There were times in my life when I thought I could sink no lower and then there were visits from Child Welfare. There aren’t many men who would open their home for inspection but that’s exactly what I did to protect my relationship with Maggie. I couldn’t help feeling like we were being punished by people because they had nothing better to do.

Not one, but two social workers visited, traveling in pairs because they deemed me a high risk of violence, according to Maggie. If that were the case how could two middle-aged women defend each other against me unless they were carrying concealed weapons. I’d only ever hit one person in my life and that was in self-defense—yet this was the result.

When I opened the door the shorter, heavier built of the two women looked past me. “Anyone at home?” Is she blind? I’m right in front of her.

“Maggie and Molly should be home any minute,” I replied when I looked at my wristwatch. “Please, come inside. I put fresh coffee on a few minutes ago.” Standing clear of the door I gestured by sweeping my hand toward the sitting room and waited for them to enter. The same woman looked dismayed when I had asked her inside like I was some kind of serial killer and stayed put stuffing her hands into her pockets, the second stepped over the threshold.

“Thank you, Noah.”

I watched her move further into the hallway and glanced back at the first again. It was clear she thought she was in charge but was confused about what to do since her colleague had undermined her. Deciding to ignore her I turned away and walked in front of the first leaving her in the doorway. I wasn’t going to be the one to coax her to come in. I didn’t want her there in the first place.

“You have a beautiful home. Clara Simmons,” she advised as she began unbuttoning her coat. Seconds later the one from the door wandered into the room. She still had a wary look on her face.

“It’s very… homey,” she offered warily as I watched her scanning the room. Probably for knives and gun since I was such a threat.

“How long have you lived here, Mr. Haxby?” the hostile one asked in an indignant tone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name,” I replied, reminding her of her manners.

“Jean Thompson,” she replied dispensing with civility.

“Well Jean, and Clara,” I added, careful to address both women, “I’ve had this house for just four years.

“Don’t you have a place in New York?”

“No. That was when Fr8Load were first starting out. I shared that place with my bandmate, George. He lives there alone now.”

“And you don’t miss the excitement of New York?” Jean asked.

“When I was a teenager everything was exciting, Jean. These days spending time with Maggie and Molly is what I live for. I enjoy the sedate life I have now and I’m glad I had the opportunity to live in New York, because it’s taught me to recognize what I really want out of life, and that Noah Haxby the rock star isn’t in fact anything like who I am at home.”

“Good answer, Mr. Haxby,” Jean replied, like I’d anticipated her question and had an answer ready.

“I didn’t realize I was being quizzed, Jean. What I’ve said is the truth.”

Before she could react again to what I said the front door burst open, and I heard the small footsteps of Molly scurrying down the polished wooden hallway. “Noah, Noah, look what I got at school today,” she said before she was even in my sights.

When she entered the room she hesitated, glanced from one woman to the other than back to the small shield she held in her hands. Her need to show me what she had in her hand overtook any shyness she may have felt about the strangers in the room and she hurried to my side.

Taking the small silver award from her hand I read what it said with interest as Molly kicked off her shoes right where she stood and climbed up on the sofa beside me. ‘Most considerate student in class,’ it read.

“Wow, Molly, I am so proud of you, baby girl. What did you do that your teacher was so impressed about?”

“Jonny Dinks wet his pants during morning recess. All the boys saw it and made fun of him. I told them to think how they would feel. I felt bad for him, so I took my coat off, told him to hide his wet pants then I took him to the school office and they fixed him up with clean ones. Auntie Maggie, my coat is in the blue bag. Mrs. Lane said it needs to go in the wash as it has pee-pee on it,” she shouted out to Maggie who still hadn’t shown her face.

“I’m very proud of you for helping Jonny, Molly. It shows how grown up you’ve become, and I hope those boys have learned a valuable lesson from you today,” I replied.

