Chapter 5

Ian

 

 

Still sprawled out on my queen-sized bed, I tried to muster the energy to get up. My first week back at work was proving to be far more difficult than I imagined. No, I knew it would be rough, but had talked myself into doing it anyway. Now, I was paying the price. I’d been down this road before. It was depression, an adversary that could sneak up on a person and consume them if they weren’t careful.

The idea of getting out of bed, showering and driving the short distance to the college was overwhelming. To me, it felt like climbing Mount Everest. I was trying to rationalize calling in sick. Tess, or was it Tessa? Didn’t matter. She could handle one class, right? My bed was my safe haven. I didn’t want to leave for one measly class.

My self-pity was interrupted when a giant ball of white fluff landed on my chest.

“Get off, Dexter,” I scolded the cat. “You’re not going to starve, I promise. You could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.”

The cat glared at me but didn’t move.

“Fine,” I said grumbling and pushing the cat off my chest. “I’ll get up. I want you to know that I really hate you. You are only here because I promised to always take care of you. A promise I regret a little more every damn day.”

Ally, my little girl, had wanted the cat and my wife, Miriam, had caved and gotten it for her third birthday. My breath hitched at the memory of Ally opening the box with the white kitten inside. She had screamed in excitement, scaring the poor little kitten. Miriam loved cats. I did not. Now, after their deaths, I was the one stuck feeding the thing, emptying the litter box, and putting up with his sadly unfortunate sense of timing.

I dumped some food into Dexter’s bowl in the kitchen and found my way into the bathroom. The cat was a pain in the ass, but days like today I was actually grateful for it. Dexter dragged me out of bed on days I would be happy to stay under the covers.

After a quick shower, I felt better, more alive and ready to tackle the day. The thought of being in the classroom gave me the little burst of energy I needed. That and seeing my assistant. I stepped outside and looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were on the horizon. That explained the gloom I was feeling. I lived in Florida and thrived on the sunshine.

The drive to campus was short. I started walking towards the building when the clouds opened up and poured water from above. I put my face down and ran for the shelter of the building, knowing I was close.

“Ouch!” a woman’s voice screeched, a second after I slammed into something stationary.

Moments after the impact, I saw a woman sprawled on the ground in front of me. It only took me a brief second to realize it was my assistant. Crap! I hadn’t been paying attention and nearly took out the one person helping me keep it together.

“Sorry, Tess. I didn’t see you. Probably because I was staring at the ground,” I muttered, reaching a hand out to help her up.

“It’s Tessa, and it’s okay. I’m fine. Minor bump. Don’t worry about it,” she said, standing and stepping inside the building to make room for me. “I shouldn’t have been standing there. It is a doorway,” she joked.

She reached down and picked up the papers that were scattered around the hall. I quickly dropped back down to help pick up the mess I had created.

“I was trying to get out of the rain,” I said, trying to explain why I’d plowed into her. I felt like a complete buffoon.

“It feels good,” she said, catching me off guard.

“What?” I stammered.

She giggled. “The rain. If I didn’t have to be in your class, I would stand outside and soak it in.”

“Really?” I asked, completely perplexed. “You want to stand in the rain?”

She nodded vigorously, “I love it. I love the way it smells, the way it makes you feel alive. At least the first part of a rainstorm. Then you get wet and soggy and that is kind of a bummer, but it’s been dry for weeks. I love that first rain shower. Everything feels clean and new again.”

I turned to look back through the small window in the door and then back to her. “Want to be a few minutes late to class?”

“Yes!” she said, dropping her backpack and carefully placing the papers I had just scattered on the top.

I walked to the door, pushed it open and gestured for her to go out the door first. She held my eyes as she walked by, her shoulder brushing against my chest. I caught a whiff of her hair and inhaled. It was that sweet smell I had appreciated the first time I met her.

I stood at the door, still inside and watched as she walked out, spread her arms wide and tilted her face to the sky. Watching her brought up the stirring in my belly, again. I walked out, letting the door slam behind me and imitated her. The rain hit me in the face. It was invigorating.

“Isn’t it great,” she said spinning around. “I love it!”

I chuckled. “It is. I’ve always raced inside when it rained. Why? I practically live in the water, but I’m afraid of a little rain?”

