Bellamy

 

It was good to see him smile. To hear him laugh and watch him tease me. I might have taken advantage of those things before. Liam was always quick to smile, but maybe I never quite grasped how much it cost.

Most people knew Liam as a star athlete. As a pillar of strength and determination. Everyone liked him because he was informal and treated everyone like a friend. And sure, his impossibly good looks definitely didn’t hurt.

The strength inside him was unmatched by anyone else—except maybe Alex, which probably explained why they remained so tightly bonded as friends. Liam was so strong in character it was almost a flaw, almost a weakness.

It was where his darkness came from.

And though it didn’t always show because he was very skilled at keeping it under wraps, it was always there. Always in the room with us, forever lurking.

I hadn’t forgotten the pill I’d found in the bed. I kept it with me. A tiny, near-weightless thing that actually was very heavy. It almost vibrated with reminder.

Talk to him. Show him. Get him some help.

That was the hard part about Liam. He appeared perfectly fine. If they didn’t really look for it, a person would never know he was struggling.

I was extremely concerned he’d relapsed. That everything that happened was just too much.

Time seemed to work against me. Or maybe we just had so much to work through it was hard to bring up everything during a moment of peace.

This morning had been peace. You know, aside from the barfing and his impossibly annoying way of getting everything he wanted.

Things almost felt like before.

Almost.

Actually, no. The scoffing inside my head was loud and rude. My own brain was telling me how ridiculous I was. Things had never been easy for Liam and me. Had there really ever been a before?

Seemed now things were divided by the death of Renshaw. Before and after. But really, things weren’t all hunky dory before Ren passed.

It made me wonder if Liam and I would ever have anything that wasn’t tainted.

“What are you worrying about over there?” His voice broke into my thoughts.

I glanced across the interior of the Extreme and felt a piece of me loosen.

It doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter if everything around Liam and me was easy and simple, because the way I felt about him—how much I loved him—was. I knew at least that would never change.

“I’m just thinking about how much I love you,” I answered, honest.

Liam made a sound, stole my hand, and lifted it to his mouth. The kiss was long, not really a kiss, more of a prayer of his lips pressing close against the back of my hand.

After this appointment, I vowed. I would talk to him after we knew the baby was okay.

The doctor’s office was located near the hospital, and as we drove by, my stomach lurched a little as memories of the last time we were there assaulted me. I barely remembered leaving that place. We were all so numb and riddled with grief that everything else was just background noise.

The sight of the hospital affected Liam, too. His body tensed, and the air inside the truck became edgy and thick.

Liam’s hold tightened on my hand, still in his lap. “It’s hard,” he rasped, eyes focused straight ahead.

“What is?” I cajoled.

“To be happy.”

My heart squeezed. “I know, sweetheart,” I murmured. “But it’s okay to have moments of happiness. Ren would want that. He was happy about the baby, too.”

Liam’s throat worked, but then he slid me a brief glance before his eyes went back to the road. “Did you just call me sweetheart?”

My lips tugged up. “I guess I did.”

The truck slowed and pulled into the parking lot. Without letting go of my hand, Liam deftly steered the giant vehicle into a parking space.

“I don’t know how you park this thing,” I muttered.

He shut off the engine and turned to me. “What kind of car did you have?”

“In Chicago? I didn’t have one. I walked to work.”

“Before Chicago?”

“In California, I drove a small two-door. It wasn’t a Chevy.”

“Traitor.”

“I’ve never driven anything this big before.”

He made a sound. “You’ll get used to it.”

When he came around the outside of the truck and pulled open my door, I squinted at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’ll be lucky if I get you anything smaller than a tank to drive around this mountain.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need a car.”

Liam paused as he reached in to get me. “You’re getting a car. It’s at the top of my list, right after getting us a new place.”

I started to argue but stopped when my body slid down the front of his. I didn’t even feel the winter wind because I was too caught up in his closeness.

“If you think I’m going to let the mother of my child not have something safe to drive herself and my son around in, then you don’t know me at all.”

I batted my lashes at him. “I just assumed you would drive me everywhere I wanted to go.”

He half smiled. “I will. In a giant SUV with extra airbags.”

I mock gasped. “Are you saying the Extreme isn’t safe?”

“Shut your mouth, woman.” He swatted me on the ass. “Come on. Inside before you turn into a popsicle.”

When we stepped into Dr. Crawford’s office, an interested hush fell over everyone. Granted, there weren’t a ton of people in the waiting room, but it wasn’t empty.

All the pregnant women glanced up, eyes going to Liam. Three women behind the desk also came to the window to watch him.

I glanced up at him, accusing. “Stop making everyone look at you,” I hissed quietly.

He winked and tugged me along to the front.

“Mr. Mattison,” the woman dressed in scrubs purred.

“Eileen?”

She blushed and nodded.

“Thanks for getting us in so fast. You’re the bomb.”

You’re the bomb? Seriously?

The nurse giggled, and I held back a gag. Eileen shifted her gaze to me. It was more calculating than the look she’d given Liam. “Bellamy… Mattison?”

“Lane.” I corrected. “Bellamy Lane.”

