I woke up at two in the morning. The room was dark, and John was sleeping beside me. My body ached in every spot. Feeling like a zombie, I left the bed and looked out the window where the full moon illuminated the night. I put on my sunflower dress and button up sweater, then went outside.
Despite the lunar brightness, the night felt dark.
I felt dark.
Dark and empty.
I buttoned up my sweater and walked down the middle of Main Street. The deceivingly peaceful night led me straight to the Bistro. When I reached it, I realized that I’d known since the moment I opened my eyes that I’d end up here.
The lights were still on. I stood there for what felt like hours, though it was probably minutes, watching through the window as Mateo and his cousin drank shot after shot of tequila. Ben was already passed out at the bar. I wished I had a gun. I would have pulled the trigger on all three of them.
End of a barrel, right to the temple.
Ben had done this. He’d killed Mikey. I didn’t know how or why, but I knew that he had.
Bastardo!
A soft noise drew my attention to the side of the building. It must have been a cat. They populated the town as much as the new wave of babies being born. Poor little things, to be brought into this awful world. I walked around to the back and saw that Fate had left the door there open, and so I strolled in.
The Cortez family seemed to be in good spirits, to be drinking that late, but then again, they were always drunk. A guard sat by the door where I’d seen the men count their money earlier in the day, but he was passed out.
And that’s when the idea for the first part of my plan formed. I gently twisted the doorknob. It was locked. I pulled a pin out of my bun and stuck it in the keyhole. It turned over a few times. At the sound of the low click of the lock giving in, I felt a spark of invincibility light in my chest. The Cortez family wasn’t the only danger in town — not anymore.
One by one, I carried the heavy bags out of that room to the back of the Bistro, and no one was the wiser. Twenty minutes later, under the moon’s watchful glow, I was staring at twelve duffle bags, all filled with cash: around fifty million, I presumed. I then waited for Fate to guide me further. When a light switched off in my parents’ chapel just outside of town, I knew what to do. A bulb must have gone out.
It took three hours, back and forth, to carry all the bags. No one saw me, and no one was the wiser as minute by minute, the satisfaction of my first ounce of revenge soothed my broken heart. When I was done, I picked one small tomato on the way back and left it in the middle of the robbed room.
Next was Ben’s house, about a five-minute stroll away. The lights were out, and of course I knew he wasn’t there because he was passed out at the Bistro. His parents lived a hundred feet or so to the back and his cousins even further than that, each one in a mansion grander than the next.
I gently pushed the door open. As expected, it wasn’t locked. Nobody would dare to enter his house. Well, I was done being a nobody.
I grabbed the first bottle of liquor I could find and emptied it on the couch. Another bottle found its way to the curtains and the carpet before I flicked a match and watched its light spread across the house. Then I walked outside.
When I was a safe distance away, I turned around for one last time. The sight of the blaze was beautiful. It was exactly the kind of celebration I needed to venerate my son’s short life.
I hurried home, undressed, showered, put on one of my nicer dresses and sat in the corner of the darkened kitchen, looking at the glow in the distance out the window. The sun was beginning to rise as well. Mikey’s monkey rested against my chest. My thumb was stained with ink from the fountain pen I had used upstairs. I wanted to say goodbye, and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get the words out of my throat when I said goodbye to John, so I wrote them down. I took a sip from the glass of water I was holding when John walked in.
“Anna, I’ve been looking for you. Where were you?”
“I went to the garden in the back. It feels peaceful now, doesn’t it? I feel a little better too.”
“Are you sure?” He looked me over, skepticism lurking in his voice.
I nodded.
“Why are you wearing a sweater? It’s hot outside.”
Yet since letting go of my son’s body earlier in the day, all I felt were chills.
“I… I was cold. John, I have a small problem.” I saw my hand shake, the water in the half-empty glass vibrating back and forth, and so I set it aside.
“There was a fire, Anna.”
John was wrong. There was way more than a fire. There was also a matter of fifty million dollars that had been stolen. Ben could rebuild, but he’d never get that money back, and if someone came looking for him because of it, all the better. Maybe he’d leave Pace once and for all.
“I know, John, I did it. I burned down that house.”
“Oh, my God, Anna! Honey, I know you’re hurt and in pain, but… Anna… if they ever find out… We have to make sure they don’t.”
