Chapter 17

Ian

 

 

I sipped my beer, like a good guest at what was a very lively barbecue, but it wasn’t quite hitting the spot. I couldn’t seem to get into the party. I know I’m being a stick in the mud, but I can’t seem to snap out of it. This is why people don’t invite me to parties or backyard barbecues. I’m a bore. I can bring down the liveliest get together without even trying.

“Ian, come, sit down, man. Tell us how the new job is going,” one of my old friends calls out.

I sighed, accepting the invitation, but not really feeling it. I sat down in one of the patio chairs, feeling a little out of place. These guys got together quite often. I was the newcomer, even if I had known them for most of my life.

“How’s it going, Ian, with the new job?” my friend William asked.

He had been one of my closest friends. After the accident, we drifted apart. I took full responsibility for that separation; I had just been in no mood to go out with the guys. I preferred to wallow in self-pity and misery.

“It’s going pretty good,” I lied. “I like the smaller class sizes and fewer classes in general.”

“Good. I’ve heard it’s a great school,” he said.

Another guy came to sit down. “You’re a teacher?” he asked. This was not a face I was familiar with.

I nodded. “A professor, at the local university.”

“Cool. I didn’t know professors were as young as you. Are there are lot of gorgeous young ladies hot for the teacher?” the unidentified gentleman asked.

I took a sip of beer. The question was stupid and one you would expect to hear at a bar with a bunch of young guys. I had no intention of actually answering it, and chose to smile and drink my beer.

“Uh-oh, I think he’s telling us there are some young ladies he wants to bang!” the guy said. I wiped my mouth, prepared to tell him to fuck off when my friend intervened.

William abruptly stood. “Ian, come on; I want you to meet my boss.”

I looked at him, knowing he was removing me from the situation and was grateful for it. I went willingly, leaving the moron behind. This is why I didn’t do these public gatherings. I didn’t have the polite patience you were supposed to have when you encountered dipshits like that guy. Not anymore. William and a few others had tried to drag me out for a long time after Miriam died, but I had always refused. This was why. Eventually, they quit asking and left me to my own self-made hell.

“Sorry about that,” William muttered. “That guy is a pain in the ass. He’s Donny’s friend and somehow always manages to tag along. Tara is going to be pissed when she sees he’s here again. The fool had the audacity to criticize her steak marinade at the last barbecue we hosted. It was not pretty.”

I laughed as I imagined his petite wife, Tara, going after the guy with a cleaver. Jake had warned me. I couldn’t imagine criticizing someone who spent so much time preparing a meal for me in the first place.

“No worries, Will,” I assured him. “I’m doing a lot better, really. Don’t feel like you have to stick by my side. You have a whole slew of guests to entertain.”

“No way, you’re my VIP. Let’s go say hi to Tara. She’s going to be very excited you actually showed up,” he said, leading the way towards the patio doors.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t want to invade her kitchen,” I said, very concerned for my health.

He grinned. “She isn’t going to kill the man she loves.”

I wasn’t so sure about that but followed him anyway. He knocked once and then twice in rapid motion.

“You have a secret knock?” I asked in shock.

He laughed. “Hell yeah. I don’t want to take the chance of her thinking I’m one of the guests and throwing a cleaver at my head or something.”

“What is it with a cleaver? Jake said something similar,” I asked out of curiosity.

He lowered his voice and leaned in. “A while back, one of our drunken guests kept harassing her in the kitchen. She threw her knife at the wall—next to his head. No one has dared step foot in the kitchen ever since.”

“Holy hell, man. Why are we going in here?” I asked again.

“She’ll be fine. I promise.”

I prayed she was. I was not interested in getting cleaved, or was it cleavered? Whatever.

“Tara?” he called out in a tentative voice.

“William, why are you in my kitchen?”

He stepped to the side, revealing me. I wanted to run in the opposite direction when I saw the little woman holding a giant knife and chopping vegetables.

“Ian!” she screamed, running towards me, knife still in hand.

I looked to William for help, but he only smiled. A split second before Tara threw her arms around my neck, William deftly pulled the knife out of her hand. I don’t think she even knew she was still holding it. I accepted her hug and even hugged her back.

She pulled back after a good ten seconds and put my face between her hands. “It’s so good to see you. I can’t believe you’re actually here. Standing in my kitchen,” she said with a change in tone, lowering her gaze at William. “But I’ll forgive it just this once.”

“How are you, Tara? Still working at the same place or have you opened your own restaurant yet?” I asked, genuinely interested.

She rolled her eyes, reclaimed her knife and went back to chopping veggies. “Not yet. I’m still working for that putz. I hope to have enough money set aside within the next year to take the plunge on my own.”

