Elliott
“Thank you for dinner,” Sailor says after I set her box of fried rice in front of her, along with an eggroll.
“You’re welcome.”
“I love it out here, on the terrace.” She smiles, but her eyes don’t meet mine as she looks out toward the park. I let her have the better side of the table, and as she takes in her surroundings, I absorb the sight of her.
I don’t feel worthy of thinking of Sailor sexually, but I can’t help it. From the cleavage showing in her pink V-neck t-shirt to her tight, little ass in black yoga pants, my darker side is winning on the moral battlefront.
She looks at me while nervously jabbing her rice with her chopsticks.
“I thought you were never returning to the city, so even though you’re not on the Upper East Side, I was surprised to see you’re this close, and I would’ve never pegged you as a Greenwich guy.”
“Cornell University is tied to New York/Presbyterian. I needed to work there. By living in the Village, I’m far enough away from the past, yet I still have a tolerable commute. Jake told me you had been living on the Lower East Side. How did that come about?”
Swallowing her bite of food, she looks off toward the landscape.
“Things weren’t the same after Rebecca died, not at school or with my friends and family. I’m not close to my parents, and I’ve done what I can to essentially vanish from those I once knew.”
“Same, but it’s a shame to hear that’s the case for you.”
“It’s been lonely at times, but the change opened my eyes to a whole other world happening outside of the pretentious one you and I grew up in. It’s a richer life in my opinion. Once I left for college, I never looked back.”
“Since your father’s a CEO of a tech company, I figured he would expect you to go to business school.”
“I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. I’m sure Rebecca would’ve been more suited for the boardroom.” Sailor frowns and stabs her food a few more times. “I’ve felt like a disappointment to my parents for years now.”
“Because they think you were driving the night of the accident, right?”
“That’s not the only reason, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“A lot has changed over the years.”
“It seems so, and it’s weird I wound up in your home.”
“Yeah, it is strange.” We eat quietly as I search for the nerve to ask her a harder question. Maybe it’s only hard because I don’t want to hear the answer I’m expecting. “I’m having trouble telling what’s happening between you and Jake. Are you dating?”
“I’m having trouble telling, too.” She smiles, and I wonder if it’s simply because I mentioned his name. “We’re not a couple, but we’re going to spend more time together to see if our attraction could evolve into something serious.
“I don’t believe he’d sleep with anyone else right now, but we didn’t agree to be exclusive. He told me last night about his connection to Rebecca. The fact I didn’t know was weighing on him.”
Shoving my chopsticks in my box, I lean back in my chair.
“What did he tell you?”
“That he slept with her while you and Rebecca were dating.”
“I’m surprised he told you and even more surprised you’re not pissed at him.”
“Why would I be? I mean, of course I’d prefer he hadn’t slept with her, too, but it’s in the past, and we’ve all made mistakes. He was young and immature, and I don’t believe that should be a factor in judging his character today.”
“You said he slept with her, too. That means you’ve slept with Jake.” Lacing my hands behind my head, I look to the sky as the sun sets. “Fuck.”
“Why is that a big deal?”
“Since it’s Jake we’re talking about, I’m not surprised, but I guess I was hoping it wasn’t the case.”
“Again, why does it matter to you?”
“It matters to me because you matter to me.” I rest my arms on the table and lean over it. “Sailor, I still care about you. I will never not care about you. You need to know that before things get any more serious between you and Jake and I’m not allowed to say it.”
“I don’t know what your definition of care is, but I have a feeling you shouldn’t elaborate, especially if you consider Jake a good friend.”
“I’m not sure what the definition is, either, but what I do know is that it tears me up inside to see the two of you together.”
“No. Stop.” Sailor pushes her chair back, and in a flash, she’s heading right into the condo. I follow her and watch as she grabs a bottle of wine and strides to the kitchen.
“I take it you like to drink.”
“Only since I met Jake. I seldom drank before then, but I’m finding it helps my nerves.”
“Talk to me.”
“I can’t,” she says as she opens the drawer to find a corkscrew. I grab it first, and taking the bottle from her, I proceed to open it.
“I’ll shut up about the past … and us. Just don’t leave. Spend time with me so we can work through this awkwardness.”
Rubbing her forehead, she looks up at me.
“OK, but only because we need to keep moving forward. Jake thinks it will be good for us.”
As I pour her a glass of strawberry wine, I wonder if she hopes the alcohol will erase her memories of me. “He thinks it will help you make a commitment to Nicole,” she adds.
Freezing, I glance down at her, and she’s biting her lip, her dark eyes round as she waits for my response. Hmm … Sailor’s curious about Nicole and me.
“He shouldn’t be talking about my personal shit. He’s not a fucking therapist or matchmaker.”
“He’s only trying to help. Nicole seemed nice when we met.”
“Yes, she’s a kind person.” Handing Sailor her glass, I put the wine in the refrigerator.
“What does she do for a living? How long have you two been dating? And where did you meet?”
I laugh. “Why so curious?”
Taking a long drink, she sets her wine glass on the counter and stares at it.
“Because you matter to me, too. I want to know that the woman you’re with is genuinely kindhearted and makes you happy. After the way your dad and Rebecca treated you, I need to know you’re with someone who’s good to you.”
Clasping her chin, I turn her head my direction.
“I’m not in a relationship with Nicole, but she’s incredible. Any man would be lucky to have her, but only one who’s not a fuckup deserves her.”
“So, you’re not in a relationship with her because you don’t feel like you’re good enough.”
“I can’t give her every part of me, and Nicole deserves someone who’s all in.”
“Why can’t you?”
“I said I wouldn’t talk about the past, and I’d have to do that to explain myself. Let’s change the subject before I run you off.” I glance down at her lips, and realizing I’m still holding her chin, I release it. “I need a distraction. Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Sounds like a great way to spend the evening, but we should probably finish dinner first. I’m sorry I ran out.”
I sigh. “I told you never to apologize to me. Until the end of time, don’t do it again. Got it?”
“Got it.”