The night I planned for Noah was designed to take his mind off the pending court hearing and it went even better than I’d expected. I was happy to see how relaxed he appeared considering what was at stake. I trusted him, but I wasn’t complacent of the pressure I knew he must have felt. I worried it may have affected his depression and because of that and his history with alcohol I removed all possibility of Noah losing control. I didn’t think he would; however, it did no harm to be mindful of his past.

By arranging a meal at his safe place, it minimized the risks of him being overwhelmed. I think Noah knew why we’d gone there and if he had an issue with that he never said, and if he did, he got past that quickly because we had a fabulous time.

It wasn’t until we were back home in bed that Noah showed any sign of uncertainty. I could tell by how restless he was that the decision of the judge played heavily on his mind. When I tried to encourage him to open up about that, he became introspective, shrugged his shoulders, and didn’t reply. He knew nothing I said would improve his chances because his future with Rudi depended on a legal decision.

Even his welfare worker had tried to reassure him he had nothing to worry about; the visits with his son had gone well, and she assured him the next step of unsupervised visits and sleepovers would feel much more natural.

However, I knew Noah would continue to err on the side of caution until the judge told him differently. He had been disappointed so many times in the past. His protective mechanism wouldn’t allow him to take anything for granted.

Supervision became a dirty word in our home and I was glad that part had come to an end. I agreed with Noah it wasn’t a natural setting for him to get to know his child in front of his estranged ex-girlfriend and with a social welfare worker hovering in the background. The good thing was he and Rudi had grown closer.

Each time Noah visited with Rudi he came home buzzing and gave me a minute by minute account of what had been said, how he felt the visit had gone and then he included comments such as which of his brothers Rudi looked like the most.

It was evident in the way he spoke about his son that his feelings had grown deeper. The brightness in his eyes coupled with how animated he was about Rudi, warmed my heart and I saw true happiness in his smile. It gave me a glimpse of the man he was before all the sorrow had affected him and that made my heart ache for all he’d gone through.

As I got to know Rudi through Noah, I became excited for his visits to our home and prayed the kids all got along when the time came. I wasn’t surprised when he expressed some concerns about Rudi’s personality because he was very accustomed to Molly and the way she interacted. However, from what he told me I wasn’t worried, and I explained that sometimes boys were less forward than girls, especially at that age.

Being a schoolteacher, I had dealt with more than a few quirky behaviors from very young children and then reminded him that Molly had been given a lot more input with her communication due to my training. If I compared her to other kids her age, she appeared streets ahead.

I had envisioned more strain between Noah and I after we found out about Shona and the secret she’d kept hidden. My immediate reaction to her news devastated me and I reacted both irrational yet completely appropriate at the same time given the circumstances.

When Noah asked me to forgive him, I became rational and felt there was nothing for me to forgive. How could I blame him when he had been ignorant to Shona’s decision to keep Molly’s existence to herself? I apportioned more blame to her for not telling me the facts and Noah could hardly take responsibility for something he knew nothing about.

Since the night we’d ironed it out, I had ignored the press and pushed my anger at Shona to the back of my mind. I was surprised at how quickly our relationship appeared stronger than ever, despite the pressure Noah was under from his management, his band, the family courts, and trying to form a proper relationship with Rudi.

He coped amazingly considering all of that, and at home Noah remained the even-tempered, patient man I had known him to be since I had first met him. Sometimes I would lie and stare at him in bed wondering how this ordinary man I lived with had ever lived his life to excess. Then I’d look at how handsome he was, how amazing he was as a musician, and how sexy and charming he could be… then it wasn’t difficult to imagine at all… and sometimes that part frightened me, and my insecurities would creep in.

There were times I’d listen to him on the phone with his bandmates, with the language and banter they had, and it would leave me chuckling heartily or in awe when he’d discuss his ideas, or a song he had written. It was there I knew how exceptional he was compared to other men. And then there were some occasions when he’d say something to me on the fly and it left me… breathless.

On the odd occasion I felt like I didn’t know him at all because I had never seen the excesses of the rock star lifestyle he’d led because his band hadn’t done much since I’d met him. There was one thing I did know for sure; Noah had grown happier in the time that I’d known him. It made me think when Noah said how much he loved being with me and added his break from the band was the first time in years he’d had the opportunity to think for himself.

Apart from when George and the guys dropped by, Noah Haxby, the front man from Fr8Load, never made a personal appearance in our home. Instead I had the gentle but strong family man who was fantastic with Molly and George. Molly adored him, and I reconciled myself with what I’d learned from Shona’s emails because when choosing to accept Noah as Molly’s father, I was certain I could never have found anyone better.

* * *

When Noah went to court the following morning, I tagged along and held his hand. Lester called Noah from his car to ours and informed him the DNA test result was back. Noah stiffened then stated we already knew the answer to that. Apparently, Lester couldn’t confirm it as he hadn’t seen it himself and only knew it was included in the emailed checklist of reports that had gone to the court.

