Jake sat on the couch in his brother’s house, surrounded by people he didn’t know or, hell, wished he didn’t know. Coworkers of Kevin and Maggie, neighbors, and friends that Jake had met only once or twice were spread around the downstairs. But it was the judgmental family members he couldn’t take. He couldn’t wait for this day to fucking end. He looked down to his right at Dylan sitting next to him and saw him looking around the room. The boys were supposed to go back to school next week, and Jake was so damn worried about them. Everyone kept telling him that he had to keep their routine normal. It was a fucking joke.
Normal? Nothing will ever be normal for them again.
Dylan’s spark was just…gone. The little boy who used to laugh at farting noises, or pretty much anything, wasn’t there anymore. He’d been so damn quiet since the accident and had become Jake’s shadow. Jake was told that was normal too. It sure didn’t seem normal, but what the fuck did he know?
Nick, however, had completely shut Jake out. He stayed in his room and only emerged when Jake made him eat—and he wasn’t happy about it. During the funeral, he’d kept to himself. Another damn thing that everyone told him was fucking normal.
Jake elbowed Dylan, and the boy looked up at him. “Where’s your brother?”
Dylan shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. His room, probably.” Man, Jake wished he could take the sadness from his eyes. No little boy should have to go through what his nephews were going through.
“Dylan, honey, why don’t you come sit with Grandma?” Evelyn stood in front of them, and Jake felt Dylan move even closer to him. Jake hadn’t been a part of family holidays at his parents’ since before the boys were born. He hadn’t seen how the boys interacted with their grandparents. These last few days were eye opening.
Jake looked down in time to see Dylan shaking his head as he hooked his arm through Jake’s and held on tight.
Evelyn reached down for Dylan’s hand. “You can’t sit with your uncle all day. Come sit with me and Grandpa.” Jake flexed his fist at the way his mom said the word uncle, as if even the word was tainted by him being gay.
Jake put his hand over Dylan’s before Evelyn could touch him. “He can sit with me for as long as he wants.” He tried to keep his voice down. The last thing they needed was to make a scene.
His mother, however, thought this was the perfect time to draw attention to herself. “You can’t keep me from my grandchildren.” Her voice carried over the conversations in the room, and everyone grew silent. Jake cursed the fact that he’d had no choice in letting them come to begin with. He couldn’t ban them from their own son’s funeral. They sure as hell wouldn’t care if it were mine.
“I’m not keeping you from them, but I’m not gonna force him to do something he doesn’t wanna do.” Dylan was pressed so hard against Jake, he was pushing Jake into the arm of the couch.
Evelyn looked around the room until she stopped and focused on Avery. He was leaning against the doorframe between the family room and the foyer, giving Ryder beside him a strange look. “Are you listening to this?” she yelled across the room. “Do you hear how I’m being kept from my grandchildren?”
Nina quietly crossed the room and kneeled down in front of Dylan. “Sweetheart, let’s go get you something to eat.” Dylan let go of Jake and began to push off the couch.
“You’re not his grandmother. I am,” Evelyn snapped.
Enough of this shit. Jake stood up in between Nina and his mom. “Go ahead, Nina. Take Dylan to get something to eat, please.” He could see Nina and Dylan leave out of the corner of his eye, but never let his gaze stray from his mother’s. It wasn’t long before Arthur came over, ready for a fight.
That’s when he felt it….the warm, familiar hand pressed firmly on his back. He breathed in Eli’s cologne as he stood beside him. Another hand gripped his shoulder, and he realized they’d all taken position around him. Parker, Kenz, Ryder, Eli, and even Avery flanked him on either side, and the knowledge made him stand up straighter and widen his stance.
“Mr. Hamilton, you cannot stand here and allow this to happen.” Evelyn began the waterworks as she leaned on her husband.
“Mrs. Novak, now isn’t the time to—” Avery began but was cut off.
“Don’t tell me when it’s the right time!” she yelled. “It’s the perfect time when everyone here can see what he’s trying to do.” Jake could see some of his estranged family members nodding their head in agreement with her. “I just lost my son, and now he’s trying to turn my grandsons against me.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Jake yelled, making his mom flinch. “Are you so selfish that you can’t see this day isn’t about you?” Jake pointed in the direction Dylan had just gone with Nina. “Those boys have been through enough! I won’t make them do anything they don’t want to do.” He looked around, realizing at least half of the people in the room weren’t on his side. All the aunts and uncles and cousins, who’d turned their backs on him when his parents had, were staring in judgment.
