Elliott
Sailor skims her fingers over my chest, and I close my eyes, feeling at peace, and it’s the first time I’ve felt this calm in my life.
I listen to our breathing, smooth and in sync, and it reminds me of the ocean, the waves slowing ebbing and flowing against the shore. I remember Sailor’s laugh from when she was young, her radiant smile and warmth.
My home was volatile, Rebecca was usually a bitch with unreasonable expectations, and our friends were snobby and judgmental. Sailor was kind and pure. It was as if the Lockwoods had brought the wrong baby home from the hospital.
God, I loved spending time with her before I should’ve, but it wasn’t in a lustful way. Sailor was the light in a universe of darkness, so when she was being taken away from me after the accident, I had to be sure she’d never forget me. I wasn’t trying to be selfish.
“How did you find it in your heart to forgive Jake for what he did with Rebecca?” she asks. I tense, and my peaceful state disappears.
“I don’t want to ruin tonight with the past.”
She props herself up on her elbow. “I really want to know. It’s a huge deal that you could be his friend after what happened the night of the accident. I feel like it will help me understand you better.”
“But it doesn’t make me appear better.”
“Please. I know Jake would tell me if I asked, but I want to hear it from you.”
I stare at the ceiling. “All right. The day after Rebecca died, my father beat me worse than he ever had. He beat me like a man would another in a bar fight. It’s why I looked like I did the day of the funeral.
“Then, the day before he died, he tried to get me to come back around. I’d shut him out for several years, and I wasn’t budging. Since I refused, he abused me the only way he could–verbally.
“He told me I killed Rebecca and was a disgrace to our family. He said I wasn’t a man since I let you take the fall, even though I knew he was grateful you did. He said every vile thing he could think of to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.
“After I got the call he died, I snapped. I needed someone to hurt. I needed a way to unleash all the anger I couldn’t unleash on my father. I felt guilty about the last conversation I’d had with him, and that only made me angrier.”
I exhale a lengthy breath, the shame resurfacing.
“I knew how to get hold of Thatcher, so I found out where Jake spent time. I hunted him down and picked a fight with him at a bar he hung out in with other cops.
“We went outside, and I attacked him. He was caught off-guard, and I was blind with fury, so this time was much worse than the beating I gave him the night I caught him with Rebecca.
It lasted only seconds before people pulled me off him, but he took several blows to the head and had a severe concussion. It was bad.”
I take another long breath as I imagine Sailor judging me, doubting me all over again.
“Long story short, I was hauled off to jail, my future as a physician was over, and I’d hit rock-bottom, having acted just like my father. The past wasn’t letting me run from it any longer.”
Wrapping her arm around my waist, Sailor hugs me, and I’m surprised she wants to comfort me. “I got out on bond, and Jake came to see me once he healed up some. We talked, and he said he’d always felt partly to blame for Rebecca’s death.
“I guess he needed to clear his conscience over it, so he forgave me, dropped the charges, and with his law enforcement connections, he found a way to erase the entire incident.
“It’s weird. We were the last people who should become friends, but after he did that for me, I felt I owed him, so I offered him a place to live. I was hardly ever home, and he never could’ve afforded a condo as nice as mine.
“Jake didn’t deserve what I did to him outside that bar, so I guess I’ll always feel indebted. It’s another reason I thought I should leave you, and let you be with him.
“When he confronted us about the baby, asking me how I could do that to you, I heard my father’s voice all over again, reminding me of what a failure I was. I thought you belonged with someone better.”
Moving her body over mine, Sailor kisses me and glides her fingers through my hair. I don’t feel worthy of touching her, but after several seconds, I can’t resist wrapping my arms around her soft, bare skin.
“You’re not a bad person. You’re human, and after what you’d gone through in life, it’s no wonder you couldn’t keep that anger bottled up.
“Jake was partly responsible for the events leading up to Rebecca’s death, so I can see why you blamed him. I don’t think less of you now that I know. If anything, I love you more for being able to open up to me.”
I shake my head. “I’m amazed by the way I can talk to you. I’ve never been like that with women, or anyone really, but you’re not anyone.”
“No, I’m someone who knows the real you, the caring Elliott.” As she smiles, I move hair off her face so I can have a better look.
“I love you, and I hope like hell you’ll let me prove it every day. Pick me, Sailor. Jake’s a better man. I can admit that, but I don’t believe he could love you as much as I do. It’s not possible.”
Rolling us over, I secure her petite frame beneath me, ensuring she’s mine for the moment. I claim her mouth, stroke her tongue and inhale her fruity scent that I could swear smells like strawberries.
I bite, suck and lave my way down her sinful body to sear in her brain that only I could make her feel this good. I’m the only man who could love and desire her to this degree.