Glancing down at my slender fingers in Noah’s strong warm hand I felt a swell of love for him in my chest and squeezed his hand. When I looked up, his serious eyes met mine and I could see his concern hidden there.

Apart from the call from Lester, we rode to the courthouse in silence. Noah stared out the window deep in thought and I left him to manage those without interference from me and before long Eamon drew up at the front of the building. Noah stiffened again and sat bolt upright in his seat. Assembled on the steps were a pack of photographers and reporters.

“Fuck.” Noah muttered, “They’re like fucking vultures. Don’t they have anything better to do?”

Eamon eyed Noah with a serious expression on his face. “Boss, if there was ever a day to keep your cool, this is it, right?”

Noah tensed further then sighed heavily. Dropping his shoulders he slowly nodded. His eyes ticked over the faces in the crowd and his hand gripped mine tighter. I glanced out to see what he’d seen that had drawn that reaction.

Andrea, his ex, was talking to a group of reporters on the steps of the courthouse. “Jesus, I can always count on her to create a fucking spectacle of us. She never thinks of our boy when she does this shit. Get the fuck out and listen to what she’s saying,” Noah barked at Eamon in frustration. At his request Eamon quickly got out of the car, locked the doors with us inside, and moved swiftly into position at the back of the reporters to hear what she was saying.

Eamon’s presence drew attention to us and the press swarmed around the car like bees on honey. I was frightened as I listened to them banging on the windows, their voices slightly muted as they fired questions to Noah inside the car. Camera bulbs flashed incessantly in their effort to get the ‘money shot’ even though it was light outside.

Noah ignored them completely, his neck straining past one of the reporters while his eyes were fixed on Andrea. I wondered what he was thinking watching her. I took his lead and tried to ignore the press. Also, I tried to study Andrea. I had only seen a few pictures of her online and those hadn’t done her justice. She was absolutely stunning—catwalk stunning—and I felt self-conscious of how I’d be compared. We were practically opposites to look at and the only thing I had in common with her was we had both carried a child fathered by Noah.

Minutes later Eamon came jogging back, shoved his wide arms apart and spread a path through the press. Ushering them back to a safe distance he called out, “Back off,” before he gave them a menacing growl. I jumped at the fierceness in his voice.

Once they had retreated a few feet, Eamon gave the window two knocks then opened the door. Noah yanked me out of the car, then took the stairs at a faster pace than I was used to as he dragged me along, wrapping a protective arm around me when we reached the top. He made no comment as we made our way into the court.

Eamon murmured into Noah’s ear, and I figured he was probably explaining what Andrea had said as we walked the sterile oak-paneled passageway down to the courtroom. The high ceilings and empty space enhanced the echo of our hurried footsteps as Noah marched determinedly toward Lester who was stood outside the heavy oak doors at the far end of the corridor.

Andrea’s mouth dropped as we passed because Noah completely ignored her presence and as soon as we reached Lester he ushered us straight into the courtroom. He directed Noah to sit at a table at the front and Eamon and I sat directly behind Noah and his legal briefs. I sat in silence as I watched a short exchange between Lester and another member of the team.

Minutes later Andrea entered with her legal representation and sat on the other side. Lester turned to speak to Noah as the judge arrived, so their attention became diverted to him.

Noah turned to look at me and I instantly smiled and mouthed, “I love you.” He gave me a small rueful smile in return before facing the judge. As I watched him sitting there at the mercy of the court, my heart almost tore in two as I sat quietly and waited to hear what the reports had to say.

We sat through several minutes of legal exchanges between the judge and the council before the judge breathed impatiently and stared pointedly over his half-spectacles at Andrea. My curious eyes followed his, and I watched her straighten up in her chair as she sat looking innocently back at him.

In that moment I had insight to the kind of person she was. She was using her sexuality to entice the judge, and I wondered if he could see through her smart clothes and perfect makeup to see what I did—a manipulative bitch who had put Noah through hell for years and deprived her son of his father.

When he cut to the chase, the lawmaker said he had three decisions to make. The first was in Rudi’s case, the second the question of biological paternity in the case of Molly, and the third regarding Molly’s adoption. I figured the third would be moot after the second was decided as we knew already Noah was her father from Shona’s emails.

The summary he read covered the observations, comments and recommendations made by the welfare officer in Rudi’s case, and was listed in bullet points. When he finished, I’d heard a lot of praise for Noah in the supervision reports.

I almost missed what the judge said because I had been thinking on those when it sunk in that he had granted parental responsibility in equal parts to both Andrea and Noah. His final comments were that the welfare team felt they had all the evidence they needed, and no further assessments were deemed necessary.

Noah’s shoulders sagged with relief before his hands flew to his head. Placing his elbows on the table his hands moved from his hair to his face and he broke down in relief. It was heartbreaking to see him reduced to tears, and I glanced at Andrea with disgust. The effect of the wise man’s comment on her was clear, after a shocked gasp of disbelief she looked like she’d been slapped—hard.

