“Fuck, I wish I was sorry for walking in on you like that, but I’m not.”
I gasped and jumped up at the deep voice. I had barely unpacked and tried on the first set of undergarments from one of the dozens of shopping bags Mary had brought this morning. The new fitted lace black bra and panties that didn’t leave much to the imagination, were nothing like what I had worn before, but maybe that was because both my hip bones and collar bones stuck out. The only nice feature on my body was that small bump I was beginning to notice. When I recalled my pregnancy with Mikey, I’d been showing much more at three months than I was now.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Xavier said, as I tried to cover myself. Except there was nothing nearby that I could use to do so.
“It’s all right. It’s your home. I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow.”
“Plans changed. I’m glad to hear you decided to stay. Jack has a way of making people do what he wants.”
“And do you?”
“Usually.”
I had a feeling that he could make people dig their own graves with a smile.
“You look… breathtaking.” He stepped closer, and I moved to the left, reaching for the new silk robe Mary had brought and quickly slipped my arms into it, pulling together the tie at the front.
When I looked back at Xavier, my stomach twirled in a funny way. It had been some time since anyone had complimented me or looked at me the way Xavier was. I couldn’t figure out that strange feeling in my chest, but then again, I still had a difficult time believing that out of all the people I could have bumped into, I’d found Xavier.
“Thank you,” I said.
During the past two days, while I was staying in his penthouse apartment, Mary showered me with gifts, clothes, and tiny baby outfits, all in pale yellows and greens since I didn’t want to find out the baby’s gender before its birth. Yeah, in forty-eight hours, Mary had definitely gotten as much information out of me as she could.
“I would have cleaned the place up a little if I knew you were coming,” I added.
“It’s just a few shopping bags. Was Mary here?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that explains it. How are you feeling?”
“Like an intruder.”
“You’re hardly an intruder. We already know each other. It only makes sense that I reciprocate the gesture of a good host.”
“All I did was take you to a mobster’s motel. That’s not exactly being a good host.”
“Come on. Pace was… interesting.” Xavier sat on a chair by the coffee table, a few feet to the right. I pulled out a chair by the dining table and took a seat as well.
“I thought you were dead,” I said.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. The next day…” I paused, remembering how Ben had coerced John and me into playing his stupid chess game for information about Xavier, and John lost on purpose. So much happened that day: our engagement at the Fiesta, and then Ben breaking in afterward…
“What happened the next day, Anna?” Xavier brought my attention back to him just as I felt a tear slip out of my eye. Feeling my throat tingle near the very back, I quickly wiped it away and shook my head at the memory. “That child you’re carrying – please don’t tell me it’s Ben’s.”
“No, it’s John’s. We’re engaged now.”
Though I didn’t have my ring anymore, it didn’t matter. We were still together and always would be.
Xavier let out a breath of relief. “Thank God. Ben doesn’t deserve to have children.”
I knew Xavier would get me. I was right to keep Mikey a secret, and thinking back to how John had questioned the choice hurt me.
“No, he doesn’t.” And now he had no chance of getting Mikey because my baby was dead. My heart ached. The wound of his death was still fresh. Bracing my elbows on the table I lowered my head to my hands.
“Anna, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what I said, but I’m sorry. I don’t like seeing you sad.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just been a very stressful few months.”
He was sitting beside me now, uncoiling my twined fingers and forcing me to look at him from underneath my soaked lashes.
“How did you end up here? What happened?” he asked. “Wait, don’t answer. The time will come when you’re ready, and we can talk about it then. Right now, we’re going out.”
“What? Oh, no, I can’t go out.”
“Yes, I know you’re in hiding, but Ben’s not looking for you in Manhattan.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know. Get dressed. There’s somewhere I want to take you.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes. I’m not letting you go, Anna. Not this time.”
I wanted to pretend that his words reflected his need to protect me, but they meant so much more. And the way Xavier was looking at me didn’t remind me anything of the way Jack or John had. It was more intimate. Xavier scanned my body from the bottom up and then back down again, and I heated. He looked… hungry. For me.