“That’s great. Good to hear,” I said, suddenly out of things to talk about.

“We better get back out there,” William said, walking over and giving his wife a quick kiss on the cheek.

“See you in a few, Ian. Don’t you dare try and sneak out of here. Grab a beer and get ready for the best barbecue you’ve ever had.” She winked.

“Can’t wait,” I said, heading out of the kitchen.

When we emerged onto the patio, a few heads turned, staring at us as if we were gods. We had just left the kitchen which wasn’t something mere mortals were allowed to do. I smiled, feeling a little better.

William clapped me on the shoulder. “Is this going to be a regular thing or did Jake make some deal with you to get you out of the house?”

I shrugged. “I’m hoping a regular thing. It’s time,” I said in a lower voice.

“Damn straight it is. You know how sorry I was about everything, but I’m glad to see you crawling back. I can’t even imagine what you went through,” he said in a somber tone.

I grimaced. Nobody could. No one knew that this guilt is what drove me to pull away from everything I loved and enjoyed in life. Grief, sure, but mostly, it was guilt. No one knew the real reason behind our marriage or what the marriage had been like. My grief was solely the result of Ally’s loss. She was the little girl who had brought light into my life. Ally was an innocent party in my sham of a marriage. She didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of her mother’s deception.

If I could have loved her more, her life would have been happier. More meaningful. It had been far too short, and I always wondered if her brief life had been truly happy. Did I love her enough in the short amount of time we had together?

“Hey!” Jake called out, walking across the large backyard.

I felt relieved to see him. He was my rock through everything. William was great, but my little brother understood a lot more about what I was dealing with, and just how this first venture into society was going to hit me.

A beautiful woman was walking by his side as he headed our way. She was a bit older than he was, but Jake had always been very mature for his age.

“Hi, guys. This is Megan. Megan, this is William, and this guy is my big brother, Ian,” he said, making the introductions.

She smiled, and I could see she was nervous. I imagine meeting those close to her boyfriend for the first time would be a little stressful. I felt sorry for her and did what I could to make small talk. I was still not all that great at it.

Tara’s head popped out of the patio door. “William,” she called. It was a voice that demanded his presence. He quickly left to do her bidding, leaving the three of us standing on the patio.

“Let’s find somewhere to sit,” Jake said, quickly finding three chairs and a small table off to the side.

We all sat down before Jake jumped up to grab us drinks. Megan and I sat in the chairs, facing each other and not saying a word. Jake returned, and I quickly grabbed the fresh Corona and twisted off the lid.

“How’s school?” Jake asked. It was a strange question since I had talked to him just yesterday about school.

“Good. We’re starting our outdoor lessons this week. It’s something I know the students will be excited about.”

“You’re a teacher?” Megan asked.

“Yes, at the community college,” I told her.

Jake felt the need to give her my resume. I looked at him, realizing he was up to something, just a little too late.

“Oh, hey, I need to go talk to Chase over there. You two sit tight. Chat about the weather or whatever,” Jake said, quickly leaving us alone.

Now I knew his game. He was trying to set me up. I looked at Megan, who was very uncomfortable. Did she know what Jake had been up to?

She looked at me and smiled. “Sorry.”

“For?”

She waved her hand between us. So, she had known. That is why she had looked so nervous walking into the barbecue.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I had no idea he was going to do this,” I explained.

She shrugged. “We work together. I am one of the new paralegals at the firm. He asked if I’d like to go to a barbecue with his friends and his older brother.”

I shook my head. Leave it to Jake to be so forward.

“It’s okay. We can sit and talk or not talk. It’s a setup. My friends do this to me all the time. It never gets old, that’s for sure,” she said, taking a nervous drink from her beer.

“You don’t have to sit here. Feel free to mingle. There are plenty of eligible bachelors roaming around here,” I told her, feeling a little foolish. Her revelation made it very clear she wasn’t interested in me or even pretending like the setup was a success. I felt about two inches tall. I was going to kill Jake, slowly.

We both sat back in our chairs, drinking our beers that were quickly getting warm, lost in our own thoughts. My mind drifted to my upcoming week. I was excited to get outside, but I was dreading doing it without Tessa. I was going to truly miss her the next couple of days. I know it’s wrong. I’ve been wrestling with it all weekend, but no matter how much I tell myself to ignore her and get over these feelings she stirred up, it doesn’t work.

I took another sip of the warm beer, praying the food was served soon so I could make my escape shortly after. I want to go home and think about her. It pisses me off and makes me hate myself that I am so hung up on her, but it’s the truth. I’ll figure out a way to rid myself of the demon that has drawn me to her. I have to. I can’t lust after her or miss her or anything else with her. She’s a student. I’m a teacher. It stops there.