July flew by and August was reaching an end. But even after the talk he’d had with Jonah over two months ago, and the promises he’d made to himself that things were going to change, he was still letting this shit happen. Eli stretched his arm across the bed and patted the cool sheets. He had no clue what the point was when he already knew, without having to look, that he was alone. Still, when he finally pried his eyes open and saw the other side of the bed empty, disappointment cut through him like a knife.
He’d let it happen again.
And every time he woke up alone, he loathed himself a little more. What single, twenty-eight-year-old was sitting around, pining over one person? Fucking pathetic.
“Way to have some fucking willpower, asshole,” he grumbled as he swung his legs off the side of the bed and sat up. He stayed there for a minute with his head hung and eyes closed, taking a deep breath. The last thing he wanted to do was see Novak at the shop, but he had no choice. He had three clients lined up for the day that he couldn’t reschedule now. “Fuck,” he groaned as he stretched his arms above his head, feeling the ache in his muscles and resenting the reason they felt that way.
It didn’t take him long to shower, dress, and eat, but he took his time walking to the shop. His first client wasn’t until eleven, so there was no point in rushing. By the time he got there, someone was sitting in the waiting area, another guy was at the front counter filling out forms, and Kenz was walking someone back to her stall. Jake and Ryder were in the middle of a conversation, making plans to go out that night and get laid. Something inside Eli snapped because it was then that he realized…he was the last resort. All too often, Jake went out with Ryder, and then ended up at Eli’s door. I’m such a fucking idiot.
Jake’s eyes landed on him and they held each other’s stare for a minute. Eli’s muscles tensed, and he ground his teeth just to keep from exploding. Abruptly, he looked away, avoiding eye contact with anyone else as he walked down the hall to his station and began cleaning and setting up for his first appointment. A knock on the door frame had him looking up to meet a pair of chocolate brown eyes. He bit his tongue and looked back down without a word.
“Hey.” Jake shifted from foot to foot in the doorway, but Eli couldn’t find an ounce of fucks to give that the guy was uncomfortable. Jake took a couple steps inside the room, no doubt to avoid nosy eyes on him. “About last night—”
“Don’t.” Eli paused with the cellophane in his hand hovering over the armrest of the chair. He glanced up at Jake then back down and proceeded to wrap the arm in the plastic. “I already know what you’re gonna say. I don’t need to hear it again.”
“I’m not cut out for that shit, Eli. You know that.” The pleading in Jake’s deep voice was too much for Eli to handle.
“What I know is that we were headed for that shit, whether you’d like to admit it or not. I don’t know what the fuck happened.” He moved over to the other arm and wrapped it tightly. “Quite frankly, I no longer give a shit.”
“I’ve always been honest with you about what this was.” Jake’s anger was rising along with his voice. No doubt, Ryder could hear everything going on next door, even over the whir of the machine.
Eli let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Pulling out some rubber bands, he wrapped them around his machines then set the tools down on the covered tray.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Eli looked back up, holding Jake’s gaze, ignoring the intensity that always sparked between them. “You can’t even be honest with yourself,” Eli shook his head, “but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m done. You can find a fuck buddy someplace else.” Jake’s jaw ticked in anger, and for once, it didn’t get to Eli. “Now, I need you to get the hell out of my room, so I can finish setting up before my first appointment.
“This isn’t over,” Jake declared before turning to leave.
“That’s exactly what it is,” Eli retorted, feeling satisfaction as Jake stopped for a brief moment before leaving the room.
It didn’t take Eli long to push aside all negative energy and focus on what he was there for. There was something about the sound of the machine and the vibration in his hand that settled him. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk today, and luckily, the guy in his chair didn’t seem to care.
It was while he was sitting there that he’d made a decision. After his first client left, he sent out a text and was surprised when his phone pinged right away with a response. He guessed he shouldn’t be surprised, since the guy had asked him out every time he sat for his back piece. He read the message a couple of times, reminding himself that this was the first step. If he was ever going to move on, he had to start somewhere.
By the end of the day, his nerves were getting the better of him. He channeled all that nervous energy into breaking down his station and cleaning. “It’s just a drink, Taylor. Calm the fuck down.”
“Talking to yourself now?” Jake entered the room and made himself comfortable in a chair in the corner. There was obvious humor in his voice, but Eli failed to find anything funny about the situation.
He pulled his black latex gloves off, tossing them in the garbage, then went over to the chrome sink to wash his hands. “What do you want?”
The smile faded from Jake’s face, his defenses visibly shooting up in the blink of an eye. “We need to talk.”
