Once the news died down and the press pack ran off to focus on a cheating NFL quarterback and some Amazonian Supermodel in Rio, I tried to focus on pulling the threads of my life together and incorporating my son into our lives.

Molly’s parentage took a bit of smoothing over with the welfare staff and I shamelessly turned on my charm to get them on my side. It helped that the key worker’s assistant was a Fr8Load fan.

I tried to balance the story to them in respect of Maggie’s loyalty toward her deceased sister because I knew Maggie wouldn’t tolerate anyone who spoke in a derogatory manner about Shona.

As Maggie rightly pointed out, Shona had been a teenage mother and as far as anyone outside the family knew, she had made the tough decision to keep her baby and was raising her when she died.

With all the shit going on, our poor baby George was kind of lost in the timing of the disclosure by Shona, the judge’s decision about Rudi, and the supervision order. Steve, my manager, added to my load by voicing his frustration because my focus was elsewhere.

Big George—as my bandmate came to be called after the baby’s birth—said he thought he may do a solo project until I got my shit together. He felt he was getting stale waiting around. I gave him the nod and told him there’d be no hard feelings if he decided he’d had enough and secretly hoped he would call time on the band.

During the low points in my life I had thought being in the band had brought me more problems than anything positive. Most rock stars enjoyed the tours, using them as their excuse to escape responsibility and let their hair down.

Since my problems with Andrea I had used the tours more to stay sane and have purpose. Tours were a way of making me commit to being involved in life rather than lying in bed staring at the four walls in my room, wondering how I could change my situation with Rudi.

Unfortunately, I knew deep down I couldn’t do that and since I’d begun building a life with Maggie, the thought of leaving my family to spend time on the road made me want to turn my back on it all.

When I first talked about touring and taking them along, I figured we could’ve made it work, but after a short time with a baby in the house I had other ideas about that.

The supervision compliance for Rudi was frustrating. I was hardly a threat to my son, no matter what the judge had said all those years ago.

However, I accepted that even Rudi himself may have had preconceived ideas about me that had been indoctrinated by his mom and because of that fear I prayed I wouldn’t have yet another struggle on my hands to gain his acceptance.

* * *

Andrea wasn’t at all happy about the change to her circumstances and became very obstructive until the threat of being cut out of the visitations altogether brought her into line. She agreed to being present for the sessions and had opted to bring Rudi for the visits watched from a distance by my welfare supervisor.

To say my nerves were shot to hell the first morning I left Maggie and drove off from home to meet my son would be an understatement. No matter how many times I’d walked out on stage without so much as thinking about it, this was a completely different challenge.

Entering the parking lot, I situated my car near the entrance then sat for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. I needed the visit to go well, and I prayed that Andrea wouldn’t get a rise out of me.

As I got out the car, with these concerns still on my mind, I noticed the familiar, short dark hair I used to inhale and saw Andrea sitting at a seat near the window. I’d have recognized her by her posture and that ballerina neck anywhere. I fought the feeling of hostility that washed over me, but my body automatically stiffened.

Adrenaline coursed through my veins and the sudden surge tightened my chest and my stomach in a protective reaction. Pressure built in my head forming a constrictive band squeezing my brain inside. Cool—calm—smile—relax I chanted over and over as I willed my shoulders to slacken the tension I felt in them.

Mental images of my hands around Andrea’s scrawny neck as I squeezed the life out of her was my way of internalizing all the pain she had caused me by taking my son away from me—and me away from him.

Smile. Be charming. Your son is watching you, and by watching his dad he will learn how to treat women. Keep it together and remember Andrea’s still the mother of your kid.

None of what happened mattered anymore; the evil wrong she did to me. It had worked to a point and now it didn’t. I tried not to look as if I were gloating, but I was… on the inside.

When our eyes met as I walked toward her, I beamed a white smile, teeth and all aimed directly at her because it was the ‘fuck you’ I had often visualized in my head but never thought would come.

Everything will be okay.

Rudi had been unintentionally hidden from my view, her body completely blocking him from being seen through the window of the inflatables fun house Andrea had chosen for our first contact visit. Personally, I hadn’t thought it was a good idea to give her control, then I reasoned to myself she was Rudi’s mom, and he deserved to feel secure.

