I didn’t want him to stay, but it was almost like he couldn’t get out of here fast enough. I didn’t know how I felt about that. On one hand I needed him to leave before I started panicking again, but, on the other hand, it kind of stung. It made me think something was wrong with me because it reminded me of someone that I didn’t want to think about anymore. It was just hard not to. Not thinking about the life I had before was almost impossible. The one that I was enjoying and couldn’t wait to live until one incident completely changed everything. I needed to stop thinking and living in the past, but I just didn’t know how. Some days were better than others. Sometimes I didn’t even think about what could have been. Other times, I obsessed over it. I felt so robbed however I just needed to keep moving forward somehow.

One thing that always helped me is working at the teen center. Seeing all of those children who need someone to lift their spirits made me feel like I could make a difference. In the past two and a half years, I’ve helped countless teenagers change their lives. A few have stuck with me over the years. Especially Nathan. He was a nineteen year old headed for a life of jail time if he didn’t change his ways with drugs. He was on probation for possession when I met him. He had to serve his community service there and I found out quickly his passion for music. That’s where we connected and I helped him by doing something that I shouldn’t have, but it was worth it. He deserved to get recognized so I just mailed a copy of his demo to someone that I used to have connections with. He now has a record contract and is working on his first album and will be going on tour soon.

Mia is a shy teenager who has trouble connecting with others and one that I’m currently trying to help. She’s started to trust me. I’m hoping that this is a good sign and that I can continue to get her to open up to me. She has a lot of potential and could have an amazing life if she makes the right choices.

I need to start getting ready so that I can head over to the center. I volunteer on Saturdays, Sundays, and sometimes a couple of nights a week if I am needed. I put on my yoga pants, t-shirt and tennis shoes, grabbed my purse and keys. After shutting off the lights, I headed to my car.

On the way to the center, I couldn’t help but think about what Matt had revealed to me. My memory was still on the fritz, but knowing that he chose to save me was getting to me. I knew that I had needed to be saved last night, but I didn’t want to be that damsel in distress. I wanted to be strong; able to not panic in those types of situations. I knew how to protect myself from years of training, but I froze and that isn’t an option if you want to get away. I decided to put on some music to distract me from my thoughts of him. It had become my own form of therapy. I chose songs based on how I felt or what mood I wanted to be in and it helped me get to the point in my life that I am today. I had a ways to go, but I was getting there and that’s all that mattered.

Pulling into the center with a better mood in tow, I made my way inside hoping that Mia would be here today. It was always hit or miss with her. She had a pretty intense home life from what I’ve gathered from her, as well as others, and I wished that I could have some one on one time with her today to get her to open up more. Sometimes I felt like a hypocrite because I wanted these kids to talk to me so I could help them, but I wouldn’t open up to anyone other than my therapist and that was a means to an end.

Greeting some of the kids and other volunteers, I made walked into the game room hoping to find Mia. She was sitting in a corner reading a book with headphones in her ears. She had a vague expression on her face and must really be focused on the words. I made my way over to her and sat down in the chair beside her. She was still lost in thought, so I gently touched her arm and smiled down at her. She looked up at me and her facial expression changed. She looked so lost and broken. I wanted to help her, but I didn’t want to push her so I was going to stick with asking not so personal questions.

“Hey, Mia. What’re you reading today?”

She looked up at me, whispered, “The Great Gatsby,” and started reading again. She didn’t seem like she was going to be in a talkative mood. I decided that I’d let her know that I was here when she was ready.

“Mia, if you ever want to talk, I’m here,” I stated, as I patted her arm.

She nodded and continued to read.

I walked back towards the front of the building to see what they needed me to help with. I needed to find a way to get through to her, I just didn’t know how. I cleaned up and played a few games with some of the other kids until it was time for me to leave. I loved working with them all day. My job and volunteering here meant the most to me. I’m just grateful that I found my calling after what happened. Living the way I was wasn’t an option anymore, so I thought long and hard and helping kids was the only answer that I came up with. It’s rewarding every time I get through to one of them. Saving them all wasn’t going to happen, but I knew one thing. I wouldn’t give up on trying to save the ones that wanted to be saved.

