Being with Maggie was everything I thought it would be. It was agony holding back, but I had no choice because it was clear from the way her body reacted she was overwhelmed. It had been a long time since I’d considered the woman I was inside and in Maggie’s case I most definitely never fucked her. It was gentle, intense sex, instead of the fuck-with-abandon kind of lay.

She was clearly very nervous, so I played around a little to take the edge off those nerves and it proved worthwhile. I could feel she was worried, but watching how her ass arched off the bed to meet my mouth when I ate her out, had my cock stretched to breaking point as I ached to take her.

Maggie was no virgin, but I never expected her to be quite as tight as she was, and when I first entered her I had to go slow… so slow it almost killed me. My whole body shook with the level of restraint it took.

When I slid inside her, I felt every muscle within tense and clench against me. I stilled because I knew from the way she was breathing; I was hurting her. The fit was exquisitely tight, and I almost lost control of myself. Moving gingerly, I spoke softly, persuading her to relax, and even though I’d been waiting patiently for weeks to be inside her, once I was it was still a slow, tentative process.

Sensual and gentle was how I played it. I wanted Maggie more than I’d ever wanted anyone, so I felt at pains to show her how considerate a lover I could be. I believe she really needed me to do that, and I was glad I did because I cherished every moment inside her. She felt incredible beneath me and I figured once we’d been there a few times we’d be amazing together between the sheets.

Several times I had a compelling urge to tell her I loved her, which was a surprise to me as much as it would have been to her, but I swallowed those words back because I felt Maggie wasn’t ready to hear that from me.

I wanted her so much, and I didn’t want to do anything to scare her away. I sensed when I was inside her that her feelings toward me could be the same but I couldn’t be sure, so I kept my thoughts to myself and instead I tried to put the words I couldn’t say into giving her feelings instead.

After I had sex all I usually wanted was to be by myself, but I felt crushed with disappointment when I had drifted off for a few minutes after my first time with Maggie and saw her dressing to leave. I wasn’t prepared for the ache of loss that settled in my chest as soon as she’d gone, and I realized I didn’t want to be without her.

Time isn’t a rock star’s friend. The pace was fast and the life we lived transient. We don’t get to do a nine-to-five Monday-to-Friday gig like regular people, and the thought of having to walk away from Maggie at some point was already playing on my mind. I missed her, and she’d only just left my bed. If our feelings got any deeper, and I went to work away, I figured I’d be on the phone every spare minute of the day. I had it bad for her. Worse than any high school crush I’d ever harbored. Damn.

* * *

A couple of hours later, when I was still thinking about Maggie, I called my best friend George, to gain some perspective of my feelings.

“You didn’t even know this chick existed a couple of months ago, Noah.”

“Well I’m pretty sure I do now. Inside and out.”

George snickered, and I realized what I’d said. “No, man. I didn’t mean it like that. Well… I guess I do, but that’s not what I meant. We just… connect. It’s like… it’s intuitive between us. We’re on the same level and for the first time in my life I’m not scared of commitment.”

“It’s one hell of a commitment,” George added.

“True, but I feel I really want to spend my life with her.”

“And what does she say to that?”

“She’s scared… she voiced that, so I haven’t even expressed my true feelings for her yet.”

“For Christ’s sake, Noah, she’s got a kid.”

“Correction, she’s got a kid, and that happened to her because of me.”

“You think you’re responsible, is that it? Is that what all this is?”

“Not at all. I’m saying Maggie has Molly because her sister got drunk and died on my watch. And let me tell you, Maggie’s not in the least bit star-struck like everyone else. She hated me before she knew the real me. I’m saying the child is hers by default. That wasn’t a decision Maggie was in control of. I don’t care that she’s part of the package. I’m happy to be in Molly’s life. She’s a very sweet kid.”

“Damn, Noah, you’ve got it real bad. There’s nothing I can say that will make you feel different, huh?”

“Nope. The reason I rang was to ask if you had any advice about how I should try to manage this? Like I said, Maggie’s scared. And the media isn’t my friend.”

“Then fuck them. Put her right out there. Tell her she’s got to face the press head on. Fuck… tell her to thank them for throwing you together with their accusations.”

“She’s worried about her job if being with me causes a shit storm.”