When I reached the entrance, I pushed the cool glass pane on the door and stepped inside the leisure facility. My heart stuttered and skipped a beat, then raced wilder than I was prepared for.

Simultaneously while my pulse raced, my eyes rapidly surveyed the scene scanning all the faces until they halted at my son. He was even more handsome than any of the pictures I’d ever seen of him.

A huge lump formed in my throat—so big I had to look away because I was choked. The last thing I would have wanted was to lose control in front of my son.

Rudi’s attention was taken up with a coloring pad and crayons, so I lingered a little longer to savor the moment because I was immortalizing his image in my mind as my first glimpse in person of my son since he was a baby.

Next thing I knew he looked up and straight at me and my world suddenly appeared to stall. During the pause neither of us moved. I stared into his eyes that reflected mine and instantly felt like I had found a precious missing jigsaw piece that completed the picture of my life.

“Is that him, Mom? Is that my dad?” his anxious little voice asked.

Andrea looked older, tired, and if I had to say it, less bitchy. “Yes, Rudi. That’s your father.”

Rudi smiled shyly, slid down from his chair and walked tentatively toward me. “My mom says you’re my dad. Pleased to meet you,” he said extending his little hand for me to shake.

I stared down at it for a second and was almost afraid to reach out because I knew as soon as I touched him it made the dream real, and once that had happened I’d kill Andrea before I’d let her keep us apart again.

“Hey, bud. Yes! I’m your dad and I have been so looking forward to spending time with you.”

Rudi flashed me a wider smile and my heart melted when I saw one of his front teeth was missing. I couldn’t prevent the grin that spread over my face. “Well, champ, looks like you’re growing up fast, got a little tooth gone already,” I offered for something to say.

“I lost it when I fell off my bike and bashed my mouth two weeks ago.”

I felt I’d been struck with a knife when he said he’d hurt himself like that and I’d been oblivious to the event. I felt hurt and angry, but I knew I had to curb my impulse to tear into his mom about it. Frowning, I held him by his forearms. “Were you hurt anywhere else?”

Rudi hesitated then shook his head, and I shot Andrea an angry glare and bit my tongue about my feelings for fear of ruining the visit. The last thing I would do was show any behavior that made the welfare worker feel like I was a threat to Rudi.

My initial attempt at communicating with my five-year-old when all I’d had were two generic ‘Your son’s doing fine’ letters a year and second hand information from my parents, wasn’t easy, and I quickly realized the enormity of winning the confidence of a small boy who perhaps knew nothing about me.

“Hey,” I said gently, because the last thing I had wanted was any animosity between us. I had to let the past slide to move us forward for our son’s sake.

“You got what you wanted, now what?” she asked.

I glanced at Rudi to see if he was listening and when I looked back to Andrea I didn’t miss the uncertainty in the way she regarded me.

“Now, we put the past behind us, Andrea. What’s happening now isn’t about us, it’s about what we do next as both of Rudi’s parents. I don’t want to take your place or to interfere in the relationship you have with our son, I just want to get to know him and let him get to know me.

Narrowing her eyes Andrea scrutinized me like she had difficulty accepting what I’d told her and placed a hand on Rudi’s head.

“You have no idea how hard the past five years have been,” she informed me in a voice that was more familiar to how she was during the difficult times we’d shared.

“You’re right, Andrea, I don’t… but I’d have given my life for my son. Staying away was never my choice. I don’t want to argue,” I said nodding my head toward, Rudi as I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I just want to start fresh and despite what’s happened, Andrea, you can trust me never to speak ill of you to Rudi. You are his mother and that grants you my forgiveness to make Rudi’s life easier with us both.”

A look of shame passed through Andrea’s eyes as she lowered them to the ground and I figured she had a lot to think about from then on.

During our first visitation, Rudi appeared reserved but polite, not like Molly with her constant dancing, incessant chatter, and challenging mastermind standard questions. The difference troubled me. It was like he’d never had fun… or wasn’t allowed to. Molly was spontaneous whereas every move Rudi took, every comment he made, and every question he asked appeared deliberate.