Molly’s face beamed brightly a wide smile making her face shine. She climbed up onto her knees and took both sides of my face in her hands, “I knew you’d say that,” she offered and planted a kiss on my cheek. "Can I have a cookie?” she asked, quickly moving the conversation forward to the next thing that interested her.

“I think Auntie Maggie will be doing dinner in a little while and I’m not agreeing to anything unless she says so, but before you ask her there are some ladies I’d like you to meet.”

Molly snapped her head around to face the two women who had been sitting quietly observing.

“Hello,” she said and gave a small wave that was much more in keeping with the five-year-old she was.

“Hello, Molly, I’ve been looking forward to meeting you. It looks like we’ve picked a great day to do that what with your award and everything,” Clara told her.

“Who are you?” Molly asked, and I smirked because she had picked up on the fact they hadn’t introduced themselves to her.

“My name is Clara and I’ve come to visit with you because I heard you and your Aunt Maggie recently moved in to live here with Noah.”

“Oh,” she replied like Clara’s explanation was all she needed.

“How do you feel about having moved home, Molly?” Jean enquired.

“Good.”

“Good? Do you miss your old house?”

“Nope. I like it much better here.”

“Why is that, Molly?”

Molly shrugged her shoulders and looked at me. I knew she wanted me to help her with that, but I also knew she had to say what was in her heart. Then I wondered if she felt comfortable talking about her feelings in front of me.

“Do you want me to go get your Aunt Maggie, sweetheart?”

“No, it’s okay. What was the question again?”

“You said it’s better here than your old house. Can you tell us why?”

“Sure. Because Noah is fun, and he plays with me at board games when Auntie Maggie is making dinner, and he’s good at Math… and he tells me the funniest stories with silly voices.”

“Is there anything else?” Jean prompted.

“There’s hundreds and tens of things,” she replied in an exacerbated tone, “I just can’t think when you’re putting me on the spot,” she said flicking her bangs from her eyes like she was tired of the question.

“Sounds like Noah really likes you, Molly.”

“Well, duh. He wouldn’t do all that if he didn’t. He loves me. He told me… and I love him right back,” she said with a shrug.

Maggie came into the room and placed a tray on the coffee table. It had Molly’s small plastic mug full of milk, cookies, a pot of coffee, cups, sugar, and a small jug of milk. As soon as Molly saw it she hurried to get off the sofa.

“Careful, Molly, the pot is full of hot coffee,” I called out urgently. I looked over to Jean and noticed she was making notes on a small pad and wondered what she had written.

When Maggie sat down, Clara and Jean asked me if I would take Molly out of the room to give them some privacy. I felt a little on trial being ejected from my own living room when they did that, but was determined not to allow my lack of confidence to show. I asked Molly if she’d like to help me start dinner and she jumped at the chance. “Can I piggy back, Noah?”

“Of course, Princess, your chariot awaits,” I replied and bent down. She climbed on my back and I carried her out of the room. I tried not to think too much about what was being said, but my heartbeat raced every time I thought of something that may stop us being together.

A lot was riding on their visit and as I chopped the shallots and threw them in the pan, I wondered where my ‘fuck you’ attitude could possibly fit in when the authorities came calling. I never found one scenario where I could have had the remotest chance of winning.

After fifteen minutes in the kitchen with me Molly had gotten bored, done her phonetics, and gotten bored again. She asked if she could play with her dollies and that suited me just fine. I wasn’t used to preparing dinner with a tiny whirlwind at my feet. I agreed as it was straight across the hallway from the kitchen and I could watch her from there.

I was straining some green beans when Maggie came into the kitchen. She hugged me tightly and offered me reassurance. “They want to talk to you now.” I guess the worry must have shown on my face because Maggie was quick to reassure me, “You’ll be fine, Noah. You’ve got this, there’s nothing for them to know. You’re great with Molly, and I’m sure they saw how fond she is of you. A kid like her wouldn’t be all over you if you weren’t a good person.