“Tell her she’ll be fine. You know how hard it is to get good teachers these days? It’s in the news every day about schools failing targets.”

“How the fuck would you know that?”

“What, you think because I like getting stoned most days I don’t know what’s going on in the world?” I laughed because he was right, most days he was so chilled and laid back he was almost horizontal. It surprised me he paid attention to anything.

Our conversation shifted to another bandmate, Vinny, our drummer. His drug problem had begun to affect his ability to keep time. Annalise and Steve had already expressed their concerns, and we had been considering an intervention. George had pushed for us put it to Vinny to see if he could get his shit together during our hiatus. But according to Steve when he’d visited Vinny twice, both times he was living in squalor and was off his face high.

I agreed the time had long past for us to call a meeting with the remaining band member and arrange to confront Vinny about his habit. We were all concerned and decided if he agreed to go to rehab we were prepared to postpone the start of our new album until he got his shit under control. None of us wanted to consider our options if Vinny wouldn’t agree because we knew he’d be hard to replace.

* * *

The following morning, I could still smell Maggie’s scent in my bed and the smell of sex lingered in the air. I wanted to see her again that day and Facetimed her as soon as I knew she’d be free. When she answered I felt breathless at the sight of her. She was make-up free and even though she was older, there was a purity about her that I had rarely seen in any other woman. Her gorgeous blonde locks were tied up in one of those messy buns and the tie had already slipped from it because her hair was so silky it couldn’t grip properly.

“G’morning, gorgeous. You look so fucking appealing I could eat you. Wish I was there,” I confessed and leaned closer to the screen. Her eyes lit up when a slow smile spread on her lips and she looked down like she was slightly embarrassed at the compliment. “God, I love that you blush,” I said. She glanced at the screen and rewarded me with a coy smile and my heart ached because instead of talking through a machine I wanted to be with her.

“Will you let me come over there?” I asked and was disappointed when she shook her head.

“I really need to see you face to face, Maggie. I have something to tell you.”

Her expression was concerned before but after I said that she looked outright worried.

“Don’t worry it's nothing bad.” I said quickly in reassurance and saw her visibly relax.

“Why can’t you tell me here?” she asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“What I have to say isn’t the kind of thing you tell someone like this.” She fell silent and stared at the screen.

“So… may I come over?”

“I thought we agreed—”

“We did, and there’s slow and habitually slow. It’s been weeks and after what happened last night we need to talk.” I was done with the slow courtship. I could see by the look she gave me she thought I was blowing her out, and I was quick to add, “I mean I’d like to talk about how we move things forward between us.”

She relaxed again and looked pleased even though she tried to hide that and sat further back in her chair. She wasn’t as good at self-awareness as she thought because her face registered her surprise.

“Listen, we can’t do this in a Facetime call. Please let me come to see you.”

Maggie glanced to her watch then back to the screen. “How can I come there without being seen?”

* * *

Mom met Maggie in the parking lot of a diner about three miles from their home and drove her back to the house. I watched her clamber out of the back seat. My heart squeezed because it felt insulting that we had been reduced to secret tactics to protect our flourishing relationship.

I shook my head because I felt bad that she’d had to make the journey and I scrambled down the stairs to meet her. My heart beat faster with every step nearer I got to her. I had almost reached the door when it opened, and Mom moved past me.

When Mom moved out of the way Maggie stood in front of me wearing a nervous smile. When our eyes met her lips curved up further, and she looked more reassured. Dressed adorably in a cropped, pink mohair sweater and tight-fitting skinny jeans it was hard to believe she was in her thirties.

Moving toward her, I slid my warm hands around her cool skin at the waist and felt her shiver in my arms. Her breath hitched, and she glanced up into my eyes. “Good to know I’ve still got the touch,” I joked and bent to kiss her softly on the mouth. Maggie pulled away and looked past me. “They already know, remember?” I teased because of the anxious look on her face. “We’re not ten years old, Maggie.”

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked in a worried tone.

“Hello to you too, sweetheart,” I said, in a voice laced with sarcasm.

“Sorry, I feel like a crazy teenager sneaking around like this.”

“That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Come into the den and sit down. Dad’s at physical therapy and Mom’s ordering supplies with the housekeeper from the sounds of things,” I replied and led her out the hallway to gain some privacy.

