21.
Ian
I’d been sleeping like shit ever since Annie told me her news, plagued by these dreams where I was being chased around by an infant the size of Godzilla. I didn’t stand a chance against the thing. At work, I tried to just go about my day like nothing was amiss, but I knew I was giving off some pretty tense vibes; everyone else could sense it, too. I told Daisy I was sorry I had been so late the other night to meet up with her, but that I’d sent a few texts once I got down there. She nodded but didn’t really say anything about getting the texts or why she hadn’t bothered to respond. Another day that sort of thing might have annoyed the hell out of me, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to really be fazed by it. As the day wore on, though, I noticed that Daisy was steering clear of me, and Jonathan couldn’t seem to wait to get out of my office after he came in to talk about Martin’s upcoming boat extravaganza. I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. The mirror reflected back a tired-looking face that needed a shave. Or a good stiff drink.
Daisy was quick to rush off right at five o’clock, barely even saying goodbye, saying something about having to go meet up with that friend of hers, Caroline. Hanging out with Daisy was probably the one thing that might have had a chance at improving my mood, but I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to be around me right now; I didn’t even want to be around me. I’d leave here and go for a run—obliteration of thoughts through exercise seemed to be the only hope I had now for a good night’s sleep.
But I’d kept catching Jonathan throwing me these weird looks all day, and I knew he was wondering what the hell was going on with me. Normally, I wouldn’t be one to share my problems like some teenage girl, but I hadn’t told anyone yet and maybe talking about it would help.
“You’re not going to fucking believe this,” I said to
him as I came out of my office. “I’m not looking for sympathy or anything, but
I’m telling you because I want you to hear it from me, not her.”
“Sure,” Jonathan said. “What’s up?”
“Annie’s pregnant.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Really? Is it yours?”
“No, it’s some other guy’s, but I thought we could pool our resources and throw her a baby shower . . .Of course it’s mine. Well, that’s what she’s saying, anyway. That’s not a surprise to you, is it, Jonathan? You knew, right?” We hadn’t talked about it by the water cooler or anything, but I’d always assumed that Jonathan had known that I was banging Annie; it wasn’t the sort of thing that she would be quiet about.
“Of course I knew,” he said. “Anyone walking into this
office could tell that. So she’s pregnant?”
“Yeah.”
“And she’s keeping it?”
“I tried to convince her otherwise, but . . .”
“You tried to convince her to get an abortion?” he asked skeptically.
“I don’t think she’s really ready to be a mother, to
be completely honest. I sure as hell am not interested in being a father. Nor
am I interested in getting together with her, as I’m sure she was initially
hoping. Pregnancy is not a cure-all for any relationship woes, and we weren’t
even in a relationship.”
Jonathan pressed his lips together. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll say. Well . . . what are you going to do?”
“Pay child support, I guess. Be involved when I can. But if she thinks that we’re going to be going to the playground together and holding hands while we push Junior on the swing, she’s got another thing coming to her.”
“Is she going to take you to court? For child
support?”
I stared at him. “Why would she do that?”
“Sometimes that’s how it happens. Some people want to get everything drawn up
legally, so there’s no gray areas. Court can be expensive.”
“I’m aware.”
“My cousin went through something similar. They were
married though. Dan, remember him?”
“Not really.”
“Yeah, well. He and his wife got divorced, she tried to get custody of the kids, it was a big fucking mess.”
“Annie and I weren’t married. And will never be married. So that’s one whole can of
worms we don’t have to deal with.”
“She’s going to have your kid, though,” Jonathan said. “That’s going to be the
tie that binds you guys for the rest of your lives.”
Was I mistaken or was he deriving some sort of enjoyment from this? A little bit of schadenfreude, perhaps?
“Eighteen years,” I replied, trying to keep my voice light even though my stomach was turning as I said it. Eighteen years sounded like a long ass time.
“It’ll be forever,” he said. “Yeah it’s eighteen years until you’re a legal adult, but if there’s grandkids or anything like that—”
“Let’s not even go there,” I said. “Grandkids? Please.
This thing is the size of a sesame seed.” Confiding in Jonathan was obviously
not the way to go. Not that I was expecting it to make me feel better, but his
assertion that this was just going to bind Annie and me together forever was,
well . . . not helpful, to it mildly. “Anyway,” I said. “Have you finalized the
list with Dan about who’s going to be working on the Paradise Breeze?”
“I looked it over; Dan should be giving me a call any minute to go over a
couple things. There was a conflicting
schedule with Chapman, and Baker said something about not being able to stay
the whole time in Nantucket, so we’re trying to figure out if it would make
more sense to let him do the first leg of it or just take him off this
completely. I know he and Martin have rapport.
Oh, and Billy McAllister called and
Ghanizadeh is going to be back around at some point next week; they’re not sure
when exactly, but they’re going to want three or four more guys down there than
normal.”
“Yeah, sure, great,” I said. “He must really like it there at—”
There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I said.
It opened, and Daisy poked her head around. “Jonathan?” she said. “Dan’s on the phone for you.”
“Daisy,” I said. “I thought you left.”
“I did—I forgot my purse. I just came back to get it.”
“I didn’t even hear the phone ring.”
She pressed her lips together. “Well, it did. Just once, though, I was right
there at my desk when it rang. I figured I might as well answer it.”
“Oh. Well, thanks. You’re heading out?”
“Yeah.”
“Going down to Failte?”
She hesitated. “I’m not sure. I’m going to get in touch with Caroline after I
leave here. Anyway, I better go, bye!” She rushed out as though just being in
the office was excruciating.
And she hadn’t looked at me throughout this whole exchange.