I shut my eyes tight as the urge to throw up increased. It was one thing to live through the anniversary of not only your rape and the conception of your son, but it was another to be reminded of that night by the very man who’d raped you.
I grabbed his hand and shoved it to the side before opening my eyes and pushing him back. The Rolex watch he gambled from Xavier gently scraped the side of my arm. One day Ben would pay, and when the time came, I’d make sure that it was for all of his sins.
“You’re going to have a personal greeting in Hell.” Since Ben was blocking the front entrance, I turned around and headed to the back. It was the only way I’d ever gotten out of this place. There was no way I’d risk another one of Ben’s gropes when I tried to push past him. The bar was as depressing and dirty as it had been three years ago, and so was the hallway. My gaze caught the same door I eavesdropped through before. A faint light escaped underneath the door, and just like that night, familiar voices whispered.
“How much?” Pablo, asked.
“This is about three-quarters of it. Fifty million. It’s ready to load for Garcia’s transfer tomorrow morning.”
I lowered my body to the keyhole and quickly peeked through. On the floor in the corner of the room, about a dozen black duffle bags were stacked one on top of another. The one at their feet was open, and I could see the bundles of cash. This was much more than the twenty-five million they’d had three years ago.
Holding my breath, I tiptoed to the rear door and left. I hurried to the church entrance where John was waiting with Mikey. “What happened to you?” he asked.
“I had a run in with Ben.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah, just… never mind.” I waved my hand. “It’s not important.”
While John believed that one day Karma would catch up to the Cortez’s, I believed in making my own Karma. I just had to figure out how to get rid of Ben permanently. I had to find a way to force them out of town.
“I’m so sorry, Anna.”
“It’s all right. I’m used to this, and I’m not going to give up. Neither should you. We need to keep our faith strong and hope alive. We need to hope for tomorrow.”
If anyone could understand that, it was John.
“We will. And I don’t think there’s a better way of doing so than going to the festival. What do you say?”
Mikey was holding John’s hand. I reached out for his other one, smiled toward John, and gently nodded. It would do me good to be around good people.
Instead of standing on the podium where I’d fallen three years ago, we decided to spend the day at the market. It was barricaded on the northeast side where the bulls ran through town, and much safer. The years of adrenaline spikes in my body were over. I was a mother now and wouldn’t take the risk of anything happening to Mikey. Besides, most of the town’s moms and kids spent their time shopping while the men watched, and ran with, the bulls. Mikey let go of my hand and climbed up the three steps to the tiny slide near Mrs. Gonzalez’s table.
This side of town was peaceful. It was the way I remembered all of Pace being when I was little. It was one of the few remaining places in town where I felt safe.
“I gathered these today.” Mrs. Gonzalez reached out with a handful of eggs and lowered them into the basket hooked over my arm.
“Thank you.” I placed the change into the front pocket of her apron. When I turned back around to face John, he was holding a sunflower in his hand, and Mikey had another one in his.
“Well, what’s this?” I asked, smiling down at our boy.
“Flower, Mamá.”
“And thank you too, darling.” I took the thick stems into my hand. If every day could be this happy, if every day could be filled with a thousand bright suns like this sunflower, I could go on.
Mikey busied himself near the pile of apples at the end of the table as John turned me around to face him.
“Anna, I think it’s time we set a date.”
“What date?”
“To get married. It’s been three years since our engagement.”
Three years ago, before Ben had put his filthy hands on me, we’d planned to be married within a year. But after that night, our lives had become much more complicated. My only priority was to keep Mikey safe.
“I know. I… I’ve just been concentrating on Mikey so much. I want to make sure he’s safe.”
“I love Mikey with my whole heart, and I will protect him like a father should. I love you more than my life. Marry me, Anna. Marry me, and let’s make our family official. I promise that I will love the both of you for the rest of my life, and I will keep you safe.”
I lifted my gaze, the tears spilling over in heavy drops, bleeding my happiness onto his shirt. I couldn’t wait to tell him that in eight short months, or maybe even sooner, we’d possibly have a new addition to our family. Maybe by the time he or she was born, Ben would be out of our lives forever.
