Sailor
After Elliott says his heart-stirring words, he ducks his head to kiss me. I tremble, my nerves at attention, attempting to guard my heart.
Jake makes my stomach flutter in a fun, exhilarating way, whereas Elliott evokes a fight or flight response. It’s scary, and it’s not so much him I fear.
It’s the reckless, bold behavior I suspect he could draw out of me. I often wonder if there’s anything I wouldn’t have let him do to me the night he took my virginity.
As he explores my mouth, I slide his t-shirt up and clutch his waist. He lowers his long, broad body onto mine and kisses me deeper like I’ve invited him in, and I guess I have.
His solid weight and hard dick against my leg make me feel like he’s making me his, and in the moment, I am his, but I can’t avoid thinking about how I was with another man only last night.
It doesn’t feel wrong to be with Elliott, only wrong to be with him right after Jake, and that confuses me further.
Elliott fists my hair and skims his mouth down my throat, inciting a whimper I can’t hold in. He hums appreciation against my skin with his sultry lips, and I skim my fingers up his back.
“I want to hear that sound again, but louder,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m going to make you moan.” He raises up and peels off his shirt, but the panic takes over in an instant, so I grab his legs.
“I’m–I’m not sure I’m ready.”
Falling over, he catches himself with his hands by my head. We stare at each other as I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.
“You slept with Jake soon after you met him. What’s different about us?”
“I told you over the weekend that it was going to take time for me to trust you. Having sex with you is a much bigger deal.”
“Why?”
“I can’t talk about it yet.” I look to my right, far away from Elliott’s eyes, and I feel how the tears want to bubble up with the pain and memories.
“I’m worried you’re going to choose him, and it will crush me if you do.” Lowering his body back on mine, Elliott plays with my hair and presses a gentle kiss to my lips.
“You’re not his. Not yet. Give me one night to feel your body trapped beneath mine. If I don’t get the chance, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. This is the only way I’ll be able to let you go.”
I stiffen. “So, you’re going to do what you did the first time; take what you want and leave me?”
“That’s not at all what I meant. I have no intentions of leaving you, but you may choose him. Look, if this is about our first time, I know you were too young and it happened too fast. I’m sorry.”
“To this day, I’m glad you were my first. I guess I worry if we have sex, it’s going to trigger other memories.”
“What other memories? Did someone hurt you after me?”
My chest tightens, the anguish returning, and I squeeze my eyes shut like I always do when I think about that day … or him. It’s too painful.
“Sailor, I feel like I’m playing a game where I don’t know the rules, or I’m taking a pop quiz on shit I never got to study for. I’m worried it’s too late for me to catch up.”
“I don’t want it to be, but I need time to tell, and I don’t think you have the patience for that.”
“I do if you give me a fighting chance.”
“I’m trying, but my concerns aren’t about sex. I’m sure we’d compatible in that area.”
“Then we’ll only talk.” Moving off me, Elliott lies on his side and covers my stomach with his hand. “Tell me about your students. Who are your favorites and why?”
I smile over how he’s wanting to turn this around and make it better, which is sweet of him.
“I shouldn’t have favorites, but if I was forced to pick, Maddie would be my favorite girl, and it’s not because of her uncle. She has a kind soul and is inquisitive.
“She listens to me teach, but then she gets in her own world, and I can tell from the way she scrunches her forehead that she’s thinking about so many things at once. I love this age because their brains are like sponges, ready to absorb all the information they can soak up.”
“She is a cute kid.”
“And as far as boys, it’s actually the one who is the biggest pain in my butt so far, Logan.”
Elliott cock an eyebrow. “How is that?”
“He’s smart, and I think he only acts up because he wants attention. He’s too young to feel like he has to try that hard for it, which makes me wonder what his home life is like.
“He does everything he can to hold my attention when he’s supposed to be listening or working. He can do something as simple as grin ridiculously wide, showing me his teeth, and I’m putty in his hands.”
“Maybe he has a little crush on his teacher. I can understand why.” Elliott leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek. “You really love teaching, don’t you?”
“I do, and the kids are the best part. Do you want children?”
“I don’t think so. My career will probably keep me busy. I mean, I’ll be working a lot of hours and varied shifts.”
“A lot of doctors have children.”
“Yeah, and a lot of doctors didn’t have an abusive father. I guess I worry I’ll be a bad dad, too. My fists have a fondness for walls and doors, so what if I have a kid and then somehow become my father?”
“You’re not like him. Maybe you do have pent-up anger needing to be released, but I don’t believe you could ever direct it toward a child.” I lower my gaze. “I want kids, Elliott. I need a man who someday wants them, too.”
“You have hard exams to pass, Sailor Girl.” Smirking, he circles his arm around my waist and pulls me until I have no choice but to lie on top of his body.
He captures my mouth, so I run my fingers into his hair and kiss him back. I might not be ready for more, but I do love his kisses.
***
“I can’t believe it’s two o’clock in the morning. I think my lips are bruised from kissing you, and the little monsters are going to walk all over me today if I don’t get at least a few hours’ sleep.”
After pressing his lips to my forehead, Elliott yawns, causing me to yawn, too.
“We had a lot of catching up to do.”
“We did, and I loved talking to you. Now, I might know more than who’s sleeping with who while I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy.”
Elliott chuckles. “I get carried away when talking about medicine. I’m sorry you have to work today.”
“What are you going to do on your day off?”
“I’m having lunch with my mother.”
“Tell her I said thank you for the room.” I glance around the tranquil space. “I love it. I feel like I’m at the beach every day now.”
“When was the last time you were in Southampton?”
“The summer before I started college. How about you?”
“I’ve been to my family’s country home several times, but it was only to be alone.”
“I guess we’ve both been alone a lot.”
Slipping a hand in my hair, Elliott pulls me close and kisses me.
“I don’t feel alone anymore.”
“Neither do I.”