Chapter 23
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Tessa
I cradle a cold beer as I watch the twins toss back Kamikazes. Blossom slams the shot glass down on the bar first with a victorious grin. She looks stunning with her bouncing blonde curls and skin-tight dress. I opted for a flowy top. With all the extra food Mrs. Blackwell has been making me eat, I’ve gained a couple extra pounds. The little pudge around my middle isn’t exactly sexy. Might be time to start joining Chase on his morning runs.
Ugh, I fucking hate running.
Catching my eye, Andrew winks before turning back to his conversation. A fluttering in my stomach reminds me that he still has the power to fluster me with the simplest action.
Although Blossom could have technically graduated early, she waited until the Spring Ceremony to walk with her brother today. I thought my heart was going to burst with pride when each of their names were called and they walked across the stage decked out in their cap and gown.
“I can’t believe they’re college graduates. Jesus, we are total losers.” I sigh, taking a long drink.
“One of their diplomas said Fine Arts, how is that even a real degree?” Chase grumbles beside me.
“Oh hush, we just barely got our GEDs last year,” I remind him.
He tilts his head back and groans. “God, we are losers.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Just now figuring that out, huh?” I grin over at my grumpy friend.
His mouth opens to respond, but just as quickly slams shut. One of his eye’s twitches, and the muscles in his face ripple as he clenches his jaw. Following his line of vision, I spot the reason for his sudden shut down. At the bar a very attractive guy has gotten nice and cozy with Beth. She flips her hair and giggles at whatever he whispers in her ear. Just before turning to kiss her hot date, she shoots Chase a dark grin. A strangled sound emits from his throat, and a rather large vein starts to bulge out of his forehead.
I let out a low whistle. “Damn, what did you do to piss her off?”
“None of your business,” he snaps.
“Ooh, touchy.”
“Why are women so fucking complicated? Never had to work this hard before, did I? The ladies practically flung themselves at me in La Grande. God, those were the days,” he mutters before taking a swig from his beer.
I roll my eyes. “It’s ‘cause you actually love her, idiot. You always have.”
He rounds on me, “You take that back. You take it back right the fuck now, Reaper.” I fake pout at him as I form a little heart with my hands. “Just ‘cause you’re all domesticated now, doesn’t mean you need to drag my ass down with you.”
“Get bent. I’m not domesticated.” Even as I say it, I can’t help but let my eyes slide back to Andrew who’s cueing up for a game of pool with his friends.
It doesn’t go unnoticed.
Chase howls with laughter. “I’m gonna get you a nice little housewife apron that says “Kiss the Reaper.” I bite the inside of my cheek, forcing myself not to laugh at the ridiculous image.
His eyes darken again as Blossom’s giggle floats across the room.
“She’ll come around, just watch,” I encourage him softly.
His eyes go to the floor in shame as he takes another drink. “I really fucked up this time.”
“Chase, I’m the queen of fucking shit up which means I can tell you, as an expert, you can fix it.”
He blows out a breath. “Maybe I’m just not good enough.”
“Fuck off, you’re awesome as hell. Let anyone try to say different.”
“Wasn’t good enough for you. . .” His voice trails off, eyes not meeting mine.
“You know that’s not true, Chase. My heart has been off the market since I was eight years old,” I say, only half joking.
He nods slowly. “I know, I never even wanted more. Our friendship was uncomplicated and exactly what we both needed. I just, I’m lonely, I guess. Tired of vapid girls and meaningless sex. I want something more.” He stops talking to raise his lip in disgust. “Wow, not a sentence I ever thought would be coming out of my mouth.”
I grin over at him. “You’re a mess, but I love you.”
Jumping off the stool, he moves to stand in front of me. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this conversation. You need another too?” I nod, but before turning to leave he takes one of my hands into his. “All jokes aside, seeing you this way, all smiles and lovesick lately, it’s made me realize that you were just a shell of yourself before. I am stupid happy for you, Tessa, for you both. You deserve this.” Putting his hands behind my head, he briefly touches our foreheads together before leaving for the bar.
