Noah stood and turned as I rose to meet him. He scooped me to his chest as soon as the judge stood from his chair and headed toward the door. Separated by the balustrade we did our best to hug each other, “I don’t know what to say,” Noah admitted.

“Me neither… other than Shona lied. Why would she do that? Why would she go to the length of chasing you to Australia unless she truly believed you were Molly’s father?”

“I fear that’s the one question in all of this that will never be answered now,” he replied.

We stood in silent reflection for a moment then I decided to put it out there, “Molly’s adoption must feel second best to being her biological dad. I can’t imagine—”

“No, Maggie. You heard the judge. I’m her dad. Biological or not. I’m the man she sits across from at the breakfast table, the man who teaches her Math. The man who raises her onto his shoulders when she’s too tired to walk. I’m who she knows loves and protects her. How do you think she sees me? Do you think it matters to her at this minute how I got to be her dad? I’m still the same man who cheers for her when she’s doing well and the one who comforts her when she’s sick. The fact we can go home and tell her she can call me dad will mean the world to her. It doesn’t matter how we got there.”

A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it back because he’d said everything I needed to hear and even though he’d been dealt a major blow with the news we learned, none of it seemed to matter. If I ever doubted whether he’d show preference to Rudi and George over Molly he’d obliterated that thought from my mind with his words.

* * *

Long after the judge had left the courtroom, we stayed in the sanctuary of the quiet place absorbing everything that had been said and it was an hour after the hearing before we left the court.

In contrast to our arrival there, Noah didn’t shy away from the press when he saw them lurking but met them head on. To show those reporters our united front, Noah put his arm protectively around my waist and held me close.

“I’ve only got a few words to say and I’m not taking questions, but there are things that need to be rectified for your information, then it’s our wish that you leave us alone.”

Some of the press gang had been standing at the bottom of the steps and came clambering up to join the huddle already assembled around us. Eamon pushed one back when his microphone got shoved too near to Noah’s face.

“For years I have been subjected to many mistruths and fabrications at the hands of the media. I’ll admit at the beginning of my music career there were acts which I don’t deny and indeed were sensational enough to attract extra attention for Fr8Load as an up-and-coming band. As time went on, the interest around me in particular, became so distorted it contributed to the separation of me from my son. Through biased reporting at the time, my trial for assault should have been handled with a better degree of factual information than that which was recorded, because I was in fact defending myself during a sexual assault. Since then, from the time I met Maggie there have been several inaccuracies which had led me to take legal action to defend myself and Maggie’s position. For a few months, Maggie and I were placed in a very difficult position due to reports which emerged from various sources who had been paid to disclose information. Despite the media’s interest in those events no evidence of conclusive proof has been provided to substantiate the validity of the information reported. This has caused me and my family unnecessary distress and heartache. A highly respected judge recently saw fit to revoke the restraining order granted following my guilty verdict of assault. Following this I was granted visitation to meet and build a relationship with my son. Today, the same judge has granted me joint parental responsibility for my son in the belief his esteemed colleague in my previous case was not privy to all the facts when he made the initial decision.”

Collective gasps came from the reporters as they feverishly wrote on their writing pads.

Noah cleared his throat then continued, “I’d also like to inform you as a direct result of a story published which raised the question of paternity toward Maggie’s sister Shona’s daughter I submitted DNA. Today, I can confirm for you I am not the biological father of the child as per those emails.” The press gasped again then fell silent. Noah had their full attention.

“I only have one more announcement to make today and this will come as a surprise to many. As of today, I am stepping out of public life. This morning I emailed my manager after discussing with the other band members my intention to leave Fr8Load. Since I was seventeen years old my character and reputation has been manipulated by many who sought to make a living from the little talent that I have. It is a God given talent, but many have lived better lives than I have simply by being associated with me, writing about me, or from selling products connected to me. This stops now. Thanks to the careful handling of my career by many of those others, I have no desire to perform in public again. I will be retiring from Fr8Load to focus on a more sedate career behind the scenes.”

Sliding his arm from my waist, Noah grabbed my hand and nodded to Eamon to inform him he was done. Turning away from Noah, Eamon parted the crowd of reporters who were initially stunned; however, once the news had sunk in, they began to chase us toward the car.

Eamon opened the SUV door and Noah shoved me in then jumped in himself and Eamon swiftly shut the door behind us.

“Have you lost your mind, Noah?” I asked as I stared incredulously at him with raised eyebrows.

“The opposite. I promised myself if the court decision went my way today, I was never going to put us in a position that could destroy us as a family again."

“Don’t you think you’re being hasty? That your emotions are running too high to make a rational judgment about your future this way?” I asked.

“No. This decision isn’t about what happened in court, Maggie. It’s what happened after that guy grabbed me by my balls. It’s about how those fuckers hounded you when your sister wasn’t even in the ground, it’s about my son being kept from me because they listened to a jilted pissed off woman who got pregnant as a way of forcing my hand. But most of all it’s because of the fear I felt about losing you when the story broke about Shona’s emails.”

“What did Steve say? Why didn’t you tell me what you were thinking?”

“Steve… I can’t repeat what he said because it was so fucking insulting it makes me want to choke him. You… I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d talk me around to a wait-and-see situation. I’m taking full responsibility for my life for the first time as an adult, Maggie. We get to make the decisions from now on, not those who are self-serving and want to make a buck out of what you wear, how we dress, what fucking furniture is in our homes, or which car we drive. You have no idea how far reaching this shit is, Maggie.”

