mistake to go. When Bradley first mentioned it, I was prepared to argue all day if I had to. I refused to go. He could bug me about it for hours, but I wouldn’t give in. Then Jacqueline spoke.
The second she took Bradley’s side, it was over. I couldn’t say no to her. Arguing with Bradley was easy, but Jacqueline? She knew me in ways Bradley never could. She could convey her opinions while still remaining supportive of my plight. It’s what made her so amazing, but also what made it impossible for me to say no.
Part of me hated her for it. How dare she use our relationship like this? How dare she take her brother’s side over mine? After everything we’d been through lately, I expected her to understand why I couldn’t face her parents. Plus, she was there that night. She knew exactly why they kicked me out, and she knew it wasn’t my fault. How could she expect me to put everything in the past and just move on? Why would she even ask me for something so ridiculous?
My anger never lasted long. Deep down, I knew Jacqueline only wanted the best for me. She truly believed this dinner would help me heal. All she wanted was to see me let go of my pain. Her heart was giant and full of love. She cared for me so much, but part of me wished she wouldn’t. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t push me to go to dinner, and I wouldn’t be in this situation. I wouldn’t be lying in my bed, staring at the cracks in my ceiling, seriously thinking about running away.
As I laid there, I heard my front door swing open. I knew it was Jacqueline by the sound of her footsteps. The door swung closed, and seconds later, she appeared in my doorway. Her smile was gorgeous as she walked over to me. Whatever anger I still felt toward her disappeared in an instant.
“Hey, you,” she said softy, crawling on the bed beside me. “What are you doing in here?”
“Well, Bob was hanging out with me earlier,” I said. “He actually let me pet him for about a minute. Then he ran, and I just stayed here. I’ve been here ever since.”
“Really?” she asked. “What’s wrong?”
“Who said anything is wrong?” I asked.
“I can tell,” she said, resting her head on my chest.
I brushed her hair back to kiss her forehead, wrapping my arm around her. It felt nice to just lie here with her. Jacqueline’s presence could make any situation a little bit better.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just wanted to lay here for a while.”
“Are you thinking about tomorrow night?” she asked softly.
“Yes,” I admitted. “But we don’t need to talk about it.”
“Why not?” she asked, sitting up to look me in the eye.
“It’s not important,” I said. “I’m going. That’s what you wanted, right?”
Jacqueline sighed and shook her head. She reached for my arms and pulled me up so I was sitting across from her. We faced each other, and she stroked my cheek with her fingertips. Her eyes were soft, kind, and full of love. Just looking at them made my heart melt.
“I want you to be happy,” she said firmly. “Ryan, we never talk about them, but I know how much they hurt you.”
“Exactly,” I said. “So, why face them? Why put myself through that?”
“So you can heal,” she said. “It’s not healthy to hold onto things like this.”
“Like they haven’t been doing the exactly same thing,” I snapped. “It’s not like they’ve reached out to me either.”
“Didn’t they invite you to the homecoming party?” Jacqueline asked.
“Yeah,” I scoffed. “Through Bradley. They didn’t even call me themselves.”
“They’re stubborn,” Jacqueline defended.
“So, am I,” I argued.
“Listen,” Jacqueline said, taking my hands in hers. “I’m going to be there, okay? I’ll be right beside you the entire night. You aren’t doing this alone, Ryan. I’ll be there.”
I sighed. “I know, but still, I just don’t know if I can.”
“It’ll be okay,” Jacqueline promised. She squeezed my hands.
“I’ve been through so much,” I whispered, staring down at our interlocked fingers. “Things that you don’t know about. Jacqueline, I’ve killed people. More people than I can count, and I’m just not the same person I was back then. Bradley was right. I’ve changed, but they don’t know that. When they look at me, they’re only going to see the kid I was. They won’t see me for the man I am now.”
“Then we’ll make them see you,” Jacqueline said.
“How?” I asked weakly.
“I don’t know,” Jacqueline admitted. “All I know is that I’ll be there. That’s the only thing I can promise. I just hope it’s enough.”
“It is,” I said. “I wouldn’t have agreed to this if it wasn’t for you.”
She smiled. “I know. I feel a little guilty about that.”
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “I could have said no. You just … you have a way of talking me into things.”
“I do?” she asked, raising her eyebrows playfully.
“You do.”
“Hmm,” she cooed, leaning forward to kiss me. Her lips were soft against mine. She kissed me deeply, sighing against my lips.
“Should we tell them?” I asked when we pulled apart. “About us?”
Jacqueline’s face changed in an instant. One second, she was playful and flirtatious. The next, she looked scared.
“No,” she said. “Not now. Not the first time you’re seeing each other after all these years.”
“Are you sure that’s smart?” I asked. “I mean, what if they—”
“They won’t,” she interrupted quickly. “There’s no way they’ll find out anything.”
Jacqueline’s words were meant to reassure me, but they only served to upset me. She seemed almost too determined not to tell them about our relationship. I worried she was ashamed of me, of us.
I lowered my face, staring at our hands again. Jacqueline sighed and moved forward. She crawled partially in my lap and turned my face up to meet her gaze. When I did, she smiled and kissed me softly.
“We should wait,” she said, pulling back. “It’s not because I don’t want them to know, okay? It’s not. I just think, tomorrow night is going to be tense already. We don’t need to add any more to the mix.”
“Okay,” I said. Her words didn’t make me feel better, but when she kissed me again, I melted.
I knew she was only kissing me to distract me from my fears and concerns. When she laid me down and climbed on top of me, I tried to stop things. She was only doing this to make me feel better. That was all. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to pull away from her. The deeper she kissed me, the harder I fell. Soon I couldn’t remember what I’d been upset about in the first place.
Jacqueline’s body pressed against mine, and her lips worked furiously. She kissed me again and again, sliding her tongue in my mouth with ease. I groaned and held her tightly, running my hands over her hips. As I grew hard in my pants, I couldn’t resist her for another second. I rolled her over onto her back and pinned her down, attacking her neck with my tongue.
I kissed, licked, and nibbled the sensitive skin on her neck. She writhed beneath me, wrapping her legs around my waist and thrusting her hips upward. When I moved to slide my hand under her shirt, I lost myself in the feel of her naked skin. All thoughts of dinner flew freely from my mind.