Nothing. I felt nothing even as my hair rustled from wind that my burned nerves couldn’t sense. Resting my cheek on my knees, I stared at the soft, green grass that coated Richard’s yard blankly. My bike was propped against his house in front of his sister’s car, and I sat on his short stoop trying to work up the energy to knock on the door behind me.

Horrible things circled in my mind, filling my ears with a ringing and beating against my eye sockets. The store clerk’s voice swirled around between my brain and my skull, and I squeezed my head between my arms in a futile attempt to relieve the pressure.

My life was ruined. I just couldn’t figure out how it’d happened. Richard and I used protection, and none of the condoms had torn.

I couldn’t even summon tears, and the hollow feeling in my chest spread a few inches more when my searching went nowhere. Sniffling harshly, I reached to rub my nose with a damp, cold hand before a soft click from behind me pierced my depressive fog. Twisting to watch the door swing open, I didn’t have the energy to lift my gaze past a pair of stylish, white heels.

“Lilly? Baby- what’s wrong?” Richard’s voice wrapped around me like a warm blanket, bringing feeling back to my toes and filling the void trapped in my ribs. Closing my eyes when his big, hot hands rested on my back, I relaxed into his chest and ignored the intense gaze on my crown.

“He- he kicked me out… I didn’t know where else to go?” My statement came out a question, a weak mumble, and Richard sucked in a sharp breath. Squeezing me to him, he sat down awkwardly on the steps to hold my head to him while his free hand trailed up my back and into my hair.

“What happened? Why didn’t you go to Kayla’s?” Concern shone so clearly in his voice, and I shook my head wordlessly. I didn’t even know where to start; the day had taken such a sharp, sudden turn that I couldn’t process what I should do next. “Okay- alright- uh… Let’s get you inside, baby.”

Helping me to my feet, Richard secured me to his side before leading me past his sister and into the house. I barely remembered she was there, but the faint smell of her perfume wafted up into my nostrils. Dropping heavily onto his couch, I shivered at the bolt of ice that rattled up my spine to dig between my shoulder blades.

“Tell me what happened, Lilly…” Kneeling before me, Richard cupped my face to coax my hoarse voice out, and I licked my lips heavily. The action did nothing; my dry mouth tasted like ash anywhere my tongue touched.

“He found out I wasn’t at Kayla’s last night, and he told me he’d kick me out if I didn’t break up with you… so- so I- I left…” Choking on the words, I took a shaky breath before attempting to speak above a rasping whisper. “He said he’d tell Mom if I didn’t choose. But… I’m not supposed to move into Kayla’s for a couple more weeks, so… I came here.”

I wanted to tell Richard about my other predicament, but I couldn’t find the words. Tearing my eyes off his, I tilted my face away only for his thumbs to caress my cheekbones. He was quiet, too quiet, and my eyelids drooped as the exhaustion of the day caught up with me now that I was safe.

“Hey- hey… you’re okay, now, baby. Just relax.” Leaning into his touch, it wasn’t long before I was laying on the couch, and he ran his fingers through my hair soothingly. “Just take a minute, and we’ll talk about it.”

“Rich- please tell me that’s not your long-lost daughter that you put up for adoption and then she found you or something ridiculous like that.” The abrasive, feminine voice was filled with hard-edged curiosity, and Richard’s immediate scoff sailed across my cheek to tickle my ear. Closing my eyes fully, I drank in the comfort from his soft touch and let it warm my frozen body.

“Of course not, Linda. Lilly and I are… in a relationship.” The declaration sounded more thoughtful than hesitant, and my heart stuttered at the realization that this was the first time Richard had said aloud what we were. Girlfriend and boyfriend didn’t sound right- it sounded juvenile and temporary. A bark of laughter gyrated against my eardrums, and Linda’s tone only added to the heavy atmosphere bearing down on me.

“She’s barely legal, Rich… and she came to you when her dad kicked her out of the house? That’s a major red flag, you know. You’re too old to make mistakes like this-“

“Lilly is not a fucking mistake, Linda!” The sheer volume of Richard’s voice cracked the seals of my eyelids, and I focused just in time to catch the scathing glare he sent his sister. Fury rang in the reverberations of his shout, and he pursed his lips and heaved a breath through his nose before opening his mouth again. “I think it’s time you leave. And don’t you dare think of saying anything about this to anyone because I’ll be pissed.”