After the exchange with Andrea I took Rudi off to play on a few of the inflatables and it wasn’t long before his behavior became more relaxed and he relished scoring goals at soccer against me into an inflatable goal post.

I wondered if he was worried because despite the fun he appeared to be having he never laughed aloud. I probably wouldn’t have noticed had I not been around Molly so much. I compared the two children many times during that afternoon and although I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t fail to because they were both my kids but I didn’t know either of them very well yet.

* * *

During the three months that followed, the visits got easier, and I almost felt sorry for Andrea as she watched Rudi slip from a one parent child to having us both. As time passed, I felt him gravitate toward me. I reminded myself that Andrea had been his disciplinarian for his whole life so it would have been easy for him to think I was the fun parent due to the unnatural environment I’d been forced into meeting him in. Strangely enough, toward the end of the three months I found myself reassuring her she’d done a good job of raising him thus far.

By the time we were due back in court the judge had decided Molly’s case could be finalized by me taking a simple DNA test. It never even occurred to me to do that after Maggie’s initial outburst because the picture and emails had said it all and I was surprised the email evidence wasn’t enough as the dates all tallied up.

I was thankful for the way it turned out because I wouldn’t have wanted to celebrate Molly being mine when Rudi’s future with me hadn’t been rubber stamped. Maybe the judge was wiser than I originally thought when he’d set the condition about Molly previously.

The day before I was due in court I submitted the DNA sample as requested and went to the studio before I went home to spend the evening with Maggie.

When I arrived home, I was surprised to see Maggie all dolled up in the hottest, clingiest dress, waiting on the front steps. She placed a hand on my chest, gave me a sexy smile and ushered me back into the car. Eamon glanced to Maggie and a knowing smirk passed between him before he drove us away.

Knowing exactly what I needed to take my mind of the events of the following day she had arranged a sneaky candlelit dinner at my parent’s place while Kathleen and my mom took care of the kids at ours. It had been the first time we’d had quality one-on-one time since George had been born because life really had been that busy.

The succulent aroma of lemongrass and Chinese spices sent hunger pangs to my stomach as soon as we opened the door of the property. Everything was set: low light, silver and flatware laid on a white linen tablecloth in the intimate setting and security of my bolt-hole.

Maggie knew me very well, for she’d taken me to my safe place to reduce my level of stress in anticipation of my vulnerable emotional state, on the eve of what was probably the most important day of my life. If things went my way, it would be a major step forward in restoring some of my damaged reputation.

Being with someone as grounded as Maggie was as effective as any therapy or pills I could have taken. There had been only one occasion where I had thought drink was the answer since I’d met her. Even then I’d felt the strength to seek seclusion rather than fall back into that trap.

* * *

Dinner was delicious, but the company was even better. Maggie was witty, and I found myself completely focused on her. It was like she had cast a spell on me where I could think of nothing else except to kiss her beautiful mouth as she told stories of her days in high school until my sides were sore from laughing so much.

Eventually it wasn’t enough to watch, and I caught her chin between my thumb and forefinger as I leaned toward her and pressed my lips to hers. “Mm, best course of the night,” I mumbled then kissed her for real. My tongue played along the seam of her lips and as they parted, it invaded the warm space inside as her tongue curved around mine.

Without breaking the kiss, I slipped my huge hands under her tight little ass, lifted her clean out the chair, and staggered blindly in the direction of the leather sofa in the den. I inhaled her scent deeply as she curled her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. An exquisite sensation ran down my spine when Maggie’s nails scratched my neck then curled up into my hair. She fisted a handful tightly as she wriggled her ass against my hands.

Oh, is that how it is?” I asked playfully as I stared into her eyes. She shrugged but didn’t say anything… she didn’t have to.

Her body heaved as her uneven breaths belied how quickly she became aroused. My cock was rock solid. She always had that effect on me. No real effort necessary. The chemistry between us was fire and ice, electricity and water. Each burning or shocking us with shivers and chills to pull at our cores.

Reaching the sofa, I spun myself around, dropped clumsily to the soft leather, and slid back on it. Maggie’s center landed directly over my erect dick and it felt good. It was pleasurable and painful at the same time. Like a bruise that aches at the slightest touch but you know the feeling can only get better.