“So you aren’t married?” she inquired.

I snorted. “I’m pretty sure you don’t need to know that to sign me in.” The nerve! Was she seriously trying to figure out if Liam was still ripe for the taking?

His baby was literally inside me.

“See,” Liam told Eileen as he signed the clipboard the woman pushed toward us. “I told you on the phone she’s cranky.”

“I am not cranky,” I bit out.

Someone behind us laughed.

I squeezed Liam’s hand as hard as I could. I hoped it hurt.

“Fill out these forms and return them to me. The doctor will be with you in just a moment.”

I snatched the clipboard and pen from Liam the second we sat down and began filling out the mountain of forms.

“Bells,” Liam murmured, leaning close.

“What?” I said without glancing up.

“You’re my favorite girl.”

I paused. “What?”

He leaned in, practically laying his lips against my ear. “I don’t want anyone but you.”

I sighed, little shivers racing over my arms. “I know,” I whispered, finally looking at him. “But that was ridiculous.”

He grinned, slid his large hand over my stomach, and held it there while he kissed my forehead.

The woman across from us sighed.

He didn’t remove his hand from my midsection the rest of the time I answered question after question. Finally, a nurse came and escorted us into an exam room.

I expected to wait forever. In my experience, doctors were never quick.

Unless, of course, you had Liam Mattison in the room with you.

“Mr. Mattison,” the doctor announced after a swift knock outside the door. “Nice to meet you,” Dr. Crawford said, holding out his hand.

“Liam.” Liam corrected. “Thanks for fitting us in so fast.”

“Of course. It’s the least I could do for the founding family of our fine town.”

Gag me.

The doctor cleared his throat and shifted. “I’d like to offer my condolences on the loss of you father. He was a remarkable man.”

“Thank you,” Liam replied, subdued. “He was.”

I slipped my hand over the small of his back just so he didn’t forget I was there.

After that, the doctor seemed to realize I was there and Liam wasn’t the pregnant one. Shocker! I answered a thousand questions. Liam showed him the sonogram, which, yes, he had in his pocket.

Seriously, though, how adorable was that?

Afterward, the doctor did a routine exam. You know, feeling my stomach, etc. Liam stood over me the entire time, watching like a hawk. I thought about apologizing to the doctor, but then I didn’t. Let’s see if Dr. Crawford was so enamored with Liam after being scrutinized.

“If you’ll just unbutton your pants and pull them down a bit,” he said, turning to the small counter in the room.

“What the hell for?” Liam bellowed.

“Thought you might want to hear the heartbeat,” the doctor said good-naturedly.

“We can do that?” Liam was awed.

“Of course.”

Liam moved closer to the table, literally brushing against its side. Doctor Crawford pushed my shirt up and tossed a paper sheet over my lower half. He laid a small instrument beside me and then, using both his hands, tugged the waistband of my jeans so low I had to lift a little so they could slide down. When the doctor reached for the waistband of my lace panties, Liam’s hand shot out and covered his.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he growled.

“Liam!” I gasped.

“The wand has to go low against her abdomen, much lower than one might realize.”

“I’m sorry,” I told the doctor, embarrassed.

“Nothing wrong with a man being concerned,” he said. “But perhaps I could continue?” He looked down at where Liam was blocking him.

Grudgingly, Liam let go but straightened to his full size and narrowed his eyes.

I gave him the stink eye, but he ignored me.

When the top of my neatly trimmed pubic area came into sight, Liam’s back teeth snapped together.

The doctor squirted some very cold, clear gel on my lower belly and pushed the little machine against it to move around.

A few seconds later, the sound of our baby’s heartbeat filled the room.

“Is that him?” Liam’s voice was hushed.

“That’s him,” the doctor announced. “That’s a strong heartbeat. Sounds good.”

It was a miracle the first time I heard the rapid whooshing sound, but this… this was a whole new level. Hearing this sound and seeing the emotion play on Liam’s face was overwhelming.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as Liam heard his baby for the first time.

He glanced down at me. “It was like this last time?”

I nodded.

“Everything looks and sounds good.” Dr. Crawford started to pull back.

“Wait.” Liam stopped him. “Just another minute.”

The doctor obliged, pushing the wand back against me, moving it a bit. The baby’s heartbeat filled the room once more.

Liam’s eyes closed briefly, and more tears fell over my cheeks. I loved this baby. So much.

But watching Liam love him?

It was indescribable.

“Does that thing take pictures?”

“This? No. That would be an ultrasound.”

Liam nodded. “Let’s do one of those.”

“We don’t normally do one of those until around twenty weeks. Since she already had one a few days ago at the hospital—”

“I wasn’t there for that one,” Liam deadpanned.

“I see,” the doctor replied.

“Liam was getting stitches, and his father was in surgery…” I explained.

“Ah, yes.” Dr. Crawford sympathized. “Well, we don’t do ultrasounds at every appointment. They are costly and unnecessary. The insurance—”

“I’ll pay cash. Today.”

“Well, I have other patients waiting…” He began. “But I could have one of the techs do one? Would that be okay?”

