Time lost meaning out here where no one was telling me when to wake up or what to do. My eyes opened to the light of the sun, discolored by the pale orange of my tent. My ears twitched with the sounds of birds calling to each other into the warm air. No alarm clock blared, leaving the gentle noises of nature to work their magic on a body and mind that had become used to them.

And yet- they never ceased to awe and amaze.

For a long while I stayed in my sleeping bag, content to listen to the activity around me. Staring at the top of my tent through bleary eyes, I let my mind wander to what might happen during this last full day in the wilderness. Tomorrow I would be heading back to my truck and then an airport, and then I finally get home.

To my white picket fence house in a quaint, little city bristling with military personnel. Sucking in a deep, hard breath at the thought, I shook away the images that blossomed in my mind’s eye. Home was such a relative word; it could be interpreted so many ways. The forest was my home- the place where I felt the freest and almost weightless. My house is where I was loved- by my father, my dog, and my handful of neighbors that greeted me whenever we were outside at the same time.

Sluggishly pushing myself up to sit, I groaned loudly as I reached to swipe my hand through my hair. Against my feet, Kiki lifted her head to watch me stretch, and I scratched my scalp absently. Warm, stale air caressed my bare arms, and for a moment I was content to just sit.

Grabbing my camera, I kicked my way out of my sleeping bag to crawl out of my tent. As usual Kiki wiggled her way beyond the flap first, and I winced at the harsh flash of the sun that spears my eyes. Shuffling into the open air, I scrambled to my feet to stretch tall, flexing my toes and tightening my grip on my camera strap.

“Oh-h! Fudge!” My back popped loudly, and I slumped as my groan echoed around my campsite. “God- that’s the good stuff.”

A soft bark broke my small pleasure, and I tilted my head to watch Kiki circle twice. Smiling at her impatience, I slipped my camera strap over my head before taking my first step of the day. Slinking into the sparse trees, Kiki nosed and wandered as I followed leisurely. Birds fluttered and chirped with activity above my head, and I spied a particularly sturdy looking tree just as my bladder began to strain.

Jerking up my pants after relieving myself, I took a large step away from the tree to scan the forest. The sun was already climbing high above the canopy, and I squinted slightly before glancing at my watch.

“10:33a.m…. Like I could do that anywhere else…” A small huff of a laugh escaped me; peeing against a tree and waking up after 10a.m. were both socially unacceptable. There wasn’t even a reason for the latter, and I adjusted my camera straps before making my way into the wilderness beyond my campsite.

There was an actual campsite a mile or two away, but I didn’t want to be second-hand involved with the stench of beer and burning marshmallows. I had no interest in being kept awake all night, listening to drunken stories I couldn’t even imagine.

My boots crunched dry leaves and sticks with each step I took, and the sound reverberated up to the roots of my hair. Shaking my head wildly, I glanced around through narrowed eyes as sweat glazed the back of my neck and under my arms. The forest around me was quiet, peaceful, and even Kiki’s near silent presence wasn’t enough to disturb it. She trotted alongside me, ears high and tail rigid, and every so often her coarse fur brushed against my bare calf.

A tiny movement caught my eye, and I whirled around to watch a chipmunk scurry from one tree branch to another high above my head. He was fast, small, and before I could even get my camera to my eye, he was gone again. Disappearing among the vast shades of brown, the chipmunk didn’t even squeak to give away his position. Holding my breath as I stared through the lens at the last place I’d seen him, I pursed my lips together tightly before slowly lowering the device from my cheek.

“Dammit. Chipmunks always sell well.” Grumbling to myself, I swiped back stray strands of hair in irritation before turning away from the tree. The large trunk was wider than my shoulders, and I frowned at the leaves above for a long, heated second. “I wish I could just get that shot…”

My mind’s eye blossomed with color as I continued on my aimless journey; every photographer wanted that shot. Anyone that had ever held a camera dreamed of snapping that one, incredible, life-altering photo that would change the world. It could be taken on accident or fully intentional; it could take hundreds, even thousands, of shots, or be taken on the spur of the moment.