Dylan was in a fog. Nick was hiding out in his room. They’d been mourning for days, making small talk at the wake, shedding too many tears to count. Enough was enough.
“Everybody out,” Jake growled and silence fell over the room. When no one made a move, he opened his mouth but was cut off.
“Look,” Eli told the room full of people, “this has been a really hard day for everyone. Jake and the boys appreciate you being here, but I’m sure you can understand that they just need some time to themselves now.” Most of the coworkers, friends, and neighbors nodded in understanding and began to gather their things. One-by-one, the guests filtered out of the house, including family members Jake never wanted to see again. Unfortunately, his parents hadn’t moved.
When Evelyn and Arthur were the only ones remaining, besides Jake’s friends and Nina and Stan, Eli clarified to the both of them, “That goes for you too.”
“You can’t seriously be asking us to leave? Who the hell do you think you are?” Arthur yelled, staring at Eli as if he was nothing more than shit on the bottom of his shoe. Jake again went to answer, but Eli slid his hand up Jake’s back and gripped the nape of his neck. The move immediately had Jake’s blood cooling from the rapid boil his parents had caused.
“You’re right.” Eli’s voice was deep and firm. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. The next step is by force.”
“Don’t you threaten me! And don’t think we won’t be telling our lawyer that all these people were here to see you threaten us.”
Eli huffed out a laugh, and the deadly calm in his voice and eyes sent a chill down Jake’s spine. Without taking his eyes off Jake’s parents, Eli said, “Parker?”
“Yeah?” Parker replied from Jake’s left.
“Did you hear me threaten anyone?”
Parker crossed his arms over his chest. “Nope.”
“Kenz? Ryder?” Eli was still giving Jake’s parents a cold stare.
Ryder put his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels casually. “I sure as hell didn’t hear anything.”
Kenz shrugged her shoulders. “Didn’t hear a damn thing.”
Jake’s parents looked to Avery, but he simply shook his head.
“Get your purse, Evelyn,” Arthur growled.
“But—”
“Now,” he ordered, and she rushed over to a chair to pick up her purse. “We’re staying at the Marriott. Don’t think for one moment that we’re leaving unless the boys come with us. You want a fight? You’ve got one.” With that he ushered his wife out the front door.
Jake quickly looked in the direction of the kitchen, hoping like hell Dylan hadn’t heard that last part. From what he’d witnessed in the last few days, he knew Dylan would be a wreck if he thought he had to go and live with his grandparents.
“Jesus, Novak. Your parents are fucking whack-jobs.” Ryder shook his head in disbelief.
“Yeah, no shit,” he agreed then flopped down on the couch. Eli sat about a foot away from him, and Jake couldn’t help but wish he’d sat just a little bit closer. You lost that fucking privilege.
“You want us to hang?” Parker asked.
“Nah. It’s been a long day.” He looked around the room at each of his friends. Personal shit wasn’t easy for him, and fuck knows, he’d rather poke his eye out than show weakness. But… “Thank you, guys. For today. For…everything.” He cleared his throat because he’d be damned if he cried like a pussy one more fucking time.
“You’ve got nothing to thank us for.” Kenz leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Let us know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.” He stood and walked his friends to the door. Eli was the last in the group, and just as he was about to leave, Jake grabbed his hand. “Stay?”
Confusion crossed Eli’s face, but he nodded and stepped back away from the door. As Jake closed it, Kenz give him a smile as she got into Parker’s car.
When he turned around, Eli was standing in the middle of the foyer, hands in his pockets, and looking a little unsure of what he was supposed to do. Quite honestly, Jake couldn’t explain why he needed Eli there. He just did.
Nina came out of the kitchen with Dylan and Stan as she said, “I think Stan and I are going to head on home. Remember, we’re right next door if you need anything.”
Dylan crossed the foyer and stood in front of Jake, and Jake put his hands on his nephew’s shoulders. “Thank you, but you guys have done so much already.”
Nina gave a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Kevin and Maggie were like family to us.” She looked at Stan then back at Jake. “I know we’re not the boys’ grandparents, but we’ve known them since they were born. We’ve watched them grow up.” She sniffled and Stan wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “We just don’t want… I know things are going to change, but…”
But where did that leave them? That’s what they were worried about. Jake got it because, in the back of his mind, he still feared that his parents could take the boys away. He knew, without a doubt, if that happened, he’d never see the boys again.