“You’ll cover for me, won’t you?” I asked, already knowing the answer to that.
“Of course I will. I love you. No one was hurt, which is good.”
“It’s not good, John. I wanted to hurt him. I wished he were in that house, burning alive.”
“Anna, don’t say that. You can’t wish anyone dead.”
“But I do wish him dead. I wish all of them dead. They took my boy from me.”
“And if they did, God will punish them.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong, and God punished me. So you see, we can’t always rely on God.”
“Anna, that’s blasphemy.” For the first time since taking me into his arms, John pulled back. “I should have known this would happen. Maybe we shouldn’t have kept the paternity a secret?”
My heart stopped for the second time in the past day.
“What are you saying, John? That this is my fault. That God punished me for not telling the man who raped me that we had offspring?”
“No, Anna, that’s not what I’m saying. But maybe he wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with us. We both know that a kid to Ben would have been a chore.”
“You have regrets.” I gasped and felt my heart break into pieces all over again.
“I don’t, baby. Please believe me. This is all just so wrong.”
I turned back to the window. Satisfaction returned to my chest as soon as I saw the glow. “My punishment will come soon enough because Ben saw me do it. I think he saw me running away,” I lied. John would have no choice but to let me go now. I couldn’t tell John that I was the one who stole the money and left a small fruit as evidence. He would find out anyway, but the less he knew, the better he could deny the truth.
“Shit!” John never swore, which meant that this was worse than bad. This was something I would pay for with my life, and I hadn’t even told John the full story, except my life seemed to be more precious now by a heartbeat. Had I made the right decision? Was this revenge really for the best?
“Why did you do that, Anna?”
“They took my baby!”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do! I know they did it. I know that Ben arranged for the bulls to break through the barrier, and he made sure that they found us.”
John sighed, then took me back into his arms. He held me against his body. I felt a tear fall down my cheek when I realized that this could be one of our last moments together. It had to be – for a while, at least.
“I believe you, Anna. I believe you,” he said.
“I have to leave. It’s the only way.”
I brought my hand to my stomach, smoothing over it as if Mikey were still in there and comforting the new life growing inside me at the same time. John didn’t let go, as if my suggestion had just hit him and he had to hold on for a little while longer.
“I’m sorry, John. I… actually, I’m not sorry. The only thing I’m sorry about is that Ben wasn’t at his house when it burned down. That way he’d be dead, and I could stay here. He’ll be looking for me the rest of my life now.”
John froze. He knew that I was right. He knew that I had to go, although he didn’t know that I’d be taking a new life along with me. But if he asked me, I would stay with him. I’d stay with John and fight.
“Anna, you have to run.”
My chest deflated. “Come with me, then.” I begged.
We loved each other enough to get through this. We could do this together, couldn’t we?
“I need to stay here to steer them away from you. I need to stall Ben, and I need to fight for Pace. I can’t leave the parish and the people. If I leave with you, they’ll know exactly whom it was. At least this way, I can blame your departure on your grief. Anna, I need to bury our son.”
Mikey.
A prickly feeling filled my throat. If I ran, I wouldn’t be able to visit Mikey. But if I stayed, I would be risking our new baby’s life.
“They’ll know it was me. If you stay, they’ll kill you. Come with me, John. Run with me. I need you.”
We need you.
“You have no chance if we both leave. They’ll know. If I stay, I can convince them that you went mad and talked about walking out to the desert or something. I know they won’t believe it, but it might buy you just enough time to escape,” John repeated.
“If I go, I’m not coming back, John.”
I wouldn’t risk Ben taking away another one of my babies. I stood up and walked toward the front door. When I opened it, the chaos in town was getting louder. The sun began to filter more and more through the low clouds. I looked at the remaining dirt underneath my nails. Thank goodness John hadn’t noticed. Out of the window, by his house past the field, I saw Mr. Garcia loading the last contents of scrap into his truck.
“I’ll ride out with Mr. Garcia. It’s my only way out. By the time they realize that I’m gone, we’ll be miles out of town.”
“Anna, his truck is full of scrap. You can’t expect him to hide you in the front seat.”
I remembered the money I’d stolen from Ben. There would be none to transfer tonight.
