Chapter 10
Emma
I woke up the next morning feeling wonderful. I felt the light filter onto my eyelids and felt a warm arm, holding me tight. I lay there for a few moments, just thinking about the previous night and savoring the wonderful memories of all that had happened.
I moved, or I must have, because slowly I heard the sound of Alex’s breathing change. Where it had been deep and slow, it became almost silent.
Then, as I moved back a little more, his hand clenched, drawing me closer still. I sighed and nestled closer.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning,” I said.
We lay still, his hand on my chest, my buttocks pressed against him. He kissed my hair and I felt my heart grow warm.
“Good day,” I repeated, rolling over and kissing his mouth. His hand strayed to my breast, tightening there. I flushed, remembering all the things we had done. And wanting to do more.
I wriggled back, letting my buttocks press against him. He gave a low laugh.
“I want you,” he whispered in my ear. I shuddered, feeling my skin prickle with wanting.
“I want you,” I said.
“Good.”
He slid in from behind me and I gasped, amazed by how totally different it felt from that angle. As his body penetrated me, deep and full, I moved back, pushing against him. His arms wrapped around me and drew me into his thrusting.
When we had finished, we lay together and watched the sun rise.
He moved around from where he lay behind me, sitting and leaning to kiss me. I changed position so we faced each other. I looked up into his eyes, amazed at how he looked at me. We both smiled.
“I need to go now,” he said, and he sounded rueful.
“Why?”
“I have an early morning flight to catch,” he sighed.
I had forgotten. I reached up, stroked his chest. “Be safe?”
He smiled. “I’m coming back here, no matter what.”
I laughed, but his words did make me feel suddenly uneasy. He must have noticed, because he stroked my hair, kissing me.
“I want you to be safe too,” he said gently. He frowned, then, and I noticed a faraway look.
“What?”
“Nothing. Doesn’t matter,” he said, mouth in a self-mocking smile. “Just me being silly.”
I smiled. “Alexander,” I said, using his full name and making my voice sound its bossiest, “there is absolutely no way you’re silly.”
He laughed, tipping his head back. I smiled. He was so handsome.
When he looked at me, he leaned down and very tenderly kissed my brow. “I’ll come back soon.”
“Good.”
I laughed as he, sliding off the bed, finished, “I will come back very soon.”
I rolled onto my tummy, listening as he padded into the shower. I lay there, lost in a drowsy paradise.
When he came out, his stunning body still slightly damp, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair dripping, I couldn’t help grinning.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Somehow I knew that I had never before felt anything so wonderful. He was smiling at me, and I smiled back and my chest was full of a lovely light feeling.
He dressed quickly, and came back to my bedside looking at once relaxed and debonair in a way that only he could.
“Well then,” he said, bending to kiss me on the lips. “I should go. Stay safe.”
“You too,” I whispered.
He looked at me levelly, kissed me and walked slowly out of the room. He didn’t look back though at the door I saw him hesitate as if reluctant to open it and that sent a rush of pleasure through me.
I lay there, wrapped in a kind of haze of joy. I wrapped my arms around myself.
Then, sighing, I slid off the lovely, slippery bed and stood on the carpet.
I looked around the room, checking the floor to see where we had discarded my things. They didn’t seem to be around. A moment later and some walking around the room I found them: he had folded them and placed them on the plush chair by the window.
I felt a sense of being cared for. He was like that. So thoughtful, I thought, as I dressed. I looked around the room, amazed again by how beautiful it was, how classic.
When I was dressed, I drifted down the hallway to my room with a sense of wonder. I entered the place, collapsing onto the bed with a weary joy.
When I sat up, I remembered I had no idea what the time was. I checked. It was seven am.
Time to rest for a while before I went downstairs to the dining-room for the kids to have breakfast. That would be good.
I did have a shower, washed my hair and then slid into bed. I knew I wouldn’t sleep, for I was far too awake for that by now, but I didn’t want to start the day just yet. I wanted my memories to cling around me, sustaining me.
At ten to eight I dressed and went down to wait for the kids to arrive.
They came in subdued.
“Emma?” Camille asked it first, staring at me.
“What?” I felt myself flush. How could the kids possibly know? I dismissed the idea instantly. It was way past their bedtime when it happened.
“You’re still with us!” Jack sounded at once happy and unsure. I frowned.
“Yes, why?”
“Hooray!”
Camille launched herself at me, hugging my knees. They both seemed elated and I felt wonderful. Jack came to join us with more decorum and we all hugged together in the dining-room.
