Jake

 

Hopping up from the couch, I pace in front of the television with the remote in my hand. I’ve been trying to watch a show, but I can’t pay attention. I can never sit still, either.

It’s Thursday, and knowing I’m leaving tomorrow to stay with Maddie for the weekend makes me more anxious about how Sailor has distanced herself the last three days.

I’m sure she’s been busy and distracted with work, but I’m getting a different, unsettling vibe from her. I turn off the television and toss the remote on the couch.

Not telling her about Rebecca is eating at me. I’m honest to a fault, so the fact that I didn’t tell Sailor before we slept together isn’t resting well on my conscience.

Fuck it. I’m going to talk to her. I have to know everything’s OK between us before I leave for the weekend. I walk upstairs and stop at her open door. She’s on her bed with a stack of papers and what looks like a planner between her legs.

“Hi. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Smiling, she moves her stuff aside so I can sit on the side of the bed. “I’m grading papers. Well, if you can call it that with kindergartners. Their handwriting is comical and illegible at this age. Do you want a grape scented sticker?”

Peeling a sticker off a sheet of them, she leans over and presses it against the chest area of my t-shirt.

“Mads would be jealous. Is she still behaving?”

“Yes. She’s been quieter this week. I think you lift her spirits, so since she hasn’t seen you, she seems a little down.”

“I wanted to remind you that I’ll be staying with her this weekend at Brad’s. My mom and dad are too busy with their jobs to watch her.

“My sister is supposed to be released in a few months, so I’m hoping things will return to normal then. No little girl should be separated from her mother like this, especially with no preparation, but my sister was stupid.”

“Can I ask what she did?”

“She helped her unscrupulous financial-adviser-of-a-boss embezzle money from his clients. Luckily, she was more of an accomplice, so she got less time.

“It was an idiotic move on her part. I’m sure my brother-in-law was aware of it, too, and allowed it because they were getting a cut of the money and needed it.

“It was such a betrayal to my father and me since we’re in law enforcement, but I’d never punish my niece for her mom’s shameful actions.”

“Wow.”

“I know. It’s still hard for me to believe. Marcy said she did it for Maddie, to pay for her private schooling and future, but that’s not what matters most. My niece needs her mom and her routine.

“Instead, she’s left with me every other weekend while Brad travels to stay near Marcy’s hospital on Friday and Saturday nights to have visitation with her.

“Since I have no experience caring for a kid, I worry every time I’m with Maddie that I’ll make a serious mistake, but I enjoy spending time with her.”

Shoving her work aside even farther on the bed, Sailor gets up on her knees and stalks toward me. She circles her arms around my neck and climbs in my lap, so I help her straddle me. There’s the woman I need.

“Seeing your love and concern for Maddie warms my heart every time. It shows me your amazing character.” She kisses my lips a few times, each one soft and seductive. “We should spend time together before you leave,” she whispers against my lips.

“I like the sound of that. You’ve seemed different the last few days.”

Sailor averts her gaze to the wall. “I’ve had some stuff on my mind, memories really. I needed some time alone. I’m also busy through the week, but I can finish my work later.”

She kisses my lips again, and I groan since I have to fuck up this moment. I squeeze the top of her thighs.

“As much as I don’t want to interrupt where this is headed, I have to tell you something. I should’ve done it before we messed around, but you were too tempting in the hot tub, and then after you saw Elliott, you didn’t want to talk, but it can’t wait another day.”

Loosening her hold on my neck, she leans back in my lap.

“This sounds serious. God, please tell me you weren’t really seeing someone before I crashed into your life.”

“No, it’s about Rebecca.” In three seconds, Sailor’s out of my lap, retreating to her safe spot on the bed.

“OK, tell me.”

“The whole story is complicated. You know how I told you I spent summers with Thatcher at his family’s home in the Hamptons?”

“Yes…”

“The summer after I graduated high school, I spent a lot of time there, and I met Rebecca at one of Thatcher’s parties. She was alone that night, and I didn’t ask her if she was single since she was hitting on me like it wasn’t an issue.