“I think he can find a spot for me. I have to take a chance.” I took John’s hand and pulled it. I needed him to help me get to Mr. Garcia’s house without being noticed. Most of all, I needed to spend every last second I had with him.
“I’ll pray for you,” he said, as we ran through the back fields. “I’ll pray for answers and guidance. I’ll pray for your safety.”
“Hope for tomorrow,” I said.
“Hope for tomorrow,” he repeated.
I had no more tears. All I had was emptiness in my chest. That, and a new life growing inside of me; a life that I promised to hide from them all.
“You bury our baby, please. Bury him, because I can’t. I don’t think I could ever look at that tiny grave.” Holding on to Mr. Monkey, I let out another tearless cry. It sounded almost like a desperate shriek as I held on to that last ounce of hope.
“Mikey will have the most beautiful grave, I promise.”
My heart broke not only for our son but also for John, whom I was about to hurt as well. He didn’t even know it. He had no idea about the secret I kept inside me. I had no other choice, though.
“Tell them I talked about killing myself. I need them to believe I’m gone.”
“Anna, stop!” He pulled on my hand as I headed for Mr. Garcia. The old man was about to get into his truck. “Please promise me that you’ll be all right. I beg you.”
“I won’t hurt myself. I promise.”
“Send me a postcard when you can. I need to find you when they leave. I’ll make sure they leave Pace. I promise. And then you can come back to me.”
I nodded.
“Where will you go?” he asked.
All I could do was shake my head, because even I didn’t know. All I wanted was to leave Pace.
He grasped me by my shoulders and brought his lips to mine. The kiss was hard, a mix of a broken heart and waning hope. The kind of sadness his lips transferred to mine was one that could kill you quicker than a heartache. The kiss was torturous, balancing on the border between sorrow and despair.
“I love you, John.” I breathed heavily, pulling away with reluctance, afraid to look him in the eyes. I finally turned around and ran toward Mr. Garcia, waving him down.
“I need help, Mr. Garcia, but you’ll be risking your life if you agree.”
“I don’t have much life left to risk, Anna. What is it? I heard there was a fire.”
“I’m responsible for it. I need a ride out of town.”
He looked over to the seat beside him and shook his head. My gaze found the ground and just as the thought of giving up teased, I heard his car door open.
“You’ll never get out alive in the front seat. Come. I have a vacant spot in the back.”
I followed him to the side of the truck. John stood behind me, holding me by my arms.
“Are you sure about this, Anna?”
“Yes. I’m sure. I’ll manage, and one day… I’ll figure out a way to get in touch with you. I promise.”
“Jump in there and don’t say a word until I get you out.” Mr. Garcia hurried me in.
I thought he was kidding when he opened the metal hatch where I thought his tank was located. It was a secret compartment, and I crawled in feet first, without looking back. I held Mr. Monkey tight in my grip, securing him against my chest. The space was filthy and smelled of iron. The taste of copper began collecting in my mouth. I waved toward John one last time before the door closed. There was a small hole in the rusted metal, large enough to peek through. When I saw John fall to his knees as we took off, my heart broke again.
I wondered how many times in a day a human could go through pain before they gave up. I lowered my hand to my stomach and lay back. It didn’t take long to realize that if I survived this trip, I would be bruised all over. The constant dips and grooves in the road threw me back and forth, and I prayed that I wouldn’t have motion sickness. When Mr. Garcia stopped by the Bistro, I held my breath.
“Load it in the front,” Mr. Garcia called out. “The back is full.”
“Not today,” Pablo said with anger. “Go! We have bigger things to worry about!” I saw him wave Mr. Garcia forward. Behind Pablo, Ben was pacing across the Bistro’s porch, back and forth.
“Find her. Find her and bring her to me.” He crushed something in his fist, and red juice dripped between his fingers.
Afraid he’d sense where I was, I shut my eyes, and Mr. Garcia passed the Bistro. I smoothed my hand over my stomach and tried to pretend that I could feel warmth blossoming underneath my skin. I imagined all the love I would give our child and all the risks I would take for this innocent life, until the day I died.
After today, anything was possible.
After today, we’d have a new chance.
After today, I could proudly say that Ben wasn’t the only one who knew what to do with skeletons.