CHAPTER 28
~Jane~
THE LAST SCENE of the movie is wrapped at two in the morning. Ian, the cinematographer, and the cameraman were on a flight to New York for exterior shots by five. The budget is so tight at this stage that everyone else was booked on flights back to LA instead.
I can’t say I minded not getting the chance to say goodbye to Ian. That just relieved one burden. I still had twenty hanging over my head with Luke.
After checking out at eleven, I load my suitcases into the trunk. Two boxes are in the backseat, and I’m ready to go. Go where remains to be seen. Maybe I should go back to San Diego and visit my mom. Whether I do or not, either way, Southern California, here I come.
I start the engine just as Luke and Jessica exit the hotel lobby together and feed out onto the sidewalk ahead. His words, “I need you to see through me more than ever,” have played on rotation since he insisted yesterday. I don’t see him clearly though. I don’t see my Luke at all, in fact.
Even now, the Luke standing on the sidewalk is too slick, too put together, too Hollywood compared to the one in the photo on my phone. I miss that one, the one I fell so easily in love with. Jessica can have this Luke and he can have her. He can have fame, gossip rags, and limos. I never needed any of that. I’ll just dream of a white picket fence and a husband who loves me endlessly instead.
Stealing one last glimpse of him before I drive away, my car idles at the stop sign. Jessica goes back inside and a whirl of commotion captivates me as Luke comes running down the street as fast as he can. My car door is opened, his bag thrown to the backseat, and he’s hopping in before I have a chance to lock him out. “What are you doing? Get out of my car!”
“Go, Jane. Drive!” He pushes the button to lock the doors.
I press unlock, and demand, “No! Get. Out.”
“Drive. Please, Jane.” The locks go down again. “I’ll fill you in, but you have to save me. She’s crazy.”
Unlock. I lean over to open the door and push him out. “And you’re just now figuring that out?”
Looking back at the hotel, Jessica steps out and his seat leverages back as far as it will go. Slightly blocked by the box, he maneuvers lower toward the floorboard. That can’t be comfortable for someone of his stature. The doors are locked again and now he begs with my face a mere inch from his most prized possession. “Please. Just get me out of here. I’ll owe a forever.”
…A forever.
A forever?
I sit straight up and clarify, “Forever?”
“Yes, that’s what I said. I’ll owe you forever.”
“No, you said, I’ll owe you A forever.”
“What?”
“Huh?”
“Jane, drive.”
Without thinking, I gun the gas and pull out between two cars that have left the perfect amount of space between them for me. When I drive past the front entrance of the Hotel San Jose, I wave to Jessica right over Luke’s hidden head—with my middle finger. She returns the favor. Whatever.
Looking in my rearview mirror, I see her searching everywhere for Luke and the whole situation does kind of make me laugh. We’re well out of her sight when he asks, “Can I sit up now?”
I make a wonky face. “Not yet. She still might be able to see you.”
He nods, and I laugh on the inside. Mr. Gullible. It’s kind of fun messing with him.
Finally, he peeks up, and looks around. While adjusting his seat upright and clicking his seatbelt into place, he says, “We’re long gone.”
I burst out laughing. “I got you good, sucker.”
“I’ll get you back.”
“You owe me A forever already.”
He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t say A forever.”
“You did too.”
“That makes no sense. I said I’ll owe you forever.”
“You sure about that?” I ask, teasingly.
“Which part?”
“Forget it.” I turn on my maps app and ask him, “Where am I dropping you off?”
“LA.”
“Ohhhh, no. No.” I shake my head. “You’re not riding with me back to California.”
“Why not?”
“Because we are not a couple. We are not even friends. Just a few days ago you had me crying in a corridor, so no. You are not riding with me. I’ll drop you off at the airport.”
“I’m sorry.” The sincerity in his voice causes me to look over. His voice matches his expression. “If you only knew my reasons, you would understand.”
“But I don’t, so I don’t understand how you can look at the person you claim you love and shatter their soul for entertainment. You’ve become a monster.” I press a button on the maps app. “Take me to the nearest airport.”
The car guides, “Austin Bergstrom Airport – Take the first left onto Highway 71.”
“Come on, Janie.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Let’s talk about this.”
“There is nothing more to talk about. You’re lucky I didn’t kick your ass out of the car at your girlfriend’s feet.”
“She’s not my girlfriend and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything about you or her and I don’t want to. Thank God you kept the game on and turned up the other night so I didn’t have to suffer through listening to you have, ick, sex with her.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t have sex with anybody but you while in Austin.”
I clap. “Bravo! What a guy you are. How’d you manage that?”
“I’m lost, Jane.”
“Obviously.”
“On the other night. I don’t know what you’re referring to.”
“I heard you turn up the TV. I should thank you for not torturing me. It was actually considerate of you.”
“Shit.” He drops his head into his hands. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”
Taking offense, I say, “Me? Wrong? You’re in the wrong.”
“Jane, please listen to me. I turned up the TV so you would know I was there.”
“Yes, I know. So I would know you were there with her.”
“No, so you would know I was there if you wanted to talk.”