“You’re welcome here whenever you want.” He didn’t mention that he had no idea what the future held. There were still so many things to figure out, but that wasn’t something that should be discussed in front of Dylan. The relief on Nina and Stan’s faces was enough for now.
Stan reached a hand out for Jake to shake. “Thank you.” Both Nina and Stan gave Dylan a hug before they left. There was no denying the boy was ten times more comfortable with them than his own grandparents.
Eli was staring at Jake, still not quite sure what to do with himself. They’d never been uncomfortable with each other before—and it needed to stop. First thing Jake needed to do though, was to get out of the fucking monkey suit. He let his eyes roam over Eli’s body. He had on black pants, black shoes, and a gray button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Jake had never seen Eli so dressed up. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t sexy as fuck, with his tattooed forearms showing, reminding Jake what was under all that formal shit.
Jake leaned down to Dylan. “Go get changed, buddy, and let your brother know everyone’s gone.” Dylan glanced up at Jake before nodding his head and running up the steps, leaving Jake and Eli alone.
“You probably want to get changed too. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. The last thing he wanted to do was give Eli an out.
Eli looked down at his clothes and laughed. “Can’t wait to get home and take this shit off.”
Fuck.
“Uh, yeah, right. Seriously, you don’t have to stay, man.” Jake gripped the back of his neck. “Kinda sick of the baked ziti and casseroles we’ve been eating the last few days. We’re probably just gonna get a pizza. Hopefully, I can get Nick out of his fucking room to eat it.”
Eli stepped closer, studying Jake with an intensity that sent a shiver down Jake’s spine. Jake let his hand fall to his side before curling them both into fists to keep from pulling Eli even closer. Eli reached out, taking Jake’s burgundy tie between two fingers. He slid them down the length of the tie, and Jake couldn’t help but hold his breath. Then he suddenly let go and took a step back, as if coming out of a fog. They held each other’s gaze for a minute. Eli hesitated for a second before suggesting, “I could go home and change…and come back.”
Jake had seen that look in Eli’s eyes before. The look that implied I already know what you’re gonna say…a look of perpetual disappointment. It was Jake’s own damn fault. He’d caused that look so many times.
Shit. Why did I even say that? I never fucking learn. Eli was about to take another step back when Jake grabbed his hand.
“Okay,” Jake responded, and Eli couldn’t hide the shock that caused him to freeze in his tracks. It was one simple word. One word that people used to exhaustion on a daily basis. And yet, it was a huge fucking deal hearing it come from Jake.
“Okay?” Eli repeated, just to make sure he’d heard him right.
“I mean…” Jake looked suddenly unsure, yet he still had a hold of Eli’s hand. “If you want to.” Moments of silence passed before Jake added, “I want you to.”
Well, shit. Didn’t see that one coming.
“Do you want me to get anything from your place?”
Jake looked relieved, and the left side of his mouth lifted in a half smile. It was then Eli realized Jake had been preparing himself for Eli to say no. It was strange to be on the receiving end of that question. This time, it was Eli being asked to stay, and Jake bracing himself for rejection. And yet, Eli didn’t find any satisfaction in it because Jake had faced too much pain in the last week.
“I think I’m good with everything you already picked up for me this week. That guest bedroom doesn’t have a huge closet.” Jake had told Eli that the boys had been sleeping in their parents’ bed since the accident happened. Eventually, they’d all have to figure out how to move on, but that would have to be something Jake figured out with them.
Eli nodded his head. They both turned toward the stairs when Dylan came back down. It wasn’t until the boy looked at their hands that Eli realized Jake was still holding his. He slowly pulled his hand out of Jake’s as Dylan came over and stood in front of his uncle. He looked up at Eli skeptically, like he was trying to figure him out. Eli almost laughed at the protective way Dylan placed himself in between Eli and Jake. But he didn’t get the sense that the boy didn’t like him. He was just cautious, and rightfully so since he barely knew Eli.
Eli glanced at Jake. “I’ll be back in a bit. I’ll stop and get the pizza too.” Then he looked back down at Dylan. “What do you like on your pizza?” When Dylan only shrugged, Eli said, “Anchovies and pineapple it is, then.”
Dylan scrunched up his nose. “Gross.”