The ground began to shake in the distance, along with my knees. Yes, part of the reason why I was trembling was the bulls that I knew had been let loose. They’d pass the market beyond the barrier in less than two minutes. Another part was because I knew this meant that we’d be a real family. Me, John, Mikey, and the little bean growing in my tummy. John was right. It was time to make our family official.
“Yes, let’s do it.” I threw my arms around his neck and smacked my lips to his. John lifted me into his arms and spun me around with happiness.
“You’re serious?”
“Yes. A thousand times yes. But there’s something I need to tell you—”
A scream tore through the crowd from the west end of the market, and we both froze with fear. I recognized the danger instantly. The heavy thumps and cries of terror that reached us nearly stopped my heart, yet I didn’t move. We remained in the same spot, my body slowly sliding down his to the ground. And while we should have run, we didn’t. Our heads turned in slow motion. Watching the dust rise in the distance, getting closer and closer, was like watching a tsunami. I’d never seen one in my life, but that’s the way I imagined it would seem. It would be impossible to stop and just as difficult to outrun.
A table five stations further flipped, acting like a catapult for the stacked tomatoes. The fruit flew in all directions, splattering on the walls and ground as well as people’s heads and bodies. There was red everywhere. I dropped the sunflowers I was holding.
Mikey! I screamed, then realized that I’d done so in my mind. That’s when instinct finally kicked in and I screamed for our son.
“Mikey!” We both rushed toward him, reaching for him. I saw Mikey staring at us as a bull headed straight for our little boy like he was a target. John let go of my hand. I watched him leap for Mikey, ahead of me, diving for our boy, flying across a table until he grabbed him, tucked him into his body, and rolled on the ground to underneath Mrs. Gonzalez’s table. I let out a relieved breath only to realize that the bull was heading straight for me. Someone else slammed into me and pushed me to the side before the bull made me part of his path.
The eggs flew out of my basket. I saw one strike John in the head, splattering down his face. He fell back, closing his eyes. I wanted to run to him, but someone held me in my spot. I turned around to see Mr. Garcia.
“Stay down. It’s not over!” he yelled into my ear. It was a good thing that he did, because I could barely make anything else out.
Mikey’s safe. He’s with John.
It felt like hours passed before the commotion settled. I pushed through the dust toward John and Mikey. The bulls had finally passed the market, leaving a trail of destruction behind.
“Mikey! Baby, where are you?”
John came into view first. He was shaking, looking down at his body in disbelief.
“Where’s Mikey?”
John looked down to his lap, as shocked as I was, “I had him… I… I had him. The bull stomped on my leg, and Mikey slipped out.”
What?
“Mikey!” I screamed.
“Mikey!” John repeated. “He can’t be far. He was in my arms a minute ago.”
I ran into the two-story building, up and down the staircase, knocking on every door, asking for my son. No one had seen him.
“Mikey!”
Soon enough I was hearing our son’s name from one end of the town to the other, as everyone looked for our little boy. I walked into every house and every building. I went into ditches and nooks I knew children played in. No one had seen him. No one had found him.
By sundown, it felt like I’d looked into every small hole and turned every rock in Pace. My feet were swollen, my eyes bloodshot, and my hands covered with soot. I was sitting in a lawn chair someone had brought out in front of the church, my knees awkwardly twisted inward to take the pressure off my ankles, taking a moment to compose my thoughts, racking my brain where Mikey could have hid, when I saw Ben walking down the middle of main street carrying my child’s limp body in his arms. My knees locked back into place and I rushed toward him, my throat constricting with each step.
No, no, no!
The look on Ben’s face made my heart stop.
“Give me my baby!” I reached for Mikey and Ben passed him to me. “Mikey, baby, open your eyes.” I smoothed my hand over his pale face and purple lips. His cheeks were dirty, and I thought that Mikey would like a bubble bath tonight to clean him up.
“Honey, open your eyes. Mama’s got you.” I sat down in the middle of the road, holding him in my arms just as John reached me and stopped. The smile on his face fell flat as he looked down. He exchanged a look with Ben and I heard him ask a few questions, but I couldn’t make out what they were.
