CHAPTER 17
~Jane~
“I’VE BEEN HEARING rumors,” Scalia singsongs, sidling up to me.
I keep my eyes on the actors as they rehearse. “What rumors might those be?”
“That you’re fucking a few of the crew members.”
My mouth drops open and I lurch my attention in her direction from shock. “A few? I am not!” Luke is not considered part of the crew. Is he?
We’re shot a dirty glare from the assistant director since the actors are rehearsing, but Ian’s expression is more on the side of curiosity.
Scalia taps my shoulder, and whispers, “Well, you’re fucking somebody because your skin looks amazing, all dewy and you’re happy, like annoyingly so. Did you even realize you were whistling earlier?”
“I was not. Was I?”
“Well, it might have been more of a hum, but it sounded chipper. Are you going to spill or do I need to ask the gaffer?”
I smile, but hold back the laugh I want to let out, whispering instead, “I am not having sex with the Gaffer, the Grip, Craft Services, or any other crew member. Can’t a girl just be happy?”
“No. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, missy. In the meantime, I’m heading to Continental Club tonight. Wanna come?”
“Text me later with details. I might stay in tonight. I have some work to do on a different script as well as a few rewrites I might need to do on this one.”
“’Kay. Have a good one. I’m off to shop.”
Rehearsals aren’t going well. Jessica and Ryan are fighting on and off set. No surprise since she’s showing up at hotel rooms other than her boyfriend’s in the middle of the night. She’s gone to Ian more than three times to complain. He finally, on her demand, comes to me. “She’s not connecting with the character.”
“And?”
“And she’s the star, so we need to appease her.”
I just look at him, cross that I’m expected to change the character to suit her whims and moods.
When I don’t respond, he says, “I think we need to look at this scene and see how we can fix it.”
“Fix it? The scene is not the problem. They are. They are not connecting. I think they either broke up or are on the verge of it.”
He looks over at them. “Really? Why do you say that?”
“Just a hunch.” I want to tell him because she’s slinking around my boyfriend in the middle of the night, but I don’t. “Watch their body language.” We watch as they interact. Jessica’s closed off to Ryan with her arms crossed over her chest, completely unreceptive as he tries to get her to interact with him.
“Huh? Shit. This is why we never should have cast them. Relationships that form on set like theirs did on the last film never last and now we’re paying the price.” He taps the script in my lap. “What can we do?”
“It’s not the script, so maybe close the set down to give it a more intimate feel. Right now they’re ‘acting’ instead of feeling.” Luke walks in and like my heart, my gaze drifts to him. His eyes meet mine, but we both promptly look away. I gulp, trying to coat my throat that has suddenly gone dry.
“I’ll get Anders on it.” Ian walks off.
Exhaling loud enough to let Luke know he has me in a complete tizzy mess over him, I sit back and watch as Ian starts talking to Luke. They both watch the actors, nodding, and then Ian walks on set while Luke comes toward me.
Though I’m looking away, I feel our connection even at a distance. So much of this reminds me of high school. We were a couple from that moment the first day of our junior year. The pain was lessened last night, but didn’t go away entirely, making me wonder what we are now.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” I reply.
His hands are shoved into his pockets and he rocks back on his heels. “So last night…” He looks over his shoulder at the set. Ian is leaning in, talking to Jessica and Ryan, distracted from us.
I repeat, “So last night…”
“What happened?”
“We made up and made love.”
“We did, but I don’t want that to happen again. I’ve been thinking about things.” My heart falls to the pit of my stomach listening to him. “That wasn’t us. That wasn’t you. I understand you’ve been hurt, but I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that when someone else did something, you lost trust in me.”
It rushes out, but I still feel both words immensely. “I’m sorry.”
His hand reaches for me, but then he remembers where he is and shoves it back in his pocket. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to believe in me again. I’ve not lied to you, not about our past or the past few years apart. I understand you were hurt. I understand that more than anything, but if you want us to be together again, you need to trust me. Or we’ll need to take this slower.”
“Is that what you want?”
“No. I would have you moved in tonight if we were in LA. But we’re not. We’re on location and there are a lot of reasons to keep things professional until we’re home again. While we’re here, no one can control what we do after hours. So if I have my way, that door that connects my room to yours will remain wide open, just like my heart. If you want to keep that door wide open too, then we will.”
Ian calls out, “Luke?”
Luke looks behind him, but says to me, “I told him if they can’t work it out we’d look at the scene again, but I need to go.” His expression is one of kindness and patience when he looks to me. “I don’t want you to rush an answer or feel pressured. Now you know where my head’s at. I’m not leaving anything off the table. I’m all in. Think about where you are with us and let’s talk tonight.” He walks away after a quiet goodbye.
He did it. He has laid it all out for me, been so open, which he wasn’t before. Has a few years apart made him realize he can’t hold back when it comes to love or did being back with me do that? Whichever it is, I’ll take it. He’s giving me what I want, making his intentions along with his future direction crystal clear. The ball is in my court and I’m either going to accept our past and move forward or walk away so I don’t destroy what we have rebuilt.
