2.
Isla
Tonight was going to be special.
In fact, it was going to be so special that it didn’t matter what happened today, such as someone throwing up all over the Lotus Room, which had just been renovated, the old laminate flooring ripped up in favor of some beautiful, natural maple, which, when I was choosing it, I imagined would make people feel very Zen and inspired and connected to their yoga practice. Kelly had been against the idea, but I told her that we were making an investment into the business, and that it would be worth it. The room had, in fact, come out beautifully, and it did have a very peaceful, calming vibe. I hung up a few Tibetan thangkas on the wall, as well as setting up a little altar at the front of the room. In other words, it was a relaxing place that was supposed to inspire feelings of wholeness and wellbeing. Shannon throwing up everywhere probably had very little to do with the wood flooring; rather, she was trying another ridiculous detox that involved apple cider vinegar, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper.
I was thinking about this as I was driving home, and the fact that I was the one to clean up this nasty vomit concoction despite being the co-owner of the gym, or maybe because of it. I just couldn’t make one of my employees do it. It seemed like a shit thing to do. And Kelly, the other co-owner, had gone out to lunch with Wes, her new beau du jour, which everyone really knew meant they were going to go do it at his place. And seeing as I was the one who wanted the floors in the first place, it really just had to be me to do it.
So despite the fact that happened today—amongst other less gross, but still annoying little things, like membership being down, like discovering a cracked tile in the women’s bathroom, probably due to a leaky pipe—tonight was going to be special because I was going to lose my virginity.
It wasn’t like I had it penciled in on the calendar or anything, but I knew Brian was getting home early from his business trip. He’d been gone a week, and I’d really missed him. Prior to him leaving, he’d been all but begging me for sex, and while he was gone, I’d decided that I had waited long enough, and the next time I saw him, we would sleep together.
As I drove, I called my best friend, Sophie.
“So . . . do you think I
should dress up?” I asked after she answered. “Or is that going to make it look
too obvious?”
“Obvious?” She snorted. “You want it
to look obvious. At least a little bit. Isla, promise me you aren’t going to go over there wearing a pair of old
yoga pants and a sweatshirt or something. Please?”
Sophie and I had been best friends since elementary school. We were about as different as you could get, but boy did she know me.
“I was thinking my nice, new yoga pants,” I said jokingly. “I’m just kidding,” I said quickly, before she could freak out. “I won’t do that. But what do you think I should wear?”
“The strapless black dress, the one with the tulle skirt and the ruching,” she said immediately. “And the magenta pumps.”
“God, I think you know my closet better than I do.”
“I do.” Sophie sounded pleased with herself. “I’m just so excited, that this is finally happening for you. There aren’t that many twenty-eight-year-old virgins, you know. You’re kind of like a dying breed.”
“Well, there’s about to be one less.”
“While I do think it’s more than time for you to give up that title, it’s kind of something to be proud of,” Sophie said. “You’re almost thirty and you’ve never had sex.”
I laughed. “You make it sound so glamorous. I don’t think it’s really something to be that proud of though. If I’d always been attractive and had guys chasing after me, then yeah, maybe, but people were either making fun of me or ignoring me when I was a teenager.”
The fact that I could even make a joke about that now was testament to how far I’d come. I’d been overweight my whole life, up until I turned twenty. My mom got divorced, we moved out of Manhattan, back to Bel Air—Maryland, not California—and it suddenly dawned on me how to get control of my emotional eating without having to give up my emotional eating: bulimia. Of course, that’s not what I was calling it in my head at the time; no, at the time it was all happening, I had merely overeaten and just needed to empty myself out so I would feel better and be able to focus on getting in shape.
“You could’ve gotten laid if you wanted to,” Sophie said. “And for the past six years, you definitely could have gotten laid, so it really is commendable that you’ve waited this long. And that it’s with someone you care about. I can barely even remember the name of the guy I lost my virginity to.”
“Mike,” I said.
She laughed. “Lucky guess. But the point is that you’ve waited all this time, and it’s going to be memorable. Because you wanted it to be something special. And you know who else lucks out here, too? Brian. Because I can all but guarantee you that he probably never thought he’d have a chance to de-virginize someone. So it’s also going to be memorable for him, too.”
“I guess it’s just going to be a special night all around, then. Which brings me to my other question—do you think I have to wear makeup? I just see it getting all messed up or something, you know, while we’re doing it.”