I said goodbye to everyone saving Mia for last. I reminded her again that I was here to talk whenever she needed me. Retrieving one of my cards out of my bag, I handed it to her told her to call me anytime she needed me and I’d be there. I just hoped she used it when she felt ready.

* * *

I’d made it home in record time. I needed to go for a run to get let out some frustration. I’d only been here for a few weeks and a woman I barely knew was starting to get to me. On one hand, I wanted to get to know her because there was some type of connection there, but, on the other hand, I needed to stay away from her. Letting her get close would only lead to her asking questions that I wasn’t ready answer.

I made my way into my apartment and changed into my running gear. Grabbing my IPod, I went back out the door. I put the ear buds in my ears and went to my playlist. I needed something that would help clear my thoughts and make me stop thinking about her and my incessant need to save her. I left out the details of the night where she said she needed me to feel safe. Part of me was hoping that she only said that based on the amount of alcohol she’d consumed, but the other part liked the fact that I’d been the only one since she moved here that made her feel that way. I refused to acknowledge what she meant about never getting away from what her nightmares consisted of. I ran until my legs burned and turned back around to go back to my apartment. As I was rounding the corner, I noticed Jeremiah getting out of his truck. Pulling the ear buds out, I made my way over to him.

“Hey, man. How’s it going?”

“It’s going. I just got off a twenty-four hour shift at the firehouse, so I’m beat. I just want to grab a cold beer and get ready to watch some football. You game?”

“Hell yeah. Just let me shower. I’ll be over in a few.”

“That’s cool. I invited a couple people who usually get together. We usually have a cookout or order in depending on everyone’s mood.”

“You need me to bring anything?”

“Just yourself,” he stated with a laugh.

This is just what I need to get my mind off of her. An afternoon of drinking beers and watching football with some guys should do the trick.

* * *

I had made my way back home and took a much-needed shower. I was about to put on some comfy clothes when my phone chimed.

Sophia: Sorry about last night.

Me: Nothing to be sorry about hun.

Sophia: You wanna come over for some beer and football?

Me: Sounds fabulous. Let me get ready and I’ll be on my way soon.

Sophia: C U soon babe!

I definitely need this distraction. I put on some jeans, my football jersey, and some tennis shoes. This would have to do. I grabbed everything that I needed and locked the door behind me. I couldn’t help but hum on the way to the car. For some reason, I felt like smiling.

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled into the apartment complex. This had become a Sunday ritual a while back. I loved football growing up and I was glad that I’d found friends that loved it just as much. Looking at Sophia, no one would guess that she loved football, but that girl was obsessed with it. Sometimes I think she knew the plays better than most men would. I knocked on the door, even though I knew I didn’t need too. I just couldn’t bring myself to walk right into anyone’s home.

A couple of seconds later, the door opened and as I was about to make my way inside I happened to glance up and I was shocked at what I saw. Those crystal blue eyes were staring back at me. I let out a gasp without realizing it. So much for getting a distraction from him. Now I was going to be in close proximity with him for the next few hours. This wasn’t good.

“Hey, gorgeous. Miss me already?” he said with a smirk.

Was he trying to flirt with me now? A few hours ago he couldn’t get away fast enough. I groaned inwardly. Men were so confusing.

“Not in the least bit. I came to see one of my favorite men and you just so happened to be here,” I replied obnoxiously. It served him right for trying to be cocky.

“Ouch. That hurt. And here I thought you might have wanted to see me.”

“Nope. Do you mind moving out of the way so I can come in?”

“Sure thing,” he replied ushering me inside.

“Jeremiah, your boys are going down today babe,” I yelled into the apartment.

I loved taunting him about his precious Cowboys. Let’s just hope that Mr. Texas over here was a Cowboys fan too so I could enjoy the trash talk even more.

Jeremiah rounded the corner and said, “Not on your life babe. Your 49ers are the ones going down.” All I could do was laugh because this is what I loved about my group of friends. Today Jeremiah was looking exceptionally well. He was wearing a pair of loosely fitted jeans, a white Cowboys jersey, and his hat was turned around backwards. He perfectly fits the firefighter description. His hair was usually kept short and he had muscles that went on for days. No wonder women usually fall all over him.

