Carter
Dammit.
I shove the spade hard into a clump of weeds, slicing at the stubborn roots clinging to the soil. When they don’t come up I grunt my frustration and attack the rogue plant, hacking at the roots until they’re nothing but a pile of finely chopped foliage.
Dammit.
I wipe the sweat off my nose and lean on the spade, staring at the back of the home I’ve been sharing with my brother and his wife these past few months. It’s been nice, having a clean home and warm meals, good company to talk with. A sweet woman with a light touch who makes me feel at ease.
Except, she’s someone else’s.
She’s my brothers and I need to stop thinking about Sadie as anything else.
Half of me hopes that she’s pregnant, that way I can move on and find my own way. I might be a little rough around the edges, mind and body scarred from my time in the military, but I need to find a woman who’ll take me because it’s been a long time since someone just wanted me.
Just Carter.
There are plenty of military groupies to choose from. Lots of women who love a uniform and short haircut and a military trained body. They get their kicks from seeing men in camo clothing, black jackboots, and insignia on their chests. They troll the bars by the local bases or sometimes try to get civilian jobs on base just to be near the soldiers. Sometimes, they’re the wives of deployed soldiers, tired of being alone again. Or they’re looking to become military dependents, with guaranteed medical insurance and base housing and the other benefits that they think come from being married to a soldier.
There are those women, but they aren’t the kind of women I want.
I want the kind of woman Sadie is.
I grunt with disgust and fling the spade away from me.
I don’t want the kind of woman Sadie is. I want Sadie.
I’m half in love with my brother’s wife.
This is something that’s never happened before. In all the years Dale and I shared girls, from one night stands to actual girlfriends, nothing like this had ever happened. Not once did I ever start to have any feelings toward any of them. It was always just fun. Convenient.
And that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
This is different. Back then, neither one of us ever wanted to marry any of the girls we were with. Dale may say he’s okay with this – the blurred lines – but she’s his wife for fuck’s sake. Just because he didn’t get jealous back then doesn’t mean he won’t now. There’s no denying it, though. I’m getting attached to Sadie and it’s going to cause problems.
I pack away all the tools and then head back into the house for a shower. All I can think about is how I don’t want to be the one who comes between my brother and his wife. Dale only thinks he can handle this. If I stay, it’s going to cause problems. If I stay, I don’t trust myself to hold myself back.
I can’t stay.
I have to leave. It’s time for me find a place of my own and let Dale and Sadie get back to how things were before I was discharged.
After my shower, I tug on some clean clothes and dig my sea bag out of the back of the closet. I pull open drawers and start tossing clothes in. I have money saved from my tours in Iraq, not much to spend money on over there and the Marine’s provide three hots and a cot for you. I’ve got enough to rent a small place, see me through a little while until I find a full-time job. I’ll get to that veteran’s services office as soon as I can.
I’m halfway through packing when I hear the front door. I hear Sadie call my name. I stop and follow the sound of her voice, finding her in the kitchen.
“Carter, what would like for dinner tonight?” she asks me brightly, “I could do a roast chicken or just some simple pasta since it’s so hot.”
“Whatever you want Sadie. Make what Dale would prefer.”
She gives me an odd look, her brows pulled together before she shakes her head at me. “Here,” she says, “try this pie. Now, I didn’t make it, it’s from a new bakery downtown, but they handmake all their crusts. Tell me if it’s as good as mine.” She slides a plate in front of me and plops a spoonful of homemade whipped cream onto the top of a sugar-sprinkled blueberry pie. It smells wonderful. I really do need to get out of this house, with Sadie’s mothering I’m going to wind up big as a tank.
I take a huge bite of the pie. It is great, but it’s not nearly as good as Sadie’s. “Sorry, Sade’s, they’ve got you beat,” I say around a mouthful. Her face falls but she quickly brings her smile back, not letting me see that my words upset her a little. I don’t like to be mean but it’s time to create some distance between us.
I stay quiet, only answering her in grunts and growls as she bustles around the kitchen. She doesn’t say anything but I can tell my behavior is bothering her. Poor Sadie, getting caught up in my bullshit. It’s best if I go.
Finally, I push the plate away and stand up. “Thanks for the pie, Sadie.”
“Stay, Carter,” she says, “keep me company while I peel these vegetables.” She gives me her sparkling Sadie smile and waves at the pile of carrots in the sink.
“Nah,” I stretch, “think I’ll head back to my room.”
I leave her standing in the kitchen with a frown on her face.
I spend the rest of the afternoon in my room, packing and using my phone to search for places to live. I find a few places and call a couple of them to arrange to see them tomorrow. Tonight, I’m just going to go to a hotel.
There’s a light tap on my door and it opens before I can cross the room to get it myself. Dale steps inside and I see his face fall when he takes in my half-packed bags.
“Going somewhere?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“You’re welcome here as long as you want to be here, Carter,” Dale says to me.
“I’m under your feet, bro,” I say lightly. “Time for me to man up, move on, be independent.” I give him a list of excuses that don’t include falling for his wife.