“You’re right, I have no idea, but that doesn’t mean you take decisions about our lives without even consulting with me.”

“What are you saying? You’re no longer interested now that I’m quitting the band? You want to be married to a rock star is that it?”

I slapped him hard across the face and his hand flew to his cheek.

“Don’t be so fucking obtuse. How dare you talk to me like that. I’d support you no matter what you do, Noah.” I shouted, enraged he would throw such an insult at me. “I’m going to excuse what you just said to me because I know your emotions are running high, but I will remind you I hated Noah Haxby the rock star, remember? And like you said, I have no idea who he is because I have never known you personally during that phase of your life. Since I’ve been with you I’ve only met the band on what? Four or five occasions in passing, and I’ve never heard you sing live apart from with Molly. So, don’t you dare rant at me like I’m one of your groupie bitches you’ve been with in the past.”

Eamon stopped the car and turned to address me. “Can you both stop shouting, I’m trying to concentrate here. And Maggie, if it’s any consolation he kept this so close to his chest I heard it for the first time when you did.” I heard how hurt Eamon was when he spoke.

I stopped and saw the worry etched on Eamon’s face and realized the implications for him. “God. I’m sorry, Eamon, I thought you knew.”

Noah huffed loudly, slid back in the car seat, and scrubbed his hand down his face like he’d realized how badly he’d fucked up.

“Hmm. And you wonder why we’re pissed at you? We’re the two closest people who have your back the most in this world and you kept us in the dark about your intentions? Do we even know you at all?”

“It was precisely because you both know me so well that I never said anything. I’m still going to be famous after I leave the band. We’ll still need protection every day. That shit doesn’t just disappear because I say so. If you’re happy to work with someone who’s not a high-profile artist, Eamon, then I would be honored if you’d stay with me. I’m sorry if you think I took you for granted. It never occurred to me you’d be anywhere else.”

Eamon didn’t reply and turned to face the front, restarting the engine. Gripping the steering wheel, his fists tightened like he was holding back his thoughts as he began to drive again.

“Look, I didn’t decide this on the fly. Long before I met you, I was tired of all the shit that went with the band, Maggie. I’ve been making noises for a while and it came as no real surprise to George. Between you and me, he’s relieved I had the balls to draw a line. He wants to do his own thing.”

“So, he’s going solo?”

“He wants to. He fits the rock star mold better than I do. Most rockers are highly charged alpha males who get off on cheating or dominating their women, taking me on and doing what they want, and they never apologize for the idiotic decisions they make. I’m not made that way. I’ve pretended to fit in for so long I almost forgot who I really am. You changed that. When I met you… something shifted and made me who I wanted to be… the real me, rather than who others wanted me to be.”

My eyes softened, and I felt a sudden empathy for his situation. “What will you do?”

“Write, collaborate, set up a recording studio… maybe even run an independent label or hold masterclasses… hell, there’s a lot of work for a guy like me.”

A silence stretched between us and although I still wasn’t totally convinced he had made his life-changing decision for the right reasons, I kept my mouth shut.

The rest of the journey felt slow because the atmosphere between the three of us was heavy after the exchange of words and I felt disgusted with myself for lashing out the way I had, and I acknowledged the possibility that my own emotional state was less than even as well at that time.

* * *

Eamon was quiet but polite when he opened the car door after we arrived home. Noah slid out of the back seat and turned to help me step down. “I never got to say it earlier, Noah, I’m glad about your boy. I know more than anyone how badly it affected you when they said you couldn’t see him.”

Dropping my hand Noah stepped forward and hugged Eamon, who stiffened then patted his back awkwardly like he wasn’t used to his affection.

“I’m sorry if what I said today hurt you, Eamon. I’ve had it to the brim with those fuckers. I know I’ve probably hurt a lot of people by the decision I made today, but for my sanity and my family it had to be done. You more than anyone knows what they almost did. You were there and saw me at my worst. I guess unless you have been in the position of knowing you don’t care whether you live or die you may not understand how I feel. Thing is… I do know… and I never want to go back to that. Leaving the band is my way of ensuring I’ve done all I can to keep my life moving forward the way I want it to. When it was just me, I didn’t care what happened to me. Now it’s a case of caring what doesn’t.”

Stepping back, Eamon broke the hug and looked slightly embarrassed by Noah’s show of affection. He scratched the back of his head and averted his gaze to the ground. “Thanks, it was just a curve ball I never saw coming, although if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stay.”

“You have a job for life, buddy. No one has had my back the way you have. George… well you know how I love that guy, but he’s a different breed. He and Jason have watched me closely, but you’ve been the one who has pulled me off the floor, shoved me in the shower and dragged me to be wherever I had to be. That’s beyond your scope of responsibility and I’m thankful. There were many times when no one knew the extent of what I’d stooped to because you protected me by covering for me.”

“Like you said, Noah. You were a good person that had a shit thing happen to them. I would never have let you sink.”

“And for that reason, I’m eternally grateful. I’m glad you’re sticking with me.”

Noah stepped in and gave him another hug and this time Eamon’s response was less stilted and much more genuine. “Thanks for keeping me around,” he muttered before breaking free again. Eamon turned and jogged up the stairs to avoid an awkward moment and opened the front door for us. As we entered the hallway, Molly came running with an excited look on her face. “Noah, Mom, you’re back,” she shouted with a beaming smile on her face.