Sitting across from James at the table, I propped my chin in my palm as I waited for him to take his first bite. Anticipation curled in my gut, and I held my breath even as the smell of my meal wafted into my nostrils to tempt me. Through narrowed eyes I watched him saw through what I hoped would be a perfectly cooked venison steak with borderline excitement splattered across his expression.

I wasn’t sure when his last home-cooked meal had been, but that only made hope blossom that he’d like it more.

James had stormed off before he’d cut the flank into steaks, and my gaze flickered down to his plate. I’d done my best, but the counter was basically neck level; there was no way I could butcher a perfect cut. Covering my cheek with my fingers, I couldn’t hide my smile shining with embarrassment as he stabbed his piece with his fork.

Leaning in, I licked my lips when James pushed his fork passed his teeth. My heart stuttered, and he chewed slowly a few times before his gaze met mine. Lifting his free arm, he gave me a thumbs up that seemed to hit me right in the face. Grinning around my fingers, I dropped my hand to heave a big sigh of relief.

“I’m so glad. The only person I usually cook for is my dad, and he automatically likes anything I make ‘cause I’m his daughter.” Rushing my words, I grabbed my fork and knife to turn my attention to my plate. The mashed potatoes didn’t look as bad as I thought they would, and I poked around them for a moment to bask in my accomplishment.

“It’s good. You did a good job, Caroline.” A fiery blush spread up my neck and across my face, and I furrowed my brows as I shoveled mashed potato into my mouth. The bite had a lot more flavor than I expected; James only had salt and pepper to season anything with. Humming softly in agreement, I peeked out from under my eyelashes to find him watching me closely. “… What else can you make? Can you make jerky?”

“U- uh… yeah. I know how… Maybe you can butcher the rest of the deer and I’ll make some when I go home? We have a huge dehumidifier- courtesy of Sheila.” Blinking at my own suggestion, I frowned slightly as my voice hung between us. “Or- or I can make the trip back here when my ankle heals up. You want to remodel, but I won’t be much help in a wheelchair. That way I can just bring you it…”

Cutting into my steak roughly, I pursed my lips together to stop the word vomit that spewed from my mouth. Talking about leaving- thinking of leaving- was so incredibly awkward, and I tightened my grip on my fork to spear my piece.

The truth was that once I left, there was a very good chance we’d never see each other again. I had no doubt that James recognized that possibility, too, by the way his pleased expression slowly morphed into a scowl.

“You can’t just make it here? All you need is salt, right?” Chewing my extremely tender piece, I pondered the questions while the dark lilt in James’ voice tickled my ears. My success with this steak fell by the wayside, and I ducked my head in a noncommittal nod before swallowing.

“Yeah, I could. You’d need a smoke room or something, though- somewhere to dry the meat out thoroughly.” James’ cabin didn’t have any outbuildings; he wasn’t equipped to make one, either. There wasn’t anywhere in the house to dry the meat unless he wanted to use the back bedroom, and I blinked to recall the tortured expression he wore just attempting to open the door.

“… What about a smoke pit? Would that work? I’ve got a pallet of bricks that the people before me just left out on the back porch.” Nodding around my mouthful, I tossed the idea around a bit before repeating the action more firmly. Across the table, James smirked, and he turned to his plate to eat in silence.

My mind was in turmoil; it was so easy to forget that James was a complete stranger. Sure- he was a Marine, and Kiki liked him, but I didn’t know him in the way I constantly found myself thinking I did. There was just something about him that seemed so easy to confide in even if he didn’t do the same. Glancing out the window at the bright, summer sun, I sucked my inner cheek between my teeth to hold back a sigh.

Tomorrow I’m going to go home and leave this paradise behind. The thought was honestly depressing.

James finished eating before I did, and he dumped his dishes in the sink before getting a beer from the refrigerator. A water bottle landed in front of me, and I smiled in appreciation before reaching for it. Quenching my dry mouth, I watched from the corner of my eye as he leaned on the counter to neck his dark green bottle. The silence surrounding our meal was peaceful, but it took only a few seconds for him to break it when he swiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Can I give Kiki the leg? She hasn’t eaten since yesterday.” Nodding automatically, I scooped up my last bit of corn as James grabbed the leg on the counter. The entire kitchen would probably have to be disinfected, but that was a job a few minutes in the future. Crouching down, he gestured to Kiki under the table before holding out the leg. There was still a generous amount of meat on the bone, and I shuffled in my chair to watch my dog crawl out from her spot.

