“How’s he doing?” Parker sat with his laptop on the wine-red couch at Inkubus. “I know he says he’s okay, but his life did a one-eighty overnight.”
Thursdays were quiet in the shop, especially if it was a rainy day like today. It wasn’t unusual for Parker to bring his work and sit there for hours. The guy wasn’t much for solitude. They’d all had a pretty slow day, and right now, only Eli, Parker, Ryder, and Kenz were there.
Eli sat behind the register, mindlessly spinning a pen around on the counter. “I don’t know. I feel like he’s kinda pushed his own pain aside because now he has the boys to think about, ya know?” He got up and walked over to the window, staring out at the dark, dreary sky. Cars splashed by in the pouring rain on the busy street. “He had a meeting yesterday with Dylan’s teacher and principal. Today, he had to meet with Nick’s teachers and principal after school.” Eli rubbed the back of his head then crossed his arms over his chest. “Dylan’s teacher told Jake to just give him time. He’s been pretty attached to Jake since it happened. And Nick…he’s so angry. I wish there was more I could do.” He sighed heavily then turned around. All his friends were staring at him with strange looks on their faces. “What?”
Kenz gave nervous glances to the rest of the guys then looked back at Eli. “You know we know, right?” she asked, taking the seat Eli had just vacated.
Eli gripped the back of his neck with one hand and shoved the other in his pocket. “Yeah, I figured.” He’d gone to his parents’ house so quickly after the night Chris took him out, and then the accident happened. In the back of his mind, he was hoping his friends would just let it go…ignore the fight Jake and Eli had in the shop.
Ryder lifted his head up from the drawing he’d been working on to look at Eli. “So, what’s the deal?”
No such luck.
“There is no deal.” Eli turned back to the window. “Not anymore, at least.”
“So, we’re all just supposed to ignore the elephant in the room?” Kenz asked in a clipped tone.
“Drop it, Kenz.” Of course, in no way did Eli expect Kenz to listen.
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
At the sincerity in her voice, Eli turned around and again found all eyes on him. “I’m a big boy; I can take care of myself. I know he doesn’t feel the same way.” He walked over to the couch and slumped down into the dark red-leather cushions. “Trust me; he’s made that perfectly clear.” He leaned his head back on the soft leather and closed his eyes. “I’m done waitin’ on someone who’s never gonna want me back.”
“I hear ya,” Parker mumbled under his breath. Eli opened his eyes briefly and looked at his friend. He knew there was someone in Parker’s past; someone he’d rather forget. Parker had never offered details, so Eli never asked for them. He was a good-looking guy. His reddish-brown hair was a mess from the rain. He was shorter and slimmer than Eli, with lean muscle sporadically covered in ink. He looked over at Eli sympathetically, like he really did know how it felt to get tossed aside. Too bad there was nothing there other than friendship.
“Damn, Eli. I didn’t think you were that gullible,” Kenz said and Eli’s head shot up. Yeah, he’d thought he was gullible for falling for Jake’s bullshit, but to have it thrown in his face? Well, that fucking hurt. “You seriously believe him when he says he doesn’t want more?”
Huh? “Huh?”
He stared blankly at Kenz and she just shook her head, clearly frustrated. “Eli, have you seen the new addition to the shop?” Kenz stepped to the side and used both hands like she was Vanna fucking White to draw his attention to the hole in the wall.
“Damn, he was so pissed that day.” Ryder chuckled.
“Well, yeah. We’d just had it out.”
“Ha!” Ryder barked out. “I’m shit at relationships, and even I know it wasn’t because of that.”
Eli rubbed the center of his chest, trying to push down the hope that was flaring. Don’t go down that road again, Eli.
“We all must be blind because I know I never noticed it before.” Kenz sat back down, her short legs hanging off the stool.
“Noticed what?” Eli sat up and leaned his forearms on his thighs, letting his head fall forward. He was exhausted from the events of the last two weeks, exhausted from worry…just…exhausted.
“The way he looks at you.”
Eli’s head shot back up as he looked at Kenz. She nodded her head before he even had the chance to argue. Eli looked at Ryder and then Parker, seeing the same confirmation in their eyes. “Guys, I can’t—” Eli’s phone buzzed in his pocket with an incoming call. When he saw the number on the screen, he kicked himself for his lack of willpower and answered. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Jake sounded as exhausted as Eli felt. “Can you… Do you think you can do me a favor?”
“What’s up?” Eli could feel his friends staring at him, but he ignored them all.
