Bellamy

 

“I really don’t think I should be here,” I said as Liam held tighter to my hand and towed me along behind him.

I might well as have roller skates on my feet because he had no problem at all pulling me along.

“I’m not doing this anymore, Bells.” Liam insisted, steel in his tone. “Please don’t ask me to.”

“I’m not!” I burst out, ripping my hand out of his and digging in my feet. “I wanted to stay at Alex’s while you came to check on Holly. I completely understand that you need to be here for her. She lost the most important person in her life.”

“And you’re mine!” he snapped.

My shoulders fell. Why were we arguing?

Liam cursed, backtracking to where I stood. “I didn’t mean to make it seem like you were the one forcing me to choose. I know you aren’t.”

“She’s just upset,” I said, motioning toward the house. We were standing in the garage at his parents’.

Alex had come home and interrupted the steamy make-out session we were engaged in, which made Liam surly.

Of course, when Alex said he’d driven Holly home from the reception, Liam switched to concern. And so there we were. I shouldn’t have been there, though. His mom didn’t want to see me.

“We’re all upset,” Liam said patiently. “But I can’t,” he said, and this look passed behind his eyes, a storm cloud concealing the sun. I shivered, and a feeling of frost nipped at my heart.

Liam grasped my shoulders, and I was partially shocked his touch was warm. “I can’t be apart from you anymore. It’s too hard.”

His hand reached down and caressed my stomach. Butterflies fluttered up beneath my ribcage. I had a feeling he was going to be doing that a lot for the next seven or so months.

Putting my hand over his, I stared into his eyes. “I know you’re struggling.”

A shuttered look dropped over his features, and my hand tightened around his.

I was afraid to push, afraid not to.

This time, I chose not to, instead lifting on tiptoes to brush a kiss against his lower lip. Barely pulling back, I spoke. “If you want me at your side, then that’s exactly where I’ll be.”

I’d take the frost from his mother, the accusing stares, and even the veiled comments. I’d take all that and more if my presence gave Liam any kind of peace. He’d done far more for me.

Dropping his face just a fraction, he kissed me. I opened instantly, still teetering on my toes.

The door leading into the house opened, and Liam’s mother’s voice called out. “Liam? Is that you?”

Liam lifted his head but curled his hand around my waist, keeping me close. Maybe he was afraid I’d bolt. Maybe he was afraid he would.

I couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him, dealing with his father’s death and trying to shoulder his mother’s pain as well. I felt sorely embarrassed just then. Embarrassed of my own behavior. I’d basically hidden for days, too afraid to face the fallout from everything I’d caused. Too afraid to look Liam in the eye. We’d been hiding from each other, from what we thought was the end.

It hadn’t been the end, though, and we’d needed each other.

“Yeah, Mom. It’s me.” He turned. “And Bellamy.”

She was silent, and I peeked around him as she came out into the garage. “You brought Bellamy here?”

The offer to leave was ripe on the tip of my tongue. I held it in, though, because Liam’s wishes came before Holly’s.

Instead of saying anything else, Liam tugged me to his side, linking our hands.

Holly glanced down to them and then up to me. “Well, come inside. It’s freezing out here.”

Liam didn’t outwardly react, but I couldn’t help but gape. This was not at all the answer I expected to hear.

The three of us went quietly inside, Liam keeping hold of my hand the entire way upstairs. My eyes were drawn to the magnificent view as they always were every time I came here.

“People asked about you at the reception,” Holly told him. “They understood when I told them Bellamy was ill.”

“You shouldn’t have put it on Bellamy,” Liam said.

Holly glanced over her shoulder.

“It’s fine,” I answered. “It’s the truth.”

Liam frowned and looked at me. I lifted my chin and nodded. I’d been weak these past few days. It was time for me to get it together and be strong. Liam shouldn’t shoulder all of this alone.

Holly stopped walking and turned. Her eyes settled on me, and they were heavy with grief. I braced myself for whatever she would say. I actually hoped she hurled it all at me. Maybe then she would weigh a little less.

“I owe you an apology.”

I drew back. That was unexpected. “I’m sorry, what?”

A faint smile tugged at her drawn face. She turned toward Liam. “What you said to me at the reception…”

“I shouldn’t have,” Liam said. “I was upset.”