“Do you want to let her outside to eat that?” My question seemed to surprise him, and James furrowed his brows as I licked my lips. “You’d have to mop up after her…”

“Yeah… okay. I’ll do the rest of the doe, too.” Goosebumps rose on my chest and arms at that, and I nodded before gathering up my plate and utensils. Rolling myself to the sink, I rinsed my burden to follow James and Kiki to the back door. The air was heavy even in the shade of his patio, and he set the leg down on the concrete slab with a grunt.

Today was so mosey; yesterday could’ve been attributed to the drugs I’d had, but this series of moments were all my own. My camera sat on the chair I’d been in before lunch, and I took it gently while James made his way back to his makeshift butcher block. He had everything he needed to live out here, even if most of it was rudimentary. Holding my camera to my eye, I locked on his form to snap a photo of him next to the dead, skinned animal. We’d only been inside for half an hour or so, and there wasn’t a single fly buzzing around the carcass.

“This is nice… I can see why you like it out here. It’s peaceful.” Speaking before I could stop myself, I sucked in a breath at how stupid I sounded. James had never given any indication he liked living here; he just couldn’t bring himself to leave for whatever reason. Peering at his face through the lens while he bent over the doe, I pursed my lips together tightly at the thick crease between his brows.

“I guess. I mean- I have money… a lot of money. Yet, I’m still here. I could’ve left after all of that shit I went through, but I didn’t.” James was so physically imposing that seeing him in any other environment was almost impossible. Smiling slightly, I turned my camera to Kiki as she tackled her leg. She gnawed at the meat, not even trying to bite off chunks.

Lazy dog.

“I’m glad you didn’t. Otherwise I’d be screwed.”

“Your ex-fiancé…” Lowering my camera at the topic, I glanced at James as he raked a knife through the front of the doe’s rib cage. I almost regretted telling him about Jason, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time. “He never tried to get back with you? Do you know what happened to him?”

“Nope, and no. I’ve seen him a few times in public or on the street, but I never approached him, and he never took a second look at me.” Even nearly a decade later, I wondered how I could be so stupid. Of course, I wanted children; my dad wanted to be a granddad.

But I didn’t want them at 21 years old or with a man I had essentially settled on. There were so many little details I had left out that had cultivated into what would’ve been a shit storm if Jason and I really went through with our marriage. I probably would’ve gotten cold feet and called it off. It would’ve been the right thing to do, but I’d probably be in a lot of shit if everything had already been paid for.

“I haven’t been in a lot of relationships. Being with a Marine isn’t exactly the best life for most women. Plus, Nick’s incredibly rich, so I tried to steer clear of all that shit because I never knew if they liked me or him. But he and Hannah are having their first kid in a couple months. Every time I think about it, I’m so glad it’s him and not me. I couldn’t see it then, but she’s so sunny and happy- it would’ve driven me up a wall.”

“What do you look for in a woman?” I couldn’t help it; I was a terrible person for even asking that question, but I wanted to know. Besides, he brought it up. It’s his fault. In the ensuing silence I wondered what kind of man I wanted. Just like James, I hadn’t dated much after breaking off my engagement. Photography took up a lot of my time and energy, and then I adopted Kiki. Men seemed unnecessary after that because I had everything I wanted.

I was successful, accomplished, and companioned. There was always the option of toys to fill in the rest.

“It sounds stupid, but I want someone that I can talk to that doesn’t pity me. I hate pity. I’ve been through some shit, but I did it because I wanted to do it at the time. A lot of people, especially women, act like my leg and my buddies are some sensitive subject they shouldn’t ask about.” Resting my camera in my lap, I narrowed my eyes on James as he heaved a sigh, his lip quirked in a slight, depreciating smirk. “Woman don’t like my leg. They think I’m an invalid. I don’t limp or anything, but sometimes it hurts… especially when I get stressed.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid, James. And for what it’s worth, I don’t really notice your leg. And your buddies- your tours- they make you who you are. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, so there’s no reason to pity you for it.” Truth rang in my voice, and James glanced up with a bit more of a genuine smile. My chest tightened, and I lifted my camera to capture the moment. He was sweet, and his eyes searched through my lens before he returned to his work.

AND that’s it! That was a long sneak peek, actually half the book!

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