It’s been almost three months since Andrew took me to our old hideaway beneath the trees. Although the castle held beautiful memories alongside the vile ones, it was time to finally say goodbye, so we packed it up. All my old books got moved to the bookshelf in my guest room at the Blackwell’s. The pictures were carefully removed and have since been pinned up on the wall next to my bed with a string of twinkling lights.
I left the castle the same way it began—bare—with only a single photo of my parents holding me as a baby.
That day, we closed a door on the past and stepped into the light of our future.
A nice, normal future.
I got a job waiting tables at a local diner and signed up for a writing class where I’ve made a few friends. I even attended Bailey’s baby shower and didn’t hate every second of it.
Outside of work and school, Andrew and I are inseparable. We go on dates, hang out with Beth and Chase, argue over nothing, and fuck like wild rabbits. I love every goddamn second of it.
There’s still that whisper, that unrelenting voice that tells me I’m just playing pretend, reminding me I’m still the Reaper, and it’s only a matter of time before someone gets hurt. But with each day that passes, I’m surrounded by my new family and people who truly care about me. As I grow stronger that ugly voice gets fainter. No more is there a dark spot growing on my soul, no demons clawing after my heart.
Andrew was right, happiness for us wasn’t a lost cause.
A familiar tune fills the bar and I immediately zero in on Chase standing by the jukebox. With an unladylike squeal, I hop up and he closes the distance between us. As soon as I’m within reach, he grabs my hand and guides me into a spin. As “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” plays, we become a blur of smiles and silly dance moves.
When he pulls me close, I feel him smile against my hair. “We had a good run, didn’t we, Reap?”
I nod, unsure as to why my eyes are misting up. “You’re my moon,” I sniffle.
He chuckles. “You know, I finally think I understand why you call me that,” he says thoughtfully. “But if I’m the moon, then babe, you’re the brightest star beside me.”
I give a tearful nod. “Best friends forever.”
With a smile, he lifts his arm and spins me once more. Releasing my hand mid-air, I’m whirled into a different set of arms. Looking up into bright green eyes, my new dance partner slips his hands around my waist, my body immediately melting into his.
“He’s a pretty good guy,” Andrew admits, resting his cheek on the top of my head.
I look back in time to see Chase dragging his gaze from me to Beth. There’s a pained expression on his face before he slips into his coat and disappears outside.
“The best,” I whisper more to myself, wishing with all my heart that my best friend finds the happiness he deserves. If a monster like me can have all my wishes come true, there’s no reason he won’t have his come true too.
When the song is over, Andrew heads to the bar to get us drinks. I make my way over to Blossom who sits alone with a vibrant green drink and a mountain of nachos. The bar is crowded and I have to maneuver my body through the throng of celebratory Grads and their friends.
I slide onto the booth beside her. “What happened to the hottie?” I ask, popping a chip in my mouth.
“Who Kyle? Ugh, he’s nobody. I was just trying to piss off Chase.” Her eyes flicker across the room, looking for him.
I take a seat beside her. “Guess it worked, ‘cause he just left.”
“Good.” She crosses her arms with a smirk, but her eyes look anything but satisfied.
Andrew returns with a shot glass in each hand. “You’re both acting like teenagers,” he points out.
I tune out of their conversation as a foul, musky scent suddenly assaults my senses. Someone rudely knocks past me in a hurry. I’m instantly nauseous. God, when was the last time I ate?
I order a burger and slow down on my drinking while the twins begin competitively slamming them back. They worked their asses off during finals week, and I’m glad they finally get to have a little fun.
It’s not long before Blossom gravitates back toward Kyle in a dark corner of the bar, and Andrew is dragged away by his college buddies who are getting ready for another round of pool.
I’m happy when I finally have the little booth to myself. Now, it’s just me and this giant bacon cheeseburger that’s been calling my name. As I eat, my eyes begin to droop a little and I realize how exhausted I am. Last night, I worked a double to make up for the time off I needed for graduation today, and now I’m feeling the repercussions.