Eli chuckled. “Then you gotta help me out here. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to get the fishy fruit special.”
Dylan gave him another skeptical look with narrowed eyes. “Do they really have a fishy fruit special?”
“God, I hope not.” Eli scrunched his face in disgust, and finally, the boy cracked a smile.
“Pepperoni,” Dylan said. “Nick likes that too.”
Eli nodded. “You got it.” When he looked back up at Jake, the man had a strange look in his eyes. “I already know you like pepperoni.” He knew a lot of things about the guy that were of little to no importance…only the things that Jake allowed him to know. Yet, there’s still so much you don’t know, he reminded himself. Jake nodded his head, and it felt like he was agreeing with the thought Eli had just had. And even though he knew Jake couldn’t possibly know what he’d been thinking, it sent a pang of hurt through him anyway. “I shouldn’t be too long.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Eli.”
It was about an hour later when Jake heard the doorbell. Just opening the door and seeing Eli on the other side sent a sense of immense relief coursing through him. He pulled the door open wider for Eli to pass through, taking the bag of snacks and soda out of his hand. By the time Eli walked into the kitchen and placed the pizza box down on the counter, Dylan was at Jake’s side again. At this point, he was lucky the kid let him take a piss by himself. He looked down at his nephew and couldn’t help but smile at the knowledge that, somehow, being near Jake comforted Dylan.
Dylan scrunched up his nose. “You didn’t get the fishy fruit special, did you?” If Jake didn’t know any better, he’d have thought Dylan was actually hoping Eli had gotten the disgusting pizza.
Eli turned, smiling. “Nah, they were all sold out.” He walked over and took the bag out of Jake’s hand. “So, I’m wondering…are you anything like your uncle?”
“What do ya mean?” Dylan asked, leaving Jake’s side and hopping up onto a stool at the counter.
“Well, this guy,” Eli hiked a thumb at Jake, “has a weakness for Cheetos. Goes through a coupla bags a week.”
Dylan nodded his head vigorously. “I love Cheetos.”
“Good thing I got a few bags then.” Eli pulled three packages of Cheetos out of the bag and a two-liter bottle of Coke. “Then I was thinking…cookies.”
A smile morphed on Dylan’s face. “Cookies?”
“Yeah. You know, the break-and-bake kind? I don’t know where any of the pans are though.”
“I know where they are.” Dylan got down off the stool and walked around the counter.
Eli looked up at Jake and nudged his head, looking up at the ceiling. Go, he mouthed.
Right. Nick.
Eli gave Jake a slight smile then looked down at the counter when Dylan put a cookie sheet in front of him. “Awesome. Okay, so what does the oven need to go on?”
Jake turned on his heel and headed up the stairs. He paused outside of Nick’s door for a second before knocking. When no response came, he tried again.
“What?” Nick’s voice was muffled through the door.
“Can I come in?”
“I don’t care.”
Better than no, I guess.
Jake opened the door and tried to focus his eyes. The curtains were pulled shut and all the lights were off. “I’m turning the light on, so be prepared.” He flipped the switch, looking over in the direction of the bed. Nick lay under the covers, but it looked like he still had the clothes from the funeral on. His arm was flung over his eyes, shielding them from the light. “There’s pizza downstairs.”
“I’m not—”
“Hungry,” Jake finished for him. “Yeah, I know. Humor me.” Nick huffed, rolling away from Jake. “Nick, you have to eat something.”
“No, I don’t.”
Jake pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his aching eyes, swearing under his breath. It had been the same argument all week, and the last thing Jake wanted to do was argue with the kid. But if he didn’t put a stop to this now, it was only going to get worse.
“I said get up, Nick. I let you hide out up here all day, but now you need to eat something.” When Nick still didn’t move, Jake crossed the room and pulled back the covers on the bed. “Let’s go.”
Nick turned his head and gave Jake a look that could kill. He got out of bed, mumbling under his breath about how Jake was stupid and he wasn’t hungry. Once he heard Nick on the stairs, Jake exhaled a heavy breath and sat down on the small bed. “What the fuck?” Jake lifted his left leg when it landed on something hard and sharp. He reached under the blanket and pulled out an antique-gold frame. “Shit.” He stared at Kevin and Maggie’s wedding photo. He hung his head back and groaned then leaned his elbow on his thigh as he stared at the picture. “Way to go, Jake.”
I don’t know how to do this, Kevin.