“Rightfully so.” Holly agreed. “I have forced you to choose between me and Bellamy, something I never expected myself to do.” Emotion started seeping into her voice, and her shoulders began to sink. “We are all in pain, and it was so hurtful of me to deny you any kind of comfort. Especially after all the comfort you have been to me.”

 “I’ve been here because I’ve wanted to be,” Liam told her.

“You wanted Bellamy here, too.”

I cleared my throat. “I want you to know I take full responsibility for this, for your loss.”

Liam stiffened immediately and turned to me. “We talked about this, Bells.”

“Let’s sit.” Holly gestured toward the fireplace.

Liam tugged me down beside him on the sofa, and Holly took a seat on the other side of the coffee table.

“This isn’t your fault,” his mother said, settling the full weight of her eyes on me. I think it was the first time she really looked at me since Ren passed.

“If I hadn’t come—”

Liam made a sound of protest and pulled my hand into his lap. I couldn’t help it. I smiled a little because he was acting like a spoiled child with his favorite toy.

I had to admit I liked being Liam’s favorite toy.

“If I hadn’t accepted you after you told us what you were involved in—”

Liam’s voice was sharp and finite. “Mom.”

She held up her hand, not even in the least intimidated. “Ren accepted you as well. He loved you.”

Liam’s fingers vibrated against mine. Her admission blew me back into the cushions of the couch. Automatically, Liam rotated so we were closer, so he was angled slightly toward me as if he were prepared to shield me.

“I loved him,” I whispered. I wholeheartedly meant it. Renshaw Mattison was a rare breed of man. Driven, successful, royalty in his own right, but unbelievably humble. Even through all his success, he seemed to always know the true meaning of life.

Holly nodded, sorrow written on every visible part of her. “Point is if I continue placing blame on the what-ifs of what happened, then Ren would be responsible for his murder. I would be.”

“Perry Crone and his hired killer are responsible for Dad’s murder and no one else,” Liam intoned.

Both his mother and I paused to glance at him. Rage as cold as ice permeated the room. It was chilling because this wasn’t the kind of anger that lit up a room and bubbled over with aggression.

No. This was frost, pure and simple. The kind that could drive a man to do things he might regret.

Premeditated things.

“Yes.” Holly agreed but then continued. “Beyond those men, there was a series of choices. A series of circumstances that all led up to this. While it’s easier to blame a single person”—she lifted her eyes to me—“easier to focus all the anger and pain at one thing in particular, it isn’t fair.”

“I understand,” I told her. I truly did.

“Which makes it all the more hideous,” Holly murmured. “Renshaw and I both accepted you and all the… problems your relationship with Liam presented. I can’t regret those choices because you haven’t just brought sadness into our lives, but love, too.”

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. Holly gasped, and I winced up at Liam. “It just came out.”

He chuckled and kissed my temple. “Minor.”

I wrinkled my nose. What did that mean?

“You’re pregnant?” Holly asked, sitting so close to the edge of her seat that she was teetering.

“Yes.” I smiled timidly. “It was a surprise.”

Liam squeezed my hand and picked up where I left off. “A happy one for once.”

I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that. I got caught up in the moment, in the way she was trying to make amends. I probably should have waited, but admittedly, I wanted to make her happy. I wanted her to look at me and see something other than everything I’d cost.

It might be selfish, but it was honest.

I mean, who wouldn’t want the grandmother of her child to like her?

I looked at Liam, silently asking him permission. He nodded.

“Ren knew,” I said gently.

Her eyes went wide, and the tears swimming in them splashed over. “He did?”

I nodded. “I told him just before…” I cleared my throat. “Before he passed.”

“Oh, he would have loved a grandchild.” Holly sobbed.

“He was happy.” I would never forget the moment I told him. It was utterly bittersweet.

Holly leapt up and hugged Liam over the coffee table and then hugged me. I hugged her back, partially surprised.

She pulled back, concern darkening her face. “After everything you’ve been through, you’re healthy? The baby is safe?”

Liam stood up, keeping hold of my hand, and fished the stolen picture out of his pocket. He handed it over, and he made a small sound. “You can’t keep that.”

I rolled my eyes.

He shrugged. “That’s my kid.” His eyes returned to Holly, who was eating up every inch of the sonogram. “The baby is safe and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”

The hairs on the back of my neck rose. I slid a look toward him.

“This is wonderful news,” Holly finally said, looking up from the picture. “Something to look forward to.”

Liam leaned forward and took the picture, clutching it.

I stifled a laugh.