Lester gave Noah a side hug, said something I couldn’t hear, and patted his back a couple of times. Noah slowly pulled himself together and took his hands away from his face. Turning to look at me he swiftly flew out of his chair, leaned across the small wooden balustrade, and gave me a tight hug.

“Thank God,” he whispered.

Calling Noah to order, the lawmaker turned to look at Andrea, who still looked stunned, and leaned forward to give her an angry glare. He then preceded to dress her down for the way she had manipulated a situation to her advantage and probably swayed justice for Noah in the past.

Pointing out that Noah had paid a more than generous allowance for Rudi and paid for the home she lived in, he then said he’d considered this when he awarded custody to Noah. He went on to say Noah had shown how responsible he was in taking care of Rudi—even after the restraining order had been granted.

Then he unexpectedly stuck his neck out and said he had reviewed the paperwork around the assault and had he been the judge in the case Noah would never have been found guilty in the first place. He said in his opinion the evidence presented was biased. It probably helped that the original judge was dead because he’d taken an unusual course of action to voice that for the record.

It was obvious he had the measure of Andrea and stated that the custody agreement would be drawn up by the welfare worker in consultation with both Noah and Andrea and any such order must take into consideration Noah’s schedule of work.

Andrea was about to protest when he silenced her by holding up his hand. “I will expect these arrangements to be served for consideration no later than fourteen days from today’s date in the best interests of the child. The sooner this is ironed out, the better for Rudi’s emotional welfare.”

Leaning back in his chair he dismissed Andrea from the court because the second part of the hearing was about Molly and she was not an interested party to that.

Andrea stood, gave Noah the stink eye, and left with a facial expression that would have turned milk sour. The judge waited until the doors closed then turned back to address Noah. He waved a piece of paper in the air as he looked down at his notes to prompt him.

I have here the results of the DNA test provided by you Noah Lockwood Haxby at the medical facility to the court yesterday. From the paperwork I understand a sample from Molly Dashwood was also submitted by Molly’s adoptive mother, Margaret Dashwood. I believe the question of paternity has been raised after you, Noah, were named as the biological father of Molly.

He asked the Clerk to the Court to approach the bench, and he passed the single piece of white paper to him.

Without waiting the clerk unfolded it and cleared his throat.

"These are the results from a DNA sample provided by Molly Dashwood, child, and second sample of DNA submitted by Noah Lockwood Haxby to determine biological paternity. The results are as follows,” he added and cleared his throat again.

Result—Combined Paternity Index Result (CPI) zero percent. Probability of Paternity (POP) zero percent. The alleged father is excluded as the father of the tested child. This conclusion is based on the non-matching alleles.

It went on to say the alleged father lacked the genetic markers that must be contributed to the child by the biological father.

Noah leaned over from the waist and spread himself flat on the table. Clearly floored by the results revelation. Turning his head to the side I saw more tears flow, but not in relief. The shock of the outcome hit me square in the chest and I gasped. For a few moments I couldn’t think. A few seconds passed and Noah sat upright with his palms flat on the table. He looked behind him to me and then back to the judge.

“We have evidence… the emails—”

“I asked them to check the samples twice. There has been no mistake, Noah. I can see how that has distressed you and that leads me to inform you, Noah Lockwood Haxby, that this application is dismissed on the grounds of the physical evidence to refute your application to be recognized as Molly Dashwood’s biological father.

When I saw Noah hang his head and close his eyes, my heart shattered into a million pieces at the cruel lie which had given us such a difficult dilemma to bear. Shona’s emails almost cost us our relationship. I didn’t understand any of it and I had no words of comfort for Noah.

“Now, Noah, I can see how the impact of this information has affected you and how disappointed you are; however, I am in a position to address the issue of Molly Dashwood’s adoption. I would understand if you wanted to go away and digest what you’ve been told here today?”

Noah glanced at me through his red-rimmed eyes and the hurt I could see he felt in his heart radiated into mine. Turning back to the judge he said, “I’d like to hear that now if it’s all the same to you,” Noah bravely advised him.

“Noah Lockwood Haxby, in response to the adoption application you submitted with the agreement of Margaret Dashwood, adoptive mother of the child, in relation to the child Molly Dashwood, I am now in a position to recommend this and grant you joint parental responsibility for the child. This official adoption will be entered onto the Registry of births, deaths, and marriages in the name of Noah Lockwood Haxby, adoptive father of Molly Dashwood. All that’s left to decide is whether Molly continues to be known as Dashwood or Haxby.”

Molly’s adoption by Noah was bittersweet because he had begun to think of her as his biological daughter and I hoped the negative DNA test wouldn’t impact on his relationship with her going forward. Neither of us had time to absorb everything as it happened. Noah turned to me and mumbled through his tears, “Haxby? You’ll take my name when we marry, yes?”

It wasn’t how I’d have liked to decide but I nodded through my blurry eyes as my tears began to fall. What should have been a long awaited positive decision suddenly felt like a consolation prize because I had resigned myself to Noah being Molly’s father and I realized how comforting that had been to finally know who the other half of Molly was. With the DNA result being negative the question of who her biological father was had been opened once again.