“Excuse my bluntness, though some may argue the fact: it’s been a while since I’ve had a woman here.”
“That’s not what the drawer full of panties implies.”
When his brow rose, I explained. “I may have opened a drawer looking for shorts before Mary brought in more bags.”
“You were going to wear my shorts?”
“It was either that or your underwear.”
The sound of Xavier’s chuckle made my heart pump faster. He was like an aphrodisiac. Once you looked at him, you fell under the spell of his trance. His eyes captivated me. I liked him. I really, really liked him, and I felt guilty about it.
“Xavier, I appreciate you letting me stay here, but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”
“I won’t deny how attractive I find you, Anna, but I also respect you and John.”
But he’d never met John.
“Thank you. You really think I could actually stay here? I’ll look for a job and a place of my own, of course, but I have to admit, it would be nice starting a new life knowing that I have a friend.”
“Yeah, you can definitely stay. Wait – you’re planning to have this baby here?”
“Not here here. Probably near here, once I find a job and an apartment. Why?”
“What about John?”
“It’s complicated. I can’t go back to Pace.”
“What happened? What did Ben do?”
I bit my lip. Maybe Xavier would understand. “I… I burned down Ben’s house.”
I might as well tell him what had happened now. Maybe I’d scare him enough that he’d change his mind about his offer to stay here, and I wouldn’t get any more attached than I already had.
Xavier chuckled, shaking his head, but when our gazes connected, he stopped. “Oh, you’re serious. Anna, why? Of all people you could piss off, you chose Ben Cortez?”
“What?”
“What do you mean, what?”
“I mean, why did you say his name that way? Like you know who he is.”
Xavier took a deep breath in, then released it.
“That’s because I know exactly who Ben Cortez is. I also know his father, Alejandro, and his uncle, Juan Pablo, as well as his cousins. Don’t ask how; I just know.”
Feeling safety slipping through my fingers, I whispered, “Maybe I should just go.”
“This is the safest place to be, Anna. Believe me. They have no idea who we are or what we do, and if they look for you anywhere in the state, we’ll be the first to know.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
There was no one else I could trust, and if I was going to get some kind of life going for the baby I was carrying, I’d have to trust someone sooner or later. I lifted my head and looked straight into Xavier’s green eyes.
“I can’t go back there. Not until he’s gone, at least.”
Xavier sighed. “What about John?”
“John will wait for us.”
“He let you leave Pace, just like that?”
“It was a quick decision. He had to cover for me. He had no choice.” Would Xavier hate me if I told him the truth? “And I never had a chance to tell him about the baby.”
“Shit!” he swore under his breath. “Anna, you… he deserves to know.”
“I’ll write him a letter, but not yet. It’s too soon. I had Jack send him a postcard out of state to tell him that I was okay. I can’t risk it getting into Ben’s hands.”
Xavier checked his watch. I didn’t get a chance to see the brand, but it looked shiny and new, like a Rolex.
“Get dressed. This conversation is not over. We’re going out to dinner with Mary and Jack in half an hour, though, and I don’t like to be late.”
I hurried to the guest bedroom and put on a pair of jeans and a fluffy sweater Mary had lent me. Wearing one felt new to me, not only because it was fluffy, but simply because it was a sweater. We rarely needed to wear something this thick back home.
Before leaving my room, I knelt on the soft carpet and rested my elbows on the bed.
“God, thank you for leading me to someone I trust. I don’t know how, but I promise to repay my debt. Please keep the baby and me safe. Please watch over us and all the townsfolk in Pace during this difficult time. And please keep watch over these good people who opened their door for me. Amen.”
I made the sign of the cross and pushed myself up. When I turned around, Xavier was standing in the doorway.
“I didn’t want to interrupt you,” he said.
“It’s all right. I’m done.”
“Anna, staying away from Pace and your family will not be easy on you. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“Thank you.”
