Sadie
I’m sitting in front of Dale and Carter. Neither of them says a thing as I pull the pregnancy test I took earlier out of my pocket. A little blue plus symbol shows in the small window on the side. That little blue plus is what I’ve been waiting to see for months. It means I’m pregnant, and even if they didn’t realize from that, they must be able to guess because I can’t stop smiling. I feel like I’m glowing already.
Dale and Carter are side by side; Dale in his suit, Carter in jeans and a t-shirt. They look different but so much the same. Dale with a shock of dark hair over his forehead and Carter’s still cut military short, both wearing the same look of confusion on their identical faces. Neither one of them says anything. I guess they don’t want to guess when they know how tender I’ve been feeling about the whole thing.
“I’m pregnant,” I say softly and hold the test out further. “See.” I turn the stick, point to the little plus sign on the side.
“Oh, Sadie.” Dale is the first to move. He’s up and reaching for me, pulling me into his arms and pressing soft kisses into my cheeks and across my lips. “Sadie, Sadie,” he murmurs. When I kiss him back I can taste the tears that are sliding down his face. It’s in that moment that I realize that Dale really does want this as much as I do. All my silent fears that he was doing this just for me disappear. He pulls me close against his body as though he wants to bring me and the baby as close to him as possible. If this had been a normal situation, I would have relaxed into my husband’s arms, but it isn’t. I can’t help the urge I have to check on Carter. This isn’t just a huge thing for me and Dale. It’s a huge thing for Carter too. When I glance over at him, he’s still in the same spot; jaw tight and his lips thinned. I know him well enough now to understand that it’s his way of holding himself strong against an emotional response. Dale is hugs and warmth and Carter is cool restraint. He looks away and blinks, but when he looks back his eyes are glassy. I smile and wait. I need to know he’s okay with this. I think he is.
Dale obviously feels the same because he glances over at Carter. Then, my wonderful husband does an amazing thing. He nudges me towards Carter. I walk over and smile at him. When he doesn’t move, I kneel and slip my arms around his waist, laying my head on his chest, hugging him to me. Finally, I feel the tension ease out of him and he wraps his arms me, folding me in close to him. I close my eyes and squeeze him tighter.
He’s okay with this. I can feel it. He just doesn’t know how to be, and neither do I really. There’s no rulebook for this thing that we’re doing.
I feel Dale at my back, wrapping around me, hugging me too. I’m sandwiched between my twins and their warmth surrounds me in a way that makes me feel completely safe. My skin tingles where I’m pressed against them, Dale’s fingers are in my hair and he’s murmuring against my ear. “We’re all part of this, Sadie-kins.”
My twins.
This is what I’ve been wanting. I know that now, nestled between these two. They are two halves of the same man, the provider and the protector, one gentle and one rough, two halves that complete a puzzle I didn’t know I needed to solve.
I tilt my head back and bring my mouth to Carter’s. It’s instinct.
He’s been gone for three weeks and my heart has been half empty.
When he moves his head and makes to protest, I lift my fingertips to his lips, stopping the words he’s about to say. I brush my fingertips along his mouth and follow them with my tongue, slipping it softly across Carter’s lips. He only hesitates a moment before he kisses me back, tasting me deeply with his surrender.
Dale’s lips wander across my neck, his teeth nip at my ear. My heart races, thumping loudly against my ribs. I break away from Carter’s kiss and turn my head, pressing my lips against my husbands. Carter’s lips brush at my exposed neck, nipping lightly along the side, sending an explosion of shivers across my body.
This shouldn’t feel right but it does.
There’s a baby in my belly. A baby who is most likely to be Carter’s.
I can’t leave him on the outside anymore. I need him to know how much he means to me…to me and Dale. I know this wasn’t part of the arrangement but Dale doesn’t mind. Every slide of his tongue against mine while his brother kisses my neck tells me that he’s okay with this.
He’d have to be to have suggested his crazy plan in the first place. Dale isn’t a jealous man, especially when it comes to his brother. I’m swept up in the moment, surrounded by the two men who have worked together to give me the one thing that I want most in the world. It seems as though they are swept up too because it’s only when a phone rings that things change.
Carter pulls back like he’s been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. The ringing is coming from his pants so he struggles to pull out his phone. In a daze, I stand and smooth my clothes and hair. Dale is there, pulling me against him, kissing my forehead and telling me he’s so happy.
Carter’s voice is a low and vague hum that only becomes clear when he says ‘I’ll be there in ten.’
I turn and he’s standing. “Sorry,” he says gruffly. “That was work. They’ve had someone call in sick and they want me to take a shift.”
“But your dinner,” I say. My heart is hurting because he’s pulling away again and all I want is to go back to where we were thirty seconds ago.
“Pack him a box,” Dale says softly so that’s what I do.
“Thanks,” Carter says when I hand it to him. “And congratulations, both of you.”
“The congratulations are for you too,” I say.
“Yeah. Guess I’m gonna be an uncle.” His smile is wry and I want to shout at him for being this way. I know that was how he decided things would be with Dale, but now we’re at this point it doesn’t feel right.
“Yeah. Best uncle in the world,” Dale says enthusiastically.
“You gonna walk me out, brother?” Carter asks.
“Sure.”
“See ya, Sadie,” Carter calls over his shoulder as he’s walking out the door. It’s so flippant that I want to sob there and then. Instead, I swallow down my hurt. I tell myself that this is for the best. It’s going to be the way they planned. Simple. Dale will be a daddy and Carter will be an awesome uncle.
And I’ll be a mommy.
And I’ll have what I always wanted, except now I find myself wanting more.