When Noah echoed my issues in response to what I had said about his, it shocked me. My heart clenched tight at the home truths he threw back. All he wanted was a clean slate, and I was putting obstacles in his way. It became clear to me, I had given him hope. He dropped my hands and opened his arms wide. Spinning first to the left then to the right he drew in a deep breath.

“Look around you, sweetheart. What do you see?” he asked with conviction. His family home was enormous with woodland all around and God knows what else because it was dark, and I couldn’t get the full impact of their affluence… but I knew his family had very deep pockets from the house alone. Was he trying to impress me?

“Now, take a good look at me. What do you see? Try to push past everything you’ve read. Do you think I needed fame to have a good life? Do you think that’s what drove me to make music? Let me tell you I was a kick-ass gaming designer by the age of seventeen, Maggie. I had offers, and I could have had an amazing career. Sometimes I think I made the wrong choice. I think it would have made me happy. Instead of that I joined the band as a favor to George, my bandmate. His life was messy at the time and his family struggled. I wanted the best for him. Plus, I was so young and desperate to make my family proud… with five brothers who were already successful it made sense to hang in there with Fr8Load. Now? I wish I could go back to being just me.”

“You don’t mean that,” I challenged.

“I swear it’s true. What I’ve been through with Andrea was so gut wrenchingly traumatizing. She screwed with my head until it affected my mental health in ways I can’t even describe. I wasn’t brought up to be wild, and I never craved attention. I’m the youngest of six; a big tribe of loving, loyal siblings, I had all the attention I could tolerate.”

“I get that, but it hasn’t stopped you from courting the press.”

“You think? My biggest mistake was following the orders I was given when Fr8Load was in its infancy as a band. Our then manager said he’d make us legends. My gut told me what I was told to do wasn’t the way to go and I should have followed my instincts with that. No matter what the papers say, I have a good heart, Maggie. My regular life was taken from me and I ended up in this fucked up existence and estranged from my son. If I’d known how much I’d have to give up, I’d never have pursued a career in music.”

“If you hate it that much why keep going?”

Noah reached out and held me by my upper arms. “Trust me, I’d do anything to have a second chance with Rudi, but the courts have already decided I’m dangerous and he’s a vulnerable kid. What do they think I’d do to him? Believe me, it kills me every day to know strangers who knew nothing about me took my son away and took that pervert who grabbed me, and Andrea’s word over mine.”

A compelling urge to comfort him consumed me and I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. He instantly placed a hand on my head and I leaned my cheek against his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady, then his arms enveloped me and he rested his chin on top of my head.

A deep sigh of contentment escaped his lungs and the warmth and security I had craved for so long was finally met. My heart fluttered in my chest and I knew I’d overstepped the invisible boundaries I’d set by clinging to him the way I was, but the relief of feeling I wasn’t alone for a few minutes gave me a settled calm feeling inside.

“I get you. You showed me that by how you supported me during the flight home. I’ve been listening to you and my heart hurts for the pain you’re suffering. I understand how important it is that people believe your side of the events leading up to where you are now.”

Noah suddenly pushed me away, staring into my eyes like he couldn’t believe I’d said what I had and then he hurriedly pulled me back flush against his chest, but this time his hug felt crushing, possessive, and desperate. Next thing I knew he’d separated our bodies, taken my head in his hands, and kissed me.

I’d never been kissed the way Noah kissed me before. It was an everything kiss, packed with every emotion I figured he’d felt in that moment. Insecurity, anger, frustration, need, pain, sadness… then finally passion.

It was an everything kiss because I felt everything he had too. My heart melted, my knees were weak, and every nerve in my body was alive with desperation, need, and anticipation.

His sudden move was so unexpected I froze at first, thinking he would realize he’d made a mistake, but when he didn’t break the kiss and deepened it instead, a hundred thoughts crowded my head at once. I

thought maybe I was the one who should’ve had the strength to pull away, but at the time what was happening was so inviting and the smell of his manly scent surrounding me was something I’d missed the most since Woody and I broke up.

Caught up in the moment I gave myself over to him, allowing him to lead the way as I enjoyed the feelings that went with it and worry afterward, because who knew if anyone would ever kiss me as thoroughly again? When he pressed our bodies together and held me tighter, deepening the kiss, I thought I would faint from the heady pleasure his tongue made me feel as it dueled with mine.

A low moan of delight unexpectedly escaped from my throat into his mouth as Noah pressed his rock solid cock further into my lower abdomen.

His expert hands wandered up and down my back sending a thrill of desire to my center before they swept sensually around the globes of my butt as his fingertips kneaded my soft flesh at the same pace as his tongue explored my mouth.