“The meeting is going longer than I expected at Nick’s school, Nina and Stan have plans at four, and I still have to stop at the store because we’re completely out of milk and toilet paper.” He paused. “You’re the only one besides them who I think Dylan would be okay with. Nick will probably just hide out in his room.”
“Yeah, I can be over there in ten minutes.”
Jake heaved a sigh of relief. “Thanks, man. Oh shit, wait…do you have a client? I didn’t even think about that.” And that right there was proof of how crazy Jake’s life had become. Inkubus was everything to Jake. He knew what was happening there on a daily basis, including all scheduled appointments. Now, he seemed so far removed from it all.
“No, I was just gonna hang out for a while and close up, but…” Eli looked up and got a confirming nod from Ryder, “Ryder can handle it.”
“Thanks. I gotta go back into the meeting.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you later.” Eli ended the call then stood up, avoiding the looks coming from his friends. “So, ah, you guys need anything before I go?” When they didn’t answer he headed back to his station, grabbed his keys out of the drawer, and then strode back up front.
Before he opened the door, Kenz yelled out, “Hey, Eli?” Eli turned and met her eyes. “Trust in the hole.”
Eli and the guys gave each other looks like she’d lost her mind, and they laughed. “What?”
Kenz smirked and nudged her head toward the hole in the wall. “He’s full of shit, and you’re not gullible.”
Eli stared at his friend and damned if that hope wasn’t trying to force its way out. He nodded his head and smiled then opened the door and rushed out into the rain.
Jake opened the front door and heard music coming from the family room. He knew just from the sounds that they were watching Spider-Man again. At least Eli was the one sitting through the movie this time. Jake had had his fill over the last week.
When he turned the corner into the room, he felt a pang of disappointment. A small part of him was hoping Nick would be in there with Eli and Dylan; that maybe he’d come out of his funk.
Eli looked up and noticed Jake standing in the doorway. He leaned over to Dylan and whispered something to which Dylan nodded in response. Eli got up and walked over to Jake, and for a minute, Dylan watched them, as if he was making sure they both stayed where he could see them. Once he seemed satisfied that they weren’t going anywhere, he turned his attention back to the movie.
“How’d it go?” Jake’s voice was barely audible as he turned his attention toward Dylan. He turned back to Eli and… Shit. Something happened.
Eli put his hands up as if to prepare Jake. “He’s okay now…but when I first got here instead of you…he kinda freaked out.” Eli glanced at Dylan then back at Jake. “The last time Nina and Stan watched him…”
Kevin and Maggie died. “Oh, fuck.” Jake closed his eyes and shook his head, so fucking pissed at himself. “What the hell was I thinking?”
Eli grabbed Jake’s arm to keep him from walking away. “Hey. You were thinking the meeting with Nick’s school was important, because it was. It didn’t take him long to calm down, and now he knows, when he sees me, it’s just because I’m your friend and you’re running late.”
The word friend sank like a rock to the pit of Jake’s stomach.
“Seriously, Jake. He’s fine.”
Their bodies were so close together, both of them talking in hushed tones so Dylan wouldn’t hear. Jake took a small step closer and watched Eli’s eyes dilate to a dark emerald. There was so much energy sparking between them. Too much for the label friend to carry. There was no denying that Eli was different than any man Jake had ever been with. Jake glanced down at Eli’s mouth and could remember exactly what it tasted like. As if Eli was remembering too, he licked his lips.
“Uncle J? Can we eat soon? I’m hungry.”
At the sound of Dylan’s voice, Eli immediately stepped back, rubbing his hands on his jean-covered thighs. He released a shaky breath and took one more step back. They locked eyes for a minute until Dylan mentioned dinner for the second time.
With that, Eli seemed to snap out of it. “Got any jarred sauce and pasta? That’s pretty quick and easy.”
Jake cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah. There should be some in the cabinet.”
He started for the kitchen when Eli grabbed his arm again. “I got it. Go spend time with Dylan.”
Jake nodded his thanks and went into the family room to sit by his nephew. “You’re not sick of this movie yet?”
Dylan shrugged his shoulders but kept his eyes on the screen. Jake settled back against the couch, feeling the day weigh on him. The meeting with Nick’s teachers was worse than he thought it was going to be. Now he had to figure out what to do about it all.
“Spider-Man’s mom and dad died,” Dylan said in a small voice. He looked at Jake out of the corner of his eye then back at the movie.