Sundays during football season were amusing to say the least. We were able to let loose and trash talk without real anger emerging. Today was going to be a different story because Matt would be here and I didn’t know if I could handle being in the same room with him. He made me feel things that I didn’t want to.

All of a sudden, I felt someone come up behind me as I was grabbing a beer from the fridge. I tried not to jump, but it had become my instant reaction.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, babe. I heard you trash talking the Cowboys and I happen to agree with Jeremiah. Your 49ers don’t stand a chance today, sweetheart.”

I went to turn around to make a comment, but he was already walking back into the living room. This was definitely going to be a long afternoon.

Sophia finally showed up so I wasn’t the only female in the room. That made me feel a lot better because now my ally was here and we were going to trash talk this place down.

She pulled me to the side before the game started and I knew what she was going to say. If she didn’t stop apologizing, I was going to lose it. What happened wasn’t her fault, but she just didn’t see it that way. I reassured her again that I was fine and that she didn’t do anything to cause me to freak out. Her arms wrapped around me and it felt really nice to know that I had someone as feisty as her who had my back. We went back into the room and started watching the game.

After the first half, my 49ers were up by seven points and I couldn’t be happier. These men were going to eat their words. I made my way into the kitchen to grab another beer and some snacks. I just needed a moment to get away from him. He kept staring at me when he didn’t think I was looking. I didn’t need him to look at me that way. He had a look that said he had questions and another one that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I had a beer in one hand and snacks in the other, about to make my way back into the living room, when I ran into something that felt like it was made of steel. Only it wasn’t. It was pure man. His hands had grabbed my arms to steady me and I about lost it. I was too afraid to look up because I didn’t want to see those eyes, but I knew I needed to make some type of comment so he would move out of my way.

“Sorry about that, Texas. I was lost in my own thoughts and wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“No worries, sweetheart,” he stated, with his hands rubbing up and down my arms.

He bent down like he was going to kiss me and for the life of me all I could do was stare at him. Would I let him? Could I let him was a better question?

Instead, he leaned in towards my ear and whispered “Do you feel it too? I’ve felt it since I first laid eyes on you at the range. I tried to deny it and ignore it, but I don’t know how much longer I can.”

I was stunned. I knew what he was referring to because I felt our connection from the beginning, as well. Do I acknowledge it or act dumbfounded? I was going with the latter because that was a safer bet.

“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Now can you please move out of the way so I can get back to the game? I want to watch your precious Cowboys get their asses handed to them.”

“That’s never going to happen, sweetheart. They may be behind now, but that’s going to change in the second half. Just you wait and see. It will be your 49ers that will lose.”

“You wanna bet, Texas?” I haven’t a clue what possessed me to say that. Dear Lord, please don’t let him take me up on this bet because this could get dangerous.

“You’re damn right I do. When your 49ers go down, you owe me a kiss, sweetheart.”

“You think so?” I could barely swallow now. How was I going to let him get close enough to kiss me and not freak out? That would be embarrassing.

“Oh, yes I do,” he said cockily.

“Well, you’re going down. It will be your Cowboys that lose and when they do, you owe me a coffee for a week.”

“That’s the best you’ve got? Or is that your subtle way of seeing me every day?”

Well shit. I knew he was going to look into that more than he should. I didn’t want to see him every day. I just didn’t want to go where he did with this little bet. His lips coming anywhere near mine wasn’t an option I wanted to consider.

“Your ego is just way too big,” I laughed.

We made our way back to the game. For the next half, it was back and forth with points and trash talk. The game was tied and it was coming down to the wire. The only thing worse was the damn Cowboys had the ball with two minutes left to go. This wasn’t good at all. Either they were going to score and I was going to lose or the game would go into overtime causing me to have to spend possibly another half hour with this man. I didn’t know what was worse.

Screaming was going back and forth and time literally stood still as Tony Romo threw the ball. I just prayed to God the receiver didn’t catch it because that would mean a touchdown and in turn he’d win.