“Breakfast is ready.”
We all turned to look at the door, Paula there with her apron on, a scent of things cooking wafting in from behind her.
The kids looked up at me, smiling, then ran toward her.
“Goody!”
“I’m starving!”
I chuckled as they took their place at the table. While they ate—and amazed me with their excellent table manners, as usual—we discussed their fears.
“We thought you’d gone.”
“Daddy was shouting!”
I sighed. They had at least heard that much of what happened. I laid my fork beside my plate and explained.
“Daddy and I disagreed about something. But he wanted me to stay. I stayed.”
“Whee!” Camilla shouted.
Jack smiled. “So you’re here for a long time?”
“A month,” I said. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I didn’t want to make any forecast about what would happen. At that moment, I didn’t want to think about that. All I wanted was to sit here, in a room that smelled of breakfast and remember loving.
The children chatted as they ate and drank and the sound of their voices mixed with the clink of cutlery and china as they did so. I looked out of the window, feeling wonderful.
At length, they had finished their breakfast. School was starting soon, apparently. I hadn’t mentioned that fact, but Jack had raised the topic. Contrary to my expectations, he was excited: I was sure Alexander had picked the school well.
While we played that day, I couldn’t help my thoughts straying to Alexander. I wondered what he was doing, where he was. If he was okay. I surprised myself by how I cared for him even now.
The days passed, slowly. I got into an easy routine with the kids and before I knew it, it was Friday. Only a week until he came back, then. My heart fluttered when I thought of it.
Later, I sat in the dining-room with coffee and my phone, waiting for the kids to finish their lessons. I heard running feet, and Jack exploded into the room.
“Emma!”
I stared at him. It was so unlike calm, composed Jack to make a fuss about anything. What was happening?
He was followed by Cammi and the evening post. I frowned, wondering where they had got it.
“Emma!” Jack was saying, excitedly. “You should have told us!”
I frowned at him where he stood, looking elated and reproachful at once. “I don’t think I had anything to tell you…” I began cautiously. Then they put the newspaper on the table and my heart stopped.
On the back page, close to the gossip column, was me. At least, it was clear it was me if you knew me. The photo showed a woman sitting with Alexander in the park, laughing, their hands touching.
The caption said: “Billionaire’s new love.”
I shook my head, not understanding. The kids were both grinning at me and Cammi was trying to sit on my knee.
“So you are going to marry our daddy? Why you said you weren’t?”
I looked down into those beautiful blue eyes and felt my heart clench. How could anyone refuse the wish of such a sweet girl? But, at the same time, how could I do anything else?
Jack looked at me, his eyes asking questions.
“What does it mean?” he asked me levelly. I could only pat his shoulder.
“I don’t know.”
The picture was clearly from our time in the park. I had no idea we were watched, and I was fairly certain that Alexander didn’t either. He wasn’t the kind of person to let the press get hold of anything until he had made up his mind about it first. My first instinct told me he would be really mad at me for it. I had the urge to try and make it disappear, pray that he hadn’t ever seen it and it would all go away. But I knew I couldn’t.
Jack looked at me and he must have seen how worried I was, because he reached a hand out and covered mine with it. His small hand barely covered mine, but the gesture moved me to crying.
I blinked rapidly, trying to think of something that would reassure them. I could only think of one thing.
“We should find out what Daddy thinks about this. I’m sure it’s a mistake.”
Cammi stared at me, her big pale eyes shiny with sudden tears. I suddenly felt like a murderer. I had stood up, but I sat back down again. I lifted her to sit on my knee. I stroked her hair. Hell, I sometimes felt like I was her mother. It was ridiculous.
“Cammi, sweetheart,” I said gently. “I think newspapers don’t always say real things. I haven’t talked to your daddy about anything…like that.” Well, that part was true. “I need to talk to him first.”
I bit my lip, feeling a grim nervousness grip me. The thought of what Alexander would say if he knew the press had gotten a picture of us together was scaring me.
“But…” Cammi was frowning at me.
At that moment, Jack put a gentle hand on her. She looked up at him trustingly. “Yes?”
“Cammi, I think we should let Emma call Daddy. She needs to chat to him first.”
I threw him a grateful look and put my hand on his shoulder. Hell, if I had a son it would be wonderful to have a son like him. I shook my head vigorously. That isn’t possible. Alexander was not going to marry me…why would he?
Jack smiled at me and I patted his soft hair. “Thanks.”
“It’s nothing,” he said shyly.