But I can’t even find a deer to take a picture of. Great, Caroline- getting lost in delusions of grandeur again. Good for me. Awesome.

“Ugh!” Kicking a rock with my steel-toe boot, I clenched my hands into fists as my groan ricocheted off the trees around me. Beside me Kiki let out a soft woof, as if she sympathized with my frustration, and I wrapped my hands around my camera to slump my shoulders. “I just have to try harder to find a buck. I just want one- so, I’m going to get it. Do you think you can find a buck for me, Kiki?”

Turning my gaze to my dog, I smiled when Kiki cocked her head inquisitively. Maybe she understood what I wanted, or maybe she didn’t; in this moment, I didn’t really care.

“Let’s go. Tzzt.” My soft sound sent Kiki into action, nose to the ground and ears twitching for the slightest sound, and I followed with tense legs. Watching her work, I couldn’t even begin to understand why she’d been rejected by the Marines. The adoption officer had mentioned during the interview that Kiki was prone to violence, but never once did she so much as twitch a lip at me.

My father and his Army buddies were a different story, though. I knew the Army and the Navy had a love-hate relationship, and it must’ve extended to service dogs. Otherwise there was no reason for Kiki to hate my dad so much. At least living together was easy since they both seemed to ignore each other most of the time.

A quiet, throaty whine pulled me from my thoughts, and I blinked hard to return to the present. Laying stiff close to a tree, Kiki glanced back at me as I ducked to crouch next to her. Peering through the undergrowth, my eyes narrowed on the half dozen deer that stood, fat and lazy, in the sun. There were four does and three fawns, and I reached to scratch between Kiki’s ears before lifting myself a few inches.

In my palms, my camera was heavy, and I took a deep, stabilizing breath as I peered through the lens. The deer weren’t alert, gazing under the warmth with nothing more than a few, weak twitches of their ears. Between the adults, the babies played on fairly stable legs, and my shutter finger tensed as I zoomed in on them.

“Stay still for me, baby deer… you can do it. I got this. Just stay still… just like that.” Muttering to myself, I leant to prop my elbows on my knees just as the fawn’s spots caught the golden sunlight that breached the canopy. The shot was beautiful, and I managed to take a few before my target shuffled away. Moseying my way through the scene, my chest tightened in accomplishment with each click of the shutter.

This was what I pursued photography for- these beautiful, one of a kind photographs that couldn’t be compared.

The heat flushed my cheeks by the time I settled on my butt, and I sighed heavily as I watched the deer make their way out of my field of vision. Whatever they’d been doing, they were finished now; and so was I, apparently. Rocking backward slightly, I flung out my arm to pet Kiki’s still, anxious body before turning my gaze to her. Soft pants slipped from behind sharp, pearly white teeth, her tongue hanging out and eyes darting around, and I ran my palm down her lengthwise before opening my mouth.

“… Tszt…” In a silent flash of pure muscle Kiki was gone from my side, leaving nothing but air swirling under my skin. Sitting there for a moment, I listened to the not-so-distant sound of frantic struggle beyond the trees, but I didn’t move. I didn’t have to do anything; Kiki knew better than to go for the adult deer.

My lips picked up at the memory of my father’s face when he first took me hunting. I wasn’t particularly confident with a gun, though. The second time we went out, my father gave me a bow. When that was even worse off for me, he made the decision that I was better at cleaning and cooking than I was at shooting. From then on there was a silent understanding between us- I could shoot if I wanted to… or he could.

After a moment or two Kiki barked loudly, and I pushed myself up to swipe the debris from my butt. Clutching my camera to my chest, I followed the sound of my dog for a few yards until she came into sight.

Blood and gore had never bothered me, and this time was no different as I crouched down next to the dead fawn. Red, warm liquid seeped from a deep gash in its neck, and its eyes were glassy and lifeless as they stared into the distance. Carefully tightening the strap that held my camera, I reached for the fawn’s back hooves while Kiki once again grabbed its neck.