The only other family I’d ever considered as my own was John’s. I wondered whether he missed me. Did they miss me? Touching my hand to my stomach, I sighed and walked out of the room, right past Xavier. His gentle touch on my shoulder stopped me.
“Anna, lift your head up.”
“What?”
“I want to see that spark of invincibility in your eyes I saw when I met you. Don’t do it for me or for yourself. Do it for your baby. She’ll need you.”
“She?” Something warm stirred in my heart.
Xavier shrugged. “It’s just a guess.”
For my baby. I ran away for my baby, but once the town was safe again, I’d go back to Pace. Once Ben was gone, I’d take my little girl to meet her father.
“Okay,” I smiled, looping my hand through Xavier’s offered arm.
We took the elevator down and walked through the same tunnel we had before, then headed up to Jack and Mary’s apartment.
“We’re all going out to dinner?” I asked.
“Sort of. We’re staying in. We figured it’s better that you stay out of view for a while. Burning down a Cortez house isn’t exactly a small crime.”
I felt my body stiffen.
“What’s the matter?” Xavier asked.
“Nothing.”
Except for the fifty million I stole as well.
He sighed. “It’s all right, Anna. You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”
The front door opened before Xavier pressed the doorbell.
“Welcome!” Mary greeted us with open arms. “I’m so happy you could come.” A delicious aroma of cooked food reached me and I felt my stomach grumble. I didn’t recognize most of the smells, but they made my mouth water.
“I hope you like Italian. Joe and Silvia have been cooking all morning.”
Her overexcitement was contagious, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you, Mary. I wish I could have brought something.”
“Nonsense.” She waved her hand. “Come on in.”
While Xavier and Jack poured themselves drinks, I listened to Mary as she explained all the dishes that were being prepared. Fighting the urge to jump behind the kitchen counter and stir or chop something, I twisted a tissue in my hand until I couldn’t twist it any longer. It felt weird just standing around while someone else worked.
“Mary, you shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble. I could have cooked for us.”
Mary waved her hand dismissively. She passed me a glass of orange juice and then took a seat beside me.
“So you’re staying with Xavier?”
“For now, I guess. At least until I can find a job and save some money for my own apartment. I’m so grateful that Jack found me. And I can honestly say that seeing Xavier just changed my perspective on life.”
“How is that?”
“He gave me hope.”
Mary narrowed her brows. “Wait a minute. You’re the girl he talked about when he came back from our wedding three years ago, aren’t you?”
“It was your wedding?”
“My family is from Los Angeles. Xavier couldn’t shut up about you all weekend and then some.”
“Really?”
“Yes, he’s a good guy, Anna. Stick with him and he’ll make you happier than anyone in this world.”
I felt my face fall. The only person I wanted to make me happy was John.
“I’m sorry.” She leaned in to me, eyeing the cooks. They moved away as if knowing that Mary needed privacy. “From what I’ve overheard from the boys, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
Mary was trying to be sincere, which I appreciated, but talking about the life I couldn’t return to was making me nauseous. Or maybe that was the pregnancy?
“It’s an adjustment, but I didn’t have much choice. I’m not strong like you.”
“Oh, I know, honey. Don’t worry. We’ll get you through this. Now what…. Ahhh!”
Her sudden scream made me jump up. I followed where she was pointing with her finger to the wall behind me. “Spider! Kill it!”
From her screams, I was expecting a tarantula, which I’d seen plenty times before, so I took care to move slowly. Instead, I found a pin-sized tiny spider making its way up the wall. I grabbed a magazine off the table and smacked it.
“You killed it.” Mary breathed out with relief.
“Was I not supposed to?”
“Of course you were. I just can’t believe you did that.”
By then, Jack was standing by Mary and shaking his head. He passed her a glass of water as she explained that a ginormous spider had been trying to bite her. I couldn’t help but chuckle on the inside, wondering how she would have handled a tarantula. My guess was, not very well.