“You can go light on the
make-up. You don’t really need it, though. Maybe a little blush and some lip
gloss? I’d steer clear of any mascara, heavy eyeliner, dark lipstick. Although
I guess it depends if you plan to have the lights on or off. Have you given
that any thought?”
“No, not really. I just assumed they’d be off? Or it’d be dark? Maybe candles
or something.”
“Go for candles if you can; no one looks bad in candlelight. Not that I’m saying you’ll look bad, because you won’t, but candles are romantic and they’ll make everything a little less intimidating.”
“I’m a little nervous, but not intimidated.” I took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll wear what you said and I’ll give you a call tomorrow and let you know how it goes.”
“Don’t call me too early!” Sophie said. “Have sex when you wake up in the morning, too. Nothing beats morning sex—it’s the best.”
I smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
I finished getting ready and then left. I’d gotten a text from Brian that morning saying he would be home early. The text was actually supposed to go to his co-worker, Isaac, but he’d sent it to me by mistake. Instead of responding, though, I decided to pretend as if I hadn’t received it and surprise him.
There was another car parked in the driveway, behind Brian’s. It was a Camry, like the one his brother drove, but a newer model. Of course Travis would be over here to show off his new car. I parked behind it and then thought better and parked on the street instead. Travis was smart; he probably wouldn’t stay long once he saw what I was wearing.
I sat in the car for a moment and took several deep, cleansing breaths. That’s how the yoga instructor, Emma, always started her yoga classes, because breathing like this reminded you to center yourself and really be in your body. I flipped the sun visor down and looked at myself in the mirror, though I couldn’t make out much since it was dark. I didn’t want to turn the interior light on in case Brian happened to glance out; I wanted there to be a little element of surprise at least. He wasn’t expecting to see me until at least tomorrow night, at the earliest.
I walked across the lawn, the heels of my shoes sinking into the grass. I didn’t bother knocking; instead, I just opened the door, twisting the knob and pushing in, the door swinging open silently. I opened my mouth to say hello, but before the words came out, I heard a shriek.
I froze.
The living room, strangely enough, was dark, though I could tell there was a light on down the hallway, presumably in Brian’s bedroom, or maybe the bathroom.
The shriek, though, hadn’t been Brian’s, or his brother’s, but a woman’s.
I stepped out of my shoes, not wanting the click of the heels on the hardwood floor to give me away. I left them there on the floor and started to walk down the hallway. There was another sound, this time more like a moan. I could hear him, too, though I couldn’t make out any actual words. I could just hear his tone, like he was speaking underwater.
I walked through the living room and then turned left down the hallway. The master bedroom was at the end, past the bathroom and the guest room, and the door was slightly ajar, a rectangle of light on the floor.
Now that I was closer, I could hear pretty much everything.
“Oh yeah, harder, yes, right there!”
That was the woman, who sounded vaguely familiar. There was a repeated slapping sound, and heavy breathing. As the owner of a gym, I recognized that sort of breathing. It was the kind that happens only when you’re really exerting yourself, when you’re right on the edge of something.
I pushed the door open.
Since the light was on, everything was in full view. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Including Shannon, whose vomit I had been cleaning up a mere six hours ago.
My jaw dropped.
For several long seconds, they didn’t notice me. They were too caught up in each other. Well, Brian’s back was to me, so I just stood there, waiting for Shannon to open those stupid eyes of hers. They were both standing, her back against the wall, one of her legs stretched up almost all the way, her calf near her ear. And there was Brian’s ass, and he was completely naked.
I cleared my throat.
Shannon’s eyes didn’t fly open; rather, she opened them slowly, like she was being awoken from a lovely slumber. And when those eyes focused enough to see me, they didn’t widen in shock or surprise or embarrassment, no, she just let her mouth stay open and that pained expression remained on her face and she tapped Brian on the shoulder. She had to do it a few times before he finally stopped his frantic thrusting.
“Isla!” he exclaimed as he turned, his hand going to his crotch, as if he was going to be able to cover up his boner. “What are you doing here?” He glanced back at Shannon as though it were a possibility that I might not have seen her.
“Why don’t you go first, Brian, and tell me what you’re doing here,” I said.
He grabbed one of the pillows from the bed and held it in front of himself, as if I hadn’t seen his cock before. “Me? This is my house.”