When I look over at him again, talking to the stars, why does it feel like I’m opening myself up for the pain I thought I had gotten over?
He’s told me everything I need to hear, everything I dreamed of hearing for years, but I can’t seem to hold on to the words, my heart is still too damaged. A quiet ticking is felt inside my chest, awakened for the first time since the day I left. I watch him speaking, listening when others talk. His body language reveals he cares for them and their needs. And I know he cares about mine. But he has needs too. I get up, my heart beating in double time—along with my biological clock, is his now ticking in sync with mine?
I need to clear my head and think about the scene and a potential rewrite as well as figure out what I’m doing with Luke. Last night I was running off emotion, hurt feelings that he wasn’t responsible for. Today, I have to think clearly. If I get back with Luke, there’s no back and forth with him. I love him too much to date him casually. Like him, I need to be all in or let him go.
Thirty minutes later I’m out of the hotel and jogging down to the trail along the water. It’s misting, but the rain feels good on my hot skin as I push myself physically. Everything with Luke needs to make sense for who we are now, the people we became when the other wasn’t looking.
Mist turns to rain, but I keep running, keep pushing until I only know the gravel beneath my feet and the gray skies above. I don’t know how much time has passed or how many miles I cover, but when I come back to Congress where the street meets the trail I stop in my tracks.
Luke.
Not thirty feet in front of me with an umbrella in hand, he stands, waiting.
For me.
Offering protection from the rain.
The metaphor is not lost on me. This man who offered me comfort for every formative year of my life is now here ready to weather the storm with me.
My heart is pumping but I’m not sure if it’s from the long jog or from the sight of him. When he comes closer, my knees weaken and I know it’s definitely from him. He holds the umbrella over my head though I’m drenched already. Through rain-covered lashes, I look up at him, and ask, “What are you doing here?”
“I’ll always be here when you need me.”
The sentiment hits me straight in the heart. I’m not sure if it’s rain or tears that fall down my cheeks until I remember the umbrella shielding us from the rain. But he sees them. Just like he sees the real me through every wall I’ve built to harbor myself in safety. “How did you know I needed you?”
“Because I need you, Jane. I want you, but I need you too.”
I can tell he wants to kiss me, to make this better, but he holds back and just that little hesitation breaks my heart enough to put me in motion. My wet body clings to his dry chest. “I don’t want to be without you anymore.”
Dry arms hug me, the umbrella shifting. When I tilt my head up, the rain is pouring down over his. He opens his eyes, and with a small smile he says, “I don’t want to be without you either. Can we leave everything in the past?”
“I’ll try. For you, I will.” I nod against him. Righting myself, I tilt the umbrella to cover his head. Then I take his face in my hands and look at him. The shadow of the beard growing across his jaw is prickly, but it doesn’t dissuade me. I go all in.
Our lips meet and my world spins around as rain comes down, falling on us. The umbrella is dropped to the side and his hand covers my neck as I tilt in for more.
I’ve dreamed of kisses in the rain, but they fail in comparison to this. Not wanting to stop, I persevere by stepping forward, even when he takes a step back. With a laugh, he says, “Let’s go back to the hotel. I don’t want you to get sick.”
Giddy.
I feel positively giddy right now. This is what happens when you let love in. You get drunk on it. “Don’t you see, Mr. Anders? I’m already sick. Love sick over you. No one makes me feel like you do.” I turn in a circle, looking up at the sky, then twirl into his arms and wrap my mine around his neck. His smile infiltrates my heart completely, happiness spreading through my veins. “Please stay with me here in the rain along the river, and kiss me until we can’t kiss any longer.”
Lightning strikes.
The sky lights up across the bridge and we jump. As if he needs to talk some reason into me, Luke leans down until he’s eye level with me. Holding my hands, he pleads, “We’re standing in the middle of a lightning storm, Janie. I’ll kiss you the rest of the day and all night. I’ll cover your body with mine and with hickeys if you want, but don’t put your life at risk for mine or anyone else’s. I can’t survive without you. I’ve already learned that the hard way.” I’m grabbed and pulled close to him, tucked neatly under his arm. “I have a cab waiting for us. Let’s go back and I’ll kiss you in the shower. I’ll recreate this whole scene for you if you like, but I want you safe.”
“We can go back.” A wide smile covers my face, my chest bursting with sunshine and glee for this man. “But I’m holding you to that shower.”
“You can hold me however you want as long as I get to return the favor.”
A quick kiss to his lips, then we walk toward a taxi parked in the distance. I ask, “And how would you like to hold me?”
“I’ve got a few very dirty ideas.”
“I bet you do. Sir.”
A wry grin covers his irresistible lips and he asks, “What are you willing to bet?”
“My whole heart.”
“I’ll take that bet, and raise you mine.”
Standing at the car, I ask, “How did you know when I’d be here? Your timing is perfect.”
“I didn’t. I waited over an hour. I think my fare is over two hundred dollars.” Luke holds the door open for me. “Pray for my wallet.”
“Pray for my heart,” I add with a wink before slipping inside the dry cab.
“No need for that.” He slides in after me. After kissing my cheek, he says, “I’m in just as deep, my dear Janie.”