CHAPTER 24
~Luke~
STARING AT THE door has had absolutely no effect in bringing her back to me. It’s been six hours since Jane left. I’ve left close to two dozen messages and texts with no reply in return. The door that adjoins her room to mine is wide open, so I’ve waited in hers. For hours.
I lie back and smell the faintest of rose scents, her signature fragrance perfuming her pillow. I gave her the first bottle of the French perfume for her seventeenth birthday, and she’s worn it since. She’s received other bottles, different perfumes over the years, but they remained unused and were eventually thrown out.
The one I gave her was the only one she ever wanted. She told me she wanted only me, that I was it for her. Another one of the hints, the little things I wasn’t paying attention to because I was caught up in the big picture instead. It was a mistake, another one I can recognize to add to the list of many.
Lawrence was with that dark-haired woman and I thought he was cheating. I assumed he was a scumbag… well, he is an asshole, but it never occurred to me that he and Jane weren’t together.
She wasn’t wearing a ring any of the times I saw her.
She came over and we had dinner together. I never even asked why she was there. Something was going on, something heavy, and I didn’t ask in fear that she’d leave if I were too intrusive.
The ring. She was wearing the ring I gave her and I thought it was for kicks. It wasn’t. Jane was trying to tell me in the only terms she knew how—from her heart to mine. Actions. Why wasn’t I seeing? Why was I so blinded by the past that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me? How did I manage to fall in love with the only woman who doesn’t use a ton of words to express herself? She was showing me and I failed to notice.
I’m so fucking stupid.
Sitting up, I lean my elbows on my knees and drop my head down. I’m not sure I’m going to get any sleep, though I need it desperately. I pick up my phone and stare at the time. No missed calls. No new messages. I text one last time: I love you.
I set it down, and get up to take a piss when it buzzes across the wood surface. Grabbing the phone, it fumbles in my hands before I catch it and read the message.
Jane: I can’t get past this. I’m sorry.
Me: Please talk to me.
Jane: I can’t talk about it anymore. I just thought you should know where my head is at.
Me: Where’s your heart?
My eyes stay fixed on the screen for another hour, but she doesn’t reply.
* * *
THE SUN HITS the back of my lids, waking me up. I pull the pillow over my head and yawn, trying for more sleep. Then it hits me.
Shit.
I’m late.
Throwing the covers and pillow off me, I grab my phone. 9:16 a.m. I don’t remember falling asleep but I guess I did during my bleary-eyed exhaustion. I run into my room and grab a clean button-up from the hanger and jeans from the bed. I brush my teeth and try to tame my hair, but it’s unruly and I don’t have time to fuck with it. I’m out the door in five minutes. I run two blocks and up another to the building where we’re shooting today. When I arrive, Scalia and the assistant director are standing on the sidewalk out front.
“Hey, sorry. I overslept.”
Scalia vapes, and then says, “It’s crazy town in there.”
“What’s going on?” I ask.
The AD looks worried. “Jessica.”
Thank God he didn’t say Jane… Wait, what? “What’s going on with Jessica?”
“She’s refusing to work. Since she locked him out of the bedroom, Ian’s been on the phone with her manager all morning.”
Fuck.
I rush inside and up the stairs. When I barge in the front door, the first person I see is Jane. Her mouth opens to say something, but then she closes it and turns to Ian who is in the next chair.
What I want to do and what I should do wages war between my head and heart. Ian stands and comes toward me taking away my choices. He says, “Follow me.” He keeps the phone to his ear, and nods, then speaks into it, “We’ll talk to her again and see. I’ll call you back.” Shaking his head, he sighs. “She’s a fucking mess. You need to talk some sense into her.”
“I doubt I can do anything.”
“You’re the only one she’s asked for. Repeatedly. You need to get this project back on track or we’re wrapping today with an unfinished film. No actress. No movie.”
“I’ll talk to her.” I avoid looking in Jane’s direction. I can’t bear to see her pain. I need to save this movie for her. I feel like a traitor when I open the door and look inside. Jessica is sitting by the window, smoking. When the door is closed, I move to the corner of the bed. She’s well aware I’m here, but she continues her self-indulgent game by blowing smoke into the air. It slips through the open window just as she speaks, “I relate to the role I’m playing, I relate to Jude.”
“How so?” I keep the anger I feel toward her at bay, hoping to turn this nightmare around.
“She’s a dynamic character. The world is conspiring against her and the odds are insurmountable.”
“She surmounts them.”
“With her true love.”
“You have a life full of people who care about you.”
She turns to me, finally looking me in the eyes. I can tell she’s been crying, but the tears stopped a while ago. “I don’t have anyone in my life that’s not on my payroll.”
It’s a sad statement about the life she’s created, so I try to redirect. “We only have five days left of shooting. We can wrap this film and all go home.”
“I have no real home.”
“You have a beautiful home in Los Feliz, Jessica. In five days, we can return to our homes, to our friends, and teams.”
“Something’s been bothering me since we last spoke.”
“And that is?”
“Tell me, Luke. What does she have that I don’t?”
I sit, but turn my gaze up and stare at the ceiling. She’s exasperating and obviously not going to do this film without a fight. “Who?” I ask, knowing full well who she’s referring to. I turn back to her keenly aware of her eyes on me.
“Jane Lewis, the one you can’t take your eyes or hands off.” She rolls her eyes to emphasize her annoyance.
This is a no-win for me. I won’t leave this room unscathed, but I’ll do whatever I need to make sure Jane’s reputation does. Stepping away from the comparison she wants me to make, I simply tell her the truth, “My heart.”