When she sat down, I sat close and slung my arm around the back of the sofa behind her head. “All right, Maggie. I didn’t want to do this in a Facetime call so now that you’re here I have something to say.”

Maggie stared at her hands for a second then looked up with her piercing blue eyes into mine. “This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, but here goes. The last six weeks have been the happiest I’ve felt in years.” I took her delicate hand in mine and kissed her knuckles. “I’ve never been a patient man, yet I’ve had to learn to be that with you. I wondered why at first, then it dawned on me less than a day ago that you were worth the wait. What I’m trying to say, Maggie, is I’m in love with you… actually, I’m all in and I don’t really give a fuck who knows it.”

Maggie sat and listened intently as she chewed the inside of her cheek. Her eyes searched my face for the truth. I’d never been more serious in my life about anything.

“You’re asking me to throw myself and Molly wide open. I’d be ridiculed. I’m not as strong as you are—”

“No you won’t,” I scowled. “If you feel anything for me, then we should do this properly. Fuck the press. I give them two weeks max and they’ll forget all about us. Let’s show them we can’t be shaken. I really want you in my life, Maggie. If you decided you wanted me, then you’d have to be prepared for us to go public at some point. What I’m saying is if you feel… this too, then we should get that out of the way.” I stared intently into her eyes and drew in a sharp breath. “Do you feel how I feel or am I a fling?”

Maggie’s head reeled back, a look of disbelief in her eyes. “A fling? God, no. You think I’d have snuck around with you at all if that’s what I wanted? I’ll admit that first kiss… I gave into it because it had been so long since I’d been kissed by any man. Then I realized I was kidding myself. It was because it was you kissing me. What we did yesterday? I can still feel your touch on my body. I remember how you felt inside me. My heart burned with pain when I had to go home. Then afterwards… I admitted to myself that I’d fallen for you.”

The grin on my face felt a mile wide, and I dipped my head to kiss her. Instead of my lips meeting hers, her fingers pressed against them to stop me.

“Once I’d accepted I loved you, do you know what my immediate afterthought was?” I shook my head, smiling warmly. “I wondered how long it would be before you hurt me.”

My smile froze on my lips. “Never. I’d never knowingly hurt you, baby. I know the risk you’d take with me. And I’m aware of how difficult I am to love, given what’s happened to me in the past. All I ask is for this one chance. I promise it’s all I’ll need, and I’ll show you how serious I am about us.”

For a few seconds she sat staring down at her hands and from how I’d gotten to know her I knew she’d never be rushed into something. I gave her the time she needed to gather her thoughts and waited patiently for her to reply. When she shifted to the edge of the sofa and turned her eyes to mine, I held my breath.

“Shona is barely in her grave, Noah. I feel like I’ve done something wrong by being with you when she was the one besotted with you in the first place.”

“Shona was a fan, Maggie. None of that stuff is real. She followed a rock star. She didn’t know me for who I was. How can you feel like that when I never even met her?”

I took her hands in mine and brushed my thumbs over her knuckles. “I get your loyalty, but we’re here and I was a fantasy to Shona. This is a time for new beginnings for both of us, baby.” I prayed she wouldn’t place any more obstacles in our way as she thought about my comment.

“Then what? What happens now?”

“Now we fuck everyone who gets in our way and learn to live our lives the way we want.”

“And when you tour?”

“I’ll do it when Molly is on school break. We’ll hire a decent nanny, someone with incredible qualifications for the nights when I’m playing and the rest of the time we’ll be like any other regular family.”

“What about school… the parents… my career?”

“Like I said, I respect your work, but they’re part of the fuck you club if they can’t see how amazing you are. If they judge you for being with me I don’t want you around them, but that’s your call, Maggie. You can either keep doing what you do and ride it out, or you can flip them the bird and move on.”

For a few seconds she pondered what I said and I willed her to take that leap of faith with me because there was nothing I wanted more in life than to be with her. Every second I spent with her I fell in love a little more and I had yet to find some way of making her understand that.

“All right, Noah. But… I’m petrified. For some reason I feel as if I’m going to be obliterated by the media, but I guess I’m more afraid of not jumping in with both feet and taking a chance on what I feel could be an incredible life with you.”