“No, we really don’t.” Eli dried his hands on some paper towels, leaning back against the counter as he stared at Jake. Now or never. “Besides, I’ve got plans.” He watched the color rise in Jake’s tanned skin, his brown eyes hardening.
Jake sat up straighter in the chair, flexing his right hand into a fist. “With who?” It took everything in Eli not to laugh from the hypocrisy or shudder from the deep timbre of the man’s voice. Was it totally fucked up to think an angry Jake was tempting as hell? Completely fucked up, Eli.
Eli opened his mouth just as someone knocked on his station wall. Both men turned their heads in the direction of the sound. Eli’s pulse sped up, knowing who it would be. He’d like to say his racing pulse was a reaction to the man standing in his doorway, but that would be a lie. Instead, he refused to look at the person in the chair who was actually the cause of his rapidly beating heart and sweaty palms.
“Am I interrupting something?” The guy looked unsure about what was going on, and Eli felt like an ass.
“Hey, Chris.” Eli looked at Jake then back at Chris. “No, you’re not interrupting anything.”
“Are you ready to go?” Chris asked, flashing Eli a smile before side-eyeing Jake again.
Jake snorted in disbelief, looking up at Chris from the chair before standing and towering over the man. “You’re not serious.” Chris, to his credit, didn’t even flinch.
“Chris, can you give me a minute? I’ll be right out.” Eli prayed like hell Chris couldn’t tell how pissed Eli was at Jake.
The guy hesitated, taking one last confused look at Jake before saying, “Yeah, sure. I’ll be out front.”
The second Chris left, Eli faced off with Jake whose dark eyes were shooting daggers. “You’re seriously going out with that guy?” Jake snapped, pointing in the direction Chris had just gone. Good, he’s pissed. Now they were finally on the same page.
“Yeah, I am.” He crossed his arms over his chest, ready for whatever bullshit Jake was going to throw at him.
“Out of spite?” Jake’s voice radiated anger, his nostrils flaring as he looked at Eli like he’d lost his damn mind.
“Jesus, Novak, not everything is about you,” Eli said incredulously. Was this guy for real? For months Eli gave him space, let him make all the rules while hoping things would change. Nothing. Ever. Fucking. Changed.
“Then what the fuck is it about?”
Eli lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, releasing a long, exhausted sigh. He glanced up, meeting Jake’s eyes again then shook his head. “Moving on.” He backed up a step then turned and left Jake standing there. He didn’t look back even though he could hear the man following behind him. Moving on meant moving forward…and no looking back.
“Not gonna lie. That’s some fucked up shit.” Ryder took a pull of his beer, leaning his elbows on the worn, wooden table.
Parker huffed. “Seriously. I didn’t know what the fuck I was walking into, but I’ve never seen you so pissed, man.”
They’d been sitting there for an awkward-as-hell hour, avoiding the elephant in the room. Jake was kicking himself for not checking his anger during the whole fiasco with Eli and the douche. Everyone had heard, but it was Ryder, Kenz, and Parker he was most worried about. Hell, with the way the stool behind the register crashed into the wall when he kicked it, he might as well have made an announcement that he and Eli were fucking. Not anymore, jackass.
“I just don’t get it. Did you think we couldn’t handle it?” Pain was evident in Kenz’s voice. They were like a family at Inkubus, especially for Ryder and Kenz.
Man, he’d fucked this one up royally. “No, that’s not it—”
“How long?” She sat back in her chair, giving him the stink eye like only she could. She was a hard ass. No way was she letting him off the hook with this one which was ironic considering he was her boss. “How long, Novak?” she repeated.
Jake sighed, gripping the back of his neck, preparing himself for her wrath. “Ten months.”
She slammed her hand down on the table and both Ryder and Parker flinched. “Ten fucking months!”
“Keep your damn voice down, Kenz.” Jake glanced around the bar, thankful it was a slow night.
“You’ve been hiding this shit from us for ten months, and you want me to calm down?” She wrinkled her nose, wrapping her arms around herself as she shook her head and looked away.
“Fuck.” Jake scrubbed a hand over his stubbled chin, searching for the right words. “We didn’t want to make things weird at the shop. It just kinda happened one night. We didn’t plan it, and we sure as fuck didn’t think it would go on this long.”
“So, what’s the deal then? Why’d he go out with that guy if it’s still going on?” Ryder pushed his black frames up on his nose, his voice calmer and more controlled than Kenz’s. Nothing much ever really stressed him out.
Jake shrugged his shoulders, his fingers picking at the label on his bottle of Yuengling. He couldn’t look at his friends for this part because this was where they most definitely would think he was an asshole. “He wants more, and I don’t. End of story.”
All three of his friends snickered, giving each other looks.
