Chapter 23

Ian

 

 

I don’t think I have ever struggled so much to figure out what to wear. I feel like a girl. My closet seemed as if there was nothing to wear, even though it was stuffed. It was all outdated. I hadn’t been shopping for new clothes in years. I think Miriam bought me most of what was hanging in there. Note to self—go shopping this week.

After changing into no less than four outfits, I finally settled on a pair of dark-colored jeans and a black polo shirt. It wasn’t my typical stuffy professor attire, but it wasn’t too laid back to raise the eyebrows of the other faculty. I slid into a pair of comfortable black shoes, put on my watch, and declared myself ready for a date. I think of it as a date, even if it is technically not. At least as far as any of my colleagues are concerned.

I wished I could have picked her up and driven her to the art show, but that would definitely raise some red flags. We agreed to meet there. It would be easy to find her in the crowd. I had an attraction to her that worked like a homing beacon.

As expected, I found her within seconds of entering the building. It was as if a ray of light was beaming from the ceiling, highlighting her golden hair and pointing her out to me. I took a few minutes to drink in the sight of her before slowly moving through the crowd to greet her.

Her tanned skin stood out against the light-yellow dress, giving her a healthy glow. Looking at the sun’s kiss reminded me of the pictures she’d sent me the day before, sending a dangerous thrill up my spine. The dress revealed perfectly shaped shoulders. It tied behind her neck, covering up most of her chest area. I imagined untying that string with my teeth. I knew she didn’t have a bra on underneath, which was nearly my undoing.

I followed the swath of fabric that was gathered by a dazzling skinny belt, just before the dress flared out and landed just above her knee. It was youthful, flirty, and spectacular—just like her. I loved that she preferred a more natural look and wore minimal makeup. When I went to bed with a woman, I took comfort in knowing I was going to wake up to the same face. Miriam was the kind of woman who looked very different in the morning when the makeup was washed away. It wasn’t always a good thing.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I was standing in front of her, staring.

“Hi, Professor Dunlap,” she said, a smile lighting up her face. I noticed her extra emphasis on the words.

I look around and realize she had been talking with some other teachers at the school. She had put me into such a trance that I’d completely ignored everyone else in the room, intent on getting close to her.

“Good evening; mind if I steal away my assistant for a moment?” I said, doing my best to sound like a professional.

I fought the urge to grab her hand and pull her out of the room. I wanted to push her up against the wall and run my hands up that skirt.

“You okay?” she whispered, still smiling to put on a good show.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “You look nice,” I said when I managed to cool my raging hormones.

“Thank you. So do you.”

“Professor Dunlap,” the dean said, headed our way. We both instinctively moved a few more inches apart.

I waited until she reached us. “Dean,” I said, tilting my head forward.

“I’d like you to meet a few of our generous donors. Maybe you can convince them to cough up some more money for our marine sciences program,” she said, taking me by the elbow and steering me away from Tessa.

As I looked back, she was waving goodbye, fighting back a laugh. The rest of the evening was much the same. I was whisked around, introduced to new people and expected to make small talk. Tessa and I were kept apart most of the night, but I still managed to find her when I wanted to. People gravitated towards her. She was constantly surrounded by men and women alike. I longed to be there beside her, holding her hand, sneaking kisses and enjoying ourselves like a normal couple.

It’s a dream I will never get to experience. My job is too important, as is her degree. I will settle for my fantasies. Tonight, when I go to bed, I know that her dress and the removal of it will haunt my dreams.

I decided that I’d had enough socializing for one night and made my way back to Tessa. “I’m headed out. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

“Goodbye, Professor Dunlap,” she said, smiling and nodding before giving me a small wink.

I made my exit and found my way to my car, enjoying the cool night air. Once inside the safe haven of my car, I pulled out my phone and send her a text.

When she quickly responded, I smiled. We’d be meeting at a small park that would hopefully be empty at this hour. It’s more of a mom and kid hangout, which meant it should be vacant. It better be. My heart picked up the pace in anticipation of seeing her in relative privacy. I pray I can control my urges.

I waited in my car. When I saw headlights, my palms got sweaty. It was her. She got out, and her yellow dress was a bright light in the darkness.