When she rubbed herself teasingly against me I strained for greater purchase. I knew from the moment I touched her that night I’d struggle to make it slow and easy as my desperation to get inside her was too hard to control.

Within less than a minute I’d flipped her onto her back, my rough hands gliding up her smooth and silky thighs to reach nirvana. Grabbing the waistband at each side, I frantically tugged her panties down her legs. The material creaked under the strain until I suddenly felt the strain leave them at the same time as a loud tearing sound cut into the silence between us.

Maggie broke the kiss. “Did you just rip my panties off me?” she asked, amused.

“Hush, woman, lie back and let me spread you wide. I want to look at you,” I said in a low, wicked, half whisper.

“You did not just say that!” Maggie said, chuckling.

“Wanna bet?” I joked as I hurriedly bunched her dress up around her waist and buried my face between her legs. Maggie was giggling until my tongue connected with her clit, and I heard her breath catch in her throat. “Mmm, delicious,” I mumbled playfully as I continued to languish long deliberate strokes and short teasing licks with my tongue.

Pushing my head back, Maggie sat up and reached for my belt buckle then frantically opened it quickly followed by my jeans. Her cool hand slid into the searing heat in my pants and she wrapped her fingers delicately but firmly around my cock.

She began to rise off the sofa and shoved me forcefully like she was taking charge and I knew she wanted to love me, but I couldn’t allow that… not that night. With all that had gone on and the anticipation I had contained inside I needed to take control.

Grabbing her by her wrist, I shook my head and her eyes bore into mine. A silent conversation happened between us and she understood I needed to do it my way that day.

Shrugging my jeans down my legs I pulled them and my socks off in unison then knelt before her on the sofa. Next, I gripped her by the legs bending them up toward her shoulders. My cock brushed her thigh igniting all the pent-up raw carnal feelings I’d been harboring inside.

Our eyes locked, and she smiled, the gesture melted my heart, but fueled the desire to take her to unbearable heights. I’d never looked into the eyes of someone so calm and full of desire at the same time, so I bowed my forehead to rest on hers and angled my cock just right. The way her beautiful vibrant eyes widened before her gaze grew in intensity almost ended me. My cock stretched her pussy walls as I pushed my way into her body… the feeling never got old.

No one had ever looked at me like that… not that I noticed them looking before Maggie, and no one could ever have replicated the powerful connection we had because we owned one another heart, body, and soul.

I took Maggie twice in the hour that followed. The first wasn’t sensual and giving, but rather demanding. She was as clued in as I was and gave as good as she got, her ass rose to meet each thrust. Reaching over, I pulled out a cushion, lifted her hips, and slid it underneath increasing the depth as I sank balls deep to her core. That sexual encounter took our connection to a new level.

If I was rough the first time around, the second time I took her was almost spiritual in contrast. It was slow, sensual, and sexy. I treasured her, taking her with care. I lavished her with attention and worshipped her body. Every moan, whimper, and intimate sound Maggie made tightened her hold on me like a warm blanket of love enveloping my heart, and making it an intense session for both of us.

* * *

Covered in sweat, Maggie’s face and neck glistened, her face flushed from the effort of our lovemaking. She curled up on the sofa and rested her head on my lap and she shoved her dress down her legs after we’d tidied ourselves up. The scent of our steamy session hung in the air.

“I can’t believe tomorrow could be the final decision about the kids. When I look back at the week of George’s birth, I honestly didn’t think we’d survive. I’ve learned to accept you as Molly’s dad and I’m glad you never said anything to her before. I can’t wait for tomorrow to tell her. She’s going to burst with excitement,” Maggie murmured and circled a finger around the hairs on my bare thigh.

“Hell, baby, it’s me you’ll have to watch. If the judge gives me the final nod, I may strip off my clothes and do cartwheels across the floor of the courtroom naked.”

I burst out laughing at Maggie’s don’t-even-think-about-that look and shook my head. “Maybe the press expected that of me, but I’d never do anything to jeopardize my kids from coming home.”

Maggie inhaled deeply and gave a long sigh, “One more day, Noah. Then everything’s going to be okay.”