It made my heart sing the way he was absolutely in love with his child from the second he knew about him. If he was this besotted now after one blobby picture, I could only imagine how he would be when he held the baby in his arms.

Just the thought of seeing him with our baby in his arms made my insides turn to mush. I melted into his side with a sigh.

“I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you,” Holly said.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I do.” She turned to Liam. “I’m sorry for putting so much on you as well. I’m the parent, not you.”

“I’m a grown man, Mom. I can handle it.”

But can he? Really?

“You’re going to be a father. You have more important things to worry about than your mother.” She said it cheerfully, but I knew better. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to stare at the woman you blamed (if only partially) for the murder of your husband, try to accept her, and then learn she was carrying your grandchild.

Holly was concerned, and if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be the woman I knew she was.

“I’ll always have time for you, Mom. And this baby is going to need you.”

“You’re the only grandma he’s going to know,” I said, the realization smacking me in the center of my chest and robbing me of breath. I reached up and rubbed the spot, trying to make it burn less.

“Bells,” Liam murmured, glancing at me.

“I’m okay.” I smiled, then laid my head on his shoulder.

My God. My child won’t know my mother or my father.

“It’s been a long day,” Holly said, standing. “Liam, would you like a drink? I think I’ll pour a glass of wine.” On her way toward the kitchen, she stopped. “Tea, Bellamy?”

My stomach churned. “No, thank you,” I said. “But you and Liam go ahead.”

She frowned, and I knew she thought I was rejecting the offer because I was upset.

“Tea would be lovely, but only if you let me help you.”

She gestured toward the kitchen, and I left Liam. He followed along, and I handed him a longneck out of the fridge. Holly poured wine as the kettle heated water.

“Honey, right?” she said, recalling what I preferred. I glanced over to her holding up the container of amber-colored liquid.

My stomach revolted. My body spasmed from the center of my diaphragm, and I took off running down the hall toward the bathroom.

I made it to the toilet in time and emptied my stomach in a few painful heaves. When I was finished, Liam picked me up from behind, slowly bringing me to my feet.

“You have to stop coming in the bathroom while I’m puking.”

“No.”

“This is all your fault!” I said for lack of any other retort.

“I know.”

I was offended. “Why do you sound so proud of yourself?” I croaked.

He sat me on the counter. “Now, sweetheart. I could never be proud of making you so sick.”

I harrumphed because he was lying.

His warm chuckle actually smoothed out some of the turbulence in my belly, and I swayed toward him with a sigh.

We stood there for long, quiet moments, him stroking the length of my hair and me inhaling his scent like I was some sort of weird addict.

I yawned against him, and he pulled back. “You’re exhausted. I’ll get us a room over at the resort until we figure out where the hell we’re going to live.”

That made me remember. “You had the cabin cleaned up.”

“You weren’t cleaning up after those assholes.”

“I liked it there,” I said sadly.

“Me, too.” He kissed my forehead. “We’re gonna like the next place, too. We need something bigger anyway.”

I felt suddenly overwhelmed. For as slow as time dragged the past few days and as uncertain as it all seemed, things were now moving at a breakneck pace.

The funeral, his mom, the baby, a new house… hell, even the appearance of his ex. All in the matter of a single day. And it wasn’t even all of it.

“Whoa.” He rubbed his hands along my arms. “I can hear the wheels in your head turning.”

I glanced up, guilty. This was what I wanted, but it was still a lot.

“How about we just get a room tonight, and maybe see if you can hold some food down?”

“I want cereal,” I announced.

He lifted an eyebrow. “You want cereal.”

“Raisin Bran.”

“What the fuck…?” he muttered.

I pointed to my stomach. “You gonna argue with this baby?”

He shrugged. “Kid knows what he wants. I can respect that.”

Liam lifted me off the counter so I could wash my hands and rinse out my mouth. When I glanced in the mirror, he was frowning.

“What?”

“We need to get you in with the doctor.”

Nerves coiled inside me, and my hand went to my waist. “You think something’s wrong?”

“No.” He shook his head, wrapping around me from behind. “But you look like hell and you’ve lost weight. I’m pretty sure you should be gaining.”

“I’ve had a rough few days.” I defended.

His face darkened.

“I love you,” I whispered because I was worried he’d blame himself.

Everything about him softened. “I love you, too, baby. C’mon.” He linked my hand with his. “Let’s go find you some nasty Raisin Bran.”