“True.” I smiled and gave her a soft kiss on her lips then pointed at the oven, “Only ten minutes more for the chicken,” I advised and wandered toward the sitting room again. Right before I entered I heard Molly call after me.

“Are you done making dinner? Can we play a board game now?”

“Not tonight, sweetheart, we have visitors remember? But I promise we’ll play two board games tomorrow night, okay?” Molly pouted, the look of dejection clear as her tiny shoulders slumped.

“All right,” she replied and sloped off toward Maggie in the kitchen.

Turning back, I made my way into the sitting room became aware the atmosphere had softened since the last time I was there.

“Thanks for coming back, Noah. We only have a few more questions for you today, then we’ll get out of your hair,” Clara informed me

“Fire away,” I said as I sat back in the sofa in a relaxed pose opposite them. I was used to thousands of women looking at me for hours at a time, but I’d never felt under scrutiny in the way I had with those two watching my every move.

“We both feel Molly has a genuine affection for you and that appears to be reciprocated by you.”

“No appearance about it. It’s fact,” I replied unable to stop myself from being defensive at that.

“Quite, but there is obviously some history around your capacity to parent that both Clara and I need to address,” Jean advised me in a commanding tone.

“Can I just say something here? There has never been an assessment of my ability to parent. I’ve never been judged on my parenting skills. I have an injunction against me for being violent against another adult who assaulted me first. It had nothing to do with my capacity as a father.”

“Exactly, Mr. Haxby,” Jean drawled. “You have a violent past and you are a recovering alcoholic, I believe.”

“Correct on both accounts. I’m not going to deny either of those issues; however, I’d like a fair hearing as to exactly why those issues exist at all.”

Jean looked to Clara and was about to speak when Clara got in first. “I’d be interested in hearing what you have to say, Noah, as it would help us to form our final decision about Molly’s safety since she’s living in your home.

* * *

Half an hour later I drew in a deep breath and ran my fingers roughly through my hair. I’d poured my heart out without embellishing the facts nor smoothing over the parts that were damning to their decision. I sat forward placing my hands between my knees, rubbed my hands together, then clasped them before I glanced back to them.

“And you’ve never challenged that decision in court since, Mr. Haxby?” Jean asked. The softness in her tone surprised me because she was obviously the henchman of the pair.

“I was told I’d never get it removed because I was found guilty of a violent crime.”

“I see,” Jean replied and communicated something with a look to her colleague before turning back to me.

“Well I think that concludes our session for today, Mr. Haxby. I’m happy that Molly is safe for now and that you and Maggie have her welfare at the fore. We will be back in the form of some unannounced visits in the future… just to get a bird’s-eye view of your lives together, but in the meantime if there are any illnesses or injuries, Maggie has been asked to contact us so we can document the cause.” I frowned and was about to challenge her when she added, “It’s standard practice when we are considering placing a child on the at-risk register. I’m happy to keep Molly off that list for now. At this present time, I see no problem with Molly remaining here with you and Maggie.”

How I kept my temper I have no idea. My tolerance levels were waning at the prospect of yet more invasions of our privacy, and the things that she’d said. However, I kept telling myself that Maggie and Molly should never have been in this position in the first place. It was the only reason that kept me from losing my shit with both women.

I held it together and thanked them for their assistance in ensuring Molly’s safety and I swear Jean Thompson almost fell over. Molly came out the kitchen as they were leaving and raised her arms for me to lift her up into mine. Clara noted this and the way I held her before she turned and walked to her car.

“Thank you for your cooperation this afternoon, Noah. I know it must have been difficult for you,” she acknowledged.

“I wouldn’t describe it as difficult, just a little tiresome having to disprove an image I was encouraged to cultivate by my band manager at a young age. That person doesn’t exist in real life, Clara… what you see here is what you get—the real me in all my domestic normalcy,” I replied. She stared deep in thought then nodded her head in a slow and deliberate manner.

“We’ll be in touch,” she said as she slid behind the wheel of her car and closed the door. A short exchange took place between the two women then Clara drove away.