“… That was amazing.” My praise made Richard smile widely, and I grinned as he adjusted the guitar in his lap. We sat on the floor in his living room, and I held my ankles while he patted the plain, stainless instrument fondly.

“I’m not that great. I used to be better, but the busier I got with my businesses, the less I played. Now, I just prefer to listen to others.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was bashful about his skill, and I huffed a light laugh and shook my head. “What? It’s true.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t think it was great, Richard. Do you play anything else?” My curiosity knew no bounds, and I leaned back as he nodded. Untangling himself from the guitar strap, Richard set it next to him to grab a box of open Chinese food that sat on the coffee table. Watching as he dug into the take-out container with a pair of chopsticks, I waited patiently for an answer.

“I play a little of everything, I guess. Some better than others. I can’t play the sax for my life, for instance, but I’m alright on the guitar or drums.” Picking out a piece of broccoli with practiced ease, Richard glanced over at me to arch an eyebrow. “So, you know… why do you put up with your parents? I get that it can be hard to get out, but you just seem so unhappy.”

“Uh, well… it’s like… my dad isn’t like my mom. He wants me to go to college- I think he really worries about it all the time. He told me recently, actually, that he wants me to make something of myself so I’m not unhappy like him. But my mom… she’s stuck in this life and can’t get out. My parents aren’t in love, and they’ve never been. They got married because their parents told them to- I only came into the picture because their church kept pressing for it. Basically, they’re the template for what I don’t want with my life.” Heaving a sigh while Richard ate slowly, I let my head fall back to stare at the ceiling for a long moment and gathered my thoughts. “I guess… I just keep hoping that one day they’ll understand. That I’ll wake up, and my mom won’t look at me like I’m a stain. To be honest, I know it’ll never happen. When I move out for college, I have a feeling that I’ll never talk to them again. I’ll graduate in six years, and they won’t show up. I- I don’t even really feel bad or anything- just resigned. It’s been like this my whole life. Even when I was their model church girl, things have been this way.”

“That’s terrible, just so you know. If I was in that position, I would’ve left a long time ago.” A sad smile dragged down my lips, and I nodded at Richard’s words even as my throat tightened. Every time I thought about leaving, I just couldn’t find it in me to do so, and he grunted as if sensing what I was going to say. “It’s hard, I know. I was homeless for a while after running away from my parents’ house. But, at the same time, I wouldn’t be the person I am if I hadn’t. I have no doubt that your ability to take all of the awful things that come with being a doctor is probably entirely due to your experience with your family. You know, Lilly, you never talk about your cousins or uncles or grandparents or anything…”

The implied question wrapped around me to squeeze tightly, and I shrugged stiffly. Scraping my nails over the soft carpet that blanketed the living room, I fell into silence as I slowly organized my thoughts.

“I don’t talk about them because I don’t know them. They were never in my life. I know they’re out there, but it just seems so scary to try to find them. After I moved here, I tried to go to church, but it wasn’t the same… it was- it was so liberal. And without the church, I had a hard time making friends. It’s pretty pathetic, honestly, and I’m trying to change it.” No one really understood just how pathetic my life was, or how hard I was working to try to make it better. Every day was a battle, and those battles culminated in a war for my freedom. I might’ve achieved a measure of financial stability, but there was so much more I needed to do.

And none of it would be this hard if my parents weren’t such bigots. I was lucky my dad secretly wanted me to go to college, and that was sad.

“At least you acknowledge that your life could be better and are working towards that, baby. Most people just wallow in their misery and pray for a big miracle that’ll change their fortune. I meet a lot of those people in this business. I meet a lot of people that got their music started at church. They’re always more inclined to believe that I showed up because God wanted it… no offense…” The slight disgust in Richard’s voice wasn’t off-putting in the slightest, and I shrugged again. Tilting my head to watch him fish out something in his little box, I scanned his arms slight appreciation before my thoughts slipped back on track.

“Miracles- I believe in them, I guess. But, I also know that there’s such a thing as being in the right place at the right time. I’m not going to praise God for meeting you at the Sound Bar. I’m not going to give Him credit for what I worked so hard for with my scholarships… but I also can’t deny that I get the feeling sometimes that I’m in this situation with my parents for a reason. If I had a mom like Kayla’s, I might’ve never decided to become a doctor. I’d take more important things for granted, like money and relationships. I don’t know- it’s like believing in God and believing in circumstantial coincidence is all connected.”

My faith was a funny thing, and Richard bopped his head in a nod. Tearing my eyes off him, I reached for my own takeout box and let the fading warmth seep into my palms. The noodles and vegetables were soft and a little spicy, and I stabbed a snow pea pod with my fork as we lapsed into a comfortable quiet.

Eating in peace, I let my mind wander to the place where uncertainty festered near the back of my skull. Being with Richard was so easy- so natural- that it was hard to remember the circumstances that brought us together. When I was with him, nothing else existed; sure, I complained about the things going on in my life, things I had experienced in the past, but it almost felt like it happened to someone else.

I should’ve been terrified of the notion that I was clinging to him so fiercely, but I just wasn’t. I should’ve worried that this, my first ever sort-of relationship, was so intense yet casual, but I couldn’t summon anything of the sort.

“It’s funny…” Speaking up suddenly, Richard discarded his take-out box while I scraped the bottom of mine trying to get the last, small pieces of noodle. “I thought, after Saturday night, I’d want to lock you in my room and never let you leave… but this- this is just as good. I’m not going to lie- I’ve been in more than one relationship just because of the sex, but you’re different, Lilly. I feel like I’d still want to be with you even if there was zero chance I’d ever even see you in a two-piece bathing suit.”

Pausing as the word ‘Saturday’ rolled smoothly off Richard’s tongue, I stared into my box through wide eyes. I didn’t expect him to be so blunt about the issue, and I gulped harshly before sluggishly abandoning my quest to empty the container completely. Setting it next to me slowly, I tried to navigate the maelstrom that ripped through my chest while his gaze bored holes into the crown of my head.

Sex is a tool that strengthens a bond, but it can’t create that bond, Lilly. Just remember that, if nothing else.

Mrs. Porter’s words from Monday rolled through my mind like heavy thunder clouds, and they seemed to tip my body into action. Scrambling forward, I flung my arms around Richard’s shoulders to smash my lips sloppily on his. The pressure in my chest vanished as the taste of his Chinese food teased my taste buds, and I moaned at the rough, hungry growl that burst from him. Opening my mouth with no prodding, I straddled his waist only to shiver violently when his palms clutched my ribs.

The symphony of our kiss floated up into the air, a mix of grunts and moans and the creaking of jean seams, and I gasped when Richard sucked my bottom lip between his teeth. Panting and trembling, I squeezed my eyelids tightly together as he tugged gently before capturing my mouth in a shorter, sweeter kiss.

“I want to stay…” Richard and I both clearly heard the ‘but’ at the end of my mumble, but he cut me off with his lips. His harsh sigh followed the action, sweeping down my chest to rise goosebumps that welted my skin. Tightening my grip on his shoulders, I ducked my head into his neck to inhale as deep a breath as I could. The smell of him was intoxicating, but I couldn’t hide the twinge of surprise that shot through my skull at the lack of uncomfortable heat I had expected.

“You’ll stay, baby. Just not tonight.” Murmuring in my ear, Richard buried one hand in my hair to lift my head. Another kiss sealed his promise, and I ignored the wiggling worry that burrowed into my heart. Fast- intense- overwhelming… but for the moment, I didn’t try to think of the future.