“What?” he asked defensively.
“You’re so full of shit, Novak.” When he stared at Kenz in confusion, she rolled her eyes. “This is why I date women. Men are so fucking clueless.”
Ryder snorted. “Yeah, that’s why.”
Kenz smiled wickedly. “Well, that and the fact that dicks are fucking gross.” She shivered in disgust, then pinned Jake with her blue eyes. “You sure as hell didn’t act like you don’t want more with Eli today.”
He averted his eyes, staring out the window behind Parker’s head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really?” she challenged. “How about you ask the wall in the shop, or the huge hole you put in it. You know, when you clearly didn’t care about Eli leaving with…what was his name again?”
“Don’t be a smartass.” Exhaling, Jake stood up, pulled his wallet out, and threw a twenty on the table. “He can do better,” he said, shoving his wallet back in his jeans.
“Better than Chris or better than you?” Parker asked.
“Just…better. See you guys tomorrow.” He didn’t wait for a response and strode out the door into the late-summer heat.
Somehow, he found himself outside Eli’s door twenty minutes later, hand raised mid-knock.
“I said we don’t have anything to talk about.” The deep voice behind him sent a warmth down his spine. He held his breath as he turned around, only releasing it when he saw Eli was alone. Was he just getting home now?
“Where’s the douche?”
Eli shook his head. “Real fucking nice, Novak. Who’s jealous now?” Eli sucked in a breath when Jake backed him up against the hallway wall.
“I’m not jealous. I just don’t understand why you’re wasting your time on that prick. Besides, should you really be fucking a client?” he sneered—then immediately regretted his words with one look in Eli’s eyes. He opened his mouth to take the words back when Eli shoved him hard enough to hit the opposite wall.
“Fuck you. Should you really be fucking an employee?” Eli snapped. He stared incredulously at Jake and huffed in disgust. “You call this not being jealous? If you want me, then fucking want me. Own it. But you don’t get to make the rules and then get pissed off when I follow them.” Eli passed him, retrieving his key from his pocket, and unlocked his door.
“Shit, Eli, I—” Jake nervously gripped the back of his neck because in all the years he’d known Eli, he’d never seen him this pissed off.
Eli turned and looked right at Jake, and the coldness in his eyes was something Jake had never seen before. He felt it in the pit of his stomach. “I’ll finish out my clients for the week. Then, I’m taking some time off.” Before Jake could respond he found himself face-to-door…with Eli on the other side.
Jake put his hands on the door frame and leaned his head against the door. This thing between them was spiraling out of control. Maybe space would do them some good. He pushed off the frame and went down one flight of stairs, opened his door, and flung himself down on the couch. He didn’t know what it was about Eli that made it impossible to stay away. From the beginning, he’d been drawn to the guy and managed to keep his distance for a year. But somehow, walking home from a bar one night, they’d ended up at Eli’s place. One fucking taste of the guy had Jake going back for more. Hell, he’d even thought—
Didn’t matter now. They wanted different things, and sex was only blurring the lines.
Really good sex. Best sex I’ve ever had.
“Fuck.” Jake exhaled in frustration. He got up and began to undress as he walked to the bathroom and started the shower. The rest of the week was going to be awkward as hell, and not just for Jake and Eli, but for everyone in the shop. It was definitely best to put some space between them. He huffed out a laugh, wondering how many times he’d have to think that putting space between them was a good thing before he actually believed it.
You wanted things this way.
“Man, he was pissed,” Jake said to absolutely no one. The fury in Eli’s eyes when Jake made that stupid comment about fucking clients… “What the fuck were you thinking, asshole?” Yet, he couldn’t shake off the relief he’d felt that not only was the guy not with Eli, but Eli hadn’t smelled like anyone other than himself. If he’d fucked that guy, he’d reek of sex and—
“You’re losing your fucking mind, Jake.” Jake stepped into the shower and closed the door. He let the hot water soak through his skin and loosen his muscles. He wasn’t this guy. He didn’t get jealous, and he sure as fuck didn’t keep craving one goddamn man. Before Eli showed up, things were going fine. He liked the way his life was. Thirty-five years old was too damn old to change your ways, as far as he was concerned.
Taking his cock in his hand, he tried to think about anyone other than Eli. But those damn green eyes kept pushing their way through. Muscles covered in ink. Black hair he could grab on to while he took him from behind. And Eli saying over and over again, “Jake. Jake. Jake.”
When Jake realized he was actually saying, “Eli,” over and over again, out loud, while he beat off in his goddamn shower, his body tensed and he shot his load on the bathroom tile. He watched it slide down with the water and disappear down the drain. “Shit.” Fucking poetic.