“But, if Daddy is in the paper with Emma, and it says “Billionaire’s love”, then doesn’t that mean they’re going to get married?” Cammi was asking Jack as he led her away. I didn’t hear the answer, but I trusted Jack to say something sensible. It was amazing how I already did trust him.
When they had gone, I collapsed on the desk. My head on my arms, I lay there, wishing I could disappear.
What is he going to say?
It came to me that it wasn’t all my fault. That we had both done that together. It wasn’t just me in the article after all! But I wasn’t sure if Alexander would see it that way. There was no reason for him not to blame me and my memories of my ex and his injustice was with me.
I might as well get it over with, I decided.
I stood, feeling surprisingly shaky, and walked to the door. I headed upstairs to my room. Sitting on the bed, feeling as like a condemned prisoner, I punched his number into my phone.
“Alexander?”
“I know,” he said quietly. “Emma, are you okay?”
I almost dropped the phone in shock. “Am I okay?” I laughed a little hysterically—relief did that to a person. “Why would I not be okay?”
I heard him breathe a sigh. He sounded as relieved as I was, which was ridiculous. “Good,” he sighed. “Well then.”
“Well?” I frowned deeply.
“Well then,” he said, and he laughed lightly. “What can we do about it?”
“I was thinking maybe we could call the press, and…” I started bravely. I had it all planned out. He could make a statement and make insinuations about legal action, and they would do something to change things.
He was laughing, and he cut across me. “I didn’t mean that,” he said quietly. “It’s novel to be in tabloids again…let them talk.”
I actually dropped the phone. Luckily, it landed on my pillow and didn’t drop the connection. “What?” I said, picking it up again.
“Leave it,” he repeated, laughing again. “What about us?”
“Us?” I felt a delightful feeling spread through me, a slow tingle from my womb to my chest that felt as if it glowed.
“Well,” he said carefully, “since the whole state knows now, we can at least stop pretending it’s fake news.”
I laughed. He sounded so happy and I was happy too. “Okay,” I said.
“Well, I still don’t know about being too public,” he said, sounding suddenly cautious. “As it is, they can’t really see your face on that picture, and…”
I felt a stab of disappointment. Which was silly, since a minute or two before I had thought he’d be furious for anyone to know about us, and now I was sad because he wasn’t offering to take me to the Oscars with him. I laughed a little sadly.
“I know,” I said, trying to conceal how his words had upset me. Of course he didn’t really want people to see me. I was the nanny! He was embarrassed of me.
“I’m sorry.”
That surprised me. He was so thoughtful, considering my feelings. “No!” I said, laughing, though I admit it was a trifle tense. “You mustn’t apologize to me. It’s fine.”
“I don’t like hiding things,” he said quietly.
I felt the wonderful, sunny glow returning. “I know,” I said again, my voice low.
“I don’t think you do,” he said sadly. “But thank you.”
“Thank you?”
“For understanding. For accepting me.”
I really was sure that if I had any more shocks I would suffer permanent damage. But the man kept on being unexpected. “I, accept you?”
“Yes,” he said, and I could hear laughter in his voice.
“Alexander!”
He chuckled. “You know what I mean. I’m full of my nonsense sometimes.”
I laughed. “Maybe. But I like it.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you,” I repeated. I was about to hang up, when I remembered something.
“The kids…” I said, trailing off.
“What about them?” Alexander asked, voice suddenly strained. I instantly regretted worrying him. I knew how he feared something happening to them.
“They’re fine,” I said quietly. “It’s the fact that they saw…well, that.”
He was silent for a moment. “Oh. They did?”
“Yes.”
He sounded tense. “How did they react?”
“Well, quite positively,” I said tentatively. I wasn’t sure how much to tell him. I didn’t want him any more stressed.
“Oh,” he said, sounding surprised for a change. “Well. Then. That’s not too bad.”
“Well,” I hesitated. “Maybe not.”
He laughed. “If they weren’t shocked, or mad at me, then that’s fine.”
“What?”
“Well, they might not be pleased with me showing affection to you. Jealous of my attention or, more likely, jealous of yours for me.”
I laughed. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“Good,” he said firmly. “Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “I should be at a meeting.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling bad for keeping him occupied. “I should head off.”
“I don’t want you to,” he said gently. I felt the words move through my body, making my heart beat faster.
“That’s good.”
He chuckled. “Good day.”
“You too.”
When he left, I sat there feeling dazed. I knew I should move, go and find the kids, ask Paula what was for dinner. Do normal things. But I felt as if all my strength had been sucked away, and left me with a sweet, floating wonder in its place.