“Hi,” I said, walking towards her, wanting to grab her, but keeping my distance.

“You did great tonight,” she said in greeting.

“Thank you for going with me—in a way. I was glad to have a friendly face, even if I didn’t get to spend much time with you,” I told her, meaning every word.

“Thank you for inviting me. Me being a lowly student and all, I wouldn’t typically be allowed to attend such events. It was kind of cool to see what happens behind the scenes so the doors stay open at the school. Even though I feel like I pay more than enough to attend, I guess they always need more,” she joked.

We started walking through the park, not touching, but walking close to each other.

“I need to take these shoes off,” she said, sitting on one of the benches neatly tucked away under some trees. The bench was sheltered, blocking out the moonlight, providing plenty of privacy from any eyes that could be lurking.

I watched as she slipped out of the white high heels before rubbing her feet.

“Sit down,” she said, looking up at me, before patting the area next to her on the bench.

I obliged.

“So, did you have a good time?” she asked.

I nodded. “I did, actually. Kind of surprised me. I haven’t had to schmooze in a long time.”

She laughed. “You did great. I heard a lot of people talking about the new professor. They are expecting great things from you. The dean seemed impressed as well. She was clearly showing you off.”

I shrugged. “What can I say? I’m like a shiny new penny for her.”

That thought made me think twice about what I was doing in the park, at night, with a student. The dean would not be quite so impressed with me if she knew what I was doing, not to mention what I was thinking at this exact moment.

We sat silent, enjoying the fresh air after being cooped up for so long.

“Did you make any new contacts?” I asked her, knowing she would probably be doing what she could to scout for jobs. It was a rough world after graduation. She would need every advantage, and making contacts now was the best way to ensure her success.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope so. Most of the people there weren’t in the marine world at all. They are rich and looking for somewhere to donate money that will earn them a pretty little plaque. I did make a few connections, but we’ll see.”

“It takes time. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but I got really lucky and found a job right after I graduated,” I told her.

“The six-month grace period before I have to start paying my loans doesn’t feel like nearly enough, you know? Honestly, I don’t even know what I really want to do with my degree. There are a lot of different jobs that I could go after, but the problem is picking the right one.”

I had to laugh. “You’ll know it when you find it. It may take some trial and error though. Call it narrowing the field if you decide you don’t like a particular job once you get into it. It’s about living and learning.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Why do I feel like I’m talking to some wise old man?”

I shrugged. “Because you are, I guess.”

She slapped my shoulder. “You’re not old. But thank you for talking to me about it. I will take your advice.”

“No problem,” I said, understanding her plight. I checked my watch and realized it was getting late. We both had to be up early tomorrow for class.

Before I could say anything, she grabbed my hand. “Ian?”

“Yes?”

“I’m right here in a secluded spot; why haven’t you made a move? You texted me to meet you. Did you really want to chat about the benefit?”

I took a deep breath. “Tessa, I’m a teacher. You’re a student. Student and teacher relationships are a no-no. You know that.”

“I’m not your student,” she replied.

I thought about it. “No, I guess you aren’t.”

She looked at me. Questioning me.

“Aren’t you worried?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I should be.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yes, you should. We both should. This could cost us far more than either of is willing to pay.”

She was quiet for a while. “I don’t know that it is. Why does anyone have to know at all?”

I took a deep breath. She had a point. Couldn’t we have a secret affair? Why did we have to worry about consequences? If we were careful, we could have the best of both worlds. I knew I was making excuses and looking for a loophole, but I didn’t care. I wanted this too much to care about anything else.

I looked at her, making sure she was looking directly at me. “I live near here. Would you like to see my house?” I asked, feeling far more confident than I should.

She hesitated a moment before nodding her head. “I’d like that.”

We stood, still holding hands. Inside, my conscience was screaming at me to stop. It was too late. I couldn’t stop the inevitable. I’m a weak man and can think of nothing other than Tessa. I have to see where this goes. I reminded myself I could still change my mind. Maybe she really only wants to see where I live and she’ll leave after a brief nightcap. There is nothing to get excited about.