CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ryan
We pulled up to the Keetons’ house, and I cut the engine. Suddenly Jacqueline and I were thrown into a deafening silence that overwhelmed me. I managed to distract myself the entire drive down.
Jacqueline and I talked about everything: the sex last night, her clinic, my career aspirations, everything. She never let silence fall, knowing I needed the comfort of her voice to keep me driving. As we sat in the driveway, all that comfort disappeared, and I was left trembling with fear.
“You can do this,” Jacqueline said softly, leaning over to kiss my cheek.
I looked at her. She was smiling an encouraging smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. There was something else hidden there, something she didn’t want me to see. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought she was just as afraid as me.
That didn’t make sense, though. This was her parents’ house. If anything, this was the place where she could truly relax and be herself. Me? This place was a living reminder of the worst time in my life.
“I don’t know if I can,” I admitted.
“Hey,” she said, taking my face between her hands. “I’m right here. Everything will be fine.”
She kissed me swiftly, pulling away a split second after our lips touched. With a glance at the house, she coughed nervously. I knew she was afraid someone might see us, but there was no one in sight. We sat in the truck for a few more minutes while I worked up the nerve to get out. To her credit, Jacqueline never once rushed me. She simply sat beside me, waiting until I was ready.
When Bradley’s car pulled up behind us, we both jumped in our seats. Twisting around, we saw him climb out of the car and walk over to us. He stopped beside my window and tapped on it impatiently.
“What are you doing?” he asked when I rolled down the window.
“Just,” I began, but I didn’t know what to say.
“He needs a minute,” Jacqueline explained.
“Come on,” Bradley said. He opened my door without hesitation. “Rip off the Band-Aid, man.”
I sighed and finally unbuckled my seatbelt. Bradley was right. Sitting here wasn’t doing anything but making my nerves worse. The longer I dwelled on what could happen, the worse things would be. I just needed to get inside and get this entire night over with.
“We’re here for you,” Jacqueline reminded me softly as the three of us walked to the front door. “Both of us. We have your back, right Bradley?”
“Of course,” Bradley said, his hand on the doorknob. “You ready?”
“No,” I said.
Bradley smiled and twisted the knob, stepping inside without knocking.
“Hello!” he called. “We’re here!”
“Oh!” a voice cried out from the kitchen. I recognized it immediately. When she came running around the corner, my heart stopped. “You’re here!”
Mrs. Keeton hugged both Bradley and Jacqueline, her eyes traveling briefly over my face. When she looked at me, I could tell she was nervous too. I tried to speak, but my throat felt tight. Instead, I just stood awkwardly between Bradley and Jacqueline.
“Hi, Mom,” Jacqueline said, glancing at me pointedly.
“I’m so glad you could make it!” Mrs. Keeton gushed. She looked at me and added, “All of you.”
“Thank you for inviting me,” I mumbled.
She smiled and led the way into the kitchen. Mr. Keeton was standing over the stove. He stopped cooking long enough to shake Bradley’s hand and hug Jacqueline. He turned to me and stared for a few second, not bothering to be discreet.
“Ryan,” he finally said. “You came.”
“I did.”
“Well,” he said. “Dinner’s about ready. Why don’t you kids go ahead and sit down?”
“Sure,” Bradley said. He slapped me on the back, and we walked over to the table.
“Not so bad,” Jacqueline whispered.
“I think it’s going well,” Bradley added.
“Are you going to keep up a running commentary all night?” I asked.
“Just here for you, man,” Bradley said.
I managed and smile and sunk into a chair.
Being back in this house felt more than strange. Bradley, Jacqueline, and I all moved automatically to the seats that used to be ours. These were the same seats we sat in every night while I lived here. I looked around, taking in the pictures on the walls and the décor around us. Mrs. Keeton hadn’t changed much, but the pictures were new.
Bradley smiled out from behind the glass, wearing his navy uniform. In a couple, he wore his graduation cap and gown. I smiled as my eyes fell on the photos of Jacqueline’s graduation. She looked young, beautiful, and excited. I found myself wishing I’d been there.