I laughed at the absurdity and made a decision to always do this when it rained. Except for hurricanes. I wasn’t an idiot.

“We better get inside,” she said, touching me on the arm. “Can’t have the professor playing in the rain all day.”

I moaned. “Do we have to?”

Her hand slid down my forearm, grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards the door. I went willingly.

Once inside, it was back to professor and student. She collected her things and walked down the hall to the classroom. I stood in the hall, collecting my thoughts before I had to start teaching. The rain had been remarkably cathartic. I couldn’t believe I had never done that before.

I picked up the notepad off my desk, glanced at the notes I had made and dove right into my lecture. I felt more alive than I had in years. The rain had washed away the film of sadness I had become far too accustomed to wearing. It felt good. The energy seemed to build the more I talked. Once class was over, I was still riding the high. I felt like Superman and decided to ask Tessa out for coffee.

“Tess—Tessa, would you like to grab a coffee?” I said, feeling confident.

She looked at me as if I were crazy. It was like a pin had popped the bubble of confidence I’d been riding. I wanted to properly apologize for tackling her in the hall. At least that was what I was telling myself. It was a perfect excuse.

Now, all I felt was embarrassment. She was going to turn me down; I could feel it. I was already kicking myself in the ass for being so forward. I rejected her, and now she was going to give me a taste of my own medicine.

“Um, I can’t. I have a class in about twenty minutes,” she said, looking at the clock on the wall. “Actually, I have classes all day.”

I nodded my head, pretending to understand, but really, I was looking for a hole to crawl into.

“Okay, no problem,” I managed to get out.

I turned to my desk, looking for an excuse to get away from her.

“Wait,” she said, putting a hand on my arm. “I would like to, really, but today is a full day for me.”

“It’s fine, please, don’t feel bad. It’s just coffee.”

I had a cat waiting at home. Lucky me. As much as I despised the cat, it was a warm body to go home to.

“Can we maybe plan another day?” she asked softly.

I shrugged. “We’ll see.”

She grabbed her backpack, slung it over her shoulder, and headed towards the door. I picked up the keys to my room and started out behind her.

She turned to look at me. “That was a really good class today. You seemed different. I liked it,” she said with a smile.

I nodded. “Thanks. See you later.”

I got in my car and drove back home. The rain had stopped, and the clouds were moving out. I had hoped it would still be raining. Instead, it was nothing but puddles and mud. I drove home and slowly walked up the steps. Dexter was sprawled on the back of the couch. He didn’t bother lifting his head but did meow a greeting.

It was about as much excitement as I could have hoped for. Stupid cat. I flopped down on the couch, jostling the cat, earning an angry swipe at the back of my head.

“Knock it off, or you’re going to the pound,” I scolded the cat.

My phone rang. I debated answering, but when I saw Jake’s name on the caller ID, I picked up.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Let’s go get dinner. I want tacos,” my brother replied.

“So, go get some,” I shot back.

There was a guffaw. “No. You want some too.”

“Uh, I don’t think I do, Jake.”

“Come on; we’re going to dinner at Rico’s. I’m buying since you’re poor. We’ll celebrate your return to the real world, job and all,” he joked.

I wanted to automatically say no. I always said no or had some excuse for why I couldn’t go out. Oddly, I had a sudden realization that I actually wanted to go. I wanted to go out, eat some good food, and maybe even have a couple of drinks. 

“Fine, what time?” I didn’t want to sound too excited. It was a macho thing.

My brother exaggerated a choking sound. “Seven. I have a late deposition.”

“I’ll meet you there,” I said.

There was silence, indicating Jake had hung up. I put the phone down, letting the decision wash over me.

I leaned my head against the couch, thinking about the progress I had made today. It seemed I had turned over the proverbial new leaf, and I was finally getting back out there. It felt good. It felt right. It was time. There were people like Tessa out there who I wanted to get to know better. She was a little young for me, but there had to be older Tessa’s out there. I wanted one. 

Life could be good. It was all about embracing those good times. That’s what carried you through the bad. I needed to even the score a bit. There needed to be more good memories for me to fall back on. You never knew when tragedy would strike.