Dale just nods, his lips thin.
“We’ll talk about this later,” he says, but we don’t.
Later, we eat the roast Sadie’s prepared. We make small talk and clear the table. I don’t miss the look that passes between Sadie and Dale. I must be giving off a vibe that has them confused.
After dinner, I head outside to load up my truck. I don’t have much to move. Just the bag I arrived with and two other boxes of stuff that I’ve accumulated. Dale comes out of the house with his hands in his pockets, watching as I close the trunk.
“Where are you staying?”
“In town. I’ll let you know when I’m all settled,” I say, clapping my hand against his shoulder like this is completely okay and not about something that is looming big between us.
“You don’t have to do this,” Dale says. “Sadie’s mortified that you’re leaving. She blames herself.”
I shake my head, my heart hurting. That wasn’t what I was intending at all. This is all on me for not being able to keep my feelings in check. “You tell her this is just me needing my space,” I say. “And tell her I’ll be back for some pie soon.”
Dale looks a little confused but he smiles. “I will. She’ll like that.”
As it turns out, I’m not back at Sadie and Dales for three weeks. By then, I’ve found a small apartment that is just a step above a dump. It’s a small studio, and partially furnished with a scratched table and chairs and a small futon that’s seen who knows how many other people’s sweaty asses. The lone window looks out over a dingy, concreted common use patio with grass creeping up through the cracks and a single, lopsided plastic lawn chair propped in the corner beside a rusted out barbeque grill.
The bathroom is old but functional and there’s no mold which is a plus. There is also a tiny kitchenette with a micro fridge and single burner stove to make up the rest of the charming picture. At least there’s room on the counter for a coffee maker.
My landlady is something else. Pink slippers and orange housedress. She’s always got a cigarette hanging from her lips too.
I managed to get power and water included in the rent so I don’t have to think about bills. For this lovely place I had to put up two month’s rent as a deposit. The landlady comes knocking each week for the rent in cash. She lives downstairs so she knows when I’m home.
Even after I fixed it up a little – a good clean, new linen and some pictures I picked up in a thrift store, it still doesn’t feel like home. I guess if I’d moved in here straight after I was discharged I would feel so bad, but I got used to the home comforts that Sadie is so good at delivering. Even a vanilla airfreshener hasn’t removed the smell of dust and old grease.
I might not like it very much but at least it’s my own space. At least here I don’t feel as though I’m treading on anyone else’s toes or getting involved in things that shouldn’t concern me.
It feels foreign to me, but then, so did the barracks when I first joined up. And this place, dingy as it, is a damn sight better than a desert barracks shared with forty other unbathed Marines
I’ve got a job now too that is keeping me busy. I spend my evenings in the bar in the center of town and I’ve made some local friends too. I’ve kept all thoughts of Sadie at arm’s length…well, I’ve tried.
So, when I get a call from Dale that I’m invited for dinner, I don’t really have a good excuse to give. I told him everything was cool and if I refuse to dinner he’s going to know I was lying.
It’s weird to knock at their front door when I’ve always been able to come and go as I please. I feel really formal in my shirt and boots. Dale opens the door and his eyes light up when he sees me.
“Well, howdy stranger,” he drawls. “We were starting to think that you’d moved to the other side of the country rather than the other side of town.”
I roll my eyes. “Just been busy sorting my shit out,” I say.
Dale turns and walks down the hall and I follow behind. He heads straight for the kitchen and Sadie is there with her hands in the sink. I thought I’d be okay. Three weeks would give me enough distance to be able to come back and see her without my heart skipping and my mouth going dry, but I was wrong. I almost don’t want her to turn around because seeing her from behind is hard enough. Once I see her face, those gorgeous eyes and soft lips, I’m going to be hooked up all over again.
When she turns it’s as bad as I thought it would be. Her eyes light up and her smile is broad and genuine. “Carter,” she says warmly and she grabs a cloth, wiping her wet hands as she heads towards me. When her arms go round me and her lips press against my cheek, I want to gather her close and bury my face in her soft, shiny hair. “We thought you were gone for good,” she laughs. “I told Dale that I was sure that I’d done something to offend you.”
“Nah…it’s not like that,” I say, shifting from foot to foot.
Fuck. This is so damn awkward.
She tells us to sit and I take a seat where I always used to sit. She starts to serve up the food which all looks amazing. My stomach growls and Dale laughs. “You been missing Sadie’s cooking,” he jokes. In truth, I have. Fast food and bar snacks haven’t really been cutting it.
“Smells good, Sadie,” I say and she beams and blushes.
“Thanks, Carter.”
When she sits at the table, we all dig in.
“So, I wanted to tell you guys something, now we’re all together.”
Dale and I look at each other for a second and I’m expecting Sadie to say that she wants to try again. My cock jerks as my mind goes back to the moment I pushed into the tight, wet heat between her legs.
“I’m pregnant.”
WTF.
I know I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s why I’d been jerking off for months. It’s why Dale let me fuck his wife, after all. I am, though.
I’m surprised as hell, and I’m not the only one.