Chapter 8
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Andrew
She’s back.
My brain didn’t have time to process what I was seeing until she was right there, smelling of leather and roses.
After all this time. She was so close I could reach out my hand and touch her, and that’s exactly what I did. I pulled her into my arms and let the world around us fade to black. My dulled senses roared to life, and for those few moments, everything was how it should be.
I gazed into ocean blue eyes and saw the sad little girl who was crying in the yard next door. I remembered how it felt to have her small body curled up against mine. The sound of her hushed voice whispering a secret in my ear. How she tasted when we shared our first kiss.
In that instant my control crumbled. I had to hold her.
I needed to feel her heartbeat against mine.
My princess.
But all too soon the emotions that I’ve kept under lock and key, returned with a vengeance. For years it’s squeezed my heart, twisting it into something ugly and spiteful.
Rage.
Unbridled, unrelenting, rage.
When anger bubbled to the surface, it took every ounce of self-control not to turn and punch a hole in the nearest wall. I replayed the way she’d just kissed Chase—how close she held him. My mind didn’t stop the torture there. I remembered the way he touched her years ago when I tracked her down in the city. For so fucking long he’s been with her in all the ways I was meant to be with her. I thought of how I woke up in this very hospital four years ago. The intense pain and sense of betrayal that ripped through me in a scream when I realized she was long gone.
With those images swirling through my mind, I couldn’t hold back the tide of my rage. I ripped her away the same as I would have ripped out a loose thread, and with it, I came undone at the seams. Split down the middle.
Half of me, the foolish boy that loves her unconditionally, who would move the sun and stars to see her smile. The other half, a bitter man who let her go, and wants nothing more than to lash out at being left behind.
Her blue eyes took me back to that night, fresh in my mind as if it happened days ago, rather than years. The vicious seizures, stitches, and broken bones. My body screamed with pain for weeks, turning every color under the sun from the bruising. The only highlight was the pills I popped like candy as I reveled in being numb, physically and mentally.
What shocked me most—as well as the doctors—was that somehow, my childhood memories had been knocked loose. The experts couldn’t explain it, but they said to expect more negative side effects from the additional damage to my busted brain. And shit, was he right.
I’m angry.
I’m angry all the goddamn time.
It takes the tiniest push for my temper to go flying over the edge. Somewhere inside me a dial broke, and now there’s only two settings left, calm and fury. Every option in between no longer exists. Even working with my doctor from Chicago, and talking to the best therapist in Oregon, has gotten me nowhere.
I’m a volcano, ready to erupt—destroying anything in my path.
I snap out of my dark thoughts as I pull up to the townhouse I share with my sister. Going to the same college in a larger neighboring town, it made sense to share a place and split the costs. The lights are on, so Mom and Dad must have already brought her home. I should have stuck around, but being near her was starting to fuck with my head. Instead, I went to my favorite dive bar and had a few beers in an unsuccessful attempt to clear my mind.
Walking in, I spot my sister curled up on the couch, a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream in one hand, and a spoon in the other.
“Hey, Broham, you missed dinner. Dad took us to my favorite place, but being the kind and generous sister that I am, I brought you leftovers.” She waves her spoon behind her, toward the fridge.
“Thanks, but just because you had your tonsils removed doesn’t mean you should ice cream binge.” I hang my jacket on the back of a chair, then slump into the cushion beside her.
“Don’t tell me how to live my life,” she counters before gently adding, “so. . . are you okay?”
What a loaded question.
“I don’t know. I guess after a whole year went by with no word, then two, three. . . I figured she was gone for good. But now she’s here, and you just let her right back into your life. I don’t understand how you could forgive her so goddamn easily,” I snap out the last words with more bite than intended.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. My stomach drops as I realize she always takes a pause like this before responding to me. Her way of trying to be patient and understanding even when I don’t deserve it.
Am I that much of an asshole now?
“Who I forgive or don’t forgive is not your concern. I fully understand that she left us, and of course I am still hurting and upset about it, but there was also a lot of shit going on that drove her to that point. In my heart, I know she needed to get out of this town to heal, and she’s back now, my best friend in the whole world is finally back. I for one, don’t want to waste time being pissed off when I’m so grateful she’s here. If I’ve learned anything these past few years, it’s that being angry doesn’t do a lick of good, it just makes you mean and bitter. . .” Her words may trail off, but her sad eyes say the rest.
I decide to ignore the obvious jab. “Fine, forgive her. What the hell do I care? But you can be damn sure I won’t be making the same mistake. I got over her, I’m done, and the last thing I want is her back in my life.”
Liar
“Liar,” her words echo my thoughts. “I’m not saying you should forgive her right away, all I’m asking is that you try to remember everything you’ve been through together, try to see things from her perspective.”
I can’t help but snort. “Her perspective? You mean the perfect view she had of my busted body lying in the dirt as she got into the car with another man and drove off? Looks like she finally got her perfect fairytale, her happily ever after, just not with me,” I snap with an unexpected wave of bitterness.
Where the hell did that come from? I don’t give a shit who she’s with.
Her features soften. “Before you start assuming anything, maybe you should talk to her a little. I bet you don’t know as much as you think you do.”
She’s full of misguided hope, but who am I to crush that for her? She’s going to believe what she wants. I’ll be damned if I’m going to get burned again.
“Don’t tell me how to live my life,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood. The last thing I want is to be arguing. We don’t always see eye-to-eye, but she’s more than just my sister, she’s my best friend.
She shrugs and gives me a sad smile. “Fair enough, I’m dropping it.”
My pocket chirps and I dig my forgotten phone out of my jeans.
Lil: Why the hell have you been ignoring me all day?
Whoops. Guess I wasn’t paying attention to much of anything with all that’s been going on.
“Ugh.” I turn to see Marybeth frowning at my phone.
“Do you have to be so damn nosey?” Snatching my hand away, I get to my feet and head to my room. I pause for a minute as I stare at the fridge, but realize my appetite is long gone.
“You mad, bro?” I hear her yell out from behind me.
Ignoring her, I step into my room and close the door. Stripping down to my boxers I crawl into bed and start texting out a response.
Me: Hey, sorry about that. Marybeth was released from the hospital today and I was busy with the fam.
Lil: Oh shit I forgot that was today. She doing okay?
Me: Yep, just as annoying as ever.
Lil: Hah, be nice. There’s a Thirsty Thursday event this week at Element, take me?
Me: Yeah, sure.
Lil: K, night handsome.
Me: Night.
Turning onto my side, I drive my fist into a pillow before throwing it across the room with a growl.
My life just got a hell of a lot more complicated.