“You’ve never been in a real relationship in your entire life, and you want me to believe that some girl half your age is it for you? Rich, she’s only after your money- you know that right?” Richard’s hands left me shivering and cold, and I could barely process what his sister said before he shoved her loudly out of the house. Slamming the door behind her, he flicked the lock before I found the energy to search for him. My eyes ached, and his were narrowed when they met as he got on his knees in front of me.

“It’s okay, Lilly. You can stay here for as long as you want. Did you bring anything with you?” Instead of replying verbally, I simply nodded, but I didn’t want Richard to leave me even for the few seconds it’d take him to go to the driveway and back. Just like so many times before, he knew, and I closed my eyes as he moved to sit on the couch and prop my ankles in his lap. Carefully removing my sneakers and socks, he massaged my feet gently, and the sensation sent tingles all the way to my scalp.

“… Just relax, baby.” Oh, I will. The thought came and went on a wisp, but I was too tired to relax- too tired even to sleep. I was tired in my soul, and my only hope was that it dissipated as fast as it’d come up on me. Maybe, in a few days, I’d be okay, just like Richard had said; it was stupid to think so, but that didn’t stop me from wishing.

“I’m… I’m just… shocked… I think? I- I don’t… I never thought that my dad noticed so much…” Mumbling, slurred, my words only pulled a sigh from the other end of the couch, and Richard rubbed his thumbs against the pad of my foot firmly. Confusion welled up in me; I still couldn’t figure out how my father knew but my mother didn’t.

Then again, my mom never really saw me- she just, kind of, looked through me, most of the time.

“I understand. Parents always surprise you like that. It’s crazy what they know. I remember- when I was 15, I drank for the first time. I had one half of a beer, barely a buzz, and I strolled into my house at 8p.m. on the dot for curfew. One foot in the door, my mom looks at me from the kitchen and tells me I’m grounded for two weeks for drinking. I still don’t know how she knew.” Fondness brightened Richard’s tone, and I sighed heavily. “I’m just trying to figure out why he wouldn’t tell your mom… why he gave you the ultimatum he did. He had to know you hated your home life, right?”

“I don’t know.” Answering dully, I pictured my father’s face in the darkness of my mind. Parents weren’t supposed to be their children’s friends, but I never thought my dad would make me choose freedom or prison. Unless he knew what I would choose.

The thought sent a hiccup up my tight, raw throat, and I frowned deeply underneath furrowed brows. My father never said a word against Kayla or my other friends. He didn’t get mad or disappointed when I went out to do something his religion considered a sin- like get drunk or go dancing at a party. Only when I went too far did he express his disapproval, but even then, it was just like how he’d reacted to my deferment from college. His concern was shrouded and disguised, and it took me a long time to understand him.

Maybe this was one of those times.

“You should call Kayla and let her know what happened.” Richard’s tidbit of advice flew over my head, and I sluggishly rolled onto my back to look at him through aching eyes. His face was pinched, body rigid even as he massaged my feet gently, and I reached to rub my cheeks harshly. Taking a deep, hard breath, I sat up slowly to rake my hands through my hair before exhaling sharply.

“Richard…” Shuffling onto my hands and knees to straddle his waist, I pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips before licking my own. “I love you. It may only be right now, and it may not last- but, I love you.”

My lower lip wobbled, and my voice shook, but the truth that flowed out of me sagged my shoulders and eased the tension on my heart. Wrapping his arms around me like steel bands, Richard’s breath hitched, and he gulped harshly before his mouth captured mine. Closing my eyes, I let the passion dancing on his tongue soothe my wounds as it tangled with mine.

He didn’t say those three, little words back to me, but I understood. Breaking our kiss, I took a steady breath- my first in an hour or so- to bury my face in his broad shoulder. Focusing on him, my slow mind began to churn with ideas and notions that would eventually become a plan.