Gripping the steering wheel, I ask, “Why would I want to do that?”
“It was wishful thinking on my part. Jessica wasn’t with me. I was alone. I turned up the game so you would know I was there and not with her.”
“I thought…” I pause to collect my thoughts, so many suddenly rampant.
“And I didn’t think. I’m sorry.”
Running my hands over the wheel nervously, I debate between what I should do and what I kind of want to do.
Luke leans his elbow on the door. “Let’s take this road trip together, Jane.”
“Why?”
“Two days. We can say everything we ever wanted to say or nothing at all. You have complete control. And I can make sure you’re safe.”
“I can take care of myself. I’ve done it for a long time now.”
“Okay, you’re right. You can take care of me then.” He laughs lightly.
I don’t. I roll my eyes instead. I’m crazy for even considering this, but I do consider it because I saw the way they interacted. There was no love shown between them and I didn’t get a chance to see through him. Maybe this is my chance. “What if I want silence?”
“You got it. I’ll sit here as quiet as a mouse.”
“This is crazy. It’s stupid on my part to even think we can be in the same car together, much less for two days.”
“You always were an optimist.”
I nod. “Stupidly so.” Danny is right. I need to take responsibility for my part in our breakup. We were always a package deal. Is it truly too late for us? “That I just helped you escape proves I’ve lost my mind.”
“You were always too good for me.”
“You’re not a bad person. I know you’re not, Luke. I just don’t understand what is going on with you, with us, or what happened.”
“Give me this chance and I’ll never ask for another. Let’s take this road trip together and talk, really talk. I promise to tell you everything.”
I care about him too much to let him go and not get any answers. I lay down my verbal weapons and set my anger aside because I need this just as much as he does. “You’ve got your ride home.”
“But?”
“But it’s my car, so it’s my rules. My tunes. My route.”
“Deal,” he replies with a big ole grin that makes me want to punch him… or cuddle with him.
Damn him.
He rubs his hands together, and asks, “So when’s the first stop?”
Feeling lighter already, I waggle my eyebrows, and smile. “Have you ever been to a Buc-ee’s?”
* * *
NOT EVEN AN hour later, we reach the Beaver mecca in New Braunfels, Texas.
Luke comes around the aisle and is rubbing his temple. “I don’t understand what beaver nuggets are. Are they really beaver?”
I lean in for a closer look. “They look like a pancake of some sort. Maybe chicken? They’re just keeping with their theme with that name. Surely they’re not made of beaver?”
“Are you sure?”
“No, and I’m not going to test them either.”
He follows me as I walk away. “Me neither. What are you going to eat?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some chips? Though I’d kill for a salad right now. After all the junk I’ve eaten lately I really need a vegetable in my life.”
“They had salads over there.” We make a U-turn and go back, each grabbing one. “Are we eating here or on the road?”
“Road. It’s only been an hour.”
“Good point.”
* * *
TWO STOPS FOR more food, coffee, gas, and over eight hours later, we’re in El Paso. The sun set a while ago and it’s dark outside. There aren’t many buildings around, but I find a hotel that looks nice enough and pull into the parking lot. “Maybe we should get a room for the night, unless you want to take the wheel for a while.” The minute I offer I realize it will be too tempting for him to resist. Cocky might be an understatement in describing the grin he’s wearing. “Two rooms.”
Disappointment befalls him, but he quickly recovers and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “We’ll see about that.” When he releases me, he opens the door to get out.
When I get out, I lean on the top of the car and say, “Luke, I need you to listen to me. We’ve been getting along so far, but I’ve not forgiven you. You are not forgiven—”
“Yet.”
“Not ever. I’ve laughed with you a few times. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what happened. One moment you were saying you wish everyone knew about us and that when we get back to LA, you wanted me to move in with you. The next, you were telling me we’re done. So, I can’t just sweep that under the carpet. I really don’t understand what is happening right now between us. All I can do is live in the here and now. If I deviate and let my mind wander back to how you gave me up, how you threw me away, for a fling with Jessica Pyles, my heart will break all over again. So I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to feel anything deeper than surface.” I walk toward reception, avoiding eye contact with him before my emotions get the better of me. The door is opened and I walk to the front desk with him close behind.
His sadness covers me, but I remain strong as I speak with the clerk. When the desk clerk is ready to charge for the rooms and incidentals, a black credit card slaps against the counter. “I’ll get this and we’ll only be needing one room. Thank you,” Luke says, rocking back on his heels and eyeing me.
I don’t want to make a scene, so I sigh. “Two beds.”
Luke agrees. “Fine. Two beds.”
The clerk looks like she’s about to go grab popcorn to watch this play out. He really is too cute for his own good. I lean against the counter and say, “One room. Two beds please.” I don’t have to turn around to know he’s gloating behind me. But I do because yeah, cuteness. He winks when I look back and I roll my eyes and laugh. “Happy?”
He confirms, “Very happy.”
Once we’re in the room, I open my suitcase and start reorganizing it.
Luke is on one of the beds with the remote in hand flicking through the limited TV stations. “What are you doing?” he asks.