Forced tears trickle down her cheeks. I can remain here heartless or give in to what she needs right now—a friend. I move to the chair next to her because she needs someone to show they care, someone not on her personal payroll. I like to think beneath the heavy makeup and the diva attitude is a woman with a heart and soul who cares for others and not only herself.
In a broken tone, she says, “I’m leaving for LA in an hour.”
Bolting to my feet, I reply, “You can’t. You can’t leave this project.”
“I’m already out the door.”
“No, you’re right here. You just said you relate to the character. Be the character and bring Jude to life. Only you can do this, Jessica.”
“Spoken like a true producer. You only care about the movie. And to think I thought you were different.”
“I care about this project and everyone attached. They’ll lose their final paychecks. The movie can’t find a distributor if it’s not finished.”
“I have to put my mental well-being first.”
“No,” I demand. “You need to think of everyone else. They have families they need to feed, careers are on the line.”
“And what about you, Luke? What have you sacrificed?”
“Everything.”
“My car will be arriving in ten minutes. That’s ten minutes to change my mind.”
Pointing to the door, I say, “Those people are relying on you. You have a contract in place. Stay and see this through.”
“This is not a good environment for me.”
“Fine. Let’s make it good. Whatever you need, I’ll get it for you.”
“Promise?”
Third mistake—I fail to catch the devious glint in her eyes. “I promise. Just name it.”
“I’m tired of being alone.” All traces of tears gone, a wicked grin moves in.
I get up and walk to the window, praying she’s not saying what I think she is. “I know some great guys who would love to take you out. We’ll get back to LA and I can set you up.”
“I don’t want other guys. Don’t you see, Luke? I only want you.”
“Me? That makes no sense. What are you saying?”
“I want you to give me your heart like you gave it to Jane.”
“Jessica…” I sigh. “Don’t do this.”
“I have nothing to lose anymore and everything to gain.”
“Why do you want it? My heart is bruised and battered, completely broken.”
“It’s more whole than mine. Please, Luke, stay with me. I know I can finish this movie with you by my side, with you holding me at night so I can finally sleep.”
Jane. “You’re asking me to hurt someone on purpose. That’s the kind of man you want to be with?”
“I haven’t thought this through or planned this out. I just know I want to spend time with you.”
“What you’re asking is too much.”
“I have some events to attend when we return to LA and I’d rather not go alone. Simple appearances. Surely, you can do that for me after the favor I’ve done for you?”
“You needed this movie too, don’t forget. And I see through you. This is not about the movie. It’s about revenge and I refuse to hurt her because of some fantasy you’re holding on to.”
“Not even to save the movie?”
Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuuuuuccck!
Thinking of Jane losing this movie, her future, her salary when she has nothing but a few boxes and two suitcases… If I lose my home, I have nothing to give her, she’ll have nowhere to go. I have to fight this. “I’m pleading with you. Please don’t do this, Jessica. It’s only five more days.”
“My mind is made up.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means if you want this project finished, we’ll finish it together or not at all.”
“You’re blackmailing me, threatening the future of this project, all because you want to spend time with me? That makes no sense.”
“I want more than time. I want something solid, something reliable. At least for a few weeks. It will help get the press and my father off my back. We’ll date and do those couple-y things real couples do, like go to dinner and the movies, dancing. We’ll be seen by the paparazzi and all will be good again for me.” Her gaze drops. When she looks back up, coy, the most foreign of emotions on her face next to innocence appears. “And if you want, we can make love again.”
After my eyebrows shoot straight up, I say, “Clearly it’s not love you’re wanting.”
“Fake it. You work in Hollywood. Fake it ’til you make it is our motto. You can do this.”
“And what if I refuse?”
“Goodbye, movie. Hello, rehab. I’m thinking I’ll stay in rehab for a longer stint this time. Maybe six months to a year.” She stands, light on her feet, her blackmailing scheme giving her confidence. “That means I can’t revisit the film until after and if I have other projects lined up… we just may never finish this movie.”
“We’ll sue.”
“Sue all you want. I’m well aware that my contract says I only have to pay twice my salary if I pull out during production.” She laughs. “I took a pay cut to be with you. Do you really think I don’t have half a million in the bank? I’ve been working since I was four, Luke. I could spend that in a day shopping on Rodeo Drive.”
A rotting sensation fills my stomach. She’s got me cornered. A woman with nothing to lose has everything to gain. I actually don’t think she hates Jane. She hates me, but will hurt Jane to make me pay. Turning my back to her, my thoughts scatter, searching for any out, anything I can think of, anything left that can give me a different outcome. But I’m not dealing with someone in her right mind, so nothing comes to mind. Except one…
I’m fucked.
It’s Jane or the movie.
From every angle, I’m fucked.
Jane doesn’t have to be. I can protect her. I can save her. Even at the expense of us. She’ll hate me. But, I can give her a future, solid footing in Hollywood that can lead to more work. She can buy a house, a condo, a place to call home. She can settle down with the dream I thought—hoped—I could give her.
Cold hands slide over my shoulders, thin arms wrap around my neck like a noose. A bony cheek is rested on my back. I have no idea why Jessica is doing this. Just to be manipulative? Some form of fucked-up control? Just for hateful kicks? Whatever the reason, Jane has to come first.
Jane. She’ll never forgive me.
The pain will engulf her, like it’s consuming me. But from the destruction of us, she can rise.
She will.
She has to.
I will do anything I have to so she does. I will do this. I will sell my soul to the devil, but I will never give her my heart. Jane will always own that. Reaching up, I cover Jessica’s hand with mine. The only choice I have.
The deal is done.
Fuck.
My.
Life.