You fucked up again, Jake. Christ. He’d never even made that connection about the movie. Hell, he knew that. He searched his brain for something to say, and all he came up with was, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Dylan continued to stare at the screen and began playing with the bottom hem of his green T-shirt. Jake settled back and stared at the actors, not really seeing what was in front of him. Every step he took, he wondered if he was doing right by those kids. It had only been less than two weeks, for fuck’s sake. He still had years ahead of him that he needed to get right, and he was already fucking up.
“His aunt takes care of him.” Dylan glanced at Jake again then averted his eyes. “I guess…I mean…if I can’t be with Mom and Dad,” his bottom lip quivered, “I know you’ll still be here, right?”
“Jesus, kid.” Jake’s voice cracked, and he wrapped his arms around his nephew and held on tight. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”
He could feel Dylan nod his head against his chest. It killed Jake every time Dylan cried over the loss, but he knew it was healthy for him. He was letting his feelings out in the only way he knew how. If only Nick would do the same.
Jake tried to remember how it used to be between him and his nephews. It felt like a lot more than two weeks had gone by. Seemed like just yesterday they were laughing and eating junk food on the beach. His role was changing, and he knew that, but there was no reason their relationship had to become completely unrecognizable.
“I’m warning you now, my farts reek after I eat eggs,” Jake said.
Dylan busted out laughing, and pulled away, wiping his tears from his face. “Yeah, well my feet stink.”
“Oh, trust me, I know.” Jake looked at the offending feet and made a barfing face.
“Hey! They’re not that bad.” Dylan lifted his foot, took a whiff, and gagged. “Just kidding. They are bad.”
“Come here, kid.” Jake laughed and pulled him back in for a hug. He hoped like hell Dylan would stay this way. He wasn’t stupid; he knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he’d missed the kid’s sense of humor. He’d missed his uninhibited laugh and huge smile.
Jake released his nephew then looked toward the kitchen. “You ready to eat? Eli’s making dinner.”
Dylan nodded his head, stood up, and took off toward the kitchen with Jake not far behind. They were almost to the foyer when Dylan stopped. He turned and looked at Jake nervously. “I don’t have to worry if Eli’s here either, right?”
Jake’s heart beat a fucking tattoo in his chest. “Right.”
“Cool,” Dylan replied as simply as a ten-year-old could and headed to the kitchen.
Eli found himself with no clients the next afternoon and an open Saturday. So, instead of sitting around, staring at his friends and the dark gray and burgundy walls of the shop, he left late Friday afternoon and headed up to see his parents. Jake seemed almost panicked when Eli announced he was leaving for the weekend.
Which was exactly why he needed to go.
He was becoming someone Jake was depending on, and with their past, it was getting to be too damn hard on Eli. He knew, if it wasn’t for this awful thing that had happened, Jake would still be set in his ways. Nothing would be different between them. Eli would still want more, and Jake would still push him away. So, the fact that Jake was leaning on him now was fucking with Eli’s head too damn much.
“You want another one?” Zach asked Eli from behind the bar as he pulled the tap, filling a glass and then sliding it over to a guy to Eli’s left.
Eli had been sitting at the worn, wooden bar with Micah for a few hours, nursing a few beers. The place was Zach’s and aptly named Zach’s. They’d all had so much fun ragging on their brother for naming the bar after himself. As narcissistic as it was, it was an easy name to remember. Eli looked down at his half-filled glass. “Nah. I still have to drive back to Mom and Dad’s.”
“A whopping three miles, you mean?” Zach mocked. He leaned on the bar and stared at Eli then looked at Micah. “What about you?”
“Yeah, I’ll take another one.”
The three of them couldn’t have been more different as brothers went. Zach resembled a giant lumberjack, Eli was covered in tattoos, and Micah was as clean-cut as you could get. Still, it helped, being around them.
Zach stood back up and grabbed Micah’s glass, replacing it with a full one. “So, you gonna tell us why you’re here?”
Okay, so it helped being around Micah. It was inevitable that Eli and Zach would butt heads like they always did. Sometimes it sucked being one of the youngest. Zach had some fucking blinders on when it came to Eli. No matter how old he got, Zach would always treat him like he needed to be protected. He knew Zach meant well, but it infuriated the fuck out of Eli.
“There’s nothing to tell. I just wanted to get away for a bit.” Eli wouldn’t make eye contact with his brother. Zach wasn’t as forgiving as Jonah, and even Jonah thought it might be best if Eli had some time away from Jake.
Zach studied him skeptically. “Right. Like I’m buyin’ that line of bullshit.”
“Zach—”
“No, Elijah. Don’t bother fucking lying to me.” Zach’s deep baritone carried, and Eli looked around in embarrassment.
“Fuck this,” Eli grumbled and began to stand up.