I’m bent over straightening my shirts pile. “Folding my clothes. I was in a hurry and I hate a messy suitcase. It’s been bugging me since we left Austin.” I glance over at his duffle bag. “How do you squeeze everything in there?”
“I don’t. I ship a lot of my stuff.”
Sitting up, I look at him. “You do?”
“I do. It’s easier. I just carry the necessities and a few outfits with me. I ship the rest.”
I hate bloating his ego, but he deserves the credit. “Smart.” My shoes are pressed together and added back into the left compartment, but a bag for one pair falls behind the case so I stretch for it.
“You have a really great ass, Janie.”
Sitting straight up, I tuck and clench. I have no idea why. “You shouldn’t say things like that to me when I’m mad at you.”
“Maybe you won’t stay mad if I give you compliments.”
“So you only said it hoping I don’t stay mad at you?”
“No, I didn’t say that. That would be a bonus. I told you that you have a great ass because you do. No hidden message there. You can take it for full face value. You have a great ass.”
I giggle. “You’re ridiculous. You know that?”
“I’m well aware. Did you know your tits are spectac—”
“I think we should play the quiet game.”
“Nah, I suck at that game.”
“I know, but maybe we can try.” I see my white bikini and grab it.”
He laughs and starts turning through the channels again. “Hint taken.”
“I think I’ll go for a swim.” Luke starts to stand, but I put my hands out. “Alone. You, Mr. Chatterbox, can watch TV.”
“You don’t want any company?” He actually looks sad.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I need to sort through mine and I can’t do that with him in the same space. I follow the length of his body and remember him spooning me back in Austin before… This is exactly why I need a few minutes to myself. Because I love being spooned by him too much and it clouds my more sensible side. “I won’t be gone long.”
He acquiesces, sitting back down, and aiming the remote at the flat screen again. “Okay.”
I pass through the lobby restaurant and order a bottle of wine, then head to the pool. The water’s warm and I have the pool to myself. It’s easy to think clearly with Luke not here. He clouds my judgment and makes me forgive too quickly. Yet when I see him, my insides still twist from his betrayals. Two to be precise. Can I really keep the past in the past and give him this third chance he’s so insistently vying for? Do I owe him this third chance? If I give him another one, will he one day need a fourth or fifth? Am I being a fool for wanting to relinquish the bitterness I carry or should I be holding on to it even tighter?
So many questions. Too many that I’ll need answers to before I even think about getting in that car with him again. It’s time to know where I stand with him.
The solitude is nice, my emotions eventually drowned by the wine. I’m not sure how long I’ve been down here but my fingers and toes have pruned. I cross the pool back to where I left my towel and wine. I take three swigs, and turn around to set the bottle down again when I see him. I’ve had just enough wine to allow me to hold his stare. And more than enough to let my anger go for the night and enjoy the view… I mean company. Damn, he looks good. “Luke Anders. You always were quite the sight. You were the crowning glory of our senior class. Popular and smart. Most Handsome. Most Charming. Most Likely to Succeed. Most Likely to Move to Hollywood. Couple Most Likely…” I don’t finish the last one.
“Couple Most Likely to Get Married. We accepted that one together.”
I burst out laughing. It’s not funny at all, but the irony still gets me. “Well we sure showed them.”
“Jane Lewis. Salutatorian. Prom Queen. Voted Most Beautiful and Most Creative. Most Likely to Become Famous.”
“I don’t feel very most these days.” I grab the bottle again and take another long drink.
“You’re most everything to me.”
“You do realize you dumped me for an attention-whoring actress, right?”
He kneels down next to the wine, keeping his eyes on me. “We should talk about that.”
“Do we have to ruin a perfectly good night? Look up, Luke. The sky is clear. The stars are out. It’s beautiful.”
“So beautiful,” he replies and when I look back to him his eyes are still on me.
“You know, you keep saying such nice things to me and I’m gonna feel really shitty if I don’t forgive you.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Oh, I bet it is.” I swim a few feet away from the edge, away from him. Looping back to the topic I’d rather avoid, but need to discuss, I say, “You’re right. We should talk. Am I going to need another bottle for this?”
“I think one might be enough. Having a hangover on the road will suck.”
“Fuck it.” I laugh. “Everything’s gone to hell and here we are in the middle of nowhere trying to piece a distant life back together. That’s what you’re wanting, right?”
He nods, but doesn’t say anything.
I swim closer and rest my arms on the cement edge. Looking straight up at him, I ask, “Why do you want that? Why do you want me?”
“Because I love you.”
Anger rushes my body as I push off and push away the pain he’s causing. I swim to the other side of the pool. “All I ever wanted was my Most Likely life back, but you didn’t want me, Luke. You made that clear when you broke up with me in that stairwell. We were over. So what are you doing?”
“Janie—”
I lower, wanting to escape but I don’t. I stay. I stay because we need to talk this out. “It breaks my heart hearing you call me that as if your love for me is something I can still call mine.” My head lowers, the first tear lost to the turquoise water.
I’m pulled into strong arms, the same arms that used to protect me. Holding my head to his chest, he kisses the top of it and says, “You are all that matters to me.”