“Oh, okay,” I said. “So you’re fucking someone at your house. Okay, great. Except that person doesn’t happen to be me, your girlfriend.”
He blinked. “You look
great. Why are you all dressed up?”
Shannon nodded. “Yeah, Isla, I’ve never seen you in a dress like that—”
“Shut up!” I screeched. I
looked at her. “I was just cleaning your fucking vomit off the floor in the
Lotus Room! And you’re over here sleeping with my boyfriend?”
Shannon and I weren’t friends; she was a member at the gym, and we’d have a
friendly conversation now and then, but it wasn’t like we were hanging out or
going shopping together. Still, I felt as betrayed by her as I did by Brian.
She shrugged. “He said
you were frigid. But that he was staying with you because he loves you. That’s
sweet, right?”
She was being serious. Oh my god, she actually thought what she was saying was
going to make me feel better.
Brian smiled weakly. “I didn’t use that term exactly,” he said. “What I meant was—”
“Yes you did,” Shannon interrupted. “That’s exactly what you said. ‘Isla’s frigid but I still love her.’ I remember it because I thought it was kind of a messed up thing to say, but at the same time, really romantic.”
Meanwhile, I couldn’t quite take my eyes off of Shannon. We’d never been in the sauna at the same time, so this was the first time I’d ever seen her naked. I looked good now, I knew that, but I’d never even come close to looking like her. She was one of those people who could probably subsist on Doritos and Coke and still have a banging body, despite the fact that she’d sporadically subject herself to zany detoxes. She had long, tan legs, toned yet slender, with sleek thighs that didn’t touch, a perfectly flat stomach, breasts that probably wouldn’t ever need a bra, a collarbone you could stack a roll of quarters in. And the skin covering all this was smooth, tawny, and blemish-free. Ugh, I hated her.
Brian pulled on his pants. Shannon took her time finding her tank top and underwear.
“Really, Isla, I wasn’t expecting you to come over tonight,” he said. “I mean, this is a big surprise.”
“Yes, that much I can tell.”
“And Shannon—I think she’s mis-remembering what I said. What I actually said was something more along the lines of that you and I hadn’t made love yet, but it was something I was very much looking forward to.”
“Right, and you were just going to make sure your lovemaking skills were up to snuff by having sex with her?”
He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! It’s something along those lines, actually. How long have we been together? Over six months. Which is a long time for someone like me to go without getting laid. And since I knew this was going to be your first time, I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to be good. I didn’t want to blow my load in the first two minutes, just because I’d gone so long without sex.”
I burst out laughing, because the expression on his face was so serious, it was as though he believed every word that he’d just said. Oh, I couldn’t wait to relay this whole conversation to Sophie. She’d probably say she was going to cut his dick off.
“What?” he asked. “I mean it.”
Shannon shot him an approving look. “That really is a sweet thing to say.”
“You know, I could almost believe it,” I said. For a second, Brian’s face looked hopeful, as though he’d pulled it off. “Except for the fact that I’m not a fucking idiot.”
His face fell. “Huh? I mean, I know you’re not an idiot. But—”
“Don’t even try to tell me that you’re here sleeping with Shannon because you wanted to do something good for me. How the hell would you know that I’d been planning to sleep with you?”
“I just . . . I was being hopeful. I figured it’d be happening soon enough.”
“Well, you figured wrong. Because now it’s never going to happen. If you think that I’m going to just welcome you back with open arms after I walk in on you fucking someone else, you are so completely wrong, it’s not even funny.”
The three of us stood there, Shannon only now beginning to put her clothes on. “Don’t even bother,” I said. “I’m leaving. You two should finish whatever the hell it is you’re doing. Don’t let me interrupt.”
She hesitated. “Really?
You don’t mind?”
“I am not going to even respond to that,” I said. I left, stomping down the
hallway, slamming the door behind me. It wasn’t until I was halfway to the car
that I realized I’d left my shoes inside, but there was no way I was going back
in for them. They’d probably started having sex again, and that was the last
fucking thing I wanted to see.
So I walked barefoot to the car and drove myself home. What was that that I’d been thinking earlier? That tonight was going to be so special? I thought about calling Sophie but then decided against it, only because I’d have to relay everything that I’d just seen. She’d want details. I’d give them to her, but I just couldn’t do it right now. I needed to go home and go to sleep and try to forget about this as soon as possible.