“Wait, Eli.” Micah grabbed his wrist then turned to Zachariah. “Stop being the asshole big brother.”
Zach put his hands on his hips and exhaled loudly. “Sit down.” But when Eli didn’t listen, Zach added, “I’m sorry. Sit back down, please?” Eli reluctantly nodded his head. Zach blew out a frustrated sigh. “Jeez, when the fuck did you stop listening to me?” He smirked, and Eli let out a small laugh.
“At least ten years ago, if not more. You’re just too stubborn to see it.”
“What I see is you running away from your problems. Again,” Zach fired back.
“I am not—”
“Jesus, Zach,” Micah groaned. “Can you back off?”
“It’s the same thing he did a few weeks ago.” Zach spoke to Micah as if Eli wasn’t even there.
“I know I’m one of the youngest, but I’m not a fucking kid anymore, Zach.” Eli settled back on the barstool next to Micah. “No wonder you can’t see what’s right in front of you. Too damn busy getting in the middle of everyone else’s shit.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Zach held up his hand. “If you say Drew, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Eli and Micah both snickered.
Eli turned his head, searching the room until his eyes landed on Drew. The raven-haired man had started working at Zach’s bar right before Eli moved to New Jersey. Zach liked to think of hiring him as something he was doing for an old friend…Drew’s older brother. But Drew made no secret about wanting Zach, and Zach seemed to fight it tooth and nail.
“He’s a good guy, Zach,” Eli said, taking a sip of his beer.
Zach glanced to his right, watching Drew across the room. “Yeah, he’s also your age.”
“So?”
Zach’s attention shifted back to Eli. “So, he’s a—”
“If you say kid,” Eli cut him off, “I’m gonna jump over this bar and throat punch you.”
“I’ve still got five inches on you, kid,” Zach reminded Eli mockingly.
“Then I’ll nut punch you. I can guarantee that will shut you the hell up.” Eli held up his beer and clinked it with Micah’s as Micah laughed.
“And you say you’re not a kid. What kind of threat is that?” Zach laughed. “So, what shit do you have going on in Jersey that you can’t deal with.”
The smile fell from Eli’s face. “The shit I’m dealing with isn’t a joke, Zach.”
Zach’s face grew serious. “I didn’t say it was, but sometimes pissing you off is the only way to get you to talk to me. I know when something’s wrong, and I know how to get it out of you. So, talk, little brother.”
Ultimately, Eli knew in the back of his mind, this was why he was sitting at Zach’s bar tonight. He always went to Jonah whenever things were bothering him, but sometimes, he just had to release some pent up anger and have someone be brutally honest with him. No one could piss him off like Zach could, with the exception of Jake. He looked at Micah and saw the same willingness to sit there and listen. Eli shifted his eyes to the worn wood of the bar and exhaled. “Do you know what I would do if I ever lost any of you?” He glanced quickly up at Zach, saw the sympathy in Zach’s eyes, and quickly shifted his own eyes back down. “I don’t even want to know what Jake is going through right now. He doesn’t have a family like ours, and all I want to do is be there for the guy, you know?
“But I promised myself I wasn’t gonna let my guard down around him anymore because the bastard has this way of getting under my skin. He’s made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me in the long run. I feel like he’s full of shit, but what the hell do I know?”
“Then I say fuck him.” Zach whipped a towel over his shoulder. “Let him figure his own shit out. You’re the one who’s gonna get screwed here.”
“Zach…” Micah warned.
“No, I’m serious.” Zach shrugged his shoulders. “Why is this your problem?”
“Why are you such an asshole? How can I do that? How can I let him deal with all that on his own? No one should have to go through that alone.” Rage was coursing through Eli’s veins, and he was seconds away from making good on his threat from earlier.
Zach leaned his arms on the bar, right in front of Eli. His shrewd blue eyes forced Eli back into his seat. “So, let me ask you again. What are you doing here?” When Eli didn’t respond, Zach added, “We weren’t raised to sit on the sidelines, Eli.”
“He’s right,” Micah said.
Why, that son of a bitch. “You set me up. You pissed me off just to—”
“Just to make you realize that, whether you’re physically here or there, your mind is with Jake and those boys.” Zach reached a hand across the bar and gripped Eli’s neck, pulling him until their foreheads met. “You are one of the strongest people I know, and I don’t tell you that enough.” Eli was too taken aback for words, so he grasped Zach’s wrist and nodded his head. “No second-guessing…where do you want to be right now?”
“With them.”
“Then there’s your answer. It doesn’t have to make sense.”