Mikey felt cold; far colder than he should have. I rubbed my hand over his bare arm. There was a tear in his red shirt, from the ribs all the way down to the hem.
“What is this? Why is he not waking up?” I asked, feeling a touch of nausea fill me.
“We found him lying on the road near the south side of town, Anna. I think one of the bulls dragged him there. I’m sorry.” Ben’s words sounded like the most hateful thing he could have said to me, yet they were sincere.
“Is this a joke?” I asked. “Because if it is, it’s sick. Mikey? Baby, please open your eyes.”
The scrapes on his knees were deep, but nothing that time couldn’t heal. A small open gash on his forehead was beginning to scab, and he wasn’t bleeding. “John, I… I don’t think he’s breathing.”
My voice shook as I held Mikey tightly in my arms.
“Anna, honey. Pass Mikey to me.”
“I’m not letting him go. Not again.” I smoothed my hand over his cheek.
“Mikey! Mikey! Wake up, baby! Wake up, sweetheart.” I squeezed his cold hand, harder than I usually would. I just wanted to feel him move a little. I waited for one small twitch of his finger or even a sign of his eyes moving underneath his eyelids, but he remained still. I wanted to feel his breath and hear his heartbeat, but I couldn’t find either.
“He’s just exhausted, right?” I was crying now, so hard that I couldn’t stop, but I couldn’t lose hope either. I never would. “Wake him up, John. Please wake him up.”
John knelt in front of me. He checked Mikey for a pulse and kissed his forehead. “Anna, I’m so sorry. Mikey’s gone.”
My heart stopped.
Reality didn’t hit me until I saw John’s face and the pain there that was also coursing through me. The unimaginable twisting pain that would never end.
“No, no, no!” I cried. “Please, God! No!” I rocked my body back and forth, sobbing. I couldn’t let him go. For a while, a small crowd formed around us, but to me the time was beginning to feel warped. I couldn’t tell how long I’d been sitting there. It could have been minutes, and it could have been hours. One by one, people left. I felt like I was living in a never-ending nightmare. I cried until I could no longer shed a tear. I cried until all my strength was gone. John’s father was the one to take Mikey from my arms, and I felt empty. I slowly lifted my gaze at Ben, who had never left.
“You did this,” I said, underneath my breath.
John helped me stand up. There were a few townsfolk left nearby, including a doctor and the sheriff.
“You did this.” I pushed at Ben’s chest. He barely moved.
“I wouldn’t kill my son, Anna.”
“He’s not yours! He will never be yours. He’s mine. Do you hear me? He’s mine and…. Oh, my God!”
I didn’t realize when I started sobbing again, because in the back of my mind I had known the truth for a while now, but it was difficult to say it out loud. It was difficult to admit that my son was gone.
Where was he? I looked around, wanting to hold Mikey some more.
“He’s at the church, baby,” John whispered from my side. “Come on, let’s go to the church.”
I whipped my body around. Ben stood a few feet away. His brother was leaning back against the wall of the Bistro, and his cousin was sitting on the small porch step. When I looked at Ben once more, I saw a soft smirk lift his lip, and I lost it.
“I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill all of you! You hear me!” I yelled. John took me under my arm and led me back to the church. Somewhere, while looking for Mikey, I must have lost my shoes. My feet ached as I crossed the dirt road barefoot, but I didn’t notice they were bleeding until I stepped inside the church. My little boy was lying on a few pillows near the altar, where Father Francis was praying.
I collapsed into John’s arms.
There was nothing worse than a scorned mother’s fury. Nothing except for the fury and injustice a mother felt when she’d just found out that her child was dead. I couldn’t remember much of that evening. The pain was too strong.
When I came to, I was in my bed, and John was sitting beside me.
“I lost my engagement ring, too.” I let out a low cry. I could barely hear it.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll get you a new one.”
I shook my head instead. I didn’t want a new ring. I wanted my son back. I wanted my baby, whose body was lying in the morgue by the church, alive again. And since I couldn’t have him, the only thing that remained on my list was revenge.