Liam smiled. “Perfect, doc.”

He chuckled and went about putting aside the instrument and making a few notes on his small laptop. “I’ll see you back here in a month. Call if you have any problems or concerns between now and then.”

“I will.” I promised.

“Remember.” Dr. Crawford reminded me. “The goal is to not lose any more weight, but to gain some. You’re nearing your second trimester now, so the daily sickness should subside. Make sure you’re taking the supplements I prescribed and get plenty of rest.” He paused, then said, “I know it’s probably been a very stressful time for your family. Keep in mind that stress is not good for you or the baby.”

“I’ll make sure she relaxes,” Liam intoned.

After a few more questions and answers and minor instructions, the doctor excused himself, and a woman in scrubs came in, pulling along the sonogram machine.

“You ready to see your baby?” The technician beamed.

This time Liam was a little more tolerant when the woman put the wand down into my bikini line, but he still towered over us both watching intently.

“I’m sorry,” I told the girl when she glanced up warily. “He’s like a caveman.”

I smacked him in the stomach hoping he would move back, but all he did was catch my hand and link it with his.

“I think it’s sweet to see a man so involved.” She smiled. A few minutes later, a little blob appeared on the screen. “There’s your baby.”

Liam made a sound and rotated toward the monitor.

“See that flickering?” The woman pointed to the screen. “That’s the heart beating.”

“It’s so fast,” Liam murmured.

I leaned up slightly to try and see around him.

The nurse moved the wand and pressed it a little firmer. “This is the outline.” She went on, pointing out a million little things to Liam.

“I want to see, too,” I said, smacking him on the hip.

He nudged back a little. “Sorry, sweetheart,” he said, still staring.

“What’s that?” he asked, pointing to something else.

She answered, and he pointed to something else.

He was absolutely enthralled. His eyes never once left the monitor or our baby. I gave up looking and lay back, watching him instead. My heart swelled.

“He’s incredible,” Liam murmured.

“It’s a little too soon to tell if it’s a boy.”

“It’s a boy,” we both said at exactly the same time.

The technician laughed. “You could be right. We’ll know for sure next time.”

“Where’s my pictures?” Liam asked.

After hitting a few buttons on the keyboard, the girl reached around and pulled up a strip of black-and-white photos. She handed them to Liam with a smile.

He beamed, staring down at them as if he hadn’t just seen the live thing.

“How many you got there?” I asked, leaning up to see.

“Five,” he replied, still staring.

“Five! They only gave me one in the ER!”

Liam chuckled.

A second later, a picture appeared in front of me. I took it and glanced up at the woman. “He isn’t very good at sharing, is he?”

“Pretty obvious, huh?” I conspired. “Thank you,” I told her, glancing down at the image.

The doctor stepped in, surprising us. “I had a free moment, so I thought I’d just glance over the images here,” he said, stepping up to the monitor and getting to work.

I watched him review the screen, checking and rechecking.

“Is something wrong?” Liam asked, impatient.

“Everything looks to be going well. You’re nine weeks, and that puts your due date in late October.”

“A fall baby,” I murmured.

“Thanks, doc,” Liam said, pumping the man’s hand. “I appreciate everything.”

“I’ll see you next month,” he said and then left the room.

A few moments later, the technician handed me some tissues and slipped out of the room.

I smiled up at Liam. “That’s a handsome baby you created.”

He looked smug. “Did you expect less?”

Carefully, he folded all five pictures and slid them into his pocket with the first one. Then he plucked up the one the nurse gave me and slid that in his pocket, too!

“Hey!” I protested.

“You don’t have any pockets,” he said, straight faced.

“I’m wearing jeans,” I pointed out.

He just smiled, took the tissues out of my hands, and cleaned all the jelly off my stomach. When he was done, he pulled the paper blanket off my legs and smiled down at my still-exposed belly. His hand was warm after the cold goo, and his palm covered me thoroughly. Stepping close, Liam leaned down and brushed his lips over my navel.

“Looking good in there, pumpkin,” he murmured. “How ‘bout you give your mom a break and let her eat something other than nasty raisins.”

I smiled.

“What’s that?” he said, tilting his ear to my stomach. He listened, looking up at me. “He says he loves you.”

I was going to cry. Like a big, slobbery, ugly cry fest right here.

Liam turned, pressing a kiss to my stomach, and the tears fell.

Straightening, he moved up my body, wiping them away and then kissing me gently. “I wished I was there that first time, in the hospital.”

“This was way better.” I assured him.

“I love you.”

“Me, too.”

He rubbed a hand over my stomach again before straightening. “Come on. Pull your pants up. We gotta go get your prescriptions.”

“I’m not taking that anti-nausea medicine.” I asserted.

Liam sighed. “Much as I hate seeing you sick, I’m not gonna disagree.”

“The less pills, the better,” I murmured.

“What?” he asked swiftly. I thought I saw a flash of guilt in his eyes.

“For the baby,” I said, muscles tense. “The less pills I take, the better.”

“Right.” He agreed, helping me off the table.

Neither of us said it, but I think we both knew we weren’t just talking about the baby.