My hands instantly migrated to his hair, and I sifted his soft blond locks though my fingers before I clutched a fistful tightly at the back of his head. He groaned loudly, then uttered “Fuck,” as he broke the kiss for a second to kiss my neck.

Suddenly we were on the move as his mouth retook mine and I was lifted up onto his hips and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He crashed me abruptly against the garden wall and pushed himself flush against me again.

Rocking his hips from side to side I felt his arousal graze my pubic bone as his need for more grew until he released a low tormented groan, broke the kiss, and buried his face in my neck.

His breathing was heavy and irregular as he fought to control himself. When he kissed me again, his hand groped my breast with urgency as the heat level rose to a new height between us.

I dragged my lips free and dropped my legs to the floor, pushing him back to separate us. Noah stepped back, let out a shuddery breath, and ran his hands through his hair. He looked both frustrated and guilty. “Fuck, sorry, I was getting carried away,” he muttered and glanced up at me with the same heat in his eyes.

He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and stood quietly while I took a minute to gather my thoughts because I had no clue what to say. Then I looked into his eyes, but words still failed me. I stared in an awkward silence and he stared back. The connection I felt when we’d kissed was the deepest I’d ever known and beyond words, yet I felt foolish at the same for almost losing control to him.

Eventually it was Noah who broke our stalemate when he dipped his head and brushed his lips against mine. “What do you say?” I had almost forgotten the question… and barely held back a grin that threatened when I thought his kisses could probably make me forget everything.

“I say I’m scared, Noah.”

For a moment he looked disappointed at my answer but the heat I’d seen in his eyes grew darker and he looked more determined as he closed the space between us again. Suddenly it felt like he had something to prove and he took my mouth in another hungry kiss.

His kisses made me feel desired, safe, and needed, and I never wanted them to end. This time Noah wasn’t satisfied to feel my breast through my clothing and I felt his hand when it slid under the sweater he gave me as he fondled my breast through my top. His thumb strummed over my nipple through my lacy bra and thin top.

“Do you know how much I want to wrap my lips around this?” he mumbled around my mouth before his tongue sunk deeply back into it again. He pulled my top free of my pants and slid his cold wandering hand inside my bra. My breath hitched sharply at the cold sensation when his hand touched my skin and he broke the kiss and smiled against my lips.

Suddenly we grabbed at each other as our need grew with every passing second and the labored sound of Noah’s ragged breaths made me squeeze my thighs together. I moaned loudly when pleasure turned to frustration and I slid my hand to rest over his jeans. Feeling the outline of his hard cock through them.

My fingertips grazed his length as Noah broke the kiss, stepped away and gave me an agonized smile. Once again, he mussed my hair when he ran his fingers through it and the intense look in his eyes made me melt as he cleared his throat and touched his swollen lips with his fingertips.

“Jesus, I almost took you right here, against the wall.”

“No, you didn’t. I’d have stopped you,” I replied with a hint of uncertainty in my voice. In all honesty, I wasn’t that confident I could have.

“I guess my threshold is lower than yours then because that last kiss was getting pretty fucking hot.”

“Maybe… geez, this is awkward. We shouldn’t have gone that far. For God’s sake look at you, you’re a hot young rock star, Noah. You can have most women. Why me? Do you feel sorry for me because of what’s happened?

“Is that what you think this is?” he asked and scowled, “Did that feel like it would have been a pity fuck if we hadn’t stopped?”

“No but I’m feeling pretty vulnerable right now. I don’t know much about anything.”

“I can understand that especially given everything you’ve probably ever read about me. God, that sounded arrogant, but that’s not the real me.”

“I knew what you meant. You’re not arrogant. Okay, I’m going to bite… say we went ahead with this? What happens when the media get a hold of it?”

“Fuck them. Why do you care what they say? They don’t matter… so long as we always focus on our relationship they can all go to Hell. I’m tired of letting them ruin my happiness; it’s time they learned I have a real life, not the one they prefer to write about.”

“I feel old.”

“You are old.”

I frowned feeling hurt, “Thanks,” I mumbled, and my heart suddenly felt heavy.

“No, sweetheart, that’s not what I meant. What I mean is the story of us is old news. I’ve gone to great lengths to ensure people know the truth—nothing happened—so this time they’ll be less keen to report it.”

I considered his comments while he watched me intently and I never saw any sign of doubt.

“To be honest, my head has been turned by you. I can’t believe someone like you would be interested in someone like me. I’m nothing special,” I said in all honestly.

“Someone like you? You’re the hottest woman I’ve ever known, Maggie. Look at you… you’re incredibly beautiful. Don’t you have any idea how amazing you are?” he asked as he caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He looked again into my eyes, his stare piercing my soul, then he leaned in and brushed his lips over mine like it was his new favorite pastime.