The only thing missing were pictures of me. When I lived here, Mrs. Keeton made sure to keep photos of me spread throughout the house. It always made me feel special, like I was a true member of the family. Now I was nowhere to be found. Not a single picture of me hung on the wall. I wondered if they’d thrown them all away or hid them in a box somewhere, buried deep beneath a bed.
Dinner began and the conversation moved along easily. Mr. Keeton raved about Bradley and how well he was doing here. Mrs. Keeton asked Jacqueline pointed questions about the clinic and her love life. It was a typical family dinner, and, at times, they even included me in the conversation.
“So,” Mr. Keeton said. “Ryan, what are you doing in Richmond? For work, I mean.”
“Nothing right now,” I admitted. “I’ve just been adjusting to civilian life.”
“And you can afford that?” he asked.
I swallowed hard. “Yes, I have quite a bit saved up from my time in the navy.”
“Ryan was insane about saving,” Bradley said, laughing. “The rest of us were out blowing everything on booze while he pinched every penny.”
“That’s smart,” Mrs. Keeton said.
“I’ll be okay for a while longer,” I said. “I’m thinking about working as a mechanic. I’ve always loved cars.”
“With your military experience?” Mr. Keeton asked. “Don’t you think you could get something better?”
“Probably,” I admitted. “But it would make me happy and—”
“I see,” Mr. Keeton interrupted.
He exchanged a meaningful look with his wife. My stomach clenched painfully, and I looked to Jacqueline for support. She nodded encouragingly to tell me I was doing fine.
“Listen,” I said softly. “I know it’s been a long time since we were all in the same place. Years. But I just wanted to say I’m really glad you invited me over tonight. I know things aren’t the same, but it’s nice to see you again. No matter what happened in the past, I really am happy to be here.”
When I finished talking, my hands were shaking in my lap. I looked from Jacqueline to Bradley to see that they were both smiling. It seemed they thought my speech was good. Their parents, on the other hand, looked more uncomfortable than ever. I wanted patiently for them to speak.
“If you would just apologize for what you did,” Mrs. Keeton said with an edge in her voice. “Then we could forgive you. That’s all we’ve ever wanted, for you to finally admit what you did and apologize.”
The room froze. Both Jacqueline and Bradley stared at their mother in shock. Neither of them could believe what she just said. I wasn’t surprised. This is exactly what I’d been expecting and exactly why I didn’t want to come.
“Apologize?” I asked weakly. “You want me to apologize?”
“You don’t think you should?” Mr. Keeton scoffed. “Clearly, you haven’t changed.”
“You abandoned me!” I snapped. “You took me in, told me I was family, and then you just threw me to the wolves!”
“You deserved it!” Mr. Keeton yelled. “Don’t sit here and blame us for your screw-ups, Ryan. We did everything for you! We gave you a chance, and you threw it back in our faces. How dare you insinuate that this is our fault!”
“You kicked me out,” I reminded him. “Remember? Tell me, if Bradley screwed up, would you have kicked him out? If he did exactly what I did, what would you have done?”
“That’s not the point,” Mr. Keeton argued evasively.
“It is the point,” I snapped. “You said I was your son, but you didn’t treat me like one. I made a mistake, and you just gave up one me. That’s not what parents are supposed to do.”
“Enough,” Mrs. Keeton said, glaring at me from across the table. “You’re still just as ungrateful as ever. We loved you! We cared for you! And you did nothing to repay us.”
“You threw me out!” I screamed.
I couldn’t believe they were acting like this was my fault. They sat there on their high horses, looking down on me like something nasty they stepped in. In that moment, I never hated them more.
“Stop,” Jacqueline said loudly. “Just stop it. This is not why we came here tonight.”
“He shouldn’t have come,” Mr. Keeton said. “He was only invited because your brother insisted we try.”
With that, I was done. I leapt up from the table and stormed out of the room.