“It’s not nasty!” I protested.

“I’ve never seen you eat it, ever,” he pointed out.

I grimaced. He was right.

He chuckled and turned back. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll get you all the boxes at the store.”

“Bellamy,” Holly said as soon as I appeared in the kitchen. “Are you feeling okay?”

I nodded. “My morning sickness is more of an all-day thing.”

“You’ve been like this a while?”

I nodded, not wanting to say how long.

“I kept you away,” she said to Liam.

“I called and checked up on her a lot, Mom,” Liam replied.

“He didn’t know about the baby,” I explained.

“You didn’t tell him?” she said, near accusatory.

“Uh…” I stuttered. “Um, I just found out.” All the progress I felt I’d made with Holly today seemed to blow away with a soft breeze. I knew things weren’t perfect between us, but I really did think things would be okay. As fast as she jumped on me just now, I realized it was going to take a while.

In the back of her mind, would Holly always assume the worst of me?

I remembered that first night I made everyone dinner. How happy we all were, how overcome with emotion I was when she called me her daughter.

I missed that now.

I missed my own mom.

Liam shifted, casually stepping in front of me even though I knew there was nothing casual about his movement. “Bellamy told me as soon as she could.”

“Of course.” Holly agreed. “Bellamy, you should try some ginger. Put some into hot water, or maybe even get some ginger candies. It will help with your nausea. I would have made you some, but I don’t have any ginger root here.”

The thoughtfulness of that comment made me wonder if I was overreacting. “Thank you for the suggestion. I will definitely try it.”

On impulse, I reached out and fisted my hand in the back of Liam’s dress shirt. It was hard because it was tucked in, so I settled for just laying my palm against the small of his back. Reaching around, he tugged me forward, anchoring me into his side and tucking an arm around me.

“I’m getting us a room at the resort for the time being.” Liam started. “Before we go, is there anything I can do for you?”

“The resort?” Her forehead bunched, then cleared. “The cabin.”

“We won’t be living there anymore.” Liam’s voice was terse.

“Of course not.” She confirmed. “Why don’t you both stay here? You’re already settled in your room, Liam.”

“We’ve all been through a lot. Us moving in here is a lot different than me bunking in my old room.” He smiled.

I didn’t want to be relieved he hadn’t agreed, but I was. I wasn’t sure staying here would help diffuse any tension Holly still felt around me. But at the same time, I knew they needed each other.

“I would love to have you. This house is just too big for just one person. Besides, I think Bellamy would get more rest here than at the hotel,” Holly implored.

Before Liam could say anything, I spoke up. “That’s really generous.” In the end, me being slightly uncomfortable here was not much of a sacrifice. “As beautiful as the hotel is, this house definitely has it beat. Charlie sure will appreciate the extra space.”

“So it’s settled?” Holly asked, hopeful.

I felt Liam’s muscles tense. Lightly, I rubbed my palm over his back. He glanced down at me, question in his gaze. I smiled softly, hoping he understood that I appreciated what he was willing to do, but I wanted to stay here.

Liam relaxed and smiled at his mom. “Thanks, Mom. I promise we won’t take too long finding a new place.”

“Take as long as you need.” She offered, beaming. She seemed so relieved to not be here alone that I felt guilty for not wanting to stay here at first. “I’m going to go set up the guest room downstairs. You’ll both be more comfortable down there than in Liam’s old teenager room.”

“Now she offers me a bigger bed,” he exclaimed.

“I want my future grandchild to be comfortable.” She glanced at me and winked.

“Second best already.” Liam pretended to be hurt.

Her light laugh floated behind her as she hurried off to set up our room.

When we were alone, Liam turned to face me. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“But look how happy it made her.”

“Your happiness means just as much to me,” he declared, playing with the impossibly long strands of my hair. I’d barely combed it in days. A low, subdued ponytail was all I could manage for the service.

“I’ll be happy as long as I’m wherever you are.”

“If at any time it gets to be too much, just say the word.”

I nodded.

“Bells…” He warned.

I sighed. “I promise.”

I could see in his eyes he wasn’t sure if he should believe me or not, so I leaned close, slipped my arms around his waist, and hugged.

“Thank you,” he said against my ear.

The genuine relief and gratitude in his voice was all I needed to strengthen my resolve. It didn’t matter how awkward or uncomfortable I might get around Holly. I was going to make this work.