“Long story short, we had sex.” Sailor’s eyes dart to one of the windows on her right. “I didn’t know that Elliott was her boyfriend. I had no clue until it was too late.”

“So, did it only happen once?”

“Unfortunately, no. Thatcher told me about Elliott the next morning, and I didn’t plan on seeing Rebecca again, but she was persistent, and I’ll admit I was lusting after her.”

“She had that effect on guys.”

“I was a stupid eighteen-year-old male with raging hormones. I didn’t know Elliott, and I felt like I’d already fucked up. Since she kept offering and wouldn’t leave me alone, I went along with it.”

“Christ,” Sailor mumbles before she drags her lip through her teeth. The tears washing over her eyes tell me this is bad.

“Sailor, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I never had feelings for Rebecca. It was purely physical, and to this day, I’m ashamed I was the other guy. It was a dick thing to do to Elliott.”

She looks back at me. “You were young, and I know the reputation my sister had. Wait, Elliott knows about you and Rebecca, right?”

“Of course.”

“He was taught growing up to take abuse, so I guess that’s why he endured my sister’s for so long, and Rebecca was magnetic. She knew it and manipulated guys with her looks and charisma.”

“Did you know Elliott’s father died of a heart attack? I guess it’s been about three years now. Elliott hadn’t seen him in ages, though, and he told me the man was violent.”

Staring out the window again, Sailor fights back tears.

“I didn’t know about his dad dying. I’ve done everything in my power to avoid hearing news about the people in my past. I hope Elliott’s truly at peace over the loss of his father.”

“I don’t know. He’s not the sharing type.”

“Yeah, I’ve picked up on that, and one day, you’ll have to tell me how in the world he forgave you and became your friend after you slept with his girlfriend.”

“There’s more I need to tell you.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t want to hear it because the past equates to sadness and disappointment.”

“But I can’t keep secrets.”

Swallowing, she looks back at me, and there’s a stoic, determined look in her gaze.

“Everyone has secrets, and keeping them to yourself isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes those demons do more destruction when we set them free.”

I reach for her hand, but she moves it.

“I understand why you’d feel grief over losing your sister and guilt for being behind the wheel of that car, but ultimately, you weren’t to blame. You were trying to help that night. At some point, you have to forgive yourself.”

“Demons, Jake. You don’t know everything, and it needs to stay that way.”

“OK. Then if you want to keep it in the past, let’s do that. Let’s only focus on now and the future.” I scratch the back of my head. “Look, I’m not good at saying stuff like this, but I feel this connection to you, and I want to see it through. I need to know if there could be more between us. I think you feel it, too.”

“I do feel it, and I want to give us an honest chance, as well, but that’s not happening tonight. When the past pays me a visit, it doesn’t disappear in minutes.”

Grasping my hand, she threads our fingers and finds a smile. “Can we start over Monday? I think we got a little ahead of ourselves. I need the weekend to unwind and regroup. School just began, my best friend is moving across the Pacific, and I lost my home, along with everything I owned.

“Add the fact I started sleeping with a guy I barely knew and crashed head-on with my painful past, and it’s safe to say I’m overwhelmed.”

“That makes sense. Just know that it’s not like me to want more with a woman. I can’t get you out of my head, and that means something.”

Bringing our hands up, she kisses mine.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, either. Thank you for being honest with me about Rebecca. I better get back to work, but feel free to text me this weekend. I hope you and Maddie have fun.”

“I’m sure we will. Oh, just to let you know, Elliott might be around some while I’m gone. He’s already been at the hospital a few days now, so he should be home tonight or in the morning.”

“That’s fine. I have to get used to it, right? That is, if you and I are going to see where this connection takes us.” She gifts me a grin like I haven’t seen since Monday, when she consumed a few too many glasses of wine.

“Right.” Getting off her bed, I lean over and give her one last kiss. “I’ll see you soon, Teach.”

“Back at ya, Detective.”