SON OF A BITCH! He won the damn bet. I was never living this down with him or Jeremiah. As much trash talking as I did that my team was going to win and now they had lost. Plus, there was also the fact that I now owed that sexy ass man a kiss. Could I even let him get that close to me without freaking out? I only prayed I could because I couldn’t bear to answer any of the questions that would follow. I’d gotten lucky that he didn’t ask any questions about the night before. I don’t think that I would get that lucky again. I needed a plan of action. Slipping away while no one was looking was what I would try and do. That could work for now. At least that would give me time to get used to the idea of him kissing me.

I made my way into the kitchen to get rid of my trash and grabbed my purse in the process. Walking back towards the living room, I noticed that everyone was lost in their own conversations about the night game that was about to play. This was perfect. I tip-toed to the door and made my way outside. I let out a breath that I was holding and started walking fast towards my car. I was searching for my keys when I heard him yelling my name. Turning around slowly, I noticed him running towards me. Well damn. I almost made it.

He made his way up to me and was attempting to slow his breathing. All I could do was stare at him with what I knew was a guilty expression on my face. I had no clue how I was going to explain this.

“Did you think you could get away from me that easily, sweetheart?”

“Well, yeah and it almost worked.”

He shook his head and let out a nervous laugh. “I believe you owe me a kiss.”

“You do? And what makes you think that?”

“We made a bet and I believe that I won; therefore, you owe me that kiss.”

I couldn’t help but shudder at the thought. Plus, he was constantly calling me sweetheart and it was getting to me. I always hated pet names, but with the combination of his sexy accent and the fact that it was coming from him made me want to hear it even more. I had no clue how I was going to handle this, but apparently he wasn’t going to give up. I took a couple of deep breaths while trying to come up with some witty comment.

“Then why are you still talking, Texas? You must not want to kiss me as bad as you make it seem that you do.” That should get the ball rolling so we could get this over and done with. I needed to get away from him.

He walked toward me and had my back pressed against my car in a matter of moments. His hands were on either side of my head, and he had pressed his forehead up to mine. His breathing was becoming heavier, and he had closed his eyes. If I didn’t know any better, he seemed to be struggling with the idea.

His breathing slowed down and he slowly opened his eyes. I couldn’t help but stare back at him. God would he just do it and get it over with.

“You have no idea how bad I want to kiss you right now,” he stated breathlessly.

“Then what are you waiting for,” I whispered. I hope he didn’t take that the wrong way. I just wanted this to be over and done with so we could move past it.

Before I knew it, his succulent lips were on mine. He was soft and gentle. Cupping the back of my head, he just held me there as we explored each other’s mouths. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He didn’t deepen the kiss, but he didn’t need to. This gentle side of him was almost more than I could bear. Taking one look at him, you’d think he was some rough ass, but this tender side was undoing me. He kissed me until we were both breathless and when he pulled away, I couldn’t make myself look up at him. I don’t think I could have handled what I’d see.

He had his forehead resting against mine when I barely heard him whisper “Are you ready to admit you feel it now, sweetheart?”

Could I risk admitting our connection? Not quite yet. I was going to fight it with all of my might because I didn’t need this complication in my life. I had accepted long ago that I couldn’t form bonds like these ever again and now he shows up and is weakening all of my inhibitions. I opened my eyes and was about to answer when I felt him lean in and kiss me on my cheek. I looked him right in his eyes and he said “You’ll admit it one day if I have anything to say about it. You can count on that. By the way, I hate it when you call me, Texas.”

“Well, you call me sweetheart and it drives me crazy so it seems fitting that I call you something that you don’t like.”

“Anything but that,” he stated and winked at me.

I really needed to think of something, but nothing else was coming to mind.

“Ummmm….How about, Mattie?”

“I can live with you calling me Mattie, sweetheart. You coming up with that nickname just means we’ll see more of each other.”

Well damn. Now he’s just twisting my words around. I was about to speak when he stopped me.

“I’ll let you run and hide this time, but just know this. You’ll be admitting that you feel this too one of these days and it will be sooner than you think.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked back towards Jeremiah’s apartment.

I got into my car and rested my head on the steering wheel. He going to be the death of me, I swear it. I’d resist him for as long as I could. Giving into him would be a long time coming if I had anything to do about it.