Feeling happier with a full stomach, I look up to see how my drunk boyfriend is fairing.
Boyfriend.
It’s still weird as shit to call him that. Twenty-two years old and I have my first real boyfriend, which sounds extra pathetic when I think about it like that. Even so, after everything we’ve been through the word just seems too normal for us.
I finally spot him helping one of his intoxicated friends take a seat at the bar where he’s motioning to the bartender for a drink, hopefully water. Everyone is well on their way to being trashed, thank God for the few retired folks around here who Uber on the weekends.
There’s a flash of blonde hair as a female showing more skin than fabric takes a seat on the other side of Andrew. When she turns to say something to him, I get a better look at her profile.
Lilah Fucking Crother.
She doesn’t realize I’m here, not that she would care. Her fingertips brush across his shoulder as she leans in to say something. He shrugs her off, but she doesn’t seem put off by his rejection.
I quickly play through my options. I could go up to them and tell her off, playing the part of the insecure, jealous girlfriend. Nope, that’ll just fuel her slut fire. Okay, how about if I go up and bash her head repeatedly against the bar until she’s unconscious? An obvious, but rather aggressive response. I lean down to reach for the knife in my boot, but stop with a sigh. No, I can’t kill her either. Shit.
I despise all of these options, so I opt for a fourth. I haven’t had a smoke in forever considering Andrew flips his lid whenever I so much as look at a cigarette. So, I’m gonna go out back, have a nice long smoke, and contemplate all the reasons why it’s a bad idea to kill people. When I come back, she’d better be long gone.
One last look to the bar and Andrew appears to be in the middle of telling her off with angry, drunken gestures. Feeling slightly relieved, I leave a tip and head to the back patio.
Stepping into the cold night sends a shiver down my spine. Rooting around in my boot, I reach for my squashed pack of cigs and my trusty lighter. It takes me a few tries to light up as it’s windy, but soon enough, I’m rewarded with a long drag. Momentarily closing my eyes, I tilt back my head and inhale the sweet toxins. Hopping up on the metal rail that encircles the small patio, I breathe out the smoke and take in my surroundings. There’s one other person sitting outside, although he appears to have reached his booze limit as he snores with his head against the wall beside him.
I’m lifting the cigarette to my lips when I’m yanked back. My legs kick out as my body begins to free fall backwards. I watch the cherry red dot from my cigarette go flying through the air and bounce off the wall across from me. My body is jerked to a stop when I thump against something solid. My left arm is roughly twisted behind my back, and a bolt of pain shoots up my shoulder.
Thinking fast, my free hand reaches straight for my boot. Before I can get a grip on the handle of my knife, scratchy material is pressed over my mouth and nose. The sudden loss of oxygen causes panic to spike through me.
A sickly sweet odor fills my nose and I begin to choke violently. Tears sting my eyes as I struggle to breathe through the cloth. My hands fly to my face as I try desperately to claw myself free. The leather glove continues to press the sweet smelling material tight to my face, unaffected by my scratching and hitting. The more I fight, the weaker I become. I try to focus on the door across from me where I know there are people on the other side.
My eyelids become heavy and I struggle to keep them open. Shapes begin to warp and blur around me. The door that was just a few steps away seems so far away now. My hands drop to my sides, useless as my remaining energy is sapped away. Objects bloom, separate, and reform in peculiar ways.
Where am I? And why am I so tired?
I want nothing more than to float away in a river of time and space. A concerned face bobs above me, I blink a few times before the image shatters into tiny pieces, then disappears.
Andrew.
Andrew! My eyes pop back open with a surge of clarity. I remember I was with Andrew. I came outside for a smoke. Someone attacked me from behind, I have to leave him a sign.
Moving is painfully slow, but I manage to drag up my free hand and do the only thing my muddled brain can think to do. Snapping the chain, I let my most prized possession slide to the ground, and finally, I allow my exhausted mind to let go.
I give in to the river and let the colors wash over me like a wave.
I let it consume me until I feel nothing.
See nothing.
Am nothing.