“Can we keep things low key between us for now?” I asked, giving into my want of him without saying as much.

“Because?”

“Because I want to know if this is a flash in the pan or is it leading somewhere? Molly needs stability and other than those reasons, being with you could affect my work,” I stated. My mind flitted back to some of the parents I had dealt with. How would they feel to know I was responsible for their children while I was fucking a rock star? To a lot of people rock stars equal no morals.

“I can tell you now, Maggie, there’s plenty of spark but I’m not doing this lightly. Low key it is. You can dictate the terms.. I’m home for a good year because we’re making an album, so we won’t be touring during that time. It should give you enough time to decide if I’m worth it or not.”

My heart flipped over in my chest at how serious his tone was and the time he was offering me to know if we clicked. The thought of spending more time with him excited me beyond measure, but I was worried. What if I got too attached to someone who would leave to pursue his fame elsewhere? I’d still be left behind and more importantly, so would Molly.

“We best head back to the house. I don’t want to leave Molly for too long. She’s been with too many people lately.” I mumbled, changing the subject. Noah didn’t react to my switch and began to lead the way back.

When we began walking, Noah took my hand and spoke about the logistics of how we could meet privately and the precautions he’d put in place to keep our time together away from the press. His plan appeared bulletproof, and it made me wonder for a moment if he’d used it often.

It transpired that Noah used a lodge house owned by his family as a private retreat. It was situated on the same estate about a mile from the main house. He told me it was his bolt-hole whenever he needed solitude and that his parents weren’t intrusive people so we’d be able to relax there. Then he added we’d probably need his mom’s help from time to time with Molly. I reminded him we came as a package and I was surprised when he didn’t blink about that.

Everything he said sounded as if he was serious about getting to know me better. I was reserved but had to admit I felt the same. The only thing that nagged me was whether I was making a sensible decision, especially as Molly was part of the package.

* * *

We had only been gone from the house for around forty minutes but when we arrived back Molly was sound asleep, curled up on the rug in front of the fire. “I took her out to the barn with Eamon and she exhausted herself by climbing over all the stacks. She’s tuckered out. Afterward I gave her some hot chocolate with roasted marshmallows and she flaked right out on the floor five minutes later.”

I glanced at my watch and saw it was an hour past her bedtime. “I better get her home. It’s late, and it’s a school night, Noah.”

Nodding, he pulled out his phone and texted. “Eamon will come around to the front in five minutes. I’m sorry I can’t see you safely home, Maggie, but Eamon is a good substitute. He left the room and returned with a soft blanket.

Kneeling by Molly he spread it over his legs and tucked his arms under Molly’s shoulders and knees. Next, he scooped her up onto his thighs and wrapped the blanket firmly around her. He rose to his feet slowly and looked down at her face like she was precious to him already and my heart fluttered in my chest at the way he had taken care of her. After that I liked him even more.

Molly stirred in his arms, “Shh, it’s okay, cutie. We’re just going to put you into the car with your Aunt Maggie so she can take you home to bed,” he said then kissed her temple. It was such a natural act a father would do that a lump formed in my throat. I thought how difficult it must have been for him to be without his son all this time and a pang of sympathy burst in my chest

Affectionately he smiled at his mom and said, “Thanks for taking care of Molly for a while.”

“It was my pleasure to be able to see that beautiful wide smile on your face right now. Maggie’s company obviously agrees with you,” she replied and winked at me.

I felt myself turn red because I was both embarrassed and endeared. I was quite a bit older than Noah and I wasn’t sure if I’d have wanted any son of mine tied up with a woman approaching her mid-thirties.

Fortunately, I never got the chance to dwell on that last thought as Eamon turned up. Noah carried Molly to the car and suggested I got in the back seat with her. Eamon added it would perhaps be a good idea if I pulled the blanket over the both of us until we reached the Freeway, just in case there was a lone camera out there.

Noah didn’t kiss me again, and I was torn but I knew he was only being extra careful not to overstep with me. I guess he sensed he’d push me away if I wasn’t ready. The only outward sign of affection he showed was when he closed the door and he pressed his hand on the window and looked deep into my eyes.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Maggie. Sleep well, beautiful,” he added. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets he stood and watched as we drove away. I watched him until I could no longer see him in the distance and Eamon’s voice brought my attention back to the journey.

“You may want to slip that blanket over your head now, Maggie, we’re only half a mile from the main road.”

I did as he suggested and wondered how my ever-changing life was going to pan out and whether I was a fool to even try to love someone like Noah Haxby.