The back of my neck warmed, and I turned around just in time to catch Xavier looking at me. He wasn’t exactly hiding it, so it wasn’t a real catch, but once I saw him, I couldn’t tear my gaze away. Jack was right: there was something about Xavier’s gorgeous eyes that captivated people. But for me, it was more than his eyes. It was his entire presence.
We finally sat down at the table, and the food was brought out by the cooks. They retreated back into the kitchen, and Mary passed me a bowl of garden salad to start with. Then came the bruschetta, minestrone soup, pasta, and more dessert than a stomach could handle. By the end of the afternoon, I was so stuffed that I could feel the skin on my tummy stretch.
“I don’t think I can move,” I said.
Beside me, Xavier remarked in a low tone, “Then I’ll carry you.”
My cheeks heated. “I think I can still manage.”
“Just offering.” He winked.
“So, Anna. What’s the plan for Monday?” Mary asked.
“I was hoping to ask you where one would go around here to find a job.”
“Well, what are your qualifications?”
Jack poured another glass of bourbon and passed it to Xavier, who took a healthy sip and winked at me again.
“I’m very organized. I had a job as a secretary at the parish office in town.”
“So you have people skills as well,” Xavier added, as if he were filling in an application form, ensuring that Mary heard me.
“And I’m very good with kids. I can pretty much do anything with kids.”
“I’m nervous about ours. I mean, how do you know when to feed it or what to feed it? What if it won’t stop crying?”
“Oh, don’t worry. Those things come naturally.”
“You talk like you’ve been through this before.”
I held my breath, and then steadily let go. This wasn’t the right time to talk about Mikey. I hadn’t even had a chance to grieve properly and I didn’t want to share him just yet with people who didn’t know me that well.
“A lot of my friends have kids. I just wasn’t ready before.”
“Well, it sure sounds like you’re ready now.” Mary then turned to Jack. “I think she’ll do just fine.”
He gave her a questioning look. She rolled her eyes, probably annoyed that he couldn’t read her mind, explaining, “I need someone to help me shop, decorate the nursery, and get everything ready for the baby. And then I’ll need a nanny as well.”
“Of course, dear.”
This was the first time I wondered whether Mary had a regular job; if she did, I was curious what it was. She was very good at ordering people around, that was for sure, but I’d quickly come to learn that she had the heart of an angel. When I talked to her, it felt like we came from two different worlds. The things I experienced and said were miraculous to her and obvious to me, and the things she’d told me about her life shocked me more each time she opened her mouth. I hadn’t thought I would in the beginning, but I liked her. I liked her a lot.
“Will you work for me, Anna? Will you be my personal assistant?” she asked.
“Really? You think I could do it?”
“Absolutely. Say yes. Please say yes.”
A personal assistant to Mary, sounded quite tempting. It wasn’t as if I had any other job offers on the table. I looked from Jack to Xavier and then back to Jack again, as they both waited for my answer. I knew what it would be as soon as she asked me, but I couldn’t believe how blessed I was to be asked. To have found so many answers I’d been searching for was truly something that could have only been achieved with God’s touch.
“Yes, I’ll do it.”
“Wonderful! Now if you’ll excuse me, my bladder is calling me again.” Jack helped Mary up and she waddled to the bathroom, holding onto her lower back as if she were at least eighty months pregnant.
I took the moment Mary left for the washroom to help clear the table. Jack and Xavier were in their office, talking business. I quickly came to understand that business meant none of my business, and so I stayed away from that part of the apartment.
“Thank you, Joe. Thank you, Silvia. It was delicious.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Joe replied.
“I’m pretty sure the last time I had Italian was when I was ten and my parents took me to Tucson.”
“You’re from Tucson, Arizona?”
“Ahm, not exactly,” I stumbled, realizing that I shouldn’t have said anything. “But close enough. It’s been like twenty years since I’ve been there. Excuse me.”
That was the moment I realized, if I wanted to keep my identity a secret, I’d need to be very careful. Otherwise, Ben could show up at my doorstep without a warning.