Jabbing the ‘send’ button with my thumb, I sucked harshly on my bottom lip as I curled over my phone. My body tensed with each passing second, and goosebumps rose on my skin even under my clothes. Staring at the text I’d just sent, I furrowed my brows as my heart hammered against my ribs.

Lilly: I need to see you again.

Mine was such a simple message, but the anxiety clawing at my gut sent a rush of regret through my system. Kayla wasn’t around to ease my worries, and I sent a pensive glance at my bedroom door. Grinding my lip between my teeth, I curled my toes into my blanket as anticipation filled me.

If this was a movie, this exact moment would be when my mother burst in my room to check on me. She’d know something was up and confiscate my phone, and then she’d find the message I’d just sent. There would be another fight and more screaming, and I’d get grounded. Then, I’d sneak out and go to Kayla’s to unload all of my emotional baggage and hide out until things calmed down.

But this wasn’t a movie, and my door stayed closed until a soft ping stole my attention.

Richard: Is everything okay?

Blinking slowly, I cracked a small smile at Richard’s near instant reply; Kayla must’ve told him I took the chance to put his number in my phone after the episode with her mom. He was so sweet, not jumping to sex but realizing that something was wrong. My thumbs twitched with the need to reply, and I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth again as I typed swiftly.

Lilly: No. I need to see you. Is this a good time?

Shuffling to stretch out my legs, I let out my lungful in a gust. Guilt clawed at my throat, but I just didn’t know how to bring up my problem with a text. Richard’s reply was almost instant, and a small smile lifted the corners of my lips when I read it.

Richard: Yeah. Where should I meet you?

Lilly: The park near JFK High school?

Maybe suggesting somewhere so close to my house was a bad idea, but I didn’t care. Replying with a short ‘sure’, Richard didn’t text me again before I climbed off my bed to grab my wallet and slip into my sneakers. Taking a quick glance at my appearance, I shrugged at the decency of my outfit even as a frown wiggled onto my face. My shopping trip with Kayla was still one week away, and I ignored the urge to dress in something nicer than jeans and a tank top.

Flying out of the house, I didn’t bother to tell my mom I was leaving, and I hopped onto my bike to rush down the driveway. The hot, dry air threaded through my semi-straightened hair, and I flexed my fingers against the handle bars as the sun melted my anxiety.

This wasn’t a bad idea. Repeating the mantra over and over again as I cycled down the sidewalk, I smiled at how easy it was to believe myself.

Kayla’s mom was right- this wasn’t a mistake.

I rolled into the bar smoothly in less than five minutes, and a jolt of shock hit my chest when I saw Richard’s car already parked in the lot near the baseball field. The shiny coat of paint nearly blinded me to the man himself leaning on the hood, and I squeezed the brakes hard to skid across the concrete. My blunder drew Richard’s attention, and we locked eyes for a long moment before I pumped the pedals to make the hundred feet or so to him. His gaze narrowed the closer I came, and I was hot in the face by the time I stopped in front of him.

“Are you okay, Lilly?” The first thing out of Richard’s mouth was drenched in concern, and I propped my bike up with my leg. A sheepish smile plastered on my face, and I ducked my head in a nod before taking a big breath.

“I- I was… uh- I wanted to go… out… with you.” Stuttering slightly, I blushed hard when Richard arched his brows in surprise. “I didn’t know how to ask.”

Averting my gaze, I focused on Richard’s plain, dark gray t-shirt instead of his intense eyes boring holes into my forehead. Relief surged through me; I wasn’t sure how I would feel if he was in a suit or anything even remotely fancy. The tattoos on his arms were clearly visible, shone off proudly, and saliva pooled in my mouth when his muscles flexed as he tucked his palms under his shoulders.

“Okay. What do you want to do?” My mind stalled at the question, and Richard huffed a laugh with a slight shake of his head. “Let’s walk about the park- sound good?”

“Uh- yeah. Sure.” Clearly, Richard realized that I hadn’t thought this far ahead, and I nodded hastily before climbing off my bike. Leaning the contraption against the fence protecting the parking lot from baseballs, I smoothed my jeans over my thighs before falling into step next to him. “So… how was your day so far?”

“I got back from New York, and I always take the day after off. It was pretty boring until I got your text.” A warm sensation blossomed in my chest at Richard’s explanation, and I scraped the bottom of my sneaker against the pavement absently. “What about you, Lilly?”

“It was… okay… um- New York? Kayla and I are going to go there in a week or so. And her mom.” Awkwardness clung like a sticky tar to my ribs, and I shoved my hands in my pockets in a vain attempt to stop their slight trembles. “I want to get some new clothes before school starts. Everything I have is getting dingy.”

We’d only made it a few yards before Richard stopped mid-step, and I froze like a deer in the headlights when he turned to me. Carefully gripping my shoulders, he squeezed lightly as I took in the mix of worry and confusion in his sparkling eyes.

“Lilly… what are you doing, baby?” The pet name sent a fierce blush across my cheeks, and I tore my gaze away only to bristle when Richard cupped my chin and forced it back. “What’s going on? I can tell something’s not right.”

“I- I just… I wanted to see you. I missed you.” Sucking my bottom lip between my teeth, I took a shallow, shuttering breath. The sun rose my body temperature into discomfort, and I held my lungs still as Richard cocked his head slightly. Between us, the silence grew heavy, and slowly understanding began to speckle his gaze before he smiled tenderly.

“We don’t have to do anything to be together, you know. There doesn’t have to be some grand plan, like dinner, or a walk in the park. If you want to hang out, all you have to do is ask, baby.” My eyes widened at that, and I shook my head wildly to send strands of hair to block my vision.

“No- no, that’s… that’s not it. I- I don’t know. This was a bad idea- I’m sorry.” I couldn’t escape with Richard’s hands on me, and he furrowed his brows sharply at my apology. Unable to drop his gaze, I watched him in all his glory as pieces began to fit together in his eyes. Some pieces, I recognized, but others were very new. Spreading his warm touch to my neck, he stroked my pulse point to feel the hard, fast pumping of my blood underneath my skin.

“You want me, and you can’t even recognize it.” Richard’s mumble just seemed to slip out, and my heart nearly stopped beating. Choking on my own saliva, I moved to cover my mouth only for him to beat me to the punch. His palm caressed my lips as I struggled to stifle my coughing, and he waited until the anxious episode passed before speaking up again. “There are different types of intimacy, Lilly- I’ll show you one, if you want. You can be close to someone without taking off your clothes. That’s what you want, right? To be close to me?”

“Uh- I- I think… I don’t- maybe…? What kind- types? I thought-“ My pathetic attempt at a response was halted when Richard cut me off, and I heaved a breath through my nose.

“That sex was the only way you could be intimate with a man? That sex was the only way you could show someone you want them?” Slowly shaking his head at his own questions, Richard carefully brushed my hair behind my ear and released my mouth only to cup my cheek. “No. There’s always more than one way to do something, Lilly. Come on. I’ll show you.”

Richard’s arm slithered around my shoulders, and we started heading back to his car at a slow, leisurely pace. Closing my eyes, I let him guide me while I worked on getting my heart rate down. Slowly, the ache in my chest lessened, and I managed to take a few steady breaths before he opened the passenger side door for me. Casting only the quickest of glances at my bike, I decided in an instant to just ignore it.

This was important- this was